I had my first ultrasound Wednesday. Between temping/opk, I knew I'd ovulated September 21/22 and should have been 9w2d. Transvaginal found nothing but a sac and yolk, no baby. Tested hcg on Wednesday and again today - dropped from 59k to 49k. Accordingly to my OB, there's no chance baby is just hiding somewhere in my retroflexed uterus.
So we wait. I elected to wait it out for at least a few weeks and see if my body could figure it out. I've had no cramping, no spotting (minimal at 6w, but nothing lately). So it's just a weird bizarre waiting game with a broken heart, yet no closure.
For those of you who are experiencing/did experience this waiting game, what did you do? Did you return to your pre-pregnancy exercise routine? Did you start drinking again? Did you hold out hope that maybe, just maybe, it'll be one of those weird stories you read online about a baby showing up perfectly healthy on an ultrasound a few weeks later? A long gym/hot tub session followed by a glass of wine (prepregnancy therapy) sound perfect right now...but what if?????!?
Re: Any other lurkers just waiting for their miscarriage to happen?
I do get these flashes of almost paranoia that the baby is actually fine, but in my heart I know the truth. It's extra hard to believe since it's my second one in 4 months.
Sorry, this turned into a venting session me! I wish you the best in whatever you decide. And I hope you have a rainbow baby in your arms before long. ((Hugs))
My body has been brought up to speed this week by cytotec.
I understand the feeling of your body betraying you.
It was difficult for me to know there was no heartbeat and still FEEL pregnant. I felt like a coffin. There wasn't even a "what if", there was just my body not knowing that the baby stopped developing weeks ago.
I'm sorry for your losses, and I'm sorry I have no advice. But thank you for sharing because you put words to what I was feeling.
I opted to do Cytotec, which I took at about 7:30 tonight. So far nothing is happening. I am feeling like my body can't even do miscarriage the "right way."
I understand how you feel and the "what if" questions. I asked my doctor if there was any reason to continue to follow pregnancy precautions. She said no. I drank a bunch of caffeine today, which I'd been missing. Last night I took a hot bath. I don't drink alcohol, but if I did I would do that too. I don't have any hope.
But everyone is different and mourns differently. Thoughts and prayers for you. We can get through this.
Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
LFAF April Siggy: TV/Movie BFFs
BFP #4 1/2016, DD born 10/2016
Me: 38 DH: 42.
Married: 9/2008.
10/2014 BFP
5/2015 BFP
8/2015 MMC & D&C at 13 weeks
11/2015 BFP then CP at 6 weeks.
3/2016 Started IVF+PGS
4/2016 ER, only 5 eggs but 3 Frozen embryos made it to freeze. Only 1 PGS normal embryo.
DOR
Hypothyroidism
MTHFR
DH Sperm with Chromosomal Issues (high % FISH)
AMH .65
8/2016 FET #1 BFN
9/2016 IVF-ER #2 1 normal embryo.
11/2016 IVF-ER #3 0 Embryos
2/2017 FET #2 BFP CP at 6 weeks.
5/2017 BFP Natural. 3 Betas were ok. First US 5-31-2017. Hope it sticks and is healthy!!
Little boy due July 31st 2016
@adrimolina sending you positive thoughts
Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
Me: 38 DH: 42.
Married: 9/2008.
10/2014 BFP
5/2015 BFP
8/2015 MMC & D&C at 13 weeks
11/2015 BFP then CP at 6 weeks.
3/2016 Started IVF+PGS
4/2016 ER, only 5 eggs but 3 Frozen embryos made it to freeze. Only 1 PGS normal embryo.
DOR
Hypothyroidism
MTHFR
DH Sperm with Chromosomal Issues (high % FISH)
AMH .65
8/2016 FET #1 BFN
9/2016 IVF-ER #2 1 normal embryo.
11/2016 IVF-ER #3 0 Embryos
2/2017 FET #2 BFP CP at 6 weeks.
5/2017 BFP Natural. 3 Betas were ok. First US 5-31-2017. Hope it sticks and is healthy!!
Me: 38 DH: 42.
Married: 9/2008.
10/2014 BFP
5/2015 BFP
8/2015 MMC & D&C at 13 weeks
11/2015 BFP then CP at 6 weeks.
3/2016 Started IVF+PGS
4/2016 ER, only 5 eggs but 3 Frozen embryos made it to freeze. Only 1 PGS normal embryo.
DOR
Hypothyroidism
MTHFR
DH Sperm with Chromosomal Issues (high % FISH)
AMH .65
8/2016 FET #1 BFN
9/2016 IVF-ER #2 1 normal embryo.
11/2016 IVF-ER #3 0 Embryos
2/2017 FET #2 BFP CP at 6 weeks.
5/2017 BFP Natural. 3 Betas were ok. First US 5-31-2017. Hope it sticks and is healthy!!
Me: 38 DH: 42.
Married: 9/2008.
10/2014 BFP
5/2015 BFP
8/2015 MMC & D&C at 13 weeks
11/2015 BFP then CP at 6 weeks.
