Housing Issue & Stress

Bubbles3592 · November 2015

I've never posted on here before, but I don't know where else to turn to other than more expecting moms. I'm 23, obviously pregnant, and living with my parents. I was living with a friend beforehand, but my fiancé and I had to move home when we found out because we needed the financial support my parents could provide. However, it was only supposed to be a very temporary arrangement. My fiancé quit his job when we moved because there were no available transfers, and he has since then found a newer and better paying job, but he's only been working there for a couple of weeks. Now I'm stressed out trying to find us a place to live that we can actually afford since I can't have my baby in my parents' house. I found a townhome that is suitable for raising children and is really convenient for us, but it costs more than half of our current monthly income. The rest of our income would go towards necessity and utility bills, leaving us with no extra income for emergencies or savings. I think we would be able to slide by though because I know my dad would be willing to help us out in emergencies if we really needed it because he does the same for my sister. I asked the landlord about section 8 housing, and they say they don't accept assistance vouchers for new tenants, but they do accept them for tenants that are already living there, meaning I would have to wait to apply until we moved in. I was thinking of moving in anyway, if we're even approved, because we're running out of time to find other places to live. I keep trying to reason it out by saying that my fiancé would get a raise around the time the baby came, giving us more financial room, and I have faith that it will happen because he's basically been promised one and just doesn't have it yet because he's so new at the job, so he's at starting wage. My mom says I shouldn't trust his employers to keep that promise, though, and it does scare me. I don't want to be forced to break a year lease halfway through because I've already been screwed by one apartment complex for doing that and just finished paying them off. I've looked for other places and the only cheaper ones would be too far away; I'd spend in car fuel what I would make up for in rent. I can't seem to figure out any other options and I could really use some advice. I really need to find a place to live before the baby comes, but everyone I've talked to about this option say it's a horrible idea. No one trusts that we'll get the extra money come spring, but I can't wait for spring to find out whether or not it happens because the baby is due around April 1st. I'm so stressed out. I just really need advice from other moms and moms-to-be.

mrstrax · November 2015

Is there someone you trust and can take advice/criticism from that you could sit down with to go over your budget? Preferably someone who knows about penny pinching with kids. Someone else may be able to see places you could save money that you don't.
I wouldn't bank on a raise or getting the section 8 if you can't afford the place if you don't, at least without a clause in your lease. Are there any apartments in your area instead of a townhome? In my city renting townhomes/houses is about 30% more expensive than apartments with the same number of beds/baths.

Bubbles3592 · November 2015

Other than my fiancé, no one really seems interested in helping. I talk to my mom about it a lot and she's leaving the decision up to me. I could ask her tonight if she'll sit with me and discuss it. I'm pretty alone out here. I don't really know anyone that would talk with me about finances. We would be able to live there without the raise or housing assistance, but if we did, we'd have no savings and would be living paycheck to paycheck, leaving little room for emergencies. I've looked at apartments and townhomes both. One place I was wanting is completely full. And like I said, all other places are too far away for us and would cost us more gas daily just to live there and get to work and back. I'm still looking and making calls, but I've only found the one so far and I'm panicking about running out of time. I don't live in a city with a lot of options. It's a big town, one high school, sort of place. My options have been very limited from the start.

Ready4theParty · November 2015

Having been in your situation with a baby on the way, this makes me very very nervous.

First DO NOT go into an home you are paying 50% of your monthly income in tent. Also DO NOT bank on your SOs raise. As a person who has been promised many raises and never gotten a single one...don't do it.

If you haven't already look on websites like craigslist or rent.com. You should be able to find something a little more budget friendly. Your baby doesn't need a super nice place. Plenty of kids grow up in apartments or small living areas.

