Uncomfortable W/ Breastfeeding

briwuvsbri · November 2015

Hello, I am 6 months pregnant with my third child and due in March. I know that being uncomfortable with breastfeeding may sound a little strange, or maybe even a bit odd. This might also be TMI, so I apologize in advance... but, I have been sexually assaulted as a child and teenager; I am currently 25. My social worker has provided me with a counselor who specifically helps only pregnant women, so that I am thankful for. The thing is, I never breastfed my two previous children because it always felt weird to me; extremely uncomfortable, to be honest. I really want to give it another go around and I plan on purchasing a breast-pump, too. Anyway, now I am just ranting... have any of you ever felt uncomfortable to breastfeed? I am very determined to do this, no matter what. I am mainly looking for some advice, or possibly even some reassurance. Thank you, ladies!

nlwz123 · November 2015

Sorry you are going through this. Have you considered speaking with a lactation consultant? Perhaps taking a class and speaking with a LC will give you some reassurance.

ambercakes92 · November 2015

Pumping and bottle feeding could be an option for you? That way baby still gets breast milk.

briwuvsbri · November 2015

@nlwz123 - That is a really good idea, thank you! My next MW appointment is on Tuesday, so I will mention that.

briwuvsbri · November 2015

@ambercakes92 - Yeah, I was contemplating on doing that. I heard that it is extra time consuming, but that could be a reasonable option for me.

ambercakes92 · November 2015

briwuvsbri said:
@ambercakes92 - Yeah, I was contemplating on doing that. I heard that it is extra time consuming, but that could be a reasonable option for me.

I suppose it could be some extra work (FTM so no experience just yet), but I imagine not much more than mixing formula would be, especially if you can store up your milk. Talking to a lactation consultant would definitely be a good idea though. Good luck

Krisdee123 · November 2015

What about using a nipple shield? You can still get skin to skin contact, but the baby's mouth will be on the shield itself only.

smileybabyboy · November 2015

I found breastfeeding a bit uncomfortable and awkward at first. It's a bit strange having a little person attached to your breast. It did take me some time to get used to that so don't give up if it's what you really want to do. You could always set a goal to do maybe 3 months and quit after that.

SarahFoley725 · November 2015

I feel the same way honestly. This is my first baby and the thought of breast feeding has always weirded me out a little. I don't mind seeing other people do it, I just can't picture myself doing it. When she gets here, I'll probably at least try, but my plan is to pump and bottle feed exclusively.

tripledaggerWed95976 · November 2015

I have similar issues breast feeding, my plan is to try it but if I'm uncomfortable I'm just going to pump.

Twindling · November 2015

Perhaps joining some breastfeeding support groups on Facebook or something could help with the emotional bonding aspect of breastfeeding. I've learned that surrounding myself with breastfeeding advocates keeps me reminded of what breasts were created for and continues to help keep my mind off the fact that for many years of my life they were sexual objects.

ecwk · November 2015

PPs have offered excellent suggestions. However as I'm sure you know many women don't breast feed either by choice or because they physically cannot. Please don't beat yourself up if you decide not to breastfeed in the end. Your baby will be fine however you decide to feed him/her. I do get where you're coming from, I feel slightly uncomfortable but I think it's because it's so new! Best of luck

celainev · November 2015

My mom hated the idea of breastfeeding! She had four kids and we were all formula fed. I don't understand why she felt this way, but it must be fairly normal! I will be breast feeding and my mom always tells me - you won't hear me encouraging it! Haha. I love her still and your kids will still love you!

PrimRoseMama · December 2015

briwuvsbri said:

Hello, I am 6 months pregnant with my third child and due in March. I know that being uncomfortable with breastfeeding may sound a little strange, or maybe even a bit odd. This might also be TMI, so I apologize in advance... but, I have been sexually assaulted as a child and teenager; I am currently 25. My social worker has provided me with a counselor who specifically helps only pregnant women, so that I am thankful for. The thing is, I never breastfed my two previous children because it always felt weird to me; extremely uncomfortable, to be honest. I really want to give it another go around and I plan on purchasing a breast-pump, too. Anyway, now I am just ranting... have any of you ever felt uncomfortable to breastfeed? I am very determined to do this, no matter what. I am mainly looking for some advice, or possibly even some reassurance. Thank you, ladies!

