GTKY: Your "ideal" family then vs. now

LittleMissTimeLord · November 2015

The office is a ghost town and I can't find the motivation to work, so let's get to know each other!

How (if at all) has the image of your ideal family changed as you've grown up?

LittleMissTimeLord · November 2015

There are diary entries from middle school of me dreaming of a nice Jewish husband, Benjamin. I don't know why I gave him a name in my dreaming. That was really specific and narrowed down the field quite a bit. When I met a nice Jewish Benjamin in college I definitely entertained the thought that he was meant to be my husband. I planned for the longest time to have four kids, two through adoption.

In real life, I married an agnostic guy that is not named Benjamin. I've also reconsidered the number of children I am interested in taking care of or living with. We are a tentative one and done family. If we decide to have a second child it will be years down the road (when the first kid is potty trained and can pour his own cereal) and will absolutely be through adoption (assuming there's no surprise babies). So it's OAD from my own body, but we're not going to commit to a fully OAD life until we've had the one for a while.

My concept of what I wanted from a family evolved quite a bit over the years...

sldp123 · November 2015

When I was growing up, I always said I never wanted kids. I didn't start really wanting kids until I was in my early 20s. This is going to sound so stupid, but when I got married the first time, I felt like I was already "old" and wanted to start a family right away. (ETA: I was 25 when I got married.) I wanted to have two kids, two years apart, so we started right away. Well, after the first one, I realized that I wasn't old and shouldn't have settled for my horrible marriage.

Fast forward to now, I'm remarried to an amazing man, my kids will be 8+ years apart at a minimum, and now I want two more, maybe only a year or so apart. Logistically, it might make more sense to just have one more, but we are going to revisit that after we have the first one together.

MamaMunn · November 2015

When I was growing up I was dead set on not having any kids. I wanted to be able to live in the city and do what ever I wanted. I hated kids! When ever a family member would bring their young kids over, I would get so annoyed and I was sure a family wasn't for me.

I don't know what happened but at the age of 25 I magically got baby fever.

DH and I were married and the baby fever grew stronger. Now that we've started TTC I'm so excited to have a family. I would really love 3 or 4 kiddos but I'm sure we will reevaluate after each one. It's so funny how your opinions on this subject can change over time!

jhems776 · November 2015

It is so interesting to me how many other people didn't want kids while young. I didn't want kids until late high school and even then I was iffy about it. Most of my older cousins had a kid at 20 or 21 and I saw what their life did after that. I remember in later high school thinking I would want to find H at 24, marry at 27, have the first kid at 28, and the second at 30. Well, H and I "found" each other when I was 18, married at 23, and trying for kid number one at 30.

vampirina · November 2015

I feel like I always kinda wanted three kids - preferably not all one gender, but I was hesitant in actually planning for/wishing for that because I wasn't sure it would/could ever happen. I was an extremely late bloomer - I never really dated in high school OR college and my husband is actually my first (and only) serious relationship. We met when I was 25. Before him, I was pretty certain I'd be single-for-life or someone who marries later in life, which would obviously affect my child-bearing plans.

Now I want two kids. Money and time are basically the factors that have helped me come to this conclusion - I don't think I'd want to pay for the care of more than two kids and I also don't really want to have children later in life.

sldp123 · November 2015

jhems776 said:

It is so interesting to me how many other people didn't want kids while young. I didn't want kids until late high school and even then I was iffy about it. Most of my older cousins had a kid at 20 or 21 and I saw what their life did after that. I remember in later high school thinking I would want to find H at 24, marry at 27, have the first kid at 28, and the second at 30. Well, H and I "found" each other when I was 18, married at 23, and trying for kid number one at 30.

So true, I guess it is pretty common for that instinct to kick in out of nowhere.

My middle sister is 5 years younger than me, she always said she didn't want kids. Only in the last couple of years has she changed her mind. She just got married and they will probably start trying in about a year. My youngest sister is only 21 and still says she hates kids and doesn't want any, so it will be interesting to see if she changes her mind as well.

