Curiosity!! And also I can't stand the thought of someone else knowing more about the baby in my belly than me and my DH. In addition the baby name list get shortened when we can put either girls or boys name aside. However, if baby does not coop during a/s and sex aren't possible to determine we'll be fine with that too
I'm having a girl and don't want all her clothes and things to be super girly, but I'd find it hard to decorate and shop keeping it totally gender neutral.
Also I just wanted to know! Babies are babies and sex shouldn't make a huge difference but as I imagine what life will be like with her (my first) it's nice to know what I'll have.
So this might be opening up a can of worms (and I'm a newb!), but I genuinely want to know. Having read some heated exchanges on these boards about gender norms, I'm wondering what reasons folks have for finding out their baby's sex before birth. Does curiosity get the best of you? Are there reasons besides gendered purchases that I haven't thought of and ought to consider?
My plan now is not to find out, though I admit I'm curious. I'll also admit I plan to have a boy name and a girl name ready....though I've tried to think of one name that would work for both. (And there's a tension there in that I think traditionally boy names would probably be perceived by society at large as more acceptable for a girl than vice versa. Ugh!)
If you have picked out a good boy+girl name, too, I'd love to hear it!
We are team green and chose not to find out for most of your reasons. Neither of us have struggled with our decision to be team green and neither of us have had any issues bonding with baby because we don't know its sex yet; I'm sure others are different and need to know the sex to help them bond. We have also had zero issues with finding and registering for "gender neutral" items. Babies are babies and whether they are a girl or a boy they will need the same things when first born.
We are naming this baby Emmett or Emmette. We wanted to choose one name regardless of sex and that is what we decided on. Different middle names after family members though. But it is nice to refer to baby as Emmett/e even though we won't know the sex until delivery day.
1. We are too impatient to wait until birth. I figure why wait when you don't have to. To me it's just as much a surprise finding out by ultrasound as at birth.
2. I am a planner! I want to pick out a name and gender specific clothing and nursery items.
While I do believe there's a correlation between finding out the sex and following gender norms, I know it's not true in all cases. Most of the ladies in my family are socially conservative, but they all waited to find out. And I'm very liberal and am waiting to find out. I also tend to think of myself as a "perfectionist," which the article also links to finding out early--but I'm waiting (happily!). So there's possibly a correlation, but no absolutes.
My husband and I found out for the same reason as we inevitably exchange Christmas or birthday gifts with one another the minute we buy them; neither of us is any good at patience or at surprises. It really hasn't affected our plans with regard to baby at all; while I'm sure the grandmas will provide us with plenty of pink ruffles, the items we've already collected for her are gender neutral, and whatever additional clothing or decor we buy or register for will be neutral as well.
On the other hand, knowing has given us the chance to have some important gender-related conversations, about what our expectations of her are, and about what it does and doesn't mean to be the parent of a little girl. My husband has had some serious fears related to his perceptions of what having a daughter means; it's nice to be getting them out in the open now. Some of those fears didn't really take shape until we learned the sex, so I'm glad to have the opportunity to discuss them now, before the initial "Ohmygosh, how the HECK am I supposed to keep this little person alive?!" panic sets in after delivery.
While neither of us feels that sex is the Most Important Thing in determining personality, interests, or capabilities, and while each of us understands that gender can be fluid, the reality is that the world still treats men and women differently, and it's something we will have to account for and explain to any children that we have. I'm grateful that my husband is sensitive to that, and that we can have those conversations about how to encourage her to be confident in math and science even when those are treated as "boy things," how to develop her confidence and leadership skills without shutting her down for being bossy, how to make sure she knows she's valued for more than just her looks, and how to balance teaching her good common-sense safety protocols and ensuring that we don't slut-shame or victim-blame or teach her to do either of those things. These are things we've talked about before in the abstract, but with a little girl on her way, they're definitely becoming more concrete.
My main reason on my first is that I am a planner and I like to have things all set up and ready to go, it just eases my mind. Secondly, I find most gender neutral clothing ugly and the boy/girl specific stuff is so much cuter! I knew if I had bought a bunch of gender neutral stuff I would regret it once I knew what I was having.
After having my first I came up with a new reason. My labor was long, like 3 days from start to finish and ended in a c-section and back spasms so bad that they had to knock me out. I was shaking on the table so badly I could barely tell what was going on. In that moment I don't think the sex of the baby would have even registered with me. My baby got to be held by my husband and meet my family while they were trying to get me stabilized after the c-section so therefore everyone would have known the sex of my baby before I even really did. I had way more to focus on, like just being alive and hoping the baby was ok. When I look back I felt really relieved that I got to share a special moment with my husband in a quiet dark room during the ultrasound to hear the news and talk about it and then shop together afterward when no one else knew but us for those first few hours. I was of sound mind and got to enjoy the experience comfortably as a special moment I will never forget.
