Struggling after first OB appt.

Patience7150

Background: FTM, supposedly 9w2d. Was temping and using an ovulation tracker. LMP 9/8, ovulated on 9/22. 

So we had our first OB appt. yesterday. The clinic I like to go to only has the bedside ultrasound machine, and I have to go to another clinic for the full-fledged and T/V ultrasound machines. My OB thought she'd take a quick look during the appointment. I knew going into the appointment that I have a very tilted (back) uterus, and that there was a possibility she wouldn't be able to see anything. My uterus is so incredibly tipped she called it "impressive" (which I call it freaking stupid). Needless to say, she couldn't see anything. She immediately ordered an US at the other clinic, and we headed over there an hour later. Filled up my bladder good and full, and again, couldn't see anything. So we went to the T/V machine. There she could finally locate my uterus, ovaries, etc. and we finally located the gestational sac, and possibly a yolk, but no baby. 

The doctor came on, explaining that he couldn't see a baby, and wanted to check my HCG levels. He made an odd comment that if there were around 20-30k, he'd suspected a missed miscarriage. They came back at 59k. I have no idea what that means in relation to his comment, and google sucks for HCG level questions. 48hr retest tomorrow. 

Throughout the pregnancy, I have had minimal cramping and only a tinge of brown spotting three weeks ago. My normal pregnancy symptoms eased up in week 6, and are still mildly there. I know it is extremely probable that baby is gone and has stopped developing. I am struggling with the glimmer of hope that baby was just hiding in my stupidly tilted uterus, and is actually developing normally. Every time I go to the bathroom, I don't know if I fear to find blood or hope to find blood...fear that baby is actually gone, or hope for closure and to get out of this limbo. 

My husband is being a sack of rocks for support. Honestly thinking about buying a dog this weekend to fill the square void with a round peg. (This has been on my mind, and is only mildly an impulsive decision). If tomorrow's results are conclusive that we're miscarrying, I probably will to distract myself from going back to square one. 

I don't think this is the last heartache my future kids will ever cause, but man it is a tough one. 

CourtJack

I am so sorry that you're dealing with this. I am hoping right along with you that you find good news at your re-test. FX for you!

crdo

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hope your next blood draw shows good news. Hugs.

PressLove

I'm sorry that you're going through this.  Hopefully, tomorrow will bring better news for you.

NicknShan

I am so sorry.  I will be sending my prayers in hopes your uterus impresses us with its ability to hide your LO :-)  Hugs to you!!

cassy0407

Limbo sucks! I'm rooting for you! 

DeePaddy24

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'll keep my fingers crossed that all goes well with your need blood draw. 

mrsb8244

I am so sorry to hear this! FX for good news though!

cattlebride

Thoughts and prayers to you and your dh during this time in limbo

dennyandlee

Hoping for the best for you and your family!

marriedtoadutchman

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Makes it even harder that DH isn't there for you like you need.

Scout27

I'm sorry that you are going through this. Fingers crossed for good news at tomorrow's blood draw!

MDKC14

Fx that baby is hiding up there somewhere! Keep us updated.

catherinekate

Please let us know how this turns out -- your hcg levels are within the normal range and that's a great sign. Hopefully your LO is just shy!

edited to add: I totally feel you on the dog thing and I'm sorry your husband isn't more supportive. I hope he comes around because you need and deserve a strong support system.

VikingGirl12

I'm so sorry this is happening. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

hockeyfan42

Sorry you're dealing with this and that your DH isn't being supportive. FX for good news tomorrow!

alsbaldwin

I'm so sorry your going through this! Waiting in limbo is always nerve wracking and exhausting. T&Ps are being sent your way! Keep us updated!

FutureMrsCAF

Praying for you! I'm sorry you have to go through this and that your husband isn't being very supportive. Fingers crossed for great bloodwork!

Patience7150

Thank you so much everyone...I will definitely update tomorrow.

longhurrdontcurr

I'm really sorry... I've heard lots of stories about babies hiding in a tilted uterus! Regardless what this doctor says, if he can't find it I would consider getting a second opinion...
Oh and also, hcg levels only double every 96+ hours once your levels are so high like that...

tango4mango

Im in the same limbo line as you. We went today for dating, my cycles.are still crazy after a miscarriage back in May, but i was thinking I was in the ball park of 9 weeks. The ultrasound showed a 8+4 gestational sac and a blob we assumed was a placenta but no HB or pole. My Dr said its looking more along the lines of a blighted ovum, but that its possible that im not as far along as I think and that I could just have an abnormaly large sac for 5 ish weeks which would account for no pole or HB. Going back monday for more labs to get our answer. Holding out hope for us both.

Patience7150

@longhurrdontcurr - thanks for the hope! And that's what I thought too on the hcg levels, but I guess we'll see. 

@tango4mango - I'm so sorry you're dealing with this as well. The limbo absolutely sucks, doesn't it? I'll be thinking of you Monday and hope for positive results for you. Hope you have something fun planned for the weekend to keep your mind off of it. 

stillcozy

Thoughts and prayers with you! I have my first OB appointment Tuesday and I've never been more nervous. Thinking of you today!

tango4mango

Unfortunately i work all weekend, at a hospital. And found out yesterday that monday i have to go to a cant miss orientation for a new job and hoping.i can make it out of there before my ob office closes. The wait has been nearv racking. But i have hope (dr google actually helped this time ) ive read alot that its very possible that they just couldn't get a clear enough picture to see the difference between baby and placenta.