ShallowSeas · November 2015

When I was younger I wanted 3 kids. Then I went through a stage where I didn't want any kids at all (I blame a sucky relationship I was in at the time). When I started dating DH and I knew I wanted kids, soon. I would still love to have 3 kids but as of now, DH and I have agreed on 2 for sure, with the possibility of a third

dixie7701 · November 2015

Dirty lurker chiming in...

Growing up I envisioned married with 2 kids. I now have 1 adopted daughter, 2 biological kiddos, 2 foster kids and we are TTGP. I wouldn't trade any of them for anything in the world. Life is an adventure and you never know how it's going to work out no matter how much you plan.

MissAmeliaPond · November 2015

I'm yet another one who never wanted kids! My plans have changed TONS over the years. When I was 16, I was dead set on never having any kids, and would probably be married about 4 times, marrying richer each time, of course. I was going to be a hot trophy wife, and have a mcmansion in Orange county. After dating a couple of rich boys in college, I realized that I couldn't deal with that kind of personality. Once I was about 20, I changed what I wanted in a man, and also my plan again: get married by 24, have first kid by 27, and the second before I turned 30. Well, I did meet DH senior year of college, and he was everything I wanted in a husband. We got married about 3 weeks before my 25th birthday. However, when I was 26 and thinking about getting pregnant to have a baby at age 27, that just was just out of the question. We were not ready, and we bought a house, so no money for a kid, anyway. So here we are finally ready for our first. At this rate, I'm just hoping to have the first kid before I turn 30. I keep telling DH I want 4 kids but that's super not affordable where we live, and I'm getting kind of old to make 4 kids happen. Also, DH doesn't want to be 60 when we finally get the last one out of the house, so there's that, too.

Kaytee1087 · November 2015

I always wanted the traditional white picket fence type house, hubby with a nice corporate job, I'm a stay at home mom with 3-4 kids.

Well I have one daughter with my high school sweetheart. We never got married, and now I'm married to another wonderful man. He's a part time telecommunications installation technician, part time stay at home dad. I'm the bread winner and we live with my mom since hubby has some health problems.

I could have had that "traditional" life with my high school sweetheart but we had lost the emotional connection. I am so much happier now with a hubby who makes me feel cherished.

We just started NTNP, gonna start temping and really TTC after the holidays.

Bubblegum5586 · November 2015

My plans are still the same except happening later then I would have thought. I wanted to get married by 25 with first baby by 28 (definitely before 30) and 4-5 years later we have our 2nd kid and be done by 33.

We got married at 27 and started TTC shortly before 29. If I get KU this next cycle I will be due around my 30th bday but already excepted I wont have my first kid before 30. And now maybe our kids will be closer in age then I had originally thought.

LittleMissTimeLord · November 2015

ashbear720 said:
married about 4 times, marrying richer each time...

This cracked me up and reminded me of one of the first exchanges my husband had with my dad. A couple years prior to meeting my husband, I turned down an athlete that was a local celebrity at the time. He got bigger with time and is now a big deal in his sport. When my dad met my husband he jokingly said "My daughter walked away from a man that just signed a 10 million dollar contract. She could've been set for life. What do *you* have to offer?"

LittleMissTimeLord · November 2015

So true, I guess it is pretty common for that instinct to kick in out of nowhere

My brother and his wife always said they weren't going to have kids. Then they got surprise pregnant around 22, are now three kids in, and wouldn't trade it for the world.

gonetothesea · November 2015

I've always wanted to have kids. My mom married my dad when she was 18, and had me at 20, so I thought that was the normal thing to do. So as a kid, I wanted to be a young mom too.

As I got older, I realized that wasn't for me, and hoped I could be married by 25 and have my first kid by 27. I wanted to be done having kids by 30. That didn't happen, either.

I met my husband at 27, and married him at 29. I am 30 now. So, I will (hopefully) have 2 kids by the time I am 35. That's my goal now. It isn't how I pictured it when I was younger, but it is what it is. I wouldn't change a thing.

