Depression and anxiety moms - how are you doing?

arj14 · November 2015

I'm bipolar and have anxiety as well, and I was curious how other moms with similar diagnoses are doing. I'm still on my meds - I take Latuda which is a class B, and generic Effexor because I basically can't take care of myself without them, but even with them I still struggle sometimes. Are you still on your meds, or was it best for you and baby to be off them? What are/were you on? How are you feeling?

mrstmoose · November 2015

I haven't taken meds in probably 4-5 years but I've found my anxiety heightening while pregnant. I just am using the coping skills I know and calling my doctor when I need reassurance.

arj14 · November 2015

I'm personally feeling like I should see a therapist again, my last long term therapist wasn't overly helpful. Also - I don't know if this sounds familiar to anyone - but when I feel good, it's really hard for me to remember what it's like when I feel bad, and vice versa. So if I have a therapy appointment that comes up when I feel fine, I don't have much to talk about or feel kind of lost on what to work on.

Luxani · November 2015

I was being medicated for depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety (antidepressant - prozac, mood stabilizers - depakote and seroquel, and anti anxiety - vistaril). I stopped taking everything while TTC. I'm not doing well with the depression. Will probably start going to therapy soon.

@arj14 I feel that way all the time.

Sienna516 · November 2015

I had depression issues all through my teen years into college, where I finally sought treatment with medication and therapy. The therapist was a religious judgmental horrible person, so I quit a few sessions into that and was on Zoloft and they kept increasing it and it still didn't help. I have a horrible time swallowing pills, so after 6 months or something and still not seeing a difference, I quit taking those too. I went on the birth control patch and started dating my now husband and everything really balanced out for the most part. I think in the last 8 years my life has really stabilized and the BC really helped.

Going off BC was scary and I noticed I felt more of a low all the time, not the crippling depression low, but not quite my "normal" mood. I have noticed this during my pregnancy too. I warned my doctor of my previous depression and that I will probably end up with postpartum depression. I did have a bad depressive episode last Friday night. I had a lot of family drama going on and we found out we were having a boy and I was super super wanting a girl and we're planning on only having 1 kid. I had all these horrible thoughts and cried for a few hours. My family drama has since ironed out and my family is helping me try to get excited about having a boy. So I'm doing okay now.

jessiedee13 · November 2015

I've been ok with my depression. Worse with this baby than with my other 2. I haven't taken meds since after my 1st baby and I'm definitely feeling like I'm going to need them once this baby comes if not before. I've had alot of stuff going on this pregnancy too and it's been overwhelming for me. I call my doctor anytime I need reassurance, but that doesn't always help. I also have my aunt and a couple friends as well as my husband that are available to talk whenever Im feeling bad.

kbrands7 · November 2015

I'm still seeing a therapist as needed and she's great about doing phone check ins if I need to quickly ground. Overall, my anxiety has been much better this time around. (Though I did completely freak out when DS had a tick on him Saturday. Whoops.)

mamaruckus · November 2015

I'm still taking my meds.. Lexapro 20mg & Buspirone 10mg twice a day. I'm almost out of Lexapro now, so I'm thinking its time to start switching to a third trimester safe antidepressant since I'm in the second trimester now.. planning on bringing it up with my OB next week.

BuzzBee614 · November 2015

I'm so glad you posted this thread as sometimes I feel like I'm just crazy and no one else feels like this.

I have panic disorder and general anxiety. I stopped taking medication about 5 years ago and use other techniques, mainly distraction, to try and help. One of the ways my anxiety manifests the most is the fear that I'm dying. Pregnancy doesn't help that because if I have a pain or something doesn't feel right I freak out I'm going to die. It sounds ridiculous and I know it's ridiculous but I can't change it. For some reason this pregnancy is way worse with the anxiety and panic attacks than my first one. My first pregnancy I barely had any issues at all.

I've never seen a therapist but have contemplated it over the years. I should check if it's covered by my insurance.

@kbrands7 I think a tick is a good reason to freak out. I totally would have too. Ticks have been bad in my area this fall and I've been so paranoid about it.

saladflambe · November 2015

I went off my meds (Brintellix, Klonopin, and...crap...something else I was taking for night anxiety but can't remember what it was right now) when I got pregnant. I am struggling. A lot. I'm in therapy 3x a week and have my therapist on speed dial. Still, I'm really struggling right now. I can't go horseback riding, which was my only natural outlet. I'm mostly getting through an hour at a time right now.