It's easy to think you will have a magical moment where your baby comes out and they yell - its a BOY! and you and your husband smile and share a special surprise, but after having experienced the labor I went through, it would have not been special for me to find out in the state I was in. So, that is the biggest reason I give when other people can't decide. I also was pretty drugged the first few days in the hospital so I am really glad I didn't go into it without the name already picked or I might have made a questionable decision!!
im finding out for personal reasons..story short at 14 i was told i would never ever be able to have children, so being at first time biological mommy at 22 is extremely exciting for me and im very ocd in some ways i have to be organised haha.. im lucky in the fact that i have two step children who live with me (one of each) im not going to be disappointed if its a boy or girl..but MIL is convinced its a boy and has bought all blue!!! even I dont find out untill tomorrow! x
My husband and I were planning to be team green. However, in the last week we decided we would find out the sex of the baby. Neither of us actually have a preference but we want to be prepared with a name. We are very picky about names and want to make sure we have a name that we both love and can refer to the baby in the womb. It's important for us as a way to connect to our baby before we get to meet him/her. I'm honestly having a hard time with feeling as though I'm carrying our child. We aren't planning to dress our child in specific colors or themes based on the sex and I don't know for sure that we will have every outfit be gender neutral either.
My brother and his fiancé are team green and I'm a little envious they have made it this long (due in 9 days) without finding out. They felt a real connection with their little one early on so finding out the sex for them was just a bonus they figured they could wait on. Unfortunately, I'm just not there.
Late to the party but I'll give my two cents anyways. Like PPs said I want to buy some things like monogrammed items and suck for the nursery. Also I am sick of saying "it" or "the baby" I want to say he or she when referring to it. To me both sound cold and distant. I guess I just feel like I would be more connected to what's going on in there.
Its still a surprise whether you find out while baby is in utero, or at birth. Some people want to wait till birth, some people want to know earlier, doesnt matter either way. Personally, I wanted to know asap because Im not a patient person, and also it helped me connect more to the baby. Like someone else mentioned, it also was something fun to focus on after dealing with all the negative parts of pregnancy. It makes shopping more fun too! Babies R Us has such adorable baby boy clothes!
While I do believe there's a correlation between finding out the sex and following gender norms, I know it's not true in all cases. Most of the ladies in my family are socially conservative, but they all waited to find out. And I'm very liberal and am waiting to find out. I also tend to think of myself as a "perfectionist," which the article also links to finding out early--but I'm waiting (happily!). So there's possibly a correlation, but no absolutes.
I have to completely disagree here from personal experience. My family is also very conservative and would shame a child whose gender didn't match what they picture as typical for their sex. I'm finding out because I'm having trouble connecting with LO and because I'm tired of my baby being referred to as the bean; I promise you, my girls will wield hammers and my boys will cook a mean cake, if I have any say in the matter. I don't fall into normal gender stereotypes and I identify as my sex, so I certainly don't expect my daughters to be content playing pretty princess all of their lives.
I should also add that we're not telling anyone else the sex because we prefer gender-neutral items, as we plan to have more after this LO.
Lurking from 1st tri so I don't know what I've got cooking yet...
I have mixed feelings on it. I absolutely believe that the baby's sex shouldn't really matter. And I don't think it's necessary to know for the sake of buying all boy or all girl things. So I thought I'd be team green but now that I'm actually pregnant, I find that I'm just dying to know everything about the baby as soon as I can, sex included. It'll be nice to know it's a he or she vs it.
I'm also finding it surprisingly difficult to find gender neutral stuff, especially in brick and mortar stores. After all the hubbub with Target's toy section you'd think the baby section would be similar, but nope. Apparently it's absolutely essential to declare to the world whether your baby has a penis or vagina. I've found similar at Michaels and BuyBuyBaby.
Not sure if we'd tell other people when we find out. Maybe after the shower. Especially if it's a girl, people tend to bombard you with gender specific items and 1) I'm not about that and 2) I'd like to reuse things next time around whether it's a boy or girl. But really even if that happens, my figurative baby boy is not going to turn into a pumpkin if I put him in a pink onesie once in a while (and it's interesting that "boy stuff" is often interchangeable for "unisex stuff" and it's not the same for girl stuff).
Lurking from 1st tri so I don't know what I've got cooking yet...
I have mixed feelings on it. I absolutely believe that the baby's sex shouldn't really matter. And I don't think it's necessary to know for the sake of buying all boy or all girl things. So I thought I'd be team green but now that I'm actually pregnant, I find that I'm just dying to know everything about the baby as soon as I can, sex included. It'll be nice to know it's a he or she vs it.
