PGAL Crowd - Rememberance

mrsmommya · November 2015

I was pregnant in July and August. As soon as I got my BFP I was very disconnected. My DD we told our entire family at 8 weeks, this time I didn't want anyone to know. We had names chosen by 8 weeks, this time I refused to discuss girls names till the anatomy scan, boys names were fine. I had very vivid thoughts of when and how I would miscarry. I contemplated what I would do and how I would feel if I lost that baby. At my 12 week appt the doc came in and asked how I was feeling...I said, "I am worried about the heartbeat." With confidence she said, "OK, let's hear it right now then!" Needless to say...there wasn't one. My baby had passed 3 weeks prior at 9 weeks gestation.

This was all crazy, but I truly feel this was God's way of shielding me from the pain of that miscarriage. He was preparing me to accept that that baby was never making it to earth. I felt in my heart that baby was a girl. My niece....about a month after the D&C....said to my daughter, "I am sorry about your baby sister, I am sorry your mommy doesn't have that baby anymore." This coming from a 5 year old with two baby brothers.

I have been offered support by our Priest that helped me cope. In a nutshell he recommends naming our baby, talking to, and praying to our baby. Our baby is an adult, beautiful, and perfect in Heaven and will never have to face the cruelty of this world and one day we will get the opportunity to meet her. I was VERY apprehensive about naming her. One day my DD (3 yrs old) came home from school and said, "We don't have a name." I replied "A name for who?" She said "The baby."

However, the name Faith has just kept creeping in. I have Faith that I will one day have another earthly child, I have Faith that she was sent to teach me many things and bring me closer to God, I have Faith that we will meet someday, and I have Faith that she will forever be watching down on us. We decorated the Christmas tree today and as we were hanging ornaments I found this random ornament....I remember it from last year but not sure where it came from.

I think this is a story I will share with my family and friends some day, but thought it appropriate now for us who share similar experiences. I am so happy and thankful for my current pregnancy and want so badly for this baby to make it to earth, but am also thankful for Faith and the things she has taught me. My DD was dictating a letter to Santa to her preschool teacher and her teacher asked what she thought Mommy would want for Christmas...my DD said, "A new baby."

I agree with @AL_TwinCities and @AB34 that these babies will forever be there and should be recognized. Has anyone had any God moments or ways that has helped them cope?

AL_TwinCities · November 2015

@mrsmommya your niece's words of comfort to your daughter are so wise and sweet!

I struggled with my miscarriage and this summer (a year after that BFP and loss) was particularly hard. On my birthday, the anniversary of when we told my family I was pregnant, only to miscarry 2 days later, I got a small tattoo in honor of the LO we lost. It is a simple triangle, for father, mother and child. It acknowledges that we became parents when we got that first BFP, even if we never got to meet our LO. It is so comforting to catch glimpses of the tattoo throughout the day - baby is with me always.

LaurenAsh23 · November 2015

When I lost our first one I got a necklace. This last one I haven't done anything yet. I have two canvases that I bought, I want to paint something on them, either with quotes/words...just haven't figured out for sure what. I want to hang them in our room so I can see them everyday.

I agree that naming them would help, I feel like I've waited too long now though!? One miscarriage 2/2013 and the other 9/2015. I am very open and vocal about my losses and i feel like that's how their legacy lives on. Miscarriage is such a taboo topic and I wish that would change.

fantasticmrsfox · November 2015

@AL_TwinCities I love your tattoo.

I have a bracelet with my lost baby's birthstone, and am planning on getting a tattoo with a Fox for DS (his MN is Foxe), a sparrow for the lost baby (in my mind I believed the baby was a girl and she was our sparrow that flew away), and add on to it with future children.

mrsmommya · November 2015

I was also considering a tattoo at one point. I still may do it someday. Thanks for sharing all your thoughts girls!

WVUPetunia · November 2015

I bought an Alex and Ani bracelet with a little feather on it to remember the pregnancy I lost. I have actually named him/her in my own mind and heart, but haven't shared that name with anyone, not even DH, or the fact that I've even done that.

mrsmommya · November 2015

@WVUPetunia I also haven't shared the naming with anyone besides you ladies. I am not sure even DH would understand. I don't feel it is necessary for anyone to know right now. Maybe someday, maybe never

dolewhipper · November 2015

Thank you so much for sharing your story. My mom lost a few pregnancies and I'm not sure if there was a reason for the losses or how she felt. I know one of them was around the 4 month mark and she was devastated. Because I don't know if it's a genetic reason, I've been apprehensive to tell many about my pregnancy because of my fears. I've personally never experienced a loss before, but know my thoughts and prayers are with you.

fleurdelakeview · November 2015

I didn't do anything for myself specifically - I almost bought a sweet pea pendant off etsy with the baby's birthstone but held off because I couldn't decide which one I wanted. My mother bought me a "mother and me bracelet" from James Avery because she thought it would be something that would be discreet enough that I wouldn't have to explain myself every time I wore it. Strangely enough, when she was debating buying it, she went to a doctor's appointment and the receptionist had it in a ring form and my mom told her she was thinking of buying me one and why and she said the woman just smiled and said she got the ring because she lost a baby in almost the same way. We are big believers in kismet so that sold her on buying it.

Anyway, otherwise I haven't done anything yet... However, I plan on getting a tattoo eventually - a little turtle with wings.

MamaBish · November 2015

I bought a ring with her name on it and got a tattoo of her footprint

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