PeggyOlsonFTW · November 2015

Growing up, I wanted a butt ton of kids - like 6 and I wanted twins too. I think it stemmed from the fact that I didn't like playing with my brother (or get along with him very well) and I thought that if I had more siblings, I'd have more kids to play with and get along with.

Now, I just want two. Kids can be expensive. I can't imagine saying to one of my kids, "Well, you can't go to soccer camp (or whatever hobby they want to seriously persue) because you and your 5 other siblings need shoes (or coats, or college money, etc.) and we can't afford that many shoes and camp for you." I don't make enough money to support a ton of kids and I wouldn't want them to miss out on opportunities because I couldn't afford them because of their siblings. Does that make sense? Twins scare the living shit out of me now! One newborn was hard enough, but two?? Major props to anyone who has twins.

ETA: words and grammar

CClark2014 · November 2015

Growing up I thought I wanted 3 or 4. As I got older I knew 1-2 would probably be my max. DH said that he never thought he wanted kids and that was a deal breaker for us a long time ago. Not to make it sound like I gave him an ultimatum, but he knew that it was important to me. He said that until he actually considered it, he didn't realize how much he did want a kid. We both came to the decision that we are most likely going to be OAD.

Neikoda · November 2015

I feel like one of the rare few who always wanted kids. My sister is 10 years younger than me and while my mom was sick (Stage 2 Breast Cancer), I helped raise my sister. When she was 2 days old, I was already feeding, changing, burping and putting her down for naps. It has always been really natural for me.

I recently found out that because I didn't have much of a childhood, that my family is under the impression that I wouldn't want kids, at least not soon, so that I could enjoy going out and drinking. While drinking and gong out aren't really huge past times of mine or DH so we'd like to get a jump start on things.

I've always wanted 2 kids, one boy and one girl about 3 years apart. I've also wanted to have both of my kids before the age of 30, not just for fertility reasons but also because I want to make sure that I am able to be active with my kids plus, they'll be adults before retirement age. Then DH and I will have the time, money, and hopefully energy to travel then.

Skyjewell23 · November 2015

All the way up until a year or two ago, I wanted 4 kids. I thought it would be wonderful having a large family (I have two sisters). I had it all planned with TTC every two years. They would be perfectly spaced. I assumed once you had 2 kids you were just adding on at that point.

Oh my how that has changed.

I had DS and that number dropped to three kids. I figured three would be good. DH would never agree with 4 anyways, he would rather have 2 but will have 3 if I choose. About a year ago I realized if I wanted my kids to be about 2 years apart I would have to start TTC on DS 1st birthday, I was not ready for that. I took a step back and realized I may only want 2 kids (for a few weeks there I was okay with only 1). I was okay with a 4+ year age gap if it meant not rushing into having a baby before my family was ready.

So here I sit now, teetering on whether I was 2 or 3 children (we are gonna take this a child at a time. No one said I had to have my mind made up before baby #2!) now knowing that next summer is when we will start TTC.

MrsDho11 · November 2015

I'm one of four, and I love my siblings and our age gaps, etc. So growing up, that always seemed like a good number of kids to me, so I thought I would have that many. Now though, we're getting a later start than I would have thought (not late, and I'm not upset about it, just later), and I still find the prospect of having kids so exciting. But thinking about four blows my mind. Two seems like a much more reasonable number! I don't know how my mom did it!

ZoMania57 · November 2015

I have always wanted at least 2 kids. I'm an only child and my extended family is all over the United States so growing up I never saw my cousins that much. But at Christmas we all get together at my Grandmother's and I always loved having the big family all together. My DH only has one brother who is not having kids anytime soon (if ever) so if I only have one they will really be alone because they won't even have cousins! So we've settled on definitely two.

Sometimes I think I want three but I don't want to be having kids too far into my 30s and I don't want them to be too close in age so I'm probably running out of time if I want to meet all those conditions. Also, I want to pay for our kid's college educations and with the way tuition prices are going that might not be possible for three kids (or even two, yikes). Not to mention all the other expenses that come with kids, so we'll see!

