OP, I remember feeling like this when we were expecting our first baby.
I remember trying to keep my husband up near my head. When I started pushing/baby started crowning, we were in the birthing pool with him sitting behind me and my body bracing against his. I remember being relieved that he wasn't going to see anything. But then my midwife put a mirror in the pool so I could see my baby's head. Suddenly my husband had a full view and he watched as my son crowned and then as I delivered his body. The thing is, my husband cried harder than I did - and when I look back on our birth pictures of our first born, the look on my husband's face as he looked in the mirror wasn't one that I was expecting. It was the strangest look of admiration/pride/joy/wonder. I think you'll find that for most adult men, your husband will be amazed at the process and much less grossed out than you think. (Or that Hollywood portrays)
My vagina may not be quite what it used to be - but nothing about me is. My breasts have changed, my hips, my stomach, etc. I'm glad my husband saw me deliver our children. I think it brought him along the journey with me more as an equal. (If that makes sense?) I guess the way I see it is that my body went through all of that to bring out children into the world, I want him right there experiencing it with me.
Holy rambling post. Insomnia and toddlers are getting the best of me. Sorry!
We are not discussing your feelings, but feelings of men. This is statistics and you can argue all you want it is still true. If your man does not have any problems, from your words, then he belongs to another 60%. I also heard the stories when men cant get it up because they fear something is going to come from vagina and get them or in fear to cause more pain. Some cant get over the "picture" of stretched and ripped flesh with a touch of poop and blood. All depends on sensitivity of the subject
The crazy thing about all of this, is that I am a labor and delivery nurse, and I watch families and the labor and birth process everyday. There are so many women that come in for labor and they tell us "please don't let my husband/partner watch", and since we advocate for our patients we do our best. But the moment they start pushing, they will turn to their husbands/partners and say "can you see? Can you see the head? Is there anything there?" And very rarely will he/she not look. And once they do look, and they see the beauty in it all, you see this overwhelming emotion come over them, as if it is the most amazing thing they've ever seen, witnessing the birth of their child. And then this is usually followed by "come on babe, you can do this! Push harder the baby is almost here! You're so brave and strong!!" It's almost as if they look at her as if she's this brave soldier who's doing an amazing thing. It's really beautiful. I can probably count on my one hand the number of men who have had an absolute aweful reaction to the whole process, and it was usually really young, uneducated men/boys who were being selfish the whole time and making it about themselves. Obviously I haven't written a research article about my experiences, but it's my own personal experience for the past 5 years. Take it or leave it
Wow, this honestly just made me cry. Thank you! So beautiful!
So let me get this straight, according to these statistics if my husband watches me give birth he is suddenly afraid my vagina has grown teeth? I'm yea I'm going to need a valid resourced article for that one. I'm with @tgrdance05 I have seen many couples see their partner at their absolute worst, in situations that make labor look like a tea party, and what I have observed is a strengthened bond and an admiration for the strength their partner has.
If seeing me give birth to his child prevents him from getting an erection or he suddenly has fear of a vagina monster, well then this probably means I need a new man.
If seeing me give birth to his child prevents him from getting an erection or he suddenly has fear of a vagina monster, well then this probably means I need a new man.
@LIly436 do you mind sharing the name of your study even if it isn't available online? I'd be very interested to read it. Perhaps it was mentioning just a general decline in libido by 40% of men following child birth (as opposed to because they were disgusted by what they saw). I think sleep deprivation and time constraints, major life adjustments could certainly cause some issues following birth but I don't think that has anything to do with witnessing the birth. I've also read that sometimes partners who watch their spouse in pain in child birth feel guilty and powerless and that may affect libido (but again that is different than being grossed out).
I thought this was an interesting topic so I googled it. By no means is this article scientific, research based, or being promoted as a legitimate source. It's literally one man's account of his experience after watching his wife give birth. I don't know how many men are affected and at the end of the day we never know which category our man will fit into (statistically) until after an experience. I just pray my man doesn't respond like this one.
My husband actually doesn't want to watch the birth. He'd rather just stand by me, hold my hand and just be there for support. He said when his daughter was born, the nurses tricked him into looking "down there" so now he wants nothing to do with watching ours being born. He said he'll cut our sons umbilical cord if the doctor allows it but otherwise he'd rather be by my side. But, honestly, the fathers should know by now that if your belly is getting bigger then you're probably going to look a little different in other places, too. Lol
The crazy thing about all of this, is that I am a labor and delivery nurse, and I watch families and the labor and birth process everyday. There are so many women that come in for labor and they tell us "please don't let my husband/partner watch", and since we advocate for our patients we do our best. But the moment they start pushing, they will turn to their husbands/partners and say "can you see? Can you see the head? Is there anything there?" And very rarely will he/she not look. And once they do look, and they see the beauty in it all, you see this overwhelming emotion come over them, as if it is the most amazing thing they've ever seen, witnessing the birth of their child. And then this is usually followed by "come on babe, you can do this! Push harder the baby is almost here! You're so brave and strong!!" It's almost as if they look at her as if she's this brave soldier who's doing an amazing thing. It's really beautiful. I can probably count on my one hand the number of men who have had an absolute aweful reaction to the whole process, and it was usually really young, uneducated men/boys who were being selfish the whole time and making it about themselves. Obviously I haven't written a research article about my experiences, but it's my own personal experience for the past 5 years. Take it or leave it
I am also a L&D nurse and couldn't have said it better myself. It's amazing how all of the "medical stuff" gets pushed to the side because in the end it truly is a miracle and to be able to witness new mothers and fathers experiencing that is amazing.
Re: Scared of partner watching birth
I remember trying to keep my husband up near my head. When I started pushing/baby started crowning, we were in the birthing pool with him sitting behind me and my body bracing against his. I remember being relieved that he wasn't going to see anything. But then my midwife put a mirror in the pool so I could see my baby's head. Suddenly my husband had a full view and he watched as my son crowned and then as I delivered his body. The thing is, my husband cried harder than I did - and when I look back on our birth pictures of our first born, the look on my husband's face as he looked in the mirror wasn't one that I was expecting. It was the strangest look of admiration/pride/joy/wonder. I think you'll find that for most adult men, your husband will be amazed at the process and much less grossed out than you think. (Or that Hollywood portrays)
My vagina may not be quite what it used to be - but nothing about me is. My breasts have changed, my hips, my stomach, etc. I'm glad my husband saw me deliver our children. I think it brought him along the journey with me more as an equal. (If that makes sense?) I guess the way I see it is that my body went through all of that to bring out children into the world, I want him right there experiencing it with me.
Holy rambling post. Insomnia and toddlers are getting the best of me. Sorry!
Wow, this honestly just made me cry. Thank you! So beautiful!
If seeing me give birth to his child prevents him from getting an erection or he suddenly has fear of a vagina monster, well then this probably means I need a new man.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2225936/A-husband-confesses-Seeing-wife-birth-sex-YEAR.html?ITO=1490&ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490
Low progesterone
Baby boy born 01/2016
Currently: NTNP
But, honestly, the fathers should know by now that if your belly is getting bigger then you're probably going to look a little different in other places, too. Lol