Okay well she said that there's no one to throw her one so is she just supposed to not have one and miss out because she's displaced from friends and family?
Yes.
Or simply state to those who have asked that she hasn't been offered one, and if anyone was so inclined they may then step up.
Okay well she said that there's no one to throw her one so is she just supposed to not have one and miss out because she's displaced from friends and family?
Yes.
Or simply state to those who have asked that she hasn't been offered one, and if anyone was so inclined they may then step up.
Maybe I'm being emotional, but that breaks my heart and I think it's a shame that she would miss out for the sake of old school etiquette.
Okay well she said that there's no one to throw her one so is she just supposed to not have one and miss out because she's displaced from friends and family?
Yes.
Or simply state to those who have asked that she hasn't been offered one, and if anyone was so inclined they may then step up.
Maybe I'm being emotional, but that breaks my heart and I think it's a shame that she would miss out for the sake of old school etiquette.
lurker from Feb 16 but she will receive presents, love and support from people who want to genuinely give, even if she does not have a shower. I had a small shower with my first and decided not to invite any family members other than MIL and SIL because they are all out of town. Once my first was born, everyone all generously sent gifts. I appreciated it even more because I felt that they really wanted to get something for us, instead of having to respond to a shower invite.
I get that you feel bad for her, but just because she's pregnant, doesn't mean that people won't judge her for being rude.
Okay well she said that there's no one to throw her one so is she just supposed to not have one and miss out because she's displaced from friends and family?
Yes.
Or simply state to those who have asked that she hasn't been offered one, and if anyone was so inclined they may then step up.
Maybe I'm being emotional, but that breaks my heart and I think it's a shame that she would miss out for the sake of old school etiquette.
lurker from Feb 16 but she will receive presents, love and support from people who want to genuinely give, even if she does not have a shower. I had a small shower with my first and decided not to invite any family members other than MIL and SIL because they are all out of town. Once my first was born, everyone all generously sent gifts. I appreciated it even more because I felt that they really wanted to get something for us, instead of having to respond to a shower invite.
I get that you feel bad for her, but just because she's pregnant, doesn't mean that people won't judge her for being rude.
I think the way that I'm looking at it is very subjective to my personality. My husband and I LOVE throwing parties - for ourselves and others. We even threw our own engagement party. But never have we ever expected or even brought up "yeah so um we are registered here just FYI" to our guests at our engagement party. If someone asked, then we told them. There was no emphasis on gifts whatsoever. It was 100%, hey this really awesome thing is happening in our/this persons life, so come over from this time to this time to celebrate with us. Some people brought gifts and some didn't and it wasn't a big deal to us that some people didn't. So I guess I'm coming from a standpoint of that she's missing out on celebrating a life event with friends and family just because no one will throw one for her and NOT oh no she's not going to get any gifts!! Wahhh!
Kinda tacky... I was in a similar situation, and had to drop a few "well I'm not sure I'll have a shower so I still have a lot left to buy" hints and that seemed to get the ball rolling
Okay well she said that there's no one to throw her one so is she just supposed to not have one and miss out because she's displaced from friends and family?
Yes.
Or simply state to those who have asked that she hasn't been offered one, and if anyone was so inclined they may then step up.
Maybe I'm being emotional, but that breaks my heart and I think it's a shame that she would miss out for the sake of old school etiquette.
lurker from Feb 16 but she will receive presents, love and support from people who want to genuinely give, even if she does not have a shower. I had a small shower with my first and decided not to invite any family members other than MIL and SIL because they are all out of town. Once my first was born, everyone all generously sent gifts. I appreciated it even more because I felt that they really wanted to get something for us, instead of having to respond to a shower invite.
I get that you feel bad for her, but just because she's pregnant, doesn't mean that people won't judge her for being rude.
