I feel like I'm already shaping up to be a poor mom...anyone else been here?

UseTheTriforce94 · December 2015

Hi all, I'm in a bit of a mood today and I could use some relating stories or advice...

I feel like I'm going to be a terrible mom because: I really want a boy, like REALLY want a boy. I would still love a girl but I REALLY want a boy. Also, I don't know how to drive (long story but definitely a reason why) and I feel like I have nothing of value to teach them...Mainly I feel this way because, and I am so sorry for this, but I hate being pregnant so far. I've been ridiculously sick and it's clouding what should be a very happy and miraculous event. I don't hate my baby, of course not, I just feel so whiny and pessimistic, I just feel like I'm shaping up to be really terrible...did anyone else feel this? I do have a history of depression/anxiety/mood disorder if that helps...

danalynn86 · December 2015

None of this has an bearing on the type of mother you will be. I promise.

Pregnancy can suck. I have pretty much hated being pregnant until the last week or so, I'm 13w+2 and it's still not fun by any means. I had a miscarriage in April, so to begin with it felt like a vicious cycle of "when will the spotting start? Is there going to be a heart beat at my first ultrasound? Oh I have to take progesterone because my body isn't producing enough, oh I might have Placenta Previa? I'm on full bed rest? At not even 8 weeks pregnant? For a month? FML." I'm still not out of the woods in regard to to the Placenta Previa, but I feel like I might kind of sort of be getting the hang of not entirely loathing my body while pregnant.

I also really hope I have a girl, if this baby isn't a girl that's okay though, but a girl would be so indescribably awesome for my husband and myself. I know that's not entirely fair, but it's not possible to force myself not to feel that at all, it's just there.

Depending on where you live driving can have literally no bearing on whether you can keep your child safe/happy. if you are worried about it, or if you think it might help you feel a little more empowered you could take a drivers ed course and get your drivers license. But if it's related to your anxiety/mood disorder then I might not press that issue while already going through a particularly anxious time.

Do you see a therapist? My experience has been that therapy has helped me immensely in getting through tough situations. Having that voice of reason, that person can talk me through some of my darker moments is invaluable when I'm spiraling down the self-hate drain.

UseTheTriforce94 · December 2015

I used to see a therapist but had to stop because my insurance ran out I may go back though because I notice that I feel borderline suicidal and I don't want to harm myself while I have my baby with me.

I also had a miscarriage 2 years ago so I think the same things; every cramp is bad news, I'm not drinking/eating enough and it's going to hurt the baby, I worked out too hard and I'm gonna lose the baby...I am so sorry you had to go through that and I'm sorry you're having a hard time but it's awesome to know that it's not an uncommon feeling and thank you for not being one of those, "Wtf is wrong with you, you ungrateful she-beast" type people

mrsschmity · December 2015

MamaLion94 said:

I used to see a therapist but had to stop because my insurance ran out I may go back though because I notice that I feel borderline suicidal and I don't want to harm myself while I have my baby with me.
I also had a miscarriage 2 years ago so I think the same things; every cramp is bad news, I'm not drinking/eating enough and it's going to hurt the baby, I worked out too hard and I'm gonna lose the baby...I am so sorry you had to go through that and I'm sorry you're having a hard time but it's awesome to know that it's not an uncommon feeling and thank you for not being one of those, "Wtf is wrong with you, you ungrateful she-beast" type people

I don't have a whole lot of advice to offer, but I am really sorry you're feeling this way. I would, however, suggest that you talk to someone about how you're feeling. Especially if you're feeling suicidal at times.

KaylaR628 · December 2015

I would like to echo the previous posters' suggestions of seeing someone, but also reassure you that you're not alone. I absolutely hate being pregnant so far...I've been so so sick and just not feeling like myself. And I have a sister who also does not enjoy it...like you even said, it has no bearing on your love for your baby!
I also am diagnosed with anxiety and have suffered a miscarriage. These things in combination make for a lot of worrying during pregnancy! Know you are not alone with your fears! I hope you find some relief soon, please take care of yourself!

