Losing my cool

laurenmdrn16 · November 2015

Please tell me I am not the only one who just can't handle things right now. From work, to road rage, even at home I am having the worst time trying to stay calm and chipper. I don't know if it is the change of seasons, the stress of the school year, or (and I hate to use this as an excuse) pregnancy hormones, but I am just so irritable and have actually yelled at my son (my sweet little angel) twice this week. His whining (which is perfectly normal at age 2) is driving me nuts. Usually, I can handle it and calmly remind him to use his 2 year old words etc, but all I do know is scream "Will you just stop the whining?!" MH is probably the most annoying human being in the world to me right now. When he tries to tell me about his day, I actually tune him out and go on FB or TB or turn on the TV. So rude, but I can't stand to hear him drone on and complain for one more second. And if one more person attempts to talk with me about ANYTHING at work I might strangle them. What is wrong with me?! Please tell me I am not the only one here!

Some background (because if you haven't noticed by now, none of my posts are less than 2 paragraphs!): To everyone in my life, I am the happiest, sunshineiest, most level-headed person in the world. I can handle anything. I am even-keeled and always look on the bright side. Of course, that isn't always the case on the inside (been hospitalized/medicated for PMDD induced psychosis and clinical depression), but I need people to think I am always in control and always happy. I feel like if there is one little crack, the whole thing will come tumbling down. I don't remember this with my last pregnancy, but I also wasn't taking care of a toddler then and had a different (much better) job. I just feel like I am constantly balancing on a really shaky wire and any moment I could slip and just fall, raging and lashing out the whole way down. If I go back to my therapist, I feel like I am admitting defeat. I keep convincing myself it will pass, that it is just a phase, but I am really losing it right now! Sorry to dump/vent, but I am afraid to say it out loud and admit it to anyone IRL so here it is.

Bluejay3030 · November 2015

I hear you, especially on the toddler whining. My DD is almost 2 and has just entered the full-on tantrum phase. I have lost it and snapped at her a couple of times, then I feel terrible. I have no patience right now, and I have seriously had to pause and think about everything I say to my H.

Pregnancy seems to exacerbate the stress and emotions of normal life for all of us, and for those of us who have struggled with depression in the past it definitely seems to bring that stuff back around. So please don't feel like you're alone. Also, please don't feel like you're admitting defeat if you seek help from your therapist. If anything, it's he opposite since you're admitting that you're aware enough to know when you need a little extra help.

Hugs to you! Hang in there. It won't be like this forever.

Bltbear82 · November 2015

Aww @laurenmdrn16 you're definitely not alone. I've always been told I'm too nice, if that gives you a sense of my personality, and I feel like a monster sometimes. @Bluejay3030 is right, the stress is exacerbated during pregnancy and most definitely with a toddler. DS is 20 months and some days we have tantrum-free days and I feel so confident, other days - like this morning - I'm desperate for 2 minutes alone just so I don't snap at my sweet boy. When I do snap at him I always apologize and give him cuddles so he knows I'm not upset with him (and that mommy could have handled xyz better). It probably makes me feel better and he could care less, but do whatever makes you feel better!

kbrands7 · November 2015

I'm definitely still more irritable off and on than I usually am. I haven't blown up too often, but I sometimes have taken a harsher tone than I meant to and am catching myself clenching my jaw a lot which is bad. Thankfully, DS seems to be really good at detecting when I'm upset or annoyed and will stop what he's doing to come give me a hug. It always chills me right down. Work is hard though and I've found myself needing to tune out some of the teenage whiny bullsh*t so that heads don't roll.

saladflambe · November 2015

I keep snapping at my cat because I changed his wet food brand and every morning when I give him and his sister wet food and a little dry food, he follows me to the bathroom wanting just the dry food. I feel like he's being ungrateful. He's a cat. He is not capable of human emotion. I am just a psycho pregnant lady.

Every single thing about my husband ticks me off.

I have to check myself before I say something bitchy that will get me fired at work.

I screamed at the vacuum and stomped on it in anger when a part fell off the other day. I felt it was doing it on purpose.

dshannah · November 2015

OK, so I apologize in advance for sounding like Pollyanna. But I tried this thing and it worked!!!

I've been freaking the fuck out lately not necessarily because of pregnancy things but because of job market stresses. So my mind has been going to a very dark place very quickly and I've been having panic attacks like nobody's business.