I think the way that I'm looking at it is very subjective to my personality. My husband and I LOVE throwing parties - for ourselves and others. We even threw our own engagement party. But never have we ever expected or even brought up "yeah so um we are registered here just FYI" to our guests at our engagement party. If someone asked, then we told them. There was no emphasis on gifts whatsoever. It was 100%, hey this really awesome thing is happening in our/this persons life, so come over from this time to this time to celebrate with us. Some people brought gifts and some didn't and it wasn't a big deal to us that some people didn't. So I guess I'm coming from a standpoint of that she's missing out on celebrating a life event with friends and family just because no one will throw one for her and NOT oh no she's not going to get any gifts!! Wahhh!
She can have a party, I'm pretty sure people suggested she have a sip n see once she's comfortable with guests around the baby.
She shouldn't have a shower. All showers are parties, but not all parties are showers.
I threw my baby shower with my first, but I gave all the credit to my mom. Who didn't mind. Now I'm pregnant with my second, I saved all my baby clothes in case I had a girl. Which I am not. My best friend offered to throw one, and hasn't said one word to me since then so now I'm back in the same situation.
I've personally gotten a lot of things for our son, but there are little things that I don't have. Bottles, diapers, etc. I'm still trying to figure out with Christmas coming how I'm going to swing all of this. I suppose I have 7 weeks to figure it out, but that's if he doesn't come early. Also not much time to plan and get everything in order. And I am one of those people that just want to get everything done now so I don't have to worry about it.
back in the same situation? Showers are generally for firsts. This blog makes me sick that so many people need their showers thrown just the way they like it, need to throw your own showers to get gifts, need to throw your own shower for your second kid to get gifts. You don't need that much! Just go to Wal Mart and buy your own crap!!!
I'm sorry but I'm going to say what I'm sure most people are thinking, if you don't have good enough friends to throw you a shower, do you have good enough friends to support this selfishness??? I was raised with a lot of morals and ethics and I would never do this and when I am invited to showers that people throw themselves, I don't go because I feel embarrassed and awkward for them.
I threw my baby shower with my first, but I gave all the credit to my mom. Who didn't mind. Now I'm pregnant with my second, I saved all my baby clothes in case I had a girl. Which I am not. My best friend offered to throw one, and hasn't said one word to me since then so now I'm back in the same situation.
I've personally gotten a lot of things for our son, but there are little things that I don't have. Bottles, diapers, etc. I'm still trying to figure out with Christmas coming how I'm going to swing all of this. I suppose I have 7 weeks to figure it out, but that's if he doesn't come early. Also not much time to plan and get everything in order. And I am one of those people that just want to get everything done now so I don't have to worry about it.
It's not your family and friends responsibility to make sure you have EVERYTHING for YOUR baby. You put yourself in the same situation by getting pregnant. This self entitlement is just getting out of control.
Can we let this post die please??? Or move it over to the baby shower board- cos really I don't care what someone I don't know is doing with her baby shower- and I honestly believe both sides well and truly got their points accross... I wish I could GIF cos I'd throw up a "let it go" one...
Ok i feel you should throw the shower yourself. Maybe a few years ago many people would have stood up and done one for you but do you guys remember how expensive a baby shower can be. Especially if you have a large family. I'm 34 weeks pregnant with my first and my husband and I are throwing our own. I wouldn't want to burden someone with that financial difficulty. Just throwing it out there even a small bbq can start to get expensive. I personally feel that etiquette has changed with the times. The same way before it was only women and now more and more baby showers are co-Ed. As for the gifts. They are all for the baby and no one is fooled when they are invited to a baby shower. It's not like your asking for a flat screen.
I say do it yourself. You might get things and you might not but its all about making sure that you feel love and support. If I didn't have my shower (my mom gave me one) I would have felt so lonely. It's not about the gifts but the company. Feed your guests and have games and share some laughs! Good luck and ignore any Negative Nancy's on the thread
I threw my baby shower with my first, but I gave all the credit to my mom. Who didn't mind. Now I'm pregnant with my second, I saved all my baby clothes in case I had a girl. Which I am not. My best friend offered to throw one, and hasn't said one word to me since then so now I'm back in the same situation.