Xstatic3333 · November 2015

I'm an only child who didn't really love being an only child, so I grew up dreaming of a huge family. As I progressed through life, however, that started to seem like less of a good fit for me. I fell completely in love with hiking, camping, and travelling, which in our income bracket is much easier to do with 1 or 2 kids. I realized that I love living the city, which means smaller living spaces. My career became more important to me than I imagined it would, although it does not pay enough for me to have multiple children in daycare at once.

Lo and behold H is an only child as well, but he loved it. What the difference was is that my parents are both very shy and didn't enjoy doing "kid" things, though they are also great in so many other ways and we are extremely close. His parents were the opposite, so he got out more for playdates, waterparks, camping, carnivals, etc. then I did and didn't feel like being an only hurt him at all. With that said, our current plan is one for now and then reevaluate. If we do decide to have two, there will probably be a decent age gap. Our financial situation is such that we can afford one in daycare, but not two, yet since we make about the same it doesn't make financial sense for one of us to stay at home. More importantly, neither of us really feels called to.

1faceinacrowd · November 2015

When I was younger, I had a really fun Aunt and Uncle who had four kids and for the longest time, I thought that would be great. I was one of two kids but our parents weren't real active and didn't do all of the fun stuff my Aunt and Uncle did (camping trips, sporting events, etc.). I got pregnant at 19 with my boyfriend at the time and quickly realized how expensive kids really are when I had my daughter at 20. I've always worked full time so paying for daycare, diapers, and everything else was a nice reality check. I thought maybe I'd have more once she was out of preschool and the expense of daycare was gone during the school year.

Now that I'm married to a wonderful man, and making a lot more money than I was at 20 years old, he and I have decided that we want a total of four (he has a son and I have a daughter, so we want to add two more to the family). My daughter is in her last year of pre-school and his son is already in kindergarten, so it did end up working out to an extent. We'll likely have the next two back-to-back if at all possible, so we'll have two kids in daycare for a few years but I think it'll be worth it. I love being a mommy and I can't wait to make our family that much bigger.

housewifehobbyist · November 2015

I really did not want kids growing up, but when I met H at 23 he really wanted one and not having one was a deal breaker. I REALLY like H, so I started entertaining the idea of maybe having a kid someday. It honestly didn't kick in that I wanted one until I was about 30. Now at 31 I'm VERY ready, but I think we'll be one-and-done.

virginiaham · November 2015

I've always known I wanted to have kids. Not that I necessarily thought I'd be a young mom, but I definitely didn't imagine I'd be 29 and not pregnant yet. I am one of the few who didn't stick around my hometown to get married and have babies. Instead of settling down, I kept myself busy in the meantime by going to school and getting a great job. I'm really thankful for the time living in different parts of the world, traveling, and meeting all sorts of people because it's shaped my idea of family. It's not that the size or gender makeup of my ideal family has necessarily changed, but I have a better idea of the kinds of goals/principles I want for us as a family and the kinds of things we want to teach our kids. THAT has changed a lot the last few years. As an aside, we are pretty sure we'll cap it at 2 kids, and I'm all for a narrow age gap.

mrsdee15 · November 2015

I was raised as an only child (my half-sister is almost 17 years older and we've never lived together), so I always knew I wanted more than one child. For some reason though I thought I'd be married with kids at 25. 25 was a totally arbitrary number and I'm SO glad I am not married/did not have kids with my ex that I was with at 25. I was engaged to him, but he was not a nice person. We broke up when I was 26, and I started dating DH shortly after, which worked out quite well. I'm okay with my plans of kids being a little later if it means being with DH.

momstahp · November 2015

I'll chime in on this one. I've always wanted to get married and have kids since I could remember. I even remember in high school when my friends and I talked about what we wanted to do with our lives, I said the job I wanted always seemed to change but one thing I knew I always wanted for sure was a family.