LadySamLady · November 2015

I went off my meds when we started TTC (gabapentin, klonopin, vyvanse) and it has gotten a lot better since then. The first month was really hard but these days I'm surprised by how well I'm doing. I couldn't do it without weekly therapy which I've been in for years. I worry that the pregnancy hormones are making things easier somehow and I'm headed for a major crash post partum. PPD is one of my biggest fears, I worry about it more than labor and delivery itself which I sometimes judge myself for.

Thanks for starting this thread @arj14 - definitely helps to know I'm not alone!

ashlitas · November 2015

I am still taking Zoloft for my depression, and happily doing well in the mental health department. I wrapped up with my therapist last May (I reached all of my goals and we both felt that I was ready to end our seasons together). But if I were to need her help again, I would call in a heartbeat.

kbrands7 · November 2015

Thanks @BuzzBee61. I religiously do tick checks right after outside play...and didnt check on Saturday until a few hours later because a quick romp in the yard was impromptu and right before gpibg to the store. Ugh. At least it was only there a few hours.

It sounds like you and I have very similar anxiety. When mine is going strong, I quickly jump to worst case scenario (death) and obsess over what can possibly be done to prevent it. Cognitive Behavior therapy has been really helpful with this because it allows me to follow my thoughts through, then truly focus on what can be done, and let go of what is out of my control. There were lots of tears at first, but it helps me from spiraling into full hands-numb panic.

JoMunson · November 2015

I went off my meds almost two years ago (lamotragine and seroquel) for bipolar ll and mostly I'm feeling good. I already am thinking about post natal though- I think that's gunna be a hard time for us.

babyg&me · November 2015

Total lurker here & I'll tell you why & why this post brought me out into the open. I'm a victim of DV & I keep to myself as much as possible but I wanted to share with you my Doc's plans for me as I have high hopes it will help me & if it can help even one of you all the better.
Little back ground never hurt, now where to start? Since the age of 12 I have had chronic pain, been SUPER tired 24/7, feel totally hopeless 99% of the time, anxiety/panic out of this world yet I've never, ever wanted to hurt myself. By the way none of my kids think there is anything wrong with me besides the being tired part. I deserve a Best Actress Award b/c I put on a show like no other for them & it takes every ounce of energy I can muster. I have been diagnosed with everything imaginable & given every medication under the sun only to be told later on after the medication didn't do anything but give me nasty side affects that I was misdiagnosed & that I should of never been given that/those pill/s.
Now for the plan to fix this Momma

This is my 5th pregnancy as this will be my 5th baby & as history repeats itself with me I start feeling like what I would call "a normal human" during weeks 25-35. My Doc is going to take blood samples of my hormone levels during this state of euphoria then replicate it with natural hormone replacement therapy AFTER I finish breastfeeding about a year after giving birth. In other words she's thinking mine is more hormonal than anything & is stepping out of the box to try & get me right

Kinda off subject here for you FTM but please don't beat yourself up if you plan on but aren't able to breastfeed. With me it makes my symptoms worse tenfold but I have one of the hardest heads on the planet & I am hell bent on succeeding at it so I power through it miserable & all.

laurenmdrn16 · November 2015

I have been off meds since I found out I was pregnant with my son (back in 2013) and have not gone back on. I have PMDD, which was misdiagnosed/mistreated as depression and anxiety for most of my teen years, but when I finally admitted to having hallucinations, I was being worked up for possible schizophrenia since it was just as I was turning 20, prime time for a schizophrenia diagnosis. Thankfully, my GYN noticed the cyclical pattern of my symptoms coincided with my menstrual cycle. I also would have severely painful cramps to the point where I would have to pull over if I was driving and I couldn't get out of bed. I tried every kind of hormonal BC out there, but nothing regulated the severe mood swings, anxiety, depressive symptoms, paranoia and hallucinations that accompanied each cycle. I really wanted to avoid anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers, but knew that was probably the next pharmacological choice. Finally, I went on a low-dose maintenance regimen of SSRIs/NSSRIs, from Zoloft to Celexa to Prozac. At the same time I started working extensively with a pastoral counselor who really helped me find a way to manage some of the more intense psychotic symptoms I was having. For example, I had much more heightened awareness of when I wasn't reacting appropriately or when the stimulus I was responding to wasn't actually real. Honestly, I don't think the meds did anything so it wasn't a big deal when I titrated down after my BFP with my son (not medically necessary, just my GYN correctly predicted my symptoms would subside with pregnancy). I also lost weight, which helped regulate the amount of fat-bound estrogen and lessened the symptoms as well. My GYN specialist was super interested in my case since it was one of the most severe cases of PMDD she had ever seen. She used me as a case study for countless med students and was definitely excited to see how pregnancy would affect my symptoms.