I've never felt uncomfortable at all. Then again, I don't have the same history as you. Definitely talk to members of La Leche League, a good LC, and your OB. There may be ways you can ease into BF that might make it easier for you.

May I ask what about it makes you uncomfortable? Is it exposure of the breast? I don't cover because my kids would not tolerate it, but there are a number of stylish, soft fabric covers that can help you when you decide to latch baby. Some women (even without an abuse history) feel more comfortable covering while baby eats. I say to each their own and if you want to try BF that a cover may be a good way to go.

BabySeaTurtles · December 2015

My advice is to set short term goals. Like just try to do the first time LO eats, then the first day, and so on.
I do, however, have to disagree with PP and say do not go to La Leche League for support or advice. While they are a wonderful resource and support system for some, my own personal experience with them is one that makes a woman feel ashamed for not breastfeeding. If breastfeeding is not something you can emotionally get through then there is nothing to be ashamed of. You are still good mom!

kynbar5 · December 2015

BabySeaTurtles said:
My advice is to set short term goals. Like just try to do the first time LO eats, then the first day, and so on.
I do, however, have to disagree with PP and say do not go to La Leche League for support or advice. While they are a wonderful resource and support system for some, my own personal experience with them is one that makes a woman feel ashamed for not breastfeeding. If breastfeeding is not something you can emotionally get through then there is nothing to be ashamed of. You are still good mom!

I agree with setting short term goals. Also, if you can't breastfeed there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula feeding. I disagree with telling someone NOT to try La Leche League. That's just like the whole Midwife/OB debate. Just because someone had a bad experience doesn't mean someone else will. We're all humans and have opinions. While some LLL members definitely feel like it's bad to not bf, others don't. To OP I say, wherever you can get some help and good advice, you should at least try. If you disagree with them, well, at least you did try. Good luck. I really hope everything works out for you!

LIly436 · December 2015

Just think of how much simpler and easier your life would be if you breastfed your child. No bottles, no cleaning/washing/sterilizing, night trips to mix the formula etc. Just stick a nipple in a mouth and continue sleeping. Your milk is always with you. nice and clean.

Sure there will be nipple pain for the first couple of weeks, but the health benefits so worth it

PrimRoseMama · December 2015

LIly436 said:

Just think of how much simpler and easier your life would be if you breastfed your child. No bottles, no cleaning/washing/sterilizing, night trips to mix the formula etc. Just stick a nipple in a mouth and continue sleeping. Your milk is always with you. nice and clean.
Sure there will be nipple pain for the first couple of weeks, but the health benefits so worth it

This is not necessarily true. I have formula fed and breast fed. Between the Lactation Consultant fees, a pump if you need one (for a variety of reasons), storage bags if you work. BF is not always cheaper or easier. Some really have to struggle. I've done both and I prefer BF to FF, but I am lucky that I have had the choice this time around. The first time my supply just up and disappeared on me. Out of no where. Supplements, teas, tinctures and all the experts you can imagine in my crunchy hippy town-- nada. I went to FF and it was fine.

This situation is really not about how much easier and practical it would be for this woman, though. It about her own personal history that is painful and potentially an emotionally damaging situation if BF proves to be too much. It might be about her own comfort levels and the practical aspect is really not an issue.

FF is not much more complicated than BF IMHO. That can start down the shame lane and martyrville for the BF faction. I'm not saying that is what you are doing, exactly, but that line of thinking can start it.