3/2016 Started IVF+PGS
4/2016 ER, only 5 eggs but 3 Frozen embryos made it to freeze. Only 1 PGS normal embryo.
DOR
Hypothyroidism
MTHFR
DH Sperm with Chromosomal Issues (high % FISH)
AMH .65
8/2016 FET #1 BFN
9/2016 IVF-ER #2 1 normal embryo.
11/2016 IVF-ER #3 0 Embryos
2/2017 FET #2 BFP CP at 6 weeks.
5/2017 BFP Natural. 3 Betas were ok. First US 5-31-2017. Hope it sticks and is healthy!!
@sandiego715 I'm so sorry for your pain. I hope it can happen at home for you too.
I'm still waiting. Two rounds of cytotec and not a drop of blood. I'm pissed off at my body for not knowing what to do. I really don't want a D&C. On top of the general fear I have of going under anesthesia, I found out today that our out of pocket for D&C is about $3k. Talk about adding insult to injury.
I felt worse today, not better. All weekend I waited to miscarry, and going back to work sucked. I couldn't concentrate. The waiting really sucks.
@Patience7150 how are you doing? Creepy Internet hugs for you, and for all of you ladies.
Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
Me: 38 DH: 42.
Married: 9/2008.
10/2014 BFP
5/2015 BFP
8/2015 MMC & D&C at 13 weeks
11/2015 BFP then CP at 6 weeks.
3/2016 Started IVF+PGS
4/2016 ER, only 5 eggs but 3 Frozen embryos made it to freeze. Only 1 PGS normal embryo.
DOR
Hypothyroidism
MTHFR
DH Sperm with Chromosomal Issues (high % FISH)
AMH .65
8/2016 FET #1 BFN
9/2016 IVF-ER #2 1 normal embryo.
11/2016 IVF-ER #3 0 Embryos
2/2017 FET #2 BFP CP at 6 weeks.
5/2017 BFP Natural. 3 Betas were ok. First US 5-31-2017. Hope it sticks and is healthy!!
Today I'm having some pretty severe cramps and nausea (maybe a delayed response to the Cytotec? I don't know). I'm hoping and praying that my body realizes what's going on soon. I read somewhere that Vitamin C helps, so since it can't hurt, I took a bunch of that today too. At least I feel like I'm doing something, even though it gave me a sour stomach.
Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
Sorry for the multiple posts. My brain isn't working properly at all. As much as this sucks for all of us, I'm very thankful to have women to relate to.
Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
I am so sorry you all had to go through your losses and then huge bills, and no answers. This is so difficult. I never thought I would be in this situation. I am 2 weeks post d&c (with my second loss this year) and am in limbo. Testing is underway and I am benched for a few months until we get all of the testing. The doctor thinks that we will not find anything wrong, so I may be on the same boat as you guys.
But I want to echo @cjt121413, we WILL get through this! No matter what! I posted about HOPE, on a post last week, I encourage you to read it, it lifted my spirits.
BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks;
BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
The waiting is torture. I really want to do things naturally. I have a 1-yr old daughter and I had her without epidural but I don't know if I can wait for my body to expel my other baby. I hold her extra close right now to try and put my heart back together. I wanted her to have a sibling so bad and I was so very excited that we got pregnant just 2 months after trying. I am tempted to do the d&c so I don't have to drag this out even longer but I want to try again as soon as possible even though I'm terrified of losing another baby. I'm also tempted to just drown in bourbon but I can't help but also hope that I am one of those crazy stories where there's a healthy baby in there undetectable to the ultrasound technician. At neither appointment did anyone suggest doing bloodwork. I feel like my doc gave up on my baby too soon. Or maybe I am just holding on to hope that shouldn't be there. I don't know. I know that it's really hard to pick myself up and get back to living my life when I'm just waiting for this to all be over.
Me: 38 DH: 42.
Married: 9/2008.
10/2014 BFP
5/2015 BFP
8/2015 MMC & D&C at 13 weeks
11/2015 BFP then CP at 6 weeks.
3/2016 Started IVF+PGS
4/2016 ER, only 5 eggs but 3 Frozen embryos made it to freeze. Only 1 PGS normal embryo.
DOR
Hypothyroidism
MTHFR
DH Sperm with Chromosomal Issues (high % FISH)
AMH .65
8/2016 FET #1 BFN
9/2016 IVF-ER #2 1 normal embryo.
11/2016 IVF-ER #3 0 Embryos
2/2017 FET #2 BFP CP at 6 weeks.
5/2017 BFP Natural. 3 Betas were ok. First US 5-31-2017. Hope it sticks and is healthy!!
@adrimolina at least your analysis gave you some info, even though it's so very sad. I'm sorry the process is still dragging out for you. IVF is so insanely expensive. Prayers.
I'm doing okay today. Still a lot of nausea and cramps. Finally a bit of spotting. ...going to try one more round of cytotec on Friday. If that doesn't work, D&C. I'm just not able to deal with the ongoing pregnancy symptoms and waiting anymore. thanks for listening. This board is really comforting.
Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
Me: 38 DH: 42.
Married: 9/2008.
