I need advice! Gender reveal

togmama · November 2015

So I am planning to have a gender reveal party! I am 15w4d and I was told by my doctor I need to wait until I am 20 weeks and I simply can't wait until 2016! I am going to go to a local ultrasound place with great reviews at 17 weeks (they will refund my money if they can't find the gender or are wrong). You ladies are all so opinionated so I want to know what you think about this ultrasound business. I also am arguing with my SO because he thinks we should find out right away and I think we should wait for the party. The party will be the 13th of December, so we will have the envelope for 12 days before we get to know. What are your opinions on finding out

kami09 · November 2015

"You ladies are all so opinionated" lol

gamommyx3 · November 2015

I'd probably go crazy with that envelope in the house for 12 days. We're doing a party too, but the ultrasound is 2 days before so we don't have to wait;) If you want to find out with everyone else, can you schedule your ultrasound for closer to the party date?

togmama · November 2015

@Knottie25455542 We can I'm just nervous at 17 weeks they won't see anything and I'm not sure how we would cancel the party, this isn't my anatomy scan it's just an HD gender scan. I'm scared they won't find the gender

cortney626 · November 2015

We found out the sex at 14w3d at an elective ultrasound place. It was pretty clear it was a girl. We didn't do a party but just called our family. A lot of people go to the elective places.

togmama · November 2015

@cortney626 ugh so good to hear! I may go asap I can't wait

gamommyx3 · November 2015

They will probably be able to tell...if not just have the party anyway and make the cake green:)

togmama · November 2015

@cortney626 was it 2D or 3D

lionstigersbears · November 2015

I kept an envelope in my draw for 20 weeks. Just before my due date I mailed it to my sister, who brought me the correct sex hand me downs! It's totally doable to wait 12 days...

jessiedee13 · November 2015

We're having a party too

I was going to schedule and early scan with my OB's office for 16 weeks (they do optional gender scans at 16 weeks, so I'd say 17 would be fine

) but some stuff happened over the weekend so we cant, but I know alot of people that have gone at 15 weeks and found out accurately the gender

you'll get it, and it'll be so much fun for you guys!

doozer1345 · November 2015

IMO I think doing an US early and paying out the ass for it when your doctor is going to do it anyways is silly. That being said, I had said the same thing in another thread on here with the understanding that I'm sure I made some unnecessary purchases with my first. Are you doing a cake or anything? I am and will be taking the envelope immediately to the baker after the appt where we get the envelope so as not to be tempted to look. That may be an option? Have someone hold on to it for you??

mommar13 · November 2015

I'm doing an elective ultrasound next Wednesday with my OB at 15 weeks. When I asked about the accuracy she said that as long as baby lets us get a look, it's very accurate. I think it's worth the price, it's only $55. Then we can tell everyone at Thanksgiving dinner.

mrstmoose · November 2015

I'm waiting until 20 weeks...I figure if millions of women could wait before us, why can't I wait too? Then it gives us something to look forward to after the holidays. But either way, your choice on when you find out and if you wait 12 days or not.

tgortney · November 2015

We were gonna do an elective US before the 18-20 weeks to find out because my parents won't be around for the holidays this year. But we got a Verifi DNA test and was able to find out last week with both sets of grandparents

my OB office offers elective 2D ones for $75 and 3D for $99 (but they prefer you wait till 26-30 weeks for 3D), I would feel much safer doing it with a professional medical office than those boutiques (I've never even heard of those till I came here). Have you checked with your OB and maybe do it with them instead?

To be honest, I would DIE if I had the results in my house for 12 days.

togmama · November 2015

Update: my SO sadly sat me down and told me no party because if it's a girl he will not be excited and doesn't want to fake it. Not what I imagined him saying at all

JessicaB0627 · November 2015

youngmama514 said:
Update: my SO sadly sat me down and told me no party because if it's a girl he will not be excited and doesn't want to fake it. Not what I imagined him saying at all

So will he not like your kid either if it's a girl? That's pretty harsh. Sorry he's being like that.

tgortney · November 2015

Ouch. I'm sorry but I'm going to judge your SO. He said what?!? He should have known the options before you guys got pregnant, boy or girl. Be happy with either, mostly importantly if he/she is healthy!