After my son was born, I was terrified of going back to what I was. My sister (who has bipolar II) jokes that I am the real werewolf of the family. Completely symptom-free until a week or so before my period and then all hell breaks loose. I have hit MH, broken things, and even was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. I wouldn't be able to work because I would see bugs crawling all over patient charts and hear screams that weren't real. So obviously with the stress of caring for a baby, I had no idea what would happen. However, even as my menstrual cycle returned, the werewolf was silent. I was "cured". Every so often, if I am really sleep deprived or going through a super stressful event around my cycle, I will see shadows and feel the anxiety/paranoia creep in, but usually, I am able to effectively manage my emotions and anxiety.

It is so strange to think about what my old "normal" used to be and every so often I see MH look at the calendar and get a weird look on his face knowing we are nearing "that time". But with the cessation of menstrual cycles, I am feeling great. For a hot second, I considered not just tying my tubes, but going full out with a double ooferectomy after this child is born to send myself into early menopause. But, my GYN has cautioned that this may not be the cure I think it will be as menopause can be just as traumatic hormonally. As for this pregnancy, everything (psychologically and emotionally) is going great. I am always cognizant of the fact that I can relapse and have used prayer and meditation to help manage stress to keep myself on the right path. I know there is "crazy Lauren" lurking behind the scenes and if I let her, she will come out, but I have been so blessed with the support of my family, friends and church community to help me manage everything.

That all being said, my path is not the right path for everyone living with PMDD or any other psychological condition. Please do what is right for you and know that you are not alone. I'm glad we all have a place to check in and hope that support continues, especially through the post-partum period which can get dicey for anyone. Hugs to all!

pelicanesque · November 2015

I'm glad this thread is here. I tried to join the anxiety and depression group here on TB, but maybe it's not active anymore...?

I got off my meds (Zoloft, Wellbutrin) a few months before I got KU. I don't really know why I stopped. I think I was trying to deal with my anxiety and depression naturally, since I was taking low doses anyways. Except for that I couldn't motivate to find and effectively practice anything that could help, like meditation.

Pregnancy thus far has been rough. Hormones in addition to already feeling crappy is not a great combo. I broke down last week, mostly because I felt really alone. I started seeing a new therapist that is basically useless; mine and my SO's family, and my friends, are too absorbed in their own lives to care about our impending child. I just feel little support through this pregnancy, which was not necessarily unwanted, but just unexpected. I thought I was going to have all my sh!t more worked out before getting pregnant.

I feel for all you mommas out there. It's f&@$ing hard. One thing I have found that is a little helpful is this article that has excerpts from the book "The Upward Spiral" https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2015/09/make-you-happy-2/
If you get over how cheesy it sounds, I actually found it helpful (and I'm really cynical).

Sending much love and good vibes.

pelicanesque · November 2015

Also totally afraid of PPD. I assuming that if you already suffer from depression pre-pregnancy, you're predisposed to it.

CBS78 · November 2015

I went off my meds for my last pregnancy and it was so rough. I was miserable throughout and suffered PPD. This pregnancy I decided to go off my meds again, knowing that I would jump right back on them if I needed them. Luckily talk therapy (which I started right before getting KU) is helping a lot, but with the dreary winter right around the corner I still think going back on my meds is a possibility. I think you gotta do what's best for you and the baby together - if your OB approves the meds, it'll definitely help make the pregnancy a happier one and help you bond with baby. After my daughter was born it took me 4 months to feel "connected" to her, and I don't want to go through that again.