AGK2015 · November 2015

I don't know where you're from, but my understanding is that the rental market really slows down in the winter. Inventory might be pretty slim right now, but it should pick up; you might find better deals in a month or two, or even after the holidays. Your mom is right not to trust your fiance's employers just yet, and even if they do offer him the promised raise, you've got a new bundle of expenses headed your way that may take a good chunk of it. I know it's stressful living with parents, even if you've got a great relationship with them, but for now your best option might be to sit tight, use this opportunity to build your savings as much as you can, and keep an eye on the market so that when a great deal comes along (and it will!) you can pounce on it. I don't know whether there are additional circumstances that make moving right now a priority, but even if your have to wait until February or early March, you should still be settled in by the time baby comes. It'll be inconvenient moving that late in your pregnancy, but it would be much more inconvenient for the long term to lock yourself into a home you can't afford.

Something else to consider: I don't know what you mean when you talk about "suitable to raise children," but it might be worth really closely examining what you need for your new family (safety, basic necessities) vs. what you want for your family (comfort, space, convenience). Especially if you're renting, your next home doesn't have to be your forever home. Moving into a one bedroom in the near term and sharing your bedroom now might be worth it, if it lets you save up; giving up in-unit laundry or a more spacious kitchen is inconvenient, but not the end of the world. You can always upgrade later, when you're a little more financially settled, and you've got a handle on what you're actually earning and what your family of 3 actually spends. Instead of looking for a place to raise a family, maybe start looking for a place that's safe to live for a year? By the time baby is old enough to remember where he or she grew up, you'll be better equipped to be in the place you want him to think of as home; meanwhile, the fact that you filled your living space with love and care will count far more than whether you started in a space that's comfortable for the long haul.

Sending lots of good luck thoughts. I remember how stressful it was to be just starting out, and it does get better. You've got this!

Bubbles3592 · November 2015

That is the smartest and most helpful advice I have been given since I got pregnant, AGK2015. Thank you.

Jules08 · November 2015

I would absolutely sit down with someone that can go over all of your finances to see where you can cut back or save, etc.

It is not a wise idea to rent a place that is more than 50% of your monthly income. When you buy a house, lenders advise a max of 28% and even then that can make for extremely tight living depending on your other expenses.

Absolutely DO NOT count on future raises or credits to make up for renting something above your current budget. Raises may never come and credits may not be accepted. Not to mention that your monthly rent can and will likely go up when you renew your lease.

Also, it's great that your parents are currently in a position where they can and are willing to help out, but again, that is not something you can count on. Anything can happen to affect their situation thus their ability to help you. Saving after paying your monthly expenses is not easy, but it is a necessity.

Right now, if you can, stay at your parents and build a savings. If you absolutely have to move now, then I would look at getting into a place that is safe, but more affordable than where you are currently looking. You can move again later.

Do you have 2 cars? Can you reduce to 1? Can you use public transportation?

Do you shop at discount/ thrift stores? Do you shop on the Facebook Buy Sell Trade sites?

Are you eligible for government programs that can help with food, utilities?

Bubbles3592 · November 2015

My only bills are credit card and would-be utilities. My car and phone is still in my parents' names. I can save on gas by having my fiancé walk to work. I do believe I can probably stay with my parents until March, so I will keep looking as the market opens up. I am on food stamps and WIC currently, but I was a bit scared to look into housing assistance since the place that seemed to be my best option wouldn't accept it for new tenants. I'm going to keep looking now. No one would really talk to me about this stuff and give me good ideas on how to get through it. Thank you all for actually giving me advice and showing me the options I could take.

Jules08 · November 2015

I would really work on getting your CC paid off as fast as you can. Put every penny that you can towards it. CCs are the devil, they are a necessity for some to get by, but you pay SO so much to have them.

Stay with your parents as long as you can, work on the CC, then build your savings, and keep looking for better housing options. If you haven't already, join local Facebook BST sites and post on there for ideas for housing. You may discover some great options through there.

Once you do move out and rent, look into assistance programs for your utilities, I believe they exist as well.