The thing that has helped (for the last week, ever since my yoga teacher suggested it) is that every time I begin to feel a complaint coming on in my head, every time I feel dissatisfied, I think of something I am grateful for. Anything from DH to my parents to elevators (so I don't have to climb the three flights of stairs to my office) and pickles (because they exist).I've never found anything so helpful in defusing my anxiety, I swear, and I've been attempting CBT for ages.

I don't know if it can handle a screaming toddler, but it's certainly been able to calm me down when my students and colleagues are being tools, or when the job market gets me down.

JessicaB0627 · November 2015

You're definitely not alone! I've been feeling a little crazy lately too. I definitely never had such anger when I was pregnant with DD, but lately I want to rip everyone's head off! DH decided this morning was a perfect time to deep clean our master bathroom. Don't get me wrong, I so appreciate the fact that he wants to clean, but did he HAVE to do it as I'm trying to get ready and get DD ready and rush out the door before I'm late?? Come on dude.. And then I stopped at the gas station and remembered I had a gift card to use, so I put it in the credit card thing thinking it would work, the pump asks me if I want a receipt and then says "please see cashier". So I had to get DD out of the car in the pouring rain while it's windy and freezing to take her in. So the idiot goes "Oh yeah, you can't use gift cards out there. Sorry." And then just stands there! So I got super hateful and asked if we could use it to pay inside and then I can pump gas? Duh. I don't normally snap at strangers like that.

DD is 2.5 and has really been testing my patience lately. Of course when I get short with her she's very quick to lecture me on being nice and tells me to sit in time out. It makes me feel a little better that she's not going to put up with my short temper, pregnant or not!

countrygrl5533 · November 2015

JessicaB0627 said:

You're definitely not alone! I've been feeling a little crazy lately too. I definitely never had such anger when I was pregnant with DD, but lately I want to rip everyone's head off!

This is me too. It's finally starting to settle out for me.

As for the whining, I don't handle whining. I just don't. I tell me 3.5yr old that my ears don't understand whines. But frankly, there are days we both lose it with each other. She yells, I yell, we both take a time out, then try again. She's highly emotional and I'm (typically) highly...not. So it annoys me. We aren't always the best combo, worse since I got pg. I was an amazing child care teacher. Why am I not as patient with my own child? Like, seriously.

Pascal86 · November 2015

I've heard 5-10 minutes a day of meditation does wonders for your mood and ability to focus. I don't really follow this advice but hoping to make myself start soon!

rachelsholiday · November 2015

You are absolutely not the only one! I have a tough time with the "helping" measures, because although I'm sure they do actually help it also just feels like one more thing I need to add to my "to do" list and I cannot do one more thing.

laurenmdrn16 · November 2015

Thanks all. It is so helpful to know that I am not alone and you have some great tips to try. I just feel so bad because when I yell and lose my temper, my son instantly stops crying/whining, looks at me with his big baby blue eyes, and says "I love you Mama" while tentatively coming in for a hug. It makes my heart break into a million pieces and I feel like the worst human being who ever lived. I immediately start crying and apologizing while snuggling him. We were late for daycare/work today because I needed an extra long cuddle session. I am a bigger baby than my toddler. Awesome.

acorcoran89 · November 2015

I have completely lost my mind a handful of times. I even know it's dumb when it's happening but I just can't stop it.

I have yelled at my dog multiple nights for constantly nudging my hand the second I am not touching or petting him.

The boyfriend gets it ALL THE TIME. Whether it is because he did something I didn't like (that would normally not bother me but for some reason it does now) or he just says the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Today I got genuinely angry that it started raining while I was driving. It is ridiculous. I am hoping it chills out in the coming weeks it really just sprung up on me within the past two or three weeks.

kbrands7 · November 2015

acorcoran89 said:

I have completely lost my mind a handful of times. I even know it's dumb when it's happening but I just can't stop it.

I have yelled at my dog multiple nights for constantly nudging my hand the second I am not touching or petting him.

The boyfriend gets it ALL THE TIME. Whether it is because he did something I didn't like (that would normally not bother me but for some reason it does now) or he just says the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Today I got genuinely angry that it started raining while I was driving. It is ridiculous. I am hoping it chills out in the coming weeks it really just sprung up on me within the past two or three weeks.