I'm one of 7, so I have 4 sisters and 2 brothers. My sisters are literally my best friends, and I can't even begin to explain how much I cherish them. My brothers are the youngest, and I'm about 10 years older than the older one, and I ended up half raising them since both my parents were always working (obviously trying to pay for 7 kids!) I used to want a huge family like mine because I loved the noise and comfort of never being alone in the house, but honestly 7 kids?? I know I felt neglected of love and attention from my mom and I can't be the only one who felt left out with so many. So I said 5 makes more sense haha! So I thought I would be married at 22, first baby at 23 and be popping them out 1-2 years apart. yea right!

I got married at 23 and had my son at 24, so not far off there. Now that I have my son though, I can't imagine having so many kids and so close in age! I think DH are more set on 3, maybe 4 max if we are talking about "in a perfect world". But I could be happy if my son was it, because I see that none of my plans and ideas of the "perfect" family are set in stone, and life changes along with circumstances and needs. He brings so much love and joy to our lives, and as much as I would love for him to grow up with a brother or sister, I know that our family could feel complete with just us 3.

rkstro2 · November 2015

I too am in the "never wanted any kids crowd"! I met my husband and suddenly I wanted to have kids (preferably 2) but we weren't quite ready yet. Now nearly 8 years after meeting we are sooo ready and want at least a few kids. Lol since we got a little later of a start it's looking like we may not be able to birth a ton kids but maybe we will still end up with more than 1 or 2 and we can adopt some

gardeniagirlknits · November 2015

I used to want a giant family....i think because grew up feeling so alone. But as I've grown to know myself a lot better, I realize I would be much happier with a small family.

Hubs and I want only one child. Everyone tells us "we will change our mind" and other things like "they would be spoiled" or will "need a playmate" .... But these comments piss us off and make us want the "only" child even more.

We are both reserved & need our quiet time. orderly and organized perfectionists. These traits we realize about ourselves make us think that a house full of kiddos would drive us bonkers.

We love to travel and we love to backpack in remote Wilderness. These activities are easiest with ONE.

Also... Finances. Kids are pricey! And we want a nice retirement and to make sure we can afford for me to be a SAHM while s/he is young. That's more important to us than for them to have a "play mate"... That's what neighborhood kids and school recess is for...?

And I'd like to go to graduate school once my child is in elementary school... But if I get ku with another one I'd have to wait for THAT one too.

Also... When I was working, I worked with groups of children (in shelters and in special needs classrooms) and also spent four years teaching. I GET PAID (although not very much) to deal with groups of children.... I don't do it for free. The moments during my career I remember most fondly were of when I was able to put all of my energy into the progress of one child.

And now... That we have struggled for so long to conceive our one and only, I'm even more glad we both feel this way... Because I can't go through this hell again.

eta: once upon a time we made the mistake of telling MIL this... And argued "but s/he will NEED a playmate!!!" I turned to hubby and asked him how that made him feel... To know that he was conceived so that his older brother could be entertained. She tried to recover but by then the point was made. We weren't sold on the one and done idea until this very moment.

gardeniagirlknits · November 2015

@LittleMissTimeLord I love "can pour his own cereal"!!!!! Lol. When we briefly entertained the idea of two I always said " when one can help carry groceries in from the car... Specifically, a milk jug minimum".

NamelessAria · November 2015

Preface: This is long winded and somewhat sad. There are possibly some triggers for abuse and loss.

When I was younger I planned to get married but felt children were definitely out of the picture. I'm 5 years older than my younger brother and he was a handful, to say the least, when he was little. My mother almost died giving birth to him and was sick for quite awhile afterwards. My family was poor and my dad had to work overtime every day so he was almost never home. My older brother and I had to pick up a lot of the duties of taking care of a baby because my mom just couldn't do it on her own. We understood, of course, that mommy wasn't feeling feel and needed help but it was still hard on us to have to "grow up" sooner. My younger brother grew up seeing me as his "little mommy" as he'd put it when he was little and we've always had an especially close bond. I wouldn't trade that for a more normal sibling situation and childhood but it definitely made me realize early on how much work babies are. And how frustrating they can be. I was 100% committed to the idea that never again in my life would I be driving myself insane trying to figure out how to take care of a little person.