Corts · December 2015

I am feel the same way. I was really hoping for a girl (even followed the shettles method for one down to eating nasty raw cranberries every day). Well it's a boy and I just can't get excited about getting things for him. This is making me feel like a horrible mom. I know it will get better once he is here.

danalynn86 · December 2015

Please if you are feeling suicidal talk to someone. Depending on where you live there are almost certainly services for people who can't get help through their insurance. It is vital at this point in your life that you seek out this kind of help before your child is born. You are 100% right, feeling this way once your baby gets here is only going to make things exceptionally harder.

If you have any family, friends, or a partner who you can talk to about how you are feeling it could help a lot. You guys could set up a plan of action. As in, a plan with actionable steps that will help you get to a professional who you can talk to so that once the baby is here things don't get worse. Setting this up before baby arrives is such a good idea. Having someone you can turn to in those times that you're feeling really down can be life saving.

If you're feeling suicidal, please remember there are an infinite number of people who care and really want you to be happy. Do not hesitate to use resources like suicide prevention hotlines the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number is 1-800-273-8255. Never hesitate in calling and talking to someone. They will always be happy to lend a compassionate ear. You and your growing babe are both worth it.

meggyme · December 2015

I agree with PP. Feeling slightly depressed is an understandable pregnancy symptom. Feeling suicidal is not and post partum depression could make it worse. Please talk to someone, not just for your sake, but for your family's sake as well.

hollywoodave531 · December 2015

@MamaLion94 your post made me very sad. There are so many things you can teach your children I wouldn't worry about not knowing how to drive. You can teach them compassion, to be caring and how to be a loving person, plus many more! Think better of yourself and just remember they have drivers ed teachers to teach kids how to drive! Lots of hugs and please take into consideration some of the wonderful advice posted above.

likeabel · December 2015

I just want to let you know that I am praying for you. Don't feel alone. There are days I wonder what I've gotten myself into and wonder if I'll be able to do it. But, please please please seek help! Like @danalynn86 said do not hesitate calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Here's the number again just in case:

1-800-273-8255

Remember, you and your growing babe are both worth it!

hellomommas · December 2015

The fact that you are even concerned with being a good mother SHOWS that you will be a good mom. If you were a "bad" mum, you wouldn't even care. I have dealt with depression and pregnancy and having a newborn. It wasn't ABOUT my baby... It was just about all the things surrounding my baby coming into my life. Anyway.,, counseling helped soooooo much. Please visit a counselor. A lot of churches do discounted or free counseling. Being involved with a church in General has been an immensely positive change to my life- I def recommend it as a way to get something FREE and positive in your life on a weekly basis. Routine positivity kept me on the right track mentally. *prayers for you girl* maybe you could buy a journal and start writing letters to your baby about life? It may start a special bond and you might surprise yourself at how much you have to teach them and pass on.

totsabounding · December 2015

Just wanted to jump in for support. The PPs all shared great insight and advice. Please reach out to a counselor or a therapist...you deserve to feel better. No one is a perfect parent, we all just do the best we can. The best thing you can do for your baby right now is to take good care of yourself, and that includes your emotional well-being! Hugs, mama.

fishwife799 · December 2015

I also just want to chime in and say you are not a failure at all. The very fact that you are asking for support means so much. The best advice I can give you is to seek out some precessional help. Even if your insurance has run out there are programs out there that can help you financially to get the help you need. I hope that you can get some help and start feeling better soon.

june2016baby · December 2015

I agree with the above advice, especially that a church might be able to offer some free counseling and also general support for you.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

berky84 · December 2015

Being pregnant is hard. I was just saying this to my DH last night. There are parts of it that just plane suck sometimes. That's ok. If it's really taking a toll, I agree with PP to seek help.

CourtJack · December 2015

Being pregnant is not for everyone. I strongly dislike it

And there were millions of great moms before cars were even invented, so you not driving means nothing about how you will fare as a mom

Please call the number PP's have posted. Just talk it out. And stick around here for support. We're all happy to listen and maybe being involved in a group like this will help you realize that everything your worried about, someone else probably is too. Hugs!

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