Apologies from a Newb. I didn't mean to be offensive...

1faceinacrowd · November 2015

So, I posted a question a few days ago about why people track their cycles because, in my newbieness, I couldn't fathom not having sex at least 3 times per week (and therefore having a chance to miss your FW).

So to everyone here, this is my public apology and self-shaming, I guess. A LOT of people got offended by me stating how often I have sex, and I think that with every comment where I tried to explain myself, tried to apologize, or tried to understand, I sort of just dug myself a little deeper.

One thing I do want to say to some of you who have been on this website for a little while: Don't forget that some of us have never talked to other people about these things. That was my first post here EVER (other than my brief introduction) and I felt like I was being attacked for not knowing that everyone's sex lives are so vastly different, and that there are people who are TTC but that don't have lots of sex (for a WIDE range and number of reasons). I've never asked my mom or most of my friends how often they have sex. It's none of my business. Just remember when a newbie posts a question that comes off as insensitive or naive, it's possible that they don't know any better because these aren't conversations most people have with their real-life friends.

And again, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. You're all awesome, and I appreciate every single bit of feedback that I received, both good and bad.

MamaMunn · November 2015

Did we really need to create an entirely new thread for this?

LadyMillil · November 2015

1faceinacrowd said:

So, I posted a question a few days ago about why people track their cycles because, in my newbieness, I couldn't fathom not having sex at least 3 times per week (and therefore having a chance to miss your FW).

So to everyone here, this is my public apology and self-shaming, I guess. A LOT of people got offended by me stating how often I have sex, and I think that with every comment where I tried to explain myself, tried to apologize, or tried to understand, I sort of just dug myself a little deeper.

One thing I do want to say to some of you who have been on this website for a little while: Don't forget that some of us have never talked to other people about these things. That was my first post here EVER (other than my brief introduction) and I felt like I was being attacked for not knowing that everyone's sex lives are so vastly different, and that there are people who are TTC but that don't have lots of sex (for a WIDE range and number of reasons). I've never asked my mom or most of my friends how often they have sex. It's none of my business. Just remember when a newbie posts a question that comes off as insensitive or naive, it's possible that they don't know any better because these aren't conversations most people have with their real-life friends.

And again, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. You're all awesome, and I appreciate every single bit of feedback that I received, both good and bad.

If it's none of your business how often your friends have sex why did you need to make it our business how often you have sex.

PrimRoseMama · November 2015

I appreciate what you are trying to do here. I understand that you didn't meant to offend or hurt people. However, you can simply say "I'm sorry. I did a dumb thing and I'll try harder" vs. trying to make it seem like somehow we were in the wrong in the first place. We didn't attack you (at all). Generally, an apology is not qualified by explanation of how you were the victim and just plain naïve...

Naiveté doesn't excuse ignorant or offensive things that are said. Just like being ignorant of traffic laws doesn't excuse you from a ticket on the motorway if a cop catches you. I know you are new-- I'm not trying to be a PITA. I'm just trying to illuminate to you that there are those of us that didn't aim to attack you at all in the other thread. We just explained that folks that hump it out differently DO exist and we aren't freaks because we don't get it on as often as you.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · November 2015

I get what you're trying to do, but it's really just better to take this as a learning experience and move on.

tinypikachu · November 2015

Good for you for trying to make it better but I don't think apologizing while justifying yourself was the best way to go...

It was probably best to just let it die out in the black hole of old posts.

jennifer0428 · November 2015

AlwaysAuntNeverMom said:
Good for you for trying to make it better but I don't think apologizing while justifying yourself was the best way to go...

It was probably best to just let it die out in the black hole of old posts.

Or go back to cleaning your 2800 sq ft house.

tripledaggerWed95976 · November 2015

1faceinacrowd said:

So, I posted a question a few days ago about why people track their cycles because, in my newbieness, I couldn't fathom not having sex at least 3 times per week (and therefore having a chance to miss your FW).

So to everyone here, this is my public apology and self-shaming, I guess. A LOT of people got offended by me stating how often I have sex, and I think that with every comment where I tried to explain myself, tried to apologize, or tried to understand, I sort of just dug myself a little deeper.