See if you can find a financial planner or advisor - start with your bank/ Credit Union, it's often a service they'll provide or can direct you to someone to speak with.

cortney626 · November 2015

As pp have mentioned, do not count on a promised raise. I wouldn't move out right now into a townhome for more than 50% of my income. Can you stay at your parents longer? Even after the baby comes. The baby can stay in a bassinet in your room for a few months. My first thoughts are to stay and save as much as possible and when it comes time, move into something more affordable. If you don't have someone to talk to about your budget, maybe look up Dave Ramsey or other online tools for budgeting, etc. Good luck.

BrittnyS10 · November 2015

You said there is one place that you were looking at that seemed good but was completely full. Is that decently within your budget (like less than 30% of your income)? If so, you could ask them to put you on a waiting list in case something there opens. Like others said, it's not very wise to spend 50% of your income on a living space. I sincerely hope your fiance does get that raise, but there is always a possibility that he may not, or at least not till much later. You just dont want yourselves stretched too thin, sepecially in case his job doesnt end up going well, or if something happens to your job (if you are currently working?). Its great that your parents would likely be able to help you if any emergencies arise. I hope you find a good safe place to live.

Agoff1003 · November 2015

I agree with what everyone else says. I wasn't in the exact same position with my first but I did have to find a suitable apartment to move when I was 8.5 months pregnant. It wasn't fun, but it was doable. We had been renting a super nice apartment in a college town (so the tent was crazy high), but I knew I wanted to quit working and stay home when my daughter came. We moved into a much smaller place and saved $400+ per month on rent. My husband in particular hated the apartment since it wasn't fancy, and it wasn't what he envisioned bringing our daughter home to. But it was safe and it was clean. We managed to stay and make the best of it and were able to stay afloat and later bought our dream home becuase we were able to save by living in the crappy apartment. Our daughter had no memory of the place. I guess what I'm saying is that even if it's not amazing you can make anything home. Focus on it being a safe area that you can afford. Having a new baby is stressful enough. You don't want to make it worse by not having and wiggle room in your budget. I also totally reccomend the Dave Ramsey classes. We paid off 60k in debt in two years following the budget guidelines and "debt snowball". Not having to worry about money made life with a newborn so much less stressful!

NachosAndPeaches · November 2015

Do you have a good budget that you stick to? I know friends who use something called the envelope system. I have no idea what it entails but know it's highly talked about.

I agree to get a place you can afford NOW, and to pay off debt as fast as you can. Also for the next several months while you're saving up and making plans to move, don't spend on anything that isn't a necessity. No Starbucks, manicures, or cute baby outfit you don't need (obviously get what you need). Eat at home as much as possible. A bag of dry beans in the crockpot is suuuuuper cheap, delicious, and nutritious. It will be hard but every penny saved will help you pay off that debt and save toward your future.

I'm so glad to see you seeking advice and taking charge of a situation.

K&Elizabeth · November 2015

When we were first getting started, we used the envelope system that @NachosAndPeaches is talking about. It is really simple and seriously worked. I am definitely the types that worries about needing emergency money and this system always made sure it was there and would grow. Basically, you and your fiancé need to write out a budget that includes ever expense (that includes savings-pay yourself first!) you can think of and how much each will cost. Take each expense and figure out what percent of your monthly income each expense uses. Make envelopes for each expense and wrote the percentage on it. When you get a paycheck or any sort of income, break it up into the percentages and put it in the envelope. When it comes time pay rent. You'll have it in the envelope. The nice part is. That if you budget x% for utilities and one month it was less, you'll have extra in the envelope for next month. An important part to remember is to leave the extras in the envelopes for unexpected larger bills (like a/c in the summer). I'm sorry if this post was confusing. It is a lot harder to write about it than just tell you haha. It might sound overwhelming to set up in the beginning, but you'll be surprised with how well it works as long as you're diligent about putting ALL income into an envelope.
Good luck! Starting out is hard, but some of my best memories are from that time. There can be something really sweet about sitting in a tiny apartment eating grilled cheese with your significant other.