SunnySurprise · November 2015

I've been struggling with anxiety on and off for years, never needed medication though. Usually I have a good grip on it. It has certainly gotten way harder to deal with in pregnancy. My mood swings have been crazy. Hormones have a way of making me feel both positive and negative things more intensly. I've noticed that I get super worried and worked up over things that never set me off before. And yes, pregnancy dreams have brought up things that haven't been issues in a long time as well. Luckily DH has been a great support for me.

The thing that really unsettles me is how much worse it could get when LO is born. I don't want to turn into a helicopter mom, but I fear that I'll see dangers around every corner. Of course worrying is part of parenting, but I hope I'll have enough of a handle on the situation to let my kid have fun and be able to breathe easy at the same time

But I guess that's a bridge I'll cross when I get there. For now I'm just coping with this pregnancy-related anxiety as best as I can.

I think I know what you mean, @BuzzBee614 , my anxiety makes me feel the same way you described. Most of the time I can remind myself that this is the anxiety talking and that I'll probably be fine, but it's very draining to talk myself through the panic attacks when they happen.

It's actually really comforting to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this! Hang in there, ladies, it's tough but we can do it!

rlworzalla · November 2015

I find it difficult to be without my anxiety medication some days, especially because I don't have a lot of options to calm down besides the age-old "take a few deep breaths, take a nap", etc. I live an hour and a half away from all of my family, over an hour away from my best friend, and my husband works opposite shifts. We recently moved (our third move in two years) to a small town and it's extremely hard to make friends, so it doesn't help the situation.

kbrands7 · November 2015

@SunnySurprise I had the same fear of helicoptering when I was pregnant with DS. It's been so fun seeing how he delights in exploring though, and that has given me enough confidence to let him figure things out, take (reasonable) tumbles, and such without going into a tizzy...at least most of the time. Thankfully, he's a bit cautious by nature and will generally practice more dangerous things like stairs slowly before taking off at light speed.

RaquelFry · November 2015

I have anxiety. My Dr and I started weaning when we started trying. I finally weaned off a few weeks into my pregnancy.
I'll tell you what, it's hitting me, hard!
Every little thing makes my mind go to worst case senario. It drives me crazy. I KNOW it isn't true, but I can't make my mind not go there. I had dabbled in cognitive behavioral therapy in the past and I am trying to use those coping mechanisms, it's serious work though!

kbrands7 · November 2015

RaquelFry said:

I have anxiety. My Dr and I started weaning when we started trying. I finally weaned off a few weeks into my pregnancy. I'll tell you what, it's hitting me, hard! Every little thing makes my mind go to worst case senario. It drives me crazy. I KNOW it isn't true, but I can't make my mind not go there. I had dabbled in cognitive behavioral therapy in the past and I am trying to use those coping mechanisms, it's serious work though!

It's definitely a lot of work. Do you have someone who can go through the process with you? Until I got the hang of it, my therapist gave me worksheets for the process that my husband and I would fill out together. It really helped having someone there to keep pushing through the questions-- and someone that I would to be able to cry to when I got to the "what's the worst that could happen?" box.

Melro81 · November 2015

I have anxiety and bipolar depression. I went off my meds when I found out. Most of the first trimester was rough for me. Several panic attacks and lots of fights with DH who has PTSD. Aren't we a perfect pair?! lol things have been better lately. Meditation and yoga really help but it's been a while since I've felt good enough to do much yoga. Luckily things are getting easier as I head into my 14th week. I just try to remind myself that baby feels what I feel so I want to try and feel as calm and peaceful as possible.

pelicanesque · November 2015

I know there are better ways to find out than asking a forum, but are serious depressive episodes bad for the baby? Am I incubating a future depressive?? Predisposing them to depression?

CBS78 · November 2015

I was seriously depressed in my last pregnancy, and so far my daughter is a happy little 3-year-old

That's not to say things can change as she gets older, but from the little I know depression is more inherited rather than what happens in utero. I know I got it from my mom.

laurenmdrn16 · November 2015

@pelicanesque Definitely talk with your doctor about it, but I would like to give you a little piece of mind. Take my comments for what they are, but know that I did my entire thesis on pediatric bipolar disorder and worked in pediatric mental health for a number of years.