I'm also finding it surprisingly difficult to find gender neutral stuff, especially in brick and mortar stores. After all the hubbub with Target's toy section you'd think the baby section would be similar, but nope. Apparently it's absolutely essential to declare to the world whether your baby has a penis or vagina. I've found similar at Michaels and BuyBuyBaby.
Not sure if we'd tell other people when we find out. Maybe after the shower. Especially if it's a girl, people tend to bombard you with gender specific items and 1) I'm not about that and 2) I'd like to reuse things next time around whether it's a boy or girl. But really even if that happens, my figurative baby boy is not going to turn into a pumpkin if I put him in a pink onesie once in a while (and it's interesting that "boy stuff" is often interchangeable for "unisex stuff" and it's not the same for girl stuff).
All Target did was remove the signs stating boys and girls toys. They still carry toys that are "traditionally" boys and girls. H&M has some really cute, inexpensive gender neutral clothing.
Lurking from 1st tri so I don't know what I've got cooking yet...
I have mixed feelings on it. I absolutely believe that the baby's sex shouldn't really matter. And I don't think it's necessary to know for the sake of buying all boy or all girl things. So I thought I'd be team green but now that I'm actually pregnant, I find that I'm just dying to know everything about the baby as soon as I can, sex included. It'll be nice to know it's a he or she vs it.
I'm also finding it surprisingly difficult to find gender neutral stuff, especially in brick and mortar stores. After all the hubbub with Target's toy section you'd think the baby section would be similar, but nope. Apparently it's absolutely essential to declare to the world whether your baby has a penis or vagina. I've found similar at Michaels and BuyBuyBaby.
Not sure if we'd tell other people when we find out. Maybe after the shower. Especially if it's a girl, people tend to bombard you with gender specific items and 1) I'm not about that and 2) I'd like to reuse things next time around whether it's a boy or girl. But really even if that happens, my figurative baby boy is not going to turn into a pumpkin if I put him in a pink onesie once in a while (and it's interesting that "boy stuff" is often interchangeable for "unisex stuff" and it's not the same for girl stuff).
All Target did was remove the signs stating boys and girls toys. They still carry toys that are "traditionally" boys and girls. H&M has some really cute, inexpensive gender neutral clothing.
But how am I supposed to get the appropriately colored Legos with labels telling me whether they're for boys or girls?!?
I picked a girls name when I was 10yrs old and picked a boys name when I was 8 weeks pregnant. I want to find out the sex and am going to find out in two weeks time. I simply wish to know for myself. I want to colour code everything haha. Decorations will be awesome
I kept my first pregnancy team green. I was super surprised when they announced HES A BOY !! It was great... My second pregnancy I wanted to find out for 3 reasons. 1 being so I could tell my older son if he would have a brother or sister and be able to prepare him for a sibling better. 2 being so I could decorate and have everything not so gender neutral the second time around. And 3 being cause I'm so impatient and needed to know !
I remained team green for the first pregnancy up until 33 weeks as a way to help myself buy neutral things that could be used for multiple children without limiting myself. We were young and I was trying to stay on a budget. It helped me also not over-buy.
We found out with baby #2 @ 20 weeks because we just were excited to know! With baby#3 we are staying Team Green until birth. This is mainly to give each child their own special story about how we found out.
Super late to the party, but - does anyone else just not really care what gender they have? I think my baby will be cool either way (or I'll love it at least, it doesn't necessarily have to be cool). But it seems like more of a hassle to keep it a secret, especially when it's something I don't really care about. I also just like more information about my baby in general - it's so secretive already hiding down in my belly where I can't even see it from the outside yet.
SO many good reasons here. I'm impatient too. I didn't want to do all my shopping last minute right before the holidays (when i'm due) but mostly it was because my husband and i had ZERO commonalities in name tastes and couldn't agree on anything. His reasoning was that with 50% of names excluded, we would do 50% less arguing. When we found out our baby's sex, we agreed on two names almost immediately and settled on our SECOND fav of the two a month or two after that (simply because it sounded better with our LN).
So yeah, it took the pressure off.
Yeah, @Pascal86 same. I was maybe slightly leaning toward boy. My husband was DECIDEDLY team pink and wanted a girl very badly and i wanted that for him because he seemed to care a lot. We are having a little girl. I was like "Ok. No son right now.", felt a slight feel and said goodbye to the boy i was POSITIVE i was having, and was instantly excited about my daughter. It's one set of sex organs versus another and I likely have more work to do around puberty than dad will. No biggie.
We never, ever considered keeping it a surprise. We want to know just because, to have a name ready and because we don't like gender neutral clothing. We did gender neutral gear for DD and I'm glad but clothes... No, mam.