NachosAndPeaches · November 2015

K&Elizabeth said:
When we were first getting started, we used the envelope system that @NachosAndPeaches is talking about. It is really simple and seriously worked. I am definitely the types that worries about needing emergency money and this system always made sure it was there and would grow. Basically, you and your fiancé need to write out a budget that includes ever expense (that includes savings-pay yourself first!) you can think of and how much each will cost. Take each expense and figure out what percent of your monthly income each expense uses. Make envelopes for each expense and wrote the percentage on it. When you get a paycheck or any sort of income, break it up into the percentages and put it in the envelope. When it comes time pay rent. You'll have it in the envelope. The nice part is. That if you budget x% for utilities and one month it was less, you'll have extra in the envelope for next month. An important part to remember is to leave the extras in the envelopes for unexpected larger bills (like a/c in the summer). I'm sorry if this post was confusing. It is a lot harder to write about it than just tell you haha. It might sound overwhelming to set up in the beginning, but you'll be surprised with how well it works as long as you're diligent about putting ALL income into an envelope.
Good luck! Starting out is hard, but some of my best memories are from that time. There can be something really sweet about sitting in a tiny apartment eating grilled cheese with your significant other.

Now i want grilled cheese. But I don't have white bread.

AmadorRose · November 2015

I agree with PP - it's kind of amazing how frugally a person can live when she puts her mind to it. DH and I spend like we live paycheck to paycheck while using nearly all of our expendable income to pay off debt. I have student loans and a credit card that will soon be accumulating interest, and we've agreed to have everything but my student loans paid off before I get a new vehicle - and I really need a new vehicle. We've also decided will be a SAHD while taking classes online so he can finish his degree and we won't have to pay for childcare. This time last year, we were living on Ramen and turkey sandwiches; now, we live in a house with a yard while still penny pinching and paying off debt. We needed a yard in order to have a dog to help DH with some service-connected issues, so the extra $250 a month was a cost I gladly took on. I say all of this because if we could do it, you can do it. You will be even more determined for LO.
Also, do both of your parents work? If not, and if one is willing to watch LO, after you recover from birth you could begin contributing to the income. There are also lots of programs offered at community college that require no more than a year or two of commitment to make a decent wage after training, if you don't yet have a degree. Many could even be earned online, though it would be difficult to focus with a baby around. Anything you put your mind to, you can do - especially when you know your child's best interest depends on you. You sound like you have your head on pretty straight, so as long as you are doing everything you can to set yourself up for success, you will be fine. Take a breath, mama. Stressing about things in the now that you can't change does neither you nor baby any good. Plan things out for the long term, stick to your budget, and you will be ok.

mrstrax · November 2015

We use an electronic version of the envelope system called GoodBudget (it's both an app and online). It doesn't force you to be quite as honest as actually carrying cash, but we knew we wouldn't actually go get cash each month - laziness.

Somersky · November 2015

Really, really great answers here!

I will third the recommendation to look into Dave Ramsey. I disagree with his politics, but LOVE his financial wisdom. I read the Total Money Makeover just over a year ago and me and DH use his Everydollar app to track our budget. I also listen to his daily podcast to keep fired up, and IT WORKS. It's all about setting priorities and making wise decisions...it's made me feel like an honest-to-goodness grownup. And we've paid off over $100K in debt so far. I wish I'd had these tools sooner!

And Dave Ramsey would probably tell you to stay with your parents--and to get a job if you don't have one already. He'd also suggest your fiancé take on a second job (he uses pizza delivery as an example). He'd remind you that these sacrifices are TEMPORARY, and that they are necessary for the good of the family. April 1 is still quite a ways off, plenty of time to work and make money like crazy before baby comes.

Also, cut up the credit cards. You will be so glad you did.

You seem like a smart momma-to-be, and PPs have given you excellent advice. Good luck!

JadaBlue · November 2015

Such great advice! While your concerns are immediate, financial stability is a long-term endeavor which will strongly influence your stress levels, relationships, and general quality of life. Live below your means (forever), save an emergency fund, pay your debt off, and then start saving for the future. You can do this!

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