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tantrums- don't know what else to do

smileybabyboysmileybabyboy member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
My son is 3 and having horrible tantrums while leaving places.  I usually can't get him to leave nicely and end up carrying him to the car to go home kicking and screaming.  Then I'm usually pinning him down to buckle his seat while he is hitting me.  I've tried telling him we can't come back (usually to the playground, or playgroup), rewards, time outs and count down to the time we have to leave.  When playgroup is once a week and he doesn't know the day of the week yet, I don't think this method saying we won't be coming back works for him.  Some methods work some of the time.  Am I missing something? Is there something else I should try? I'm at the point where I don't want to take him anywhere.  
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Re: tantrums- don't know what else to do

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    BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member

    Dude I hear you. 3 year olds can be straight up awful. They are bordering on the age of understanding better but also learning to push limits. It's so hard.

    My son is 3.5 so he can comprehend and listen a little bit better when we are leaving places but sometimes it's still rough.

    I always give like 10 warnings that we are about to leave or switch activities, etc. Then I do a 5 minute countdown. If he starts to stomp his feet and act like he's going to freak out I threaten to leave immediately and/or put him in time out. I'm not opposed to time out in public places and I will also carrying him out kicking and screaming if I have to. I've sat him down in an aisle of Target for time out even though he was screaming and everyone was staring. They have to know you mean business and you will follow through. NEVER threaten something you aren't going to follow through with.

    I think it all comes down to repetition. When you are consistent, kids know what to expect when they display negative behavior because it's happened before and mom and dad mean it when they say we are leaving or you are getting time out, etc.

     

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    dufferoodufferoo member
    Have you tried using the timer on your phone? If anything, it is the one trick that has taught ME to be 100% consistent. That is, I might say "we are going soon" a few times absently, but if I say "I am setting the timer for 5 minutes and the we are leaving," then I actually set it, and when it goes off, we absolutely leave right then no matter what. By now, my son recognizes the little song, and knows I mean business. He might fuss a bit, but puts up way less of a fight then back when he thought things might be negotiable. (Also, yes 3 is a really challenging age!)
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    BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member
    dufferoo said:
    Have you tried using the timer on your phone? If anything, it is the one trick that has taught ME to be 100% consistent. That is, I might say "we are going soon" a few times absently, but if I say "I am setting the timer for 5 minutes and the we are leaving," then I actually set it, and when it goes off, we absolutely leave right then no matter what. By now, my son recognizes the little song, and knows I mean business. He might fuss a bit, but puts up way less of a fight then back when he thought things might be negotiable. (Also, yes 3 is a really challenging age!)
    The timer on the phone is a great idea! I use the stove timer to count down for bedtime and it works like a charm for my son.
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    KaeJuddKaeJudd member
    My daughter is also 3 and very strong willed. For her I think it is very important to explain my expectations for her in advance. When we are going to the park I will have to say, "We are only going to stay for an hour." And then throughout the entire time we are there I let her know how much time is left by saying things like, "We are leaving in five minutes so make sure you go down the slide one more time." Then when it is time to go I have to remind her that if she throws a tantrum when we leave then she will have to go in timeout right when we get home. Consistency is key and it's important to avoid giving in. 
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    smileybabyboysmileybabyboy member
    Thank you for the responses.  I've used the timer and given him lots of warnings about when we are leaving.  It helps sometimes.  Although I haven't tried leaving as soon as he starts becoming difficult or the time out once we are home.  I will have to try those ideas and hope it works.  Thank you for all the help!  
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