10/2014 BFP
5/2015 BFP
8/2015 MMC & D&C at 13 weeks
11/2015 BFP then CP at 6 weeks.
3/2016 Started IVF+PGS
4/2016 ER, only 5 eggs but 3 Frozen embryos made it to freeze. Only 1 PGS normal embryo.
DOR
Hypothyroidism
MTHFR
DH Sperm with Chromosomal Issues (high % FISH)
AMH .65
8/2016 FET #1 BFN
9/2016 IVF-ER #2 1 normal embryo.
11/2016 IVF-ER #3 0 Embryos
2/2017 FET #2 BFP CP at 6 weeks.
5/2017 BFP Natural. 3 Betas were ok. First US 5-31-2017. Hope it sticks and is healthy!!
Hey all, I've been lurking on this board but usually post on the Infertility. I'm experiencing my second chemical pregnancy in a row after IUI's. Beta levels have gone from 50 on 14dpiui, 66 on 16dpiui and today 106. My doctor is worried it may be ectopic and as if not being a viable pregnancy is bad enough, now having to worry about that. I stopped my progesterone on Wednesday and will go back for repeat testing on Monday. This will be an interesting weekend thinking every cramp, pain is something and wondering if it means it's an ectopic. And even though my doctor told me to prepare for it not being viable, I have that little thought in the back of my head that "well, what if....." so even drinking is out of the picture this weekend I guess.
Good luck to all you.
Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
I know losing a child isn't having an abortion. I lost my twins last week and had to deliver them in the hospital. The bills are already trickling in. It's just one more "screw you," on top of everything.
I took another round of cytotec on Friday that seems to be working. *TMI alert* I've had severe cramps and bleeding like a heavy period. My doc suggested that the sac might be reabsorbed without bleeding, so I'm hoping that's what happened. I'll have HCG drawn this week.
I hope everyone's doing ok today.
Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
Just got my results back, levels are still slooooowly rising so now have to keep going back until they level out. AF did make an appearance over the weekend so my nurse said that is a good sign that even if it is ectopic, it may resolve on it's own. Since all hope has been erased, I think I will enjoy a class of wine with dinner on Thursday.
Hope everyone is hanging in there!
Since then my HCG has only risen to 92 (Monday) and then 105 (Wednesday). They did another ultrasound to try to rule out ectopic but couldn't see anything. And I'm still spotting consistently on a daily basis (11 days now). Basically they've told me that it's too early to tell what's going on but that the chance of this being a viable pregnancy is really low.
The waiting is really hard, and I feel like it's even harder hanging on to that teeny bit of hope when all signs are that it's not going to work out . . . I just want a definitive answer one way or another, because being in limbo during the holidays is miserable.
Married 7/15
BFP #2 2/18/16
According to my calculations based on my LMP I should be 7 wks pregnant.
I took a HPT on 11/13 and it was a very clear positive.
However on Monday 11/23 the transvaginal ultrasound showed no sac or yolk. My hcg level came out to be 4590.
My OB thinks that either I am not that far along in my pregnancy or my hcg will continue to decline until I miscarry.
However because of the holidays I couldn't get a second blood test To know whether my levels are increasing or not. I will return Monday 11/30
It is so frustrating to be in limbo. My DH and I were so ecstatic despite the fact that I am over 40 and with a history of losses. I have 2 children but have had 3 losses.
I keep fearing checking my pantiliner when I use the restroom.
Theres also a chance that it may be an ectopic pregnancy.
Hopefully by Tuesday 12/1 I will find out what is or could be going on with me.
Btw this would be a July baby.
That was 4 days ago. The waiting has been horrible. Tonight I'm feeling period-like cramps so I'm wondering if its starting. I just feel really alone. I know people don't know what to say, but I feel like the silence has been deafening. It consumes all of my thoughts, but I feel like because I physically look fine, no one really understands how difficult the not knowing and the waiting has been and expects me to act completely normal.
Married 7/15
BFP #2 2/18/16
It's helpful to know that there are people that know how difficult it is and how all-encompassing and paralyzing this experience is. Time is going by in slow motion. Every time I get a pain I brace myself waiting for "it" to start. It's lonely. I hope you can find some comfort.
Married 7/15
BFP #2 2/18/16
Virtual hugs to all! I'm still in limbo so I know exactly what you all are feeling - had repeat beta and ultrasound yesterday, HCG has only dropped slightly (179 to 163) but nothing showed up on the ultrasound. I go back on Thursday and if my levels haven't "dropped appropriately" my RE is going to insert a catheter to try and disrupt my uterus and if that doesn't work, then the shot of methotrexate on Friday. Even my RE said being in this limbo, not knowing exactly what is going on and not having definite answers is almost worse than a negative. @simcal18, I also feel like I'm failing, first my numbers didn't "rise appropriately" and now they are not "dropping appropriately" - I feel like my body isn't doing what it is supposed to be and it is a helpless feeling since we have no control over it.
This has been the longest few weeks ever as I got the initial positive on a HPT on 11/14/2015 and have been just waiting for updated results every 2-3 days.