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June 2016 Moms
Patience7150
member
Struggling after first OB appt.
Patience7150
member
Background: FTM, supposedly 9w2d. Was temping and using an ovulation tracker. LMP 9/8, ovulated on 9/22.
So we had our first OB appt. yesterday. The clinic I like to go to only has the bedside ultrasound machine, and I have to go to another clinic for the full-fledged and T/V ultrasound machines. My OB thought she'd take a quick look during the appointment. I knew going into the appointment that I have a very tilted (back) uterus, and that there was a possibility she wouldn't be able to see anything. My uterus is so incredibly tipped she called it "impressive" (which I call it freaking stupid). Needless to say, she couldn't see anything. She immediately ordered an US at the other clinic, and we headed over there an hour later. Filled up my bladder good and full, and again, couldn't see anything. So we went to the T/V machine. There she could finally locate my uterus, ovaries, etc. and we finally located the gestational sac, and possibly a yolk, but no baby.
The doctor came on, explaining that he couldn't see a baby, and wanted to check my HCG levels. He made an odd comment that if there were around 20-30k, he'd suspected a missed miscarriage. They came back at 59k. I have no idea what that means in relation to his comment, and google sucks for HCG level questions. 48hr retest tomorrow.
Throughout the pregnancy, I have had minimal cramping and only a tinge of brown spotting three weeks ago. My normal pregnancy symptoms eased up in week 6, and are still mildly there. I know it is extremely probable that baby is gone and has stopped developing. I am struggling with the glimmer of hope that baby was just hiding in my stupidly tilted uterus, and is actually developing normally. Every time I go to the bathroom, I don't know if I fear to find blood or hope to find blood...fear that baby is actually gone, or hope for closure and to get out of this limbo.
My husband is being a sack of rocks for support. Honestly thinking about buying a dog this weekend to fill the square void with a round peg. (This has been on my mind, and is only mildly an impulsive decision). If tomorrow's results are conclusive that we're miscarrying, I probably will to distract myself from going back to square one.
I don't think this is the last heartache my future kids will ever cause, but man it is a tough one.
Re: Struggling after first OB appt.
DST T4L
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BFP #4: 8/20/15 EDD: 4/26/18
Oh and also, hcg levels only double every 96+ hours once your levels are so high like that...