Has the OP even been back to thread in the past 2 days?
lol, I think not. But this was a good discussion and I hope it made her realize the inaccuracy and insensitivity of her words. I mean that in a truly hopeful way. I don't expect anyone who hasn't had a loss to understand, but willingness to listen and learn shows a lot of class and maturity.
I think it is because we don't want to have the miscarriage conversation 1000 times. So we usually only tell people we are pregnant if we wouldn't mind telling them we had a miscarriage. But if you have a miscarriage and you heal and get better, then 3 weeks or 4 weeks later you run into someone who says hey how is the pregnancy going. then you have to re- live it all over again.
And for that women that told you she had a miscarriage, it wasn't uncomfortable for you,. . it was uncomfortable for HER!
we are saving ourselves from the comfortableness, and protecting ourselves. Not others.
I agree with the OP. Babies pass away at ALL stages of pregnancy. The couple that waits until 12 weeks can still suffer tragic loss. Late term losses happen. Stillborn babies happen. It makes society uncomfortable to think about babies passing away. It should. It's extremely sad and tragic and horrific. But there's nothing magical about the 12 week mark. Maybe the statistics reduce but they don't turn to zero.
I agree with the OP. Babies pass away at ALL stages of pregnancy. The couple that waits until 12 weeks can still suffer tragic loss. Late term losses happen. Stillborn babies happen. It makes society uncomfortable to think about babies passing away. It should. It's extremely sad and tragic and horrific. But there's nothing magical about the 12 week mark. Maybe the statistics reduce but they don't turn to zero.
Of course these things happen. I know that all too well. However, the chances go down and even though we decided to tell our families, I wish we hadn't just in case. I hate the thought of getting their hopes up again. I had a stillborn dd in March of this year. It was devastating and the thought of putting my family through even more pain gives me pause.
Regardless of the reason people choose to wait, it has absolutely nothing to do with silencing miscarriage. If one has a miscarriage or any loss and is basically told (either directly or implied) not to talk about it if they so choose, THAT is silencing miscarraige.
I have been one to be very open about my life and what is going on in it to coworkers, friends, and family. That was the same with my miscarriage, talking about it definitely helps me. I found out very early I was pregnant and was eager to tell people right away, I had such a wonderful support and help system through it all.
My miscarriage was in September and I am 7w today. I actually told a close friend and she reacted by saying "what are you doing?" "What if you miscarry again" Because I was told to wait two months and it was only a month of a real menstrual cycle. This makes me afraid to tell people again because of their reactions. My husband and I are overjoyed and will be sharing the news at Christmas at 10w, but I also hope that people don't look down to me because we didn't wait the full two cycles. I'm just blessed that right now day by my little one is still growing and pray that the little one will be strong and continue to grow.
My fear is right now, after the reaction I got from my friend, if I miscarry again their thoughts would be that I'm the one who caused the loss.
I don't think I will make a "public" announcement on Facebook or otherwise ever. I just don't post much at all on social media websites. I'm also not very close with my family so I'm not sure when I'll tell them. I'm sure my friends will find out eventually, though I'm a major introvert so I don't even have very many close friends. I like having this forum to openly talk about things I otherwise might not get to talk about. My husband's family has been bugging us constantly about when we'll be having our second child so I'm sure they will be excited! I really don't want my co-workers or boss to know...I will hide my pregnancy from them until it's no longer possible. Pregnancy discrimination is real and does still happen, especially since I work in a male-dominated field. Pregnancy announcements are up to the individual!
@djharsh if they would think that that's their problem. I had a miscarriage in September too and My OB encouraged me to try again right away! I'm sorry you have to worry about people reaction, that friend is a twatwaffle for even thinking that!
Re: Silencing the miscarriage
And for that women that told you she had a miscarriage, it wasn't uncomfortable for you,. . it was uncomfortable for HER!
Amy
Regardless of the reason people choose to wait, it has absolutely nothing to do with silencing miscarriage. If one has a miscarriage or any loss and is basically told (either directly or implied) not to talk about it if they so choose, THAT is silencing miscarraige.
My miscarriage was in September and I am 7w today. I actually told a close friend and she reacted by saying "what are you doing?" "What if you miscarry again" Because I was told to wait two months and it was only a month of a real menstrual cycle. This makes me afraid to tell people again because of their reactions. My husband and I are overjoyed and will be sharing the news at Christmas at 10w, but I also hope that people don't look down to me because we didn't wait the full two cycles. I'm just blessed that right now day by my little one is still growing and pray that the little one will be strong and continue to grow.
My fear is right now, after the reaction I got from my friend, if I miscarry again their thoughts would be that I'm the one who caused the loss.