BF is awesome and I love it, but FF is also a valid choice for whatever reason.

kynbar5 · December 2015

LIly436 said:
Just think of how much simpler and easier your life would be if you breastfed your child. No bottles, no cleaning/washing/sterilizing, night trips to mix the formula etc. Just stick a nipple in a mouth and continue sleeping. Your milk is always with you. nice and clean.
Sure there will be nipple pain for the first couple of weeks, but the health benefits so worth it

Just think of how much simpler and easier your life would be if your baby had a full stomach regardless if it came from breast or bottle. Seriously though, did you even bother to read OP's post at all?

groovylocks · December 2015

LIly436 said:

Just think of how much simpler and easier your life would be if you breastfed your child.

It's cheaper perhaps. Less overhead perhaps. But op's post was pretty clear about why she feels weird about it so it won't be simple for her, that's what she's saying.

Also it depends, right? My sister was a student when she gave birth and she had to return to school fairly soon after my niece was born. Breastfeeding would have been really complicated for her. She tried it but was unable to continue so she decided to FF. My niece is very smart, healthy and well-adjusted.

I think ensuring your child is fed, loved and cared for has a MUCH more striking and lasting impact than whether or not you bf.

jess9802 · December 2015

The best advice I can offer is that if you decide you want to breastfeed, please talk to your OB/midwife and see if you can have a consultation with a lactation consultant in the hospital before you give birth or attempt to nurse. I was sort of surprised at how free nurses felt sometimes in grabbing or touching my breasts in the hospital while attempting to help me get my son latched on, and I don't have a history of abuse. I would want to make sure beforehand that whoever is helping you with the early attempts is respectful of your bodily autonomy and is sensitive to your history.

MississippiCatfish · December 2015

I'm so sorry for the abuse that you've been through. It's so unfair, and so selfless of you to want to overcome your discomfort to provide breastmilk for your baby. Good job mama! I don't have any great advice, other than to go easy on yourself. It is great that you want to give it a shot, but please please please be gentle with yourself if it just isn't working for you and baby. He/she will be healthy with BM OR formula! What's most important is that baby's mom is in a healthy place, so just give yourself some grace and know that you're doing a great job whether or not breastfeeding works out.

After reading the post above mine, I think that she gave a great piece of advice. I can also say that I have felt like the nurses were too quick to touch me without permission. I don't think I even realized it at the time. But it may be wise to prepare yourself for that type of situation and speak to your first nurse about your history and letting them know that they always need your permission (ETA: and that nurse can tell the next shift, who tells the next shift so you don't need to repeat). You shouldn't have to do that, but it might be to your benefit if you do. Best of luck!

saladflambe · December 2015

I haven't read any other posts, so just an FYI there.

I, too, have been assaulted..specifically in such a way that has left my very uncomfortable with my breasts as that was the focus of the assault.

I plan on combo feeding from the beginning and potentially exclusively pumping. That said...I have zero desire to breast feed and plan on pretty much staring down anyone who wants to give me crap about it. The constant anxiety over BFing for me would be far worse for everyone than formula.

g8trkim · December 2015

BabySeaTurtles said:
My advice is to set short term goals. Like just try to do the first time LO eats, then the first day, and so on.
I do, however, have to disagree with PP and say do not go to La Leche League for support or advice. While they are a wonderful resource and support system for some, my own personal experience with them is one that makes a woman feel ashamed for not breastfeeding. If breastfeeding is not something you can emotionally get through then there is nothing to be ashamed of. You are still good mom!

Ditto all this! Set short goals. If it doesn't work for you there is no shame in that. Pumping is an option too, but exclusively pumping is a lot of work. I also think La Leche may not be the route for you. I would lean more toward a counselor or LC. Best of luck!

briwuvsbri · December 2015

Wow, I am almost overwhelmed with all of the helpful advice that I have received... thank you, so much! I have recently discussed my concerns with the MW and she was extremely supportive, as well as my social worker. They both told me that they will help me through the BF process and if in the end I do decide to FF, then they also support that too. I was kind of worried to admit all of this to anyone, however I am so very glad that I did. Thank you, once again! I am going to try my best to give BFing a shot, but I will not beat myself up if things do not go that route. Take one day at a time, right?