I'd planned on getting married by 24 or 25. I started dating a guy at the end of high school that I continued to date for most of the time I was in college. It started out well but overtime the relationship became abusive and somehow I was too stupid to see that it was. I stayed in that relationship for far too long. I remember being 21 thinking about how we'd get engaged soon and be married in 2 years or so and it would be wonderful. I ended up getting pregnant and felt like my life had ended. I'd never wanted children how had I let this happen. My religion strictly prohibits abortion so I decided I'd just suck it up and deal with the fact that my life wouldn't be what I wanted. My boyfriend at the time absolutely lost it though. He became incredibly angry accusing me of ruining his life on purpose and insisted I get an abortion. We got into a fight, he nearly killed me and I lost the baby. I finally realized I was in a very bad situation and started trying to get out. It took awhile and some restraining orders and police intervention a few times but I finally was able to get free of him.

After that I didn't trust myself to date for awhile so I stayed single until I was 24 and I met my DH. DH and I talked about it early on and decided that children probably weren't for us. We agreed we wouldn't have any. But like others have said, later on the "baby fever" started to kick in. After DH and I had been married for a year I started thinking that if I got pregnant it wouldn't be so bad. Then I started feeling slightly disappointed when my period would start. A few months later I wanted children "eventually" and then it was a fast progression to "I really want a baby." I was told by some doctors that because of my Endo it would likely be difficult to get pregnant and if DH and I want children we needed to start trying "as soon as possible." DH and I talked about it and decided to start trying at the beginning of this year.

I think DH was still not 100% convinced he wanted children but he knew I had decided I did and he wanted me to have anything that would make me happy. But when we got the BFP in October it's like some biological switch flipped in DH and he was completely on board with wanting a baby. He'd even started talking about building baby a crib and hand panting a mural in the nursery and all. Unfortunately our angel would never need a crib or nursery. But at least now we're definitely both on the same page of desperately wanting a baby. And hopefully eventually we'll be able to make that dream come true.

igrokthat · November 2015

@NamelessAria I'm sorry you had to go through that. I've had similar situations in my life and it definitely makes you see things from a way different angle than a lot of people.

As a kid/teenager I never thought I would get married. I dated casually quite a bit and couldn't imagine committing to someone long term. I was very career focused and imagined myself moving up a corporate ladder and eventually having one daughter by myself via adoption or artificial insemination in my mid-30s. Work-wise this is especially hilarious, since I am now an entrepreneur at least in part because I am an absolutely awful employee and cannot stand working in the big offices I always dreamed of.

I ended up marrying one of my college boyfriends, who is the best thing ever and the only person on Earth I've ever been really close with. He's absolutely amazing. About two years in to dating him, when we were both in our early 20s, I decided I would like to have kids after all. He had always wanted them, and it was easy to change my mind when I was talking about OUR children instead of amorphous maybe-someday-children.

Weirdly, when I decided that I wanted kids, I jumped from "maybe none, maybe one" to wanting between four and six. (I know! I'm crazy.) Hubs wanted two and we settled on starting with two, maybe a third one once we see how it is. After seeing our friends have kids, I am more hesitant to being outnumbered than I was before.

Cut to now, a few years later, and we both have baby fever like mad. I have a much younger teenage sister who is a lot like me and cannot stand the thought of marriage or kids, so it will be interesting to see what she ends up doing in the next 5-10 years.

PrimRoseMama · November 2015

I would have liked 4 kids total, but I'm compromising at 3. H wants to be done at 3.

charmedlifex3 · November 2015

When I was younger I was one, maybe two, and I wanted to be married first, a home owner, and solid in our relationship. At 27, with no husband in sight, I decided I wanted one (maybe two) to be a homeowner, and a desire for a husband was really a separate issue. I wanted to marry someone because I wanted to marry them, not because I was feeling the tick tock regarding my biological clock. I have a great relationship with my parents, who live locally and are both retired, and they supported me in this choice.