Me: 29 / Hubster: 31 Married July 2010 DC #1 Oct 2013 DC #2 EDD June 2016
With our first I wanted to know out of curiosity and because I just knew it was a girl! The whole time I somehow just knew so when we went in for the 20 weeks US there she was! I was happy to find out because it was the first baby in about 7 years for anyone in my family and the first in his for about 11!! We did get a lot of neutral before hand but the girl colors and bow shopping were on after!!
With the second one...kind of the same thing! I knew it was a boy for sure up until I heard the fast heartbeat!! Then I couldn't really make up my mind lol so we find out this time also!!! Glad we did because when I went through our Daughter's baby stuff there wasn't as much neutral stuff as I had thought but thankfully the big stuff was all white so we just have to buy clothes!
I think it's amazing the willpower people have when they don't find out because it's become such a norm to find out and be able to plan!! I mean I know it doesn't matter either way because the baby will be loved no matter the gender! We are both such big planners that I think it would have stressed me out not to know lol!!
Re: Why find out baby's sex before birth?
Also I just wanted to know! Babies are babies and sex shouldn't make a huge difference but as I imagine what life will be like with her (my first) it's nice to know what I'll have.
We are team green and chose not to find out for most of your reasons. Neither of us have struggled with our decision to be team green and neither of us have had any issues bonding with baby because we don't know its sex yet; I'm sure others are different and need to know the sex to help them bond. We have also had zero issues with finding and registering for "gender neutral" items. Babies are babies and whether they are a girl or a boy they will need the same things when first born.
We are naming this baby Emmett or Emmette. We wanted to choose one name regardless of sex and that is what we decided on. Different middle names after family members though. But it is nice to refer to baby as Emmett/e even though we won't know the sex until delivery day.
Me: 32 Hubby: 31
Married 12/29/12
Started TTC July 2014
Miscarriage August 2014
Emmett born February 2016
Expecting Baby #2 in August 2017
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/544e80
So many good responses--thank you all! I did a little searching and found an article from Time Magazine that talks a bit about the issue--https://time.com/2817841/sex-gender-baby-before-birth/
While I do believe there's a correlation between finding out the sex and following gender norms, I know it's not true in all cases. Most of the ladies in my family are socially conservative, but they all waited to find out. And I'm very liberal and am waiting to find out. I also tend to think of myself as a "perfectionist," which the article also links to finding out early--but I'm waiting (happily!). So there's possibly a correlation, but no absolutes.
We aren't planning to dress our child in specific colors or themes based on the sex and I don't know for sure that we will have every outfit be gender neutral either.
My brother and his fiancé are team green and I'm a little envious they have made it this long (due in 9 days) without finding out.
They felt a real connection with their little one early on so finding out the sex for them was just a bonus they figured they could wait on.
Unfortunately, I'm just not there.
Spontaneous pregnancy #1
DD1 July 31, 2011
Trying for #2 since Oct 11
Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!!
I should also add that we're not telling anyone else the sex because we prefer gender-neutral items, as we plan to have more after this LO.
But how am I supposed to get the appropriately colored Legos with labels telling me whether they're for boys or girls?!?
It's completely maddening, actually--the pink toy aisles. Yuck!
I have seen some really cool gender neutral baby clothes on Pinterest, like these:
Little brother was born October 1, 2012.
Yeah, @Pascal86 same. I was maybe slightly leaning toward boy. My husband was DECIDEDLY team pink and wanted a girl very badly and i wanted that for him because he seemed to care a lot. We are having a little girl. I was like "Ok. No son right now.", felt a slight feel and said goodbye to the boy i was POSITIVE i was having, and was instantly excited about my daughter. It's one set of sex organs versus another and I likely have more work to do around puberty than dad will. No biggie.
Me: 29 / Hubster: 31
Married July 2010
DC #1 Oct 2013
DC #2 EDD June 2016
With our first I wanted to know out of curiosity and because I just knew it was a girl! The whole time I somehow just knew so when we went in for the 20 weeks US there she was! I was happy to find out because it was the first baby in about 7 years for anyone in my family and the first in his for about 11!! We did get a lot of neutral before hand but the girl colors and bow shopping were on after!!
With the second one...kind of the same thing! I knew it was a boy for sure up until I heard the fast heartbeat!! Then I couldn't really make up my mind lol so we find out this time also!!! Glad we did because when I went through our Daughter's baby stuff there wasn't as much neutral stuff as I had thought
but thankfully the big stuff was all white so we just have to buy clothes!
I think it's amazing the willpower people have when they don't find out because it's become such a norm to find out and be able to plan!! I mean I know it doesn't matter either way because the baby will be loved no matter the gender! We are both such big planners that I think it would have stressed me out not to know lol!!