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Don't want to be pregnant anymore. :-( Depressed?

Kathy8167Kathy8167 member
in June 2016 Moms
I have never posted in a chat before but I feel so low these days and I can't talk about it to anybody. I have a 3 year old daughter and I love her immensely but every day I loath having to care for her. I work too and I would rather be there these days. I also feel like I don't want this baby anymore... I am 13 weeks with a baby boy. That's the other thing... I wanted a girl and am depressed that I am having a boy. I first wanted just a healthy baby but after learning the sex, I have been really sad it is a boy. Even if it was a girl I would feel like I dont want her too. Am I depressed? What is the matter? Some mother I am. I hate myself for being like this.
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Re: Don't want to be pregnant anymore. :-( Depressed?

  • splsmama2016splsmama2016 member
    Kathy8167 said:
    I have never posted in a chat before but I feel so low these days and I can't talk about it to anybody. I have a 3 year old daughter and I love her immensely but every day I loath having to care for her. I work too and I would rather be there these days. I also feel like I don't want this baby anymore... I am 13 weeks with a baby boy. That's the other thing... I wanted a girl and am depressed that I am having a boy. I first wanted just a healthy baby but after learning the sex, I have been really sad it is a boy. Even if it was a girl I would feel like I dont want her too. Am I depressed? What is the matter? Some mother I am. I hate myself for being like this.
    I am sorry you're feeling this way. I am a FTM so I can't really comment on your situation, but I would suggest seeking professional help and speaking with someone about your feelings. Thoughts and prayers to get you through this.

    Although I'm calling MUD.

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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    I suggest finding a counselor in your area to talk to. You can get a referral through your OB, call your insurance company for a list of covered providers, or contact local agencies to see what services are available. Sorry you are feeling this way and I hope things improve for you!
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  • fishwife799fishwife799 member
    I'm going to echo that you really should see someone about these feelings. Depression during pregnancy is a real thing and needs to be addressed. I hope you can find some help and are able to get past this.


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  • Atlast111Atlast111 member
    I'm sorry you are going through this. Don't feel bad, it is not your fault. Depression is a medical condition simply caused by a hormone imbalance, you are not a bad mother. I agree with previous posters, get in touch with your doctor, depression in pregnancy is very common and they will definitely be able to help you. I'm sure there are other mothers on this board with some good advice. :smile:
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  • Kathy8167Kathy8167 member
    Thanks for all of your replies. I would like to talk to a counselor but there is a waiting list of 6 months or more for a therapist that takes my insurance. I am on the list.
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  • mrsschmitymrsschmity member
    edited December 2015
    Although I don't have any first hand advice, I agree with PPs. If you can't get in to see a counselor or therapist for 6 months, I would recommend finding a counseling office that offers free or discounted sessions. They do exist and could be very beneficial for you. I didn't know it was possible to find out the sex at 13 weeks. I hope you get the help you need. Do you have a significant other or family around to offer any support?

    *Edit: Words are hard
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  • Atlast111Atlast111 member
    edited December 2015
    Kathy8167 said:

    Thanks for all of your replies. I would like to talk to a counselor but there is a waiting list of 6 months or more for a therapist that takes my insurance. I am on the list.

    Are there any support groups you can join locally? It helps when you don't feel alone when you are struggling. I would also suggest light exercise like swimming and walking. This has been proven to be very effective against depression as your body produces lots of endorphins (happy hormone). Maybe ask someone to look after DD and go with a friend once a week. Seeing a friend will also lift your mood. Swimming is great for pregnancy too and just walk as often as you can. It sounds lame but it's a life saver when you feel rubbish.
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  • pegs6216pegs6216 member
    I would talk to your OB. There may be something they can do to put you at the front of the line for the counselor that takes your insurance. I'm sorry you feel this way. So many different things happening during the first few weeks. I hope you feel better soon.
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  • matthewsdmmatthewsdm member
    Definitely try and see if there is a clinic or other options. I've struggled with depression myself, my work had a program that we could call and they helped to find someone you could work with. Have you looked into that? Even if you have to drive a bit further, maybe there are more options out there for doctors or counselors you can see. But, there is help out there, so keep looking!
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  • jmohiojmohio member
    My SIL went through depression with her second, the doctor put her on medicine that was safe to take during pregnancy.  I will say talk to your OB and be honest with them you need to take care of yourself now.  My SIL didn't with her first and she suffered from post pardon depression extremely bad!! My oldest nephew had a seizure while she was breast feeding him and she just watched him my brother had to grab my nephew and rush him to the ER.  She is an amazing mom but it is an imbalance in your brain and you cannot control your feelings!