As @cbs78 said, there have been some studies to link inheritance with incidence of bipolar and depression diagnoses in children, however, no study can prove causation, only correlation. There are so many factors to consider it would be statistically impossible to prove that a mother's depression caused a child to develop depression. Also, there is no evidence (even circumstantial) that I found in my research to support the notion that depressive episodes in pregnancy affect a child's chance of exhibiting or developing depression. If those depressive episodes are self-medicated with drug or alcohol use/abuse, that is a different story because children born addicted to narcotics or with FAS are more likely to have neurological and psychological problems due to chemical changes in the developing brain. So be sure you are treating yourself safely and with the supervision of a doctor.

There are anecdotal accounts of depression, anxiety and other psychological conditions "running" in families. Again, this is not necessarily due to exposure in utero, but probably more likely genetic predisposition. There are some studies that show that extreme levels of stress during pregnancy (like those experienced by women who live through wars, significant trauma, abuse, natural disasters, terrorist attacks) can sometimes affect the cortisol sensitivity in newborns which may have an impact neurologically, hormonally, and psychologically. I did not find in my independent studies or literature review a clear connection between trauma during pregnancy and an increased incidence of bipolar diagnoses in the pediatric population.

MellieRoseVargas · November 2015

This week seems to be hitting me pretty hard. I am very sad and not excited or happy about this baby at all which actually makes me more sad that I'm not. I'm very depressed I am grateful I am able to get up and go to work but that even is mission every morning. I just hope these feeling subside soon.

pelicanesque · November 2015

Thank you @laurenmdrn16
I have had to cut out any mild self-medicating that I would have done in the past, which does make this experience a bit harder.

arj14 · November 2015

Is anyone else just sleeping a ton? Getting to be almost 12 hours, and then possibly naps? I've been struggling with this since September and I feel like it's just getting worse as we get less light. I can feel it affecting my mood more and more.

MellieRoseVargas · November 2015

arj14 said:
Is anyone else just sleeping a ton? Getting to be almost 12 hours, and then possibly naps? I've been struggling with this since September and I feel like it's just getting worse as we get less light. I can feel it affecting my mood more and more.

I could sleep all day but work won't let me

saladflambe · November 2015

I slipped today. I took Klonopin. (just .25mg, but still...) It seemed the best choice of all the "choices" that I thought I had at the time. I'm scared...scared I'll go through withdrawal again (I can't...I can't survive another withdrawal). Scared I may have hurt my baby. More scared of withdrawal. Sigh.

Cassandramariec · November 2015

I went off meds a year ago, during my last pregnancy (MC) and decided not to go back because we hoped to try again soon. Fast forward, and this pregnancy has been emotionally smooth sailing. Not even one mood swing. Go figure.

CBS78 · November 2015

I had to go back on my celexa this weekend (a very low dose at 10mg to start) because I wasn't doing so well these past few weeks. I got my OB's okay, but it wasn't an easy decision. Hopefully it will turn out to be the right thing and mitigate any PPD once the baby is here (and make for a better pregnancy).

Htow89 · November 2015

I'm having a really hard time. I was taking Prozac for a couple of years and stopped in May/June. I hadn't had any issues with deep depression but these days I find it extremely hard to be positive or motivated. My mind wanders and all I think about is worst case scenario. My SO and I called off our wedding and completely split up about a month and a half ago. It's been hard, my depression started before we split and now it's just gotten unbearable. I plan on discussing it with my Dr. at my visit Thursday, but I'm nervous to take anything. Some days I even feel as though I dont want my baby and it kills me because I've always wanted kids

. I've tried talking to people about it, but my insurance won't kick in until January first so I cannot afford to see a therapist right now. All of my friends keep telling me my feelings will change once I feel the first movements, but I'm scared they won't or they will get worse. It's been a long time since I've been this low.

mrslampert · December 2015

I'm staying on my Zoloft until my OB says not to. I worry all the time about everything.

Right now I've noticed as dr appts get closer I start thinking that this is the appt where they are going to tell me I M/Ced. I have no reason to feel that way, test results have been perfect, no excessive cramping, no spotting, but it was the same last time and it ended in M/C. I wasn't as far along last time.