Oh, I hear you on the pup. Mine has been extra clingy lately (he was last pregnancy too) but for some reason he keeps walking so close with me that he trips me multiple times per day. It's getting frustrating and yesterday I screamed at him that I was going to string him up by his ears and wear him like a necklace if he kept insisting on walking so closely to me that I trip. I felt bad afterwards and DH and DS just both looked at me. I don't think I want to know what they were thinking.

Hugs, grateful thoughts as PP mentioned and adequate sleep help. But I have had a few moments when I break through with something uncharacteristically nasty in words or tone.

LadySamLady · November 2015

To @laurenmdrn16 and all of the STMs (and 3TMs, etc), you deserve a medal. Please don't beat yourself up about having a short fuse right now. You are caring for a human child whilST growing a brand new human being at the same time! Pregnancy is hard and stressful and crazy-making - as a FTM I cannot imagine being in your position. Your children are so incredibly blessed; they have a warm home to live in, yummy food to eat, a younger sibling on the way, and parents that care so much about their well being that they feel guilty about losing their temper now and again while pregnant. You are amazing women and mothers, don't doubt it!!

edited because words

MsIan · November 2015

I've also been hot headed lately and then when snapping at people doesn't work, which it usually doesn't, I end up crying from frustration. I'm not the nicest, in the sense that sarcasm runs through my blood, so pregnancy has turned me into a maniac. Help!

nerdymama15 · November 2015

Ahhhhh we are not alone in this! Yay!

My DH refers to me being a bitch on an almost daily basis. Although it does come in handy at times b/c usually I'm non confrontational, even when I'm in the right and need to stand up for myself. It comes in handy when morons want to argue with me. Like last night at the McDonalds drive thru they handed me my bag and it did not my DH's McRib in it. I told the lady at the window and she was perfectly nice about it and she realized it was left out. She kept trying to tell the guy in the kitchen that we still needed the McRib, finally he comes out of the back and starts raising a fuss that he did put it in the bag and starts arguing with the sweet cashier lady. At that point I threw the bag in the window and yelled rudely "No it ain't!" DA looks in the bag and then grabs a McRib and puts in in there.

Moral of the story: don't start something with a pregnant woman that you won't win

doozer1345 · November 2015

I'm not feeling this severe but wanted to tell you to not feel like you're giving up by asking for help. Asking for help takes courage. You have a lot going on and it's ok to be overwhelmed but you shouldn't feel discouraged to ask for help. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. For the short term, what I do is try to do something I enjoy at least once a week by myself. I love baking so I leave DD and DH at home and go to DH's grandmothers house and bake for 6-8 hours on Saturdays. It gives me time to unwind and turn everything off for a while. Big HUGS coming your way.

kp90 · November 2015

saladflambe said:
I keep snapping at my cat because I changed his wet food brand and every morning when I give him and his sister wet food and a little dry food, he follows me to the bathroom wanting just the dry food. I feel like he's being ungrateful. He's a cat. He is not capable of human emotion. I am just a psycho pregnant lady.

Every single thing about my husband ticks me off.

I have to check myself before I say something bitchy that will get me fired at work.

I screamed at the vacuum and stomped on it in anger when a part fell off the other day. I felt it was doing it on purpose.

My cat has taken the brunt of my anger and moody episodes also. He is so annoying! Walks in between my feet, trips me in the hallway, constantly wants to cuddle and be up in my face, sticks his paws in my water cup, wakes me up by chewing on my Christmas tree at 3am... Gahhh... And I'm normally such an animal person! Anyone want a free, well behaved cat?

But you are not alone! Believe me. And asking for help does not show defeat. Do what you have to do to take care of you and baby. Period.

amscape · November 2015

Go back to your therapist. It is NOT admitting defeat; it is actually the opposite! It is learning from the past, knowing when to reach our, and the best thing not only for you but your son & soon-to-be baby. Honestly, what good does avoiding the therapist do?
We probably have a lot in common actually & I do completely understand that feeling (very familiar with it!) but I also know that it's a bullshit depression feeling, not a smart and calm one.

Of course a lot of the things you mention can happen with pregnancy, definitely, but that doesn't make it feel better or less important. Faking being in control to work & the world (i do this too) but losing it at home is miserable.

I guess for me I would think, what bad could come of seeing a therapist & having a place to vent again? Again, it's not defeat, it's knowing yourself well enough to know when to take extra care of you. Hang in there!

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