I made a decision (before I met my husband) that I wanted to buy a house by 30, and started saving. I wanted to finish school by 31, and have a child somewhere between finishing school and 33. I felt pretty solid in my five year plan, regardless of what the romantic roulette might throw at me. If the love of my life happened to fall into the picture, great I'd marry him, if not I would adopt or use alternative means.

I met my husband at the end of age 28, about a year and a half after I made this decision. We married when I was thirty. I bought my house at 29, before our wedding, and added him to the deed after we married. The fact I had planned on it, and been saving toward for a few years made this possible for us. We were planning on TTC towards the end of this year, so I would have less than 9 months to go on my MBA, but my mom's cancer scare (she just got a clean bill of health after her surgery a month ago, yesterday FX it stays that way!) pushed our date for actively trying earlier. Nature, and a lack of BFP, seems to be pushing it back to when we had planned on starting, so we are looking at between 31 and 33, assuming we conceive within the "up to a year" timeframe.

I'm really happy I made the decision regarding my desire and readiness to be a mother, a home owner, etc. before I met my husband. We honestly bought a different kind of house because we were together, at the same price point - I had planned on a condo with an HOA to do the exterior upkeep, we went with a single family with the understanding he would mow the law, since I have an allergy to grass. He is now 38, and wants kids before he is 40. Knowing what I wanted, away from the relationship allowed us to discuss it in a context of if what I felt comfortable with, and worked for us as a couple, and make sure before marriage we were on the same page regarding these very important issues. I also think it allowed our relationship to develop without the pressure of kids looming. I told him from the start, with or without him, this was my plan. If things didn't work out, it wouldn't dramatically alter my life goals. I think that was the biggest change. I stopped putting my life plan on hold waiting for the right guy, (though he came along!) and found a way to go after what I want by myself. I'm super happy I won't be alone on this journey, and incredibly grateful he is in my life - but none of that changed my decision about what I felt comfortable with, and when.

What really changed for me was my ownership of how my life would go. I stopped waiting for Mr. Pefect and got on with my life choices. It makes me feel comfortable that I absolutely married my husband for the right reasons, because he is my best friend and I love him more than anything, not because he ticked a box towards the family I wanted.

lrg14 · November 2015

It's so interesting to read everyone's progressions!

I always wanted 2-3 kids, still do, but I guess we will see how/if that changes during the TTC process and after we actually have 1. I've had dreams about being pregnant and being a mom since I was in high school.

LittleMissTimeLord · November 2015

@NamelessAria Parts of your story are so heartbreaking, but I'm glad that it sounds like you've been able to get to a much more positive place now. Your current DH and baby situation is somewhat similar to mine. My husband was always ambivalent at best about having kids, and when I spent a year or two wavering on whether I really wanted kids, he gave me space and time to determine if it was what I wanted. He would be fine if we never had a kid but is on board because he knows it's important to me and will make me happy. And now that he's had a couple months to ease into the adventure I can actually see his excitement too. He randomly brings up baby names or opinions on child care and seeing that change in him has been the most special part of TTC for me.

Knottie42853364 · November 2015

When I was really young I envisioned having lots of kids (Cheaper by the Dozen, anyone?). By the time I was in middle school, I realized that was totally not what I wanted, and decided I wanted to get my tubes tied as soon as I turned 18. The idea of marriage and family was like BLEH to me. I never wanted kids, the most I "would" do was adopt, but then I met my husband when I was 17, and slowly that changed. I started seeing him around kids and behaving as a father, and I realized that I wanted to have kids with him--and that I wanted kids, period. Right now I'd be happy to have one--hubby wants 3. We both agree we'd be happy with any number, but one big difference now is that he wants two boys and a girl, whereas I only want boys lol. I know we don't really have control over that, so I'm sure my idea of family will change to encompass what the family turns out to be.