My DH wanted a boy, I've always wanted a boy but didn't care either way as long as I had a healthy baby. We got a boy. But I did ask him what he would think if he had a girl and he said that she would be a daddy's girl and he'd have to buy a shot gun lol. Anyways, I think the main reason most men want a boy is that they can imagine themselves doing boy things than girl things. Which if you think about it, girls can do both and it's more socially acceptable. So, I hope that's why he said that instead of just wanting a mini version of himself because that would royally tick me off!

mhc13 · November 2015

youngmama514 said:
Update: my SO sadly sat me down and told me no party because if it's a girl he will not be excited and doesn't want to fake it. Not what I imagined him saying at all

Whaaaat the what!?!? I can't even wrap my mind around the stupidity of his comment.

cortney626 · November 2015

youngmama514 said:
@cortney626 was it 2D or 3D

Both. They did the sex determination in 2D, then switch to 3D for us to watch her.

doozer1345 · November 2015

youngmama514 said:

Update: my SO sadly sat me down and told me no party because if it's a girl he will not be excited and doesn't want to fake it. Not what I imagined him saying at all

Uninvite him. To all of it.

kmcchs · November 2015

I just had an appointment yesterday at 15+3 and my OB said with complete confidence it's a boy. If the positioning is optimal, they should be able to tell?

Also going back and reading--- I'm sorry your SO reacted that way. I understand it's hard to imagine that someone wouldn't be happy about the results, but I kind of was--so I understand not wanting to be surrounded by a ton of people when you find out.

Let me rephrase. I was convinced I was having a girl. I know it's always a 50/50 chance, but my intuition told me girl. We had a girl name picked out. I was looking at little girl clothing. I know, stupid. Regardless, it was a total shock when I heard boy. I could not believe it-- I needed time to adjust! My husband was thrilled, and now I'm totally onboard.

I'd maybe cut your SO a little slack...at least he feels that he can be honest with you about it? I'm sure he'll come around if it is a little girl.
Good luck with everything! I hope you get the party you hope for, and if not-remember- it can be just as special with the two of you finding out alone

LovingLife! · November 2015

We are going tomorrow at 15 weeks to have a 3D/4D done! It's free, so that helped in the deciding factor on whether or not to go early

The results will be handed to my aunt and she's having a cake made to cut at family dinner on Sunday.

I found out this early with both daughters and the results were correct and later confirmed at my 20 week anatomy scan. Do it!

I hope your SO was just having a moment...not being excited about his own baby being a girl? Uhhhhhh

amscape · November 2015

I don't think I could survive having an envelope in the house for that long! I've got 6 weeks until my OB does the 19 week anatomy scan & that is enough of a wait for me!!

I hope your DH comes around on the gender issue. Mine always said he didn't want a girl but once is actually was pregnant he realized he didn't care at all. Hopefully yours will have some sort of similar realization, and sooner than later!

emma+karen · November 2015

I can't even imagine being so disappointed in gender you feel you have to "fake it." I was disappoint for about .05 seconds when I found out we were having a boy with our first, then I got over it. Being like, "Oh, I don't want to celebrate if it's a girl, celebrations are only for my firstborn male heir," is soooooo 15th century.

Missingchampagne · November 2015

You can find out via blood draw/DNA test, and the results come within 10 business days. Also insurance usually covers it.

countrygrl5533 · November 2015

I'm sure your SO just meant that he wouldn't be as excited at the moment and didn't want a bunch of people witnessing that. I'm glad he at least admitted that! I don't think he meant he wouldn't love a girl or anything like that.

My DH actually wanted a girl first. He was all about having a Daddy's little girl. She is 3.5 now and loves to help him with firewood, feeding the chickens, etc. And she can sometimes convince him to play dolls with her. lol.

concreteayngel · November 2015

I did the u/s at 14 weeks. My reveal was at 16 weeks. We had a reveal cake, so I took the envelope directly to the bakery from the u/s place, so there would be no temptation. Although we still had the pictures/DVD that they told us not to look at if we didn't want to know. Also, in my opinion, it is sooooo much better and more fun to find out at the same moment as your guests. They want to see your reaction more than anything else. If I already knew, I wouldn't have bothered with a reveal. Just my 2 cents.

wsgjmw1 · November 2015

DH and I are going to an elective US place at 18 weeks with our families. Otherwise I would have to wait until after Christmas and New Years to find out the sex, and I don't want to wait until after ALL the holidays. We are not doing a reveal party, just celebrating with the close family. I have done research on the place we are going, they give refunds if they cannot tell you 100% or ask you to come back free of charge at another time. They have really stellar reviews on yelp. I am getting so excited only three more weeks for us! I am dying to know!

mrstmoose · November 2015

youngmama514 said:

Update: my SO sadly sat me down and told me no party because if it's a girl he will not be excited and doesn't want to fake it. Not what I imagined him saying at all

For real? I'd be sitting him down for a talk about his priorities. I'm lucky enough not to have this issue but I'd be sitting my husband down for a long discussion about priorities. And apparently when to not voice his opinions.

concreteayngel · November 2015

youngmama514 said:
Update: my SO sadly sat me down and told me no party because if it's a girl he will not be excited and doesn't want to fake it. Not what I imagined him saying at all