LIly436 · December 2015

To breastfeed we only need a breast and healthy enough baby with proper reflexes. No need for lactation specialists, pumps or anything else. Majority of women in the world do it just like that. In regards to the cost, I was given a brochure by my OB, which said that a cost of formula for one year is $2500. The cost of my breastfeeding was 0, because I did not even need the breast pads

The main problem here is purely psychological, OP needs a good therapist

2-Step · December 2015

I totally understand where you are coming from. Honestly, the thought of it was weird to me until I actually did it and then slowly established a normal feeding schedule and it became normal - and I have not gone through what you have. Sometimes it just takes some time. I applaud you for trying!

Jules08 · December 2015

LIly436 said:

To breastfeed we only need a breast and healthy enough baby with proper reflexes. No need for lactation specialists, pumps or anything else. Majority of women in the world do it just like that. In regards to the cost, I was given a brochure by my OB, which said that a cost of formula for one year is $2500. The cost of my breastfeeding was 0, because I did not even need the breast pads
The main problem here is purely psychological, OP needs a good therapist

This is ridiculous. Aside from NOT reading and comprehending the OP's post ...

Breastfeeding is NOT easy, and there are plenty of times when a LC can help get the correct positioning, latch, identify a tongue tie, etc. This information can help moms and babies work through initial struggles, whereas without it, it might be easier to give up. For example, a good friend of mine worked with an LC for 9 months before she and her son were able to successfully breastfeed.

Pumps (and everything that can go with it) are a huge benefit to mothers for multiple reasons: with my first, he refused to latch for 14 hours once we were home from the hospital - pumped milk was the ONLY way for me to get him breast milk during those hours. The pump also helped me continue to breast feed for over a year; as a working mom, my supply would have tanked had I not used a pump during the day.

Breast pads: good for you that you didn't need them, but many women leak and find breast pads helpful/ useful.

Seriously. Stop interjecting here as you are not stating anything helpful.

NDPA · December 2015

LIly436 said:

To breastfeed we only need a breast and healthy enough baby with proper reflexes. No need for lactation specialists, pumps or anything else. Majority of women in the world do it just like that. In regards to the cost, I was given a brochure by my OB, which said that a cost of formula for one year is $2500. The cost of my breastfeeding was 0, because I did not even need the breast pads
The main problem here is purely psychological, OP needs a good therapist

And for those of us who intend on working after baby is born but want to breast feed? Your story is that it was a zero cost, but that is NOT the same for every woman, and to say that there is no need for a lactation specialist is completely ludicrous, those who need help are supposed to suffer? It doesn't really work like that.

kynbar5 · December 2015

LIly436 said:
To breastfeed we only need a breast and healthy enough baby with proper reflexes. No need for lactation specialists, pumps or anything else. Majority of women in the world do it just like that. In regards to the cost, I was given a brochure by my OB, which said that a cost of formula for one year is $2500. The cost of my breastfeeding was 0, because I did not even need the breast pads
The main problem here is purely psychological, OP needs a good therapist

This is a perfect example of someone coming in and not only not giving advice that actually pertains to the OP but also doesn't actually pertain to any/everyone. Maybe for a very small amount of women. Every woman? Definitely not. A majority of the women in what world exactly, do it like that?

tripledaggerWed95976 · December 2015

LIly436 said:
To breastfeed we only need a breast and healthy enough baby with proper reflexes. No need for lactation specialists, pumps or anything else. Majority of women in the world do it just like that. In regards to the cost, I was given a brochure by my OB, which said that a cost of formula for one year is $2500. The cost of my breastfeeding was 0, because I did not even need the breast pads
The main problem here is purely psychological, OP needs a good therapist

Omg seriously please take your close-minded opinion and move along.

groovylocks · December 2015

I'm almost exclusively pumping right now. My nipples are flat, there is extreme pain for me and while I DO nurse Olive, it is usually for comfort and not nutrition.