    Don't feel like a bad mom, by coming on here and seeking help and advice on what to do makes you a good mom! You recognized the problem and are doing something about it. 
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  • stephweinsteinstephweinstein member

    I'm sorry you're feeling this way. 

    Motherhood isn't easy but you have so many wonderful things to look forward to with having two children.  Little boys love their mommies, you'll see.

    Also, please talk to your OBGYN if you can't get in to see a therapist.  There may be a practitioner they work with and/or the OBGYN themselves may be able to provide a pregnancy safe medication you're comfortable taking.  Keep in mind your hormones are OUT OF CONTROL right now. 

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  • alw12290alw12290 member
    I just found out what MUD meant. That is completely insensitive and just plain wrong! I have suffered through depression my whole life, luckily never with pregnancy or post pregnancy. However, I have had a bad hormonal reaction to certain birth controls that have made me have feelings I have never had before. With all the changes going on in our bodies, it is not uncommon or unheard of for someone to feel like this. I hope that you know this OP, I actually find you very brave to be able to go and admit this to a group of women with an uncertainty of what the reactions may be. Most counseling locations will offer a different price for "cash" payers. I would call around and get the best pricing and start there. I do not think it would be a good idea to wait six or more months feeling like this! As PP said, this is a great support, but we should just be extra support in this type of situation. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you can find someone to get you in sooner. Your OB, as someone previously mentioned, can most likely offer you many options and I am sure it is more common than you know. Feel better, we're thinking of you.
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  • jerseygirl9090jerseygirl9090 member
    I also had to look up what MUD meant and I do not understand how someone could be that insensitive to call a thread like this mud, just awful really have some compassion for someone who is going through a tough time right now. To OP I also have dealt with depression and bad mood swings my whole life but never while pregnant. Talking to someone in the past and seeking help has really helped me. I think the other ladies gave some good advice to seek help, don't wait. You are definitely not alone in this type of situation and I hope you get the help you need.
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  • notmyfirstrodeo83notmyfirstrodeo83 member
    I am so sorry you're going through this, I can only imagine how rough this must be for you.

    As a full time employee, do you have access to some EAP services through your job? Starting with EAP really helped some of my family members get through some rough spots, and a lot of times they can "meet" with you over the phone. It might be a good option, if available to you, while you're on the waiting list to see someone in person.
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  • Lyette1206Lyette1206 member
    Maybe you should mention to your OB, they could maybe help get you to a therapist faster?
    I'm a second time mom with a 2.5 year old. Pregnancy hasn't been easy for me either time, but I didn't realize just how much harder it would be with DD around. She's busy, and needy, and exhausting. My parents live fairly close and were able to take her for a few days when things were really bad (ms wise). Someone asked if I missed her. And I didn't. I mean, I miss the cute moments and hugs and kisses and stuff. But I absolutely didn't miss taking care of her. I've also thought at times that we're crazy for having a second. This is a planned baby, and I want this, but it's overwhelming at times.
    Do you have family nearby that can help with your older child while you take some days for yourself? I still went to work while my daughter was home but not having to take care of her when I got home was such a big help.
    I don't think I'm a bad mother, I'm just struggling right now. I don't think you're a bad mother either. Hopefully you've got a good support network to call on.
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  • HBamama2BHBamama2B member
    Dear OP, I'm so sorry you are struggling with these feelings. There are a lot of good options above for where to find assistance and how to take breaks. Please know that it's ok to struggle to connect with your child or pregnancy, you aren't alone. Please don't let the issue cause you self-doubt. Getting support early through sources like family, therapy, OB, support groups and even forums like this is critical for parents experiencing these feelings which are often triggered or exacerbated by hormones as pp said.