I've personally gotten a lot of things for our son, but there are little things that I don't have. Bottles, diapers, etc. I'm still trying to figure out with Christmas coming how I'm going to swing all of this. I suppose I have 7 weeks to figure it out, but that's if he doesn't come early. Also not much time to plan and get everything in order. And I am one of those people that just want to get everything done now so I don't have to worry about it.
Are you serious?!? I have a two year old son and a daughter on the way. I had a shower thrown for my son. I was gifted all blue boy stuff. Now I'm having a girl and I want pink bedding and what not for her room. So guess who gets to buy it? ME. I need new bottle nipples and even though I cloth diaper, I needed a few more cause some have worn out. I haven't expected anyone but me and my DH to purchase these items. No one but you is obligated to provide for your new baby. And guess what, your son can wear a girly onesie or sleeper. It won't hurt him.
I understand the OP is having her first after several losses. I understand her desire to celebrate and have a shower. I feel for her wanting to just throw one herself. But for a STM to expect people to throw you a another shower and provide for your new baby? Get over yourself.
The sense of entitlement on this thread is down right depressing. You got pregnant. It's YOUR responsibility to provide things for your baby. Also, a gift giving event isn't the only way to celebrate your baby.
I feel like this argument could go on for a million years. Everyone has their own situation and circumstances, but as close to "facts" that we can with this topic are the following:
Is it against traditional etiquette to throw your own shower? Yes.
Is it morally wrong, like kicking a puppy? No.
Is a shower a gift giving event? Yes.
Is it against etiquette to throw yourself a gift giving event? Yes.
Again, is it morally wrong like kicking a puppy? No.
So, if you don't give a hoot about traditional etiquette and have no problem throwing a gift centered party for yourself/your baby, go for it! If that idea really bothers you, don't! I don't know what else is really up for debate. *shrugs*
Re: is it wrong to host my own baby shower?
Or simply state to those who have asked that she hasn't been offered one, and if anyone was so inclined they may then step up.
I think the way that I'm looking at it is very subjective to my personality. My husband and I LOVE throwing parties - for ourselves and others. We even threw our own engagement party. But never have we ever expected or even brought up "yeah so um we are registered here just FYI" to our guests at our engagement party. If someone asked, then we told them. There was no emphasis on gifts whatsoever. It was 100%, hey this really awesome thing is happening in our/this persons life, so come over from this time to this time to celebrate with us. Some people brought gifts and some didn't and it wasn't a big deal to us that some people didn't. So I guess I'm coming from a standpoint of that she's missing out on celebrating a life event with friends and family just because no one will throw one for her and NOT oh no she's not going to get any gifts!! Wahhh!
She can have a party, I'm pretty sure people suggested she have a sip n see once she's comfortable with guests around the baby.
She shouldn't have a shower. All showers are parties, but not all parties are showers.
I've personally gotten a lot of things for our son, but there are little things that I don't have. Bottles, diapers, etc. I'm still trying to figure out with Christmas coming how I'm going to swing all of this. I suppose I have 7 weeks to figure it out, but that's if he doesn't come early. Also not much time to plan and get everything in order. And I am one of those people that just want to get everything done now so I don't have to worry about it.
I'm sorry but I'm going to say what I'm sure most people are thinking, if you don't have good enough friends to throw you a shower, do you have good enough friends to support this selfishness??? I was raised with a lot of morals and ethics and I would never do this and when I am invited to showers that people throw themselves, I don't go because I feel embarrassed and awkward for them.
I understand the OP is having her first after several losses. I understand her desire to celebrate and have a shower. I feel for her wanting to just throw one herself. But for a STM to expect people to throw you a another shower and provide for your new baby? Get over yourself.
Also, a gift giving event isn't the only way to celebrate your baby.
My opinion, throw a party, not a "shower" as pps suggested. That way you can celebrate without coming off as crass for just wanting gifts or whatever.