She is not suffering at all. She enjoys bottle feeding. Pumping is very comfortable. I am attending lactation classes to see if I'm able to sort out my nipple issues. If not, I'm honestly not feeling bad about it. She and I bond all the time. We snuggle skin-to-skin. We always hold eye contact. We're very close. If i'm able to learn to nurse properly, great. If not, that's ok too. Don't let anybody make you feel bad.

Besides, my niece was FORMULA fed. My sister didn't even pump because the pain was too much and her schedule made it hard to find the time. My niece is highly intelligent, very bonded with my sister and in all ways a happy, healthy and accomplished young woman. So it really isn't going to make as much difference as nurturing. It really isn't.

groovylocks · December 2015

Plus i understand what people are going through here. I am VERY TERRIFIED of being touched anywhere near my vagina by anybody who is not a sexual partner. I am actually uncomfortable even hugging somebody who I have not agreed to sleeping with. My OBGYN believes I may be repressing memories of some sort of assault. I don't know. What i DO know is that during my induction, I Had to have a foley catheter inserted and removed and a bladder catheter inserted during pushing labor to relieve the pressure in my bladder (I had an epi and couldn't pee on my own) In those cases, I NEEDED nitrous oxide to keep from kicking the midwife in the face. I actually kicked a nurse once. During delivery, my attending physician (a male) had to perform perineal massage in order for me to deliver on my own.

It was the worst night of my life. Totally worth it but I still have nightmares about it and it happened five days ago already. And worse than the pain, worse than the pressure or the fear of what was happening to my body was the touching and the invading of my private space.

Feeding your baby should never give you trauma in the way that giving birth did for me. Nobody should look back on feeding their child with terror.

Krisdee123 · December 2015

NDPA said:

LIly436 said:

To breastfeed we only need a breast and healthy enough baby with proper reflexes. No need for lactation specialists, pumps or anything else. Majority of women in the world do it just like that. In regards to the cost, I was given a brochure by my OB, which said that a cost of formula for one year is $2500. The cost of my breastfeeding was 0, because I did not even need the breast pads
The main problem here is purely psychological, OP needs a good therapist

And for those of us who intend on working after baby is born but want to breast feed? Your story is that it was a zero cost, but that is NOT the same for every woman, and to say that there is no need for a lactation specialist is completely ludicrous, those who need help are supposed to suffer? It doesn't really work like that.

Jus t bring your baby to work. So easy, no problem. No need for pumps.

woodwink · December 2015

Op, I am a sexual abuse survivor, and have the same concerns. I googled this subject about an hour ago, in fact. Please know you aren't alone and that whatever you go with, you have no reason to feel bad.

LIly436 said:
To breastfeed we only need a breast and healthy enough baby with proper reflexes. No need for lactation specialists, pumps or anything else. Majority of women in the world do it just like that. In regards to the cost, I was given a brochure by my OB, which said that a cost of formula for one year is $2500. The cost of my breastfeeding was 0, because I did not even need the breast pads
The main problem here is purely psychological, OP needs a good therapist

As someone who is in a similar position, your comments have been incredibly invalidating and disrespectful. And needing "a good therapist", that discounts the permanent psychological damage that survivors can have and is gaslighting her by insinuating that she should just be able to get over it. Honestly, I can barely articulate how oblivious and harmful these comments are.

GAgirlinSDakota · December 2015

I have also been sexually abused, and it made a huge impact on how I fed my babies. My first 2 were formula fed. I tried BFing the 1st one, but had flashbacks and panic attacks. My second, I didn't even try. By the time the 3rd was born, 4 more years had passed, and I decided to try again. I spent the whole pregnancy reading everything I could about it. It was a success for 2 yrs, though she never took a bottle at all. Turns out I am one of those women for whom it comes easily, and I am so thankful for that. I breastfed my 4th as well, and I plan to do the same with number 5.