    My mom went through something similar and didn't end up bonding with her second (me). She didn't get assistance Bc at the time and in her social/family group it was frowned upon. There was a suck it up mentality that exacerbated the issue. Keep in mind you are not, in anyway, a 'bad' mom for experiencing these feelings or for asking for help. Any form of help is just a tool to help you manage and be the best parent possible. No matter what, your DD and DS will love you and know that you love them. We are definitely here if you need to talk.
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  • sorarosesorarose member
    I have struggled with anxiety and depression as well. Hormones definitely affect me the worst in 1st Trimester, so it can exacerbate the condition, which may be similar for you. Although I'm excited for this baby and love my DS, DS is not a piece of cake and there are days I'm so tired and frustrated that I just want my 20 month old to take care of himself and I take a long vacation somewhere, preferably to Europe or a cruise (although obviously that can't happen and I would be miserable if I ever did something so reckless).

    Besides the great advice you've received from PPs, it sounds like you need a "break" and to reconnect with yourself and your pregnancy. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, my drug of choice is the bookstore ALONE. DH watches DS, and I breathe in all the pretty books, maybe get a Starbucks, and just focus on me. 

    Also, it may sound silly, but go to a baby store by yourself. Look at the boys clothes and picture your baby in them...it may help you make this pregnancy feel more tangible and remind you of your prize.

    Wishing you peace of mind as you continue through your pregnancy!


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  • hellomommashellomommas member
    :( I'm so sorry. First can I validate your feelings? 3 year olds are HARD! I have one as well as an 18 month old. I am putting all my money on THIS being the hardest age.

    Also- I have 2 boys- I feel so into the boy thing that the thought of a girl seems a little bit overwhelming to me! I feel like I don't know how to have a girl or love a girl! That doesn't mean I don't want one! I would be super excited- but nevertheless, it's unsettling to introduce an unknown to the situation. I know you feel like you wanted a girl--- sorry you didn't get the answer you wanted. BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU... Boys. Are. Amazing. I just LOVE my sons... And I strongly believe you will too.

    Finally, yes- I think you are depressed. That's nothing to be ashamed of! But you do need to get help! I agree with the other ladies- can you just get out and go for a walk in the fresh air every day- even for a short time? I struggled with depression and found incredible support and relief by going to church and getting involved in a bible study (aka more like a little support group where we shared our struggles and prayed together--- and they would help me/check up on me/watch my children/cook me meals, etc). Everyone needs a support group! Whether it's your family or friends or church, etc. lots of churches also offer counseling services either for free or discounted.

    Keep coming to all of us! But please confide in someone who can help you in person as well. I will put your screen name on my prayer list OP. This is temporary! Take heart and try to enjoy the little things!
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  • jennk0118jennk0118 member
    Kathy8167 said:

    Thanks for all of your replies. I would like to talk to a counselor but there is a waiting list of 6 months or more for a therapist that takes my insurance. I am on the list.

    I would think your regular doctor should be able to help before that.

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  • sorarosesorarose member
    MynaBird said:
    OP, tell. your. OB. Now. Your OB can prescribe antidepressants. S/he should also be able to get you help more quickly than you will be able to do yourself by just calling around. Mental health issues need to be taken seriously and treated seriously, particularly when there are two little lives dependent on your care. Previous suggestions (exercise, alone time, etc.) are great as part of a bigger solution, but you need to start with your prenatal care provider, who can start to help address the cause of your current state of mind and not just the symptoms.
    I just want to say that although I agree with you overall that OP should talk to her OB, depression/anxiety doesn't automatically mean anti-depressants (although that's certainly a viable option) and it really shouldn't be your OB prescribing it without therapy in conjunction and a recommendation from someone who prescribes meds regularly, especially if you've never taken meds before.


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  • crdocrdo member
    I'm sorry you're experiencing this, OP. Sounds to me like it's a good first step that you've recognized a problem, and sought help. That being said, I agree with PPs whole-heartedly that 6 months is way too long to wait for professional help. Go talk to your OB, right now. Perhaps there's something they can do, and maybe fast track you to therapy.
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  • babykasperbabykasper member
    Depression is real. And it's a hormonal imbalance. Talk to your OB first, make it urgent. They should be able to get you an appointment ASAP with someone who takes your insurance. There are medications they can put you on that are safe for baby, that will help you get back to a sound mind frame as well.