Lulucooks · November 2015

I had always wanted to only adopt until I got pregnant with DD, which was a happy surprise. Then my relationship with her father turned super abusive and while he wanted to have more kids I knew I couldn't have any more with him. Now with Fiance he wants to try for 2, but I'm more comfortable with one more. Honestly, at this point, I doubt we will conceive naturally and we aren't in a place to pay out of pocket for medical help (insurance won't cover an RE). We've discussed adoption and what we we will do if we can't have a child on our own and it's a path we are willing to take if/when we get to it.

Tennis11785 · November 2015

I always said I wanted 3 children. Two boys, two years apart (so they can be on the same sports team and the older one can look after/tease the younger) and a girl.

Now I'm more settled on two kids. As much as part of me would love two boys (for the same reason listed above), I think I'd also really want a girl.

We're going to ignore the fact that there is a huge chance (1) the kids won't be interested in the same sport or (2) won't be athletic at all. That doesn't fit with my perfect little plan :-)

britters314 · November 2015

I feel like you all are going to think I'm crazy lol. I have wanted kids as long as I can remember. When I was a kid I wanted to have about 10. In high school I was thinking more like 5 or 6.

Now the plan is to try for 5. It would be real nice if we can get some multiples in there so I don't have to be pregnant 5 times, but it doesn't run in either of our families, so it probably won't happen. Both my husband and I come from families of 4 and we like big families (even though we are both introverts).

My two younger sisters don't want kids at all. One of them is married and her husband doesn't want kids either. We'll see if any of them change their minds in the next few years.

ETA: Not trying to change anyone's mind or anything, but I grew up in a family with not much money and I would not trade any of my sisters for the opportunity to have played more sports or taken piano lessons or anything like that. My fondest memories of childhood are playing with cardboard boxes and hand-me-down toys, not of summer camps (of which I did go to some) or sports teams. But maybe that's just me.

izza2 · November 2015

I'm surprised at how many people didn't want kids and now do! I always thought I was a freak before this thread!

When I was young (up until like 13-14), I wanted a huge family. I wanted a dozen kids and a farm house and I wanted to be a SAHM and I thought I'd marry a farm boy or a doctor or anyone who would make enough so that I could stay at home and never work, haha.

Once I hit my teens, I decided I didn't want kids. Just did not want them. The thought of giving birth actually scared the crap out of me, and I couldn't even talk about having children without getting freaked out. And then toward 17-18 years old, I had "decided" that I would never find anyone who would love me as much as my dog, so I figured I'd just move down to Virginia Beach to hang out with my brother, get a decent job, and be a dog lady. That was my goal. I actually lost 70 pounds (which has since been gained back *cough*) so that I could join the Marines and live out my life as a single, kick ass dog lady.

And then I went for a jog when I was 19 years old (with my dog, of course) and saw this adorable man at my neighbor's house, and he had a really nice butt. And I was like.. hm.. wonder who this is. But then he left with my neighbor to go get mail that his ex-girlfriend, my neighbor's niece, was "holding hostage" because he'd broken up with her (not even kidding!). And I didn't think I'd ever see him again, but my mother went to my neighbor's house a few weeks later and he was there, and she decided to get his number and hook us up.

So yes, my mother set me up with my husband, because she wanted me out of her house, haha.

But, after a few months I knew he was my future. I couldn't imagine my life without him, and decided that being a dog lady wasn't as much fun as being a dog and human lady; so we talked and talked and decided that we'd have one kid together and call it quits.

And now I'm trying to convince him that we should have two kids together, so that we have a healthy three total (he has one son with an ex-girlfriend whom I have the pleasure of mothering in the meantime).

I honestly keep telling him that twins run in my family and he can't say no to three because then we'll end up with twins and he'll be forced in to the three kids anyway, haha. Because I totally get to choose whether I have multiples or not. We all know that's how it works! But it freaks him out, so it's fun.

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