Occasionally a flashback or nightmare still happens, I still have moments where I just need to unlatch the baby, cover up, and breathe for a minute, but those moments are rare. If they started happening a lot again, I'd have zero guilt switching right back to formula. A fed, happy baby with a healthy, happy mother is all that matters.

eta: words

kynbar5 · December 2015

GAgirlinSDakota said:
I have also been sexually abused, and it made a huge impact on how I fed my babies. My first 2 were formula fed. I tried BFing the 1st one, but had flashbacks and panic attacks. My second, I didn't even try. By the time the 3rd was born, 4 more years had passed, and I decided to try again. I spent the whole pregnancy reading everything I could about it. It was a success for 2 yrs, though she never took a bottle at all. Turns out I am one of those women for whom it comes easily, and I am so thankful for that. I breastfed my 4th as well, and I plan to do the same with number 5.
Occasionally a flashback or nightmare still happens, I still have moments where I just need to unlatch the baby, cover up, and breathe for a minute, but those moments are rare. If they started happening a lot again, I'd have zero guilt switching right back to formula. A fed, happy baby with a healthy, happy mother is all that matters.
eta: words

I swear, we're somehow linked together. I hate that you went through this but I honestly feel your pain. This one will only be the 2nd (out of 6) that I'll end up breastfeeding but I agree so much with "a fed, happy baby with a healthy, happy mother" is indeed all that matters.

GAgirlinSDakota · December 2015

kynbar5 said:

I have also been sexually abused, and it made a huge impact on how I fed my babies. My first 2 were formula fed. I tried BFing the 1st one, but had flashbacks and panic attacks. My second, I didn't even try. By the time the 3rd was born, 4 more years had passed, and I decided to try again. I spent the whole pregnancy reading everything I could about it. It was a success for 2 yrs, though she never took a bottle at all. Turns out I am one of those women for whom it comes easily, and I am so thankful for that. I breastfed my 4th as well, and I plan to do the same with number 5.
Occasionally a flashback or nightmare still happens, I still have moments where I just need to unlatch the baby, cover up, and breathe for a minute, but those moments are rare. If they started happening a lot again, I'd have zero guilt switching right back to formula. A fed, happy baby with a healthy, happy mother is all that matters.
eta: words
I swear, we're somehow linked together. I hate that you went through this but I honestly feel your pain. This one will only be the 2nd (out of 6) that I'll end up breastfeeding but I agree so much with "a fed, happy baby with a healthy, happy mother" is indeed all that matters.

Back at you.

Breastfeeding is only great if it works for baby AND mom. No one should make themselves miserable forcing it.

groovylocks · December 2015

LIly436 said:

To breastfeed we only need a breast and healthy enough baby with proper reflexes. No need for lactation specialists, pumps or anything else. Majority of women in the world do it just like that. In regards to the cost, I was given a brochure by my OB, which said that a cost of formula for one year is $2500. The cost of my breastfeeding was 0, because I did not even need the breast pads
The main problem here is purely psychological, OP needs a good therapist

This glib, simplistic interpretation is absolutely not true at all for any woman not in AN IDEAL SITUATION and is not only offensive to abuse survivors and women in general, it's offensive to accepted medical science.

It's literally irking me on three distinct levels. This is third-degree annoying.

mthoomom · December 2015

Sometimes breastfeeding IS easy... and sometimes it can be difficult. I think there is so much info and anecdotes about breastfeeding difficulties and failures that we tend to forget that many times, it CAN be that simple.

dramaphile · December 2015

I think it is wonderful that you are going to try breastfeeding, considering your history! I agree with PP who said to give yourself tiny goals to start and see how it goes. The most important thing is having a fed baby and a happy, healthy mama, so don't beat yourself up if you decide that it is not for you. There is nothing noble in being miserable or traumatized for the sake of BFing your baby.

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