    Also... Not sure your situation. But if you're doing all of this alone, and it's truly not the right time to expand your family... There are really great adoption companies out there that will find a great home for your unborn baby. There are other options.

    Know there are resources that can help you! And we are all here for you! Thoughts and prayers your way!
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  • bstephens1515bstephens1515 member
    Hey I'm a FTM as are many other women who have commented. I don't know anything about having or raising children but I can relate to you. I have struggled with depression myself through most of my life and I'm feeling some of the same things you are explaining. I'm 23yo and my husband is 34 so there is an age difference whish is why we started a family so quickly so I do have those feelings of depression and fear because I am younger. I feel like I will miss alot of things inmy life that I wanted to do and will never have the chance now. I know alot of people are saying it would be helpful to speak with someone and I agree but I also know how hard that can be to get yourself to that point if you're really in a slump. I'm very open with my husband and maybe that's something that can work for you too. Sometimes it helps just to express myself to someone who knows me rather than a stranger. I hope things get a little better for you day by day. Just know this is temporary and it too shall pass. I try to find at least one positive in everyday and something I'm grateful for so maybe that might help you some too. My thoughts are with you.
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  • alw12290alw12290 member
    I think it is really great that you can come back and apologize, that is truly amazing. :-)
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  • june2016babyjune2016baby member
    I am sorry to hear this. My only experience with antidepressants, was a very positive one. Something pretty horrible happened to me a couple years ago, and I started fantasizing about dying. I'd hope I would crash and die, or get a terminal illness or something. I started antidepressants, and felt a big difference in under two weeks! It gave me the strength and desire to try to get better. Without the antidepressants, I didn't even care about getting better. I mostly wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. I do think that getting an effective medication would be a great first step. Call your OB as soon as possible. I believe they will assist you in gettting the help you need.
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  • BoonhildeBoonhilde member
    edited December 2015
    County clinics have counsellors and phsychologists you can see for free or cheap. Whatever amount of money for therapy is worth it.

    There's also things you can do to combat depression without meds and/or therapy. There are literally thousands of articles online about them. (But these are for the meantime. Definitely see a doctor.)

    So with that here's some of what I know about depression: it doesn't last forever. Keep hoping for brighter days because THEY WILL COME! Could be as early as tomorrow. Get help. Take time to yourself. Get out. Get active. Eat better. Get some vitamins. Remind yourself constantly that you're experiencing a chemical imbalance, and that everything will be okay.
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  • Atlast111Atlast111 member
    sdLindenberg said:

    First, I would like to apologize for my words. I shouldn't have called MUD, as depression is not joke. I'm truly sorry, and actually really shocked at myself for that. My only guess (and it is NOT an excuse) is that I mistook this thread for something else as I was changing from my phone to the computer. Either way, not an excuse, and I am really sorry.

    Second, as my former roommate suffers from depression, less these days than before she had her son, she was in the same boat you are. 6 month waiting list because of insurance. She sought out other options through the county, and through her Drs office. They helped her find an outlet that was affordable and that she could see within a few weeks. But also try through your work. They may be able to offer some assistance as well, and I know someone mentioned that above.

    I truly am sorry for my words, and like I said I don't know what the hell I was thinking. It's not like me to say something like that on such a serious topic like depression. I hope you can get the help you need. Again, I'm so sorry.

    It's an easy mistake to make. Sometimes people do post made up threads and it's not easy to tell if someone is genuine online. I think we all make errors of judgement when dealing with new people we don't know. We all have moments when we make "off the cuff" comments which haven't been thought through. I know i do regularly, but you didnt mean to be malicious which everyone kind of knew! I'm sure OP appreciated the apology anyway cause it was very kind of you. :smile:
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  • JessRX88JessRX88 member
    I'm sorry to hear that.  I'm having similar feelings, wishing I weren't pregnant.  It sucks because the world tells you that this should be the happiest time of your life, but that isn't the case for everyone.  I hope you start feeling better.
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  • Chocolate111Chocolate111 member
    Yes tell your OB asap!
    Also it is not possible to know the sex at 13 weeks so it could possibly still be a girl
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