For reals? Tell him he's being an asshole, and think of how his daughter would feel if she ever knew he said that. Also, ask him how does he think it makes YOU feel to hear that he seems to think boys have more value than girls? Omg if MH ever said something like that, I would make sure he lived to regret it. I hope you put him in his place.

yogahh · November 2015

youngmama514 said:

Update: my SO sadly sat me down and told me no party because if it's a girl he will not be excited and doesn't want to fake it. Not what I imagined him saying at all

what suspicious golden girls not amused side eye

kbrands7 · November 2015

Generally, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Is it possible your SO has been picturing having a son/had a feeling it would be a son, and is afraid that he may look initially disappointed or confused if it's a girl? I'd like to imagine that he'll be thrilled either way, but I would talk with him to figure out what he really meant by that. If he legitimately means that he'll be disappointed if the child is a girl, he's got some explaining to do. My biological dad used to mention how disappointed he was that his first child wasn't a son-- he got twin girls (my sister and me)! It was hurtful hearing that when I was little.

Regardless, I would imagine that it would be more fun for you two to find out first, then to share it with your family/friends so that you can actually take in their reactions rather than being wrapped up in your own.

wsgjmw1 · November 2015

youngmama514 said:

Update: my SO sadly sat me down and told me no party because if it's a girl he will not be excited and doesn't want to fake it. Not what I imagined him saying at all

Yikes, that is pretty rough coming from the father of your child. How do you feel about all this?

miraclepfGod · November 2015

We are not finding out at doctors bc we want to be surrounded by friends and family not an office. Because it's Christmas and we love it we are doing two small trees (from hobby lobby that are table top trees) that are decorated in pink and the other blue then one person will know and unplug the one it's not for us all to turn around and see. But it's only 5 days after the doctors office. I don't know about 2 weeks! Lol but I am a fan of finding out with loved ones personally.

miraclepfGod · November 2015

Sorry just read what the SO said about if it's a girl. That's terrible. I'm so sorry. I hope he changes his mind. A baby is a baby regardless.

kp90 · November 2015

youngmama514 said:
@Knottie25455542 We can I'm just nervous at 17 weeks they won't see anything and I'm not sure how we would cancel the party, this isn't my anatomy scan it's just an HD gender scan. I'm scared they won't find the gender

I'm going to a place on the 28th and won't even be quite 16 weeks and they told me they usually have no problem finding out. At 17 weeks they will be able to tell. I think the only thing that may affect the outcome is if baby is being shy and hiding the parts or make it difficult in that sense. Best of luck!

nerdymama15 · November 2015

We are thinking about doing one of the elective ultrasounds to find out if it is a boy or a girl too. We are thinking about doing it for our anniversary since we won't get to go on a babymoon or a vacation.

Pascal86 · November 2015

What your SO said sounded harsh at first, but makes a lot of sense when I thought about it. A person can say they don't care what gender it is, pretend it doesn't matter to them, but at the end of the day, that might just not be their mindset yet. Better to have the foresight to recognize that it might not go over well at a gender reveal party when all eyes are on the parents. He'll probably be fine after he gets used to whatever it is, but letting it sink in without a crowd just sounds smart to me.

proudparent2b · November 2015

Honestly I can understand where your husband is coming from. It can be easier to sometimes imagine one's self with a specific gender.

For instance, my husband and I used to babysit his youngest female cousins, so I can imagine him easily with a daughter. However, having spent minimal time with little boys, I'd have to spend a little more time imagining it before I could get as excited.

seasalt123 · November 2015

I am with those folks who are saying your SO may just not want to find out at the party in front of a crowd of people. I personally didn't care about the sex of my baby, but my SO had always pictured having a girl. That was just what he'd visualized. When we found out it was a boy, he needed time to process - to realize that the father/daughter relationship he'd been building up for the last year (as soon as we started discussing the idea of having a baby, he always visualized a mini version of me) wasn't going to happen. Now it's weeks later and he LOVES the idea of a boy, and has started creating a whole other relationship in his head with his son. However, the emotions at the very beginning would have just been too complex for him to show (or hide) in front of a large crowd of people.

You know your SO better than we do, and you heard the actual words he used when he explained it to you, so I can't say for certain that that's what he means. However, I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt.

DanandVan · November 2015

My husband said almost the same thing. He wasn't trying to be mean, he honestly wants a boy and said he isn't sure he would be able to mask his disappointment if it is a girl.
The absolutely stupid thing is that we have a son and 2 daughters already, and he is the best Daddy to our girls (our son too, but he is especially great as a Dad to girls). He adores our girls to pieces, which I reminded him, and he said he would love our new daughter, of course, but isn't he allowed to wish for another boy? I had to give him a pass, although like you, I was surprised that he had such a strong preference.

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