KaKip · December 2015

Hey all, I'm definitely in your boat. I've struggled with anxiety and depression since I was 17. I've inherited a strong genetic predisposition to mental illness from both sides of my family and meds really seem be needed in my case. I've been on Prozac for 20 years and recently switched to Zoloft. I also take Buspar daily.

At the start of my pregnancy, I met with my Ob-gyn, therapist and psychiatrist individually and they all concurred that I needed to stay on the meds. Buspar is Class B so that was not really an issue. Prozac and Zoloft are class C but all the docs felt that the benefits outweighed the low risks. My psychiatrist actually conferred with a perinatal mental health specialist and she concurred with his treatment. I feel like the team has been very thoughtful about my care.

Anyways, for me, the real rub was my use of Klonopin as a means of nipping panic attacks in the bud. Before getting pregnant, I rarely needed the Klonopin but my first trimester with all the hormones really sent me into a total anxiety tailspin. I tried to grin and bear it as much as possible and even used Benadryl (as advised by my psychiatrist) to treat panic attacks. Still, I did have to take Klonopin for a couple of weeks, always at a low dosage of .25 or .5.

Interestingly enough, when my hubby and I met with our genetic counselor, she said that she was "least concerned" about the Klonopin, which surprised me as it is listed as class D. But both she and my psychiatrist and ob gyn have repeatedly said something to the effect of "can't have a healthy baby without a healthy mom."

Now I'm in my second trimester, my psychiatrist has advised me to continue to use the Klonopin as needed, sparingly of course. My anxiety surged again in the last week so I've had to take .25 a couple of times.

I know that other's doctors would most likely NOT agree with my course of treatment but I feel thankful to have the doctors I do. I should say, I do see a therapist every week and address the anxiety with exercise and accupunture as well. My philosophy is I'll try everything and the kitchen sink if it works.

dshannah · December 2015

@KaKip : Thanks for posting. Your treatment plan (and implementation) is really empowering and inspiring, and I want your doctors.

GoatSnakeMouse · December 2015

Thank you SO much for starting this thread!

I'm on 50 mg of Zoloft and doing great. It's a super low dose, and my OB would be comfortable with me going up to 100, which is comforting to know.

I have a friend who is on Lexapro while breastfeeding and her doctor has her split the pill in half and take half in the morning and half in the evening, so the level of it in her blood never gets too high. Thought that was an interesting approach.

laurenmdrn16 · December 2015

Well, it happened. I had a full blown anxiety attack at work today and started having contractions. I knew it was a matter of time because I had been having some paranoid thoughts, mild hallucinations, rage, and crying jags. I just didn't want to admit it. And of course it was right after a meeting with my principal and nurse leader after I had sent an email to all staff about being judicious about sending kids and reinforcing my lunch break. Aparently, it didn't go over well that I was standing up for myself. Then, I started getting upset and before I knew it, I was getting a call that a kid in the other building was throwing up, an asthmatic was having trouble on the playground, teachers were sending nasty emails, and I felt things start closing in. Thankfully my nurse leader was still there and had me lie down, but I was in full panic mode. I was hyperventilating and could feel my heart racing and suddenly felt my uterus start contracting. I tried so hard to calm myself, but I just kept spiraling out of control.

I somehow drove myself to my OB (I actually have no idea how) and she took me right to US. Baby is perfectly fine (thank you Lord!), but I was spilling proteins in my urine and still couldn't get a breath. I had to be sedated. Finally, I was able to relax and now I am on 50mg Zoloft and 0.5mg Klonopin PRN TID. I have a follow up with my OB on Monday.

I know I sound crazy, but I am supposed to run an overnight retreat for the youth at my church starting tonight and I am still doing it. The only times I have felt happy and calm is when I have been at choir rehearsal or running my Sunday school class or creating the activity plans for this retreat. I feel peace and joy and calm flood my body when I am in that role, guiding children and youth or ministering through my music. I know this is not the time to make a huge decision, but I also know our Director of Christian Ed is leaving in January so maybe I should throw my hat in the ring and make a career jump from school nurse to Christian Ed Director and Sunday School Coordinator. I just can't go on like this. Something needs to change.

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