One thing I do want to say to some of you who have been on this website for a little while: Don't forget that some of us have never talked to other people about these things. That was my first post here EVER (other than my brief introduction) and I felt like I was being attacked for not knowing that everyone's sex lives are so vastly different, and that there are people who are TTC but that don't have lots of sex (for a WIDE range and number of reasons). I've never asked my mom or most of my friends how often they have sex. It's none of my business. Just remember when a newbie posts a question that comes off as insensitive or naive, it's possible that they don't know any better because these aren't conversations most people have with their real-life friends.

And again, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. You're all awesome, and I appreciate every single bit of feedback that I received, both good and bad.

You had me until that third paragraph. If your gunna apologize, do it and move on... Don't half way do it and then tell us why you shouldn't necessarily be apologizing. It makes no sense and would've been better to just not say anything. Posts go away, people forget...u shoulda just let this one die

izza2 · November 2015

1faceinacrowd said:

So, I posted a question a few days ago about why people track their cycles because, in my newbieness, I couldn't fathom not having sex at least 3 times per week (and therefore having a chance to miss your FW).

So to everyone here, this is my public apology and self-shaming, I guess. A LOT of people got offended by me stating how often I have sex, and I think that with every comment where I tried to explain myself, tried to apologize, or tried to understand, I sort of just dug myself a little deeper.

One thing I do want to say to some of you who have been on this website for a little while: Don't forget that some of us have never talked to other people about these things. That was my first post here EVER (other than my brief introduction) and I felt like I was being attacked for not knowing that everyone's sex lives are so vastly different, and that there are people who are TTC but that don't have lots of sex (for a WIDE range and number of reasons). I've never asked my mom or most of my friends how often they have sex. It's none of my business. Just remember when a newbie posts a question that comes off as insensitive or naive, it's possible that they don't know any better because these aren't conversations most people have with their real-life friends.

And again, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. You're all awesome, and I appreciate every single bit of feedback that I received, both good and bad.

1) Could've done this on the original thread. There's no need for a brand new one.
2) Also could've done without the third paragraph. An apology is not an honest apology if you also include why we're wrong and you're right.

BostonBaby1 · November 2015

Stick around and lurk for a bit. Winter is coming so it will be much nicer to stay inside than be outside in the cold. And there's a lot to be learned on these boards.

sarahbethany2015 · November 2015

I just read that whole thread and found the whole thing really horrible. Not your question, but the way some people (seems to be a very vocal minority) relish in raking others through the coals. You seem to have struck a nerve.

It makes for a very unwelcoming forum, from this newbie's POV. So ahead and hit me with some nasty GIFs, I won't be coming back anyway.

And BTW, OP, I'm your polar opposite when it comes to sex. Left up to me, I'd be happy with once a month. Just not a terribly sex-driven person, never have been. There you have it, live and learn. Good luck TTC.

izza2 · November 2015

sarahbethany2015 said:

I just read that whole thread and found the whole thing really horrible. Not your question, but the way some people (seems to be a very vocal minority) relish in raking others through the coals. You seem to have struck a nerve.

It makes for a very unwelcoming forum, from this newbie's POV. So ahead and hit me with some nasty GIFs, I won't be coming back anyway.

And BTW, OP, I'm your polar opposite when it comes to sex. Left up to me, I'd be happy with once a month. Just not a terribly sex-driven person, never have been. There you have it, live and learn. Good luck TTC.

The "very vocal minority" = very helpful, supportive regulars who actually help to make the board as useful as it is.
If you were to stick around and look at more than two threads, you may see that.
But, if you don't choose to - then so be it. Your loss.

Lulucooks · November 2015

sarahbethany2015 said:
I just read that whole thread and found the whole thing really horrible. Not your question, but the way some people (seems to be a very vocal minority) relish in raking others through the coals. You seem to have struck a nerve.

It makes for a very unwelcoming forum, from this newbie's POV. So ahead and hit me with some nasty GIFs, I won't be coming back anyway.

And BTW, OP, I'm your polar opposite when it comes to sex. Left up to me, I'd be happy with once a month. Just not a terribly sex-driven person, never have been. There you have it, live and learn. Good luck TTC.

This is a strange GBCB

jolydan · November 2015

"We are gonna miss you " - said no one ever ....

chrlyr · November 2015

Ooh, the rare white knight/GBCB hybrid.

jolydan · November 2015

@chrlyr I hit the report button accidentally on my phone on your gif. I clicked back but I hope it doesn't cause problems!!!!

chrlyr · November 2015

@jolydan No worries. If you didn't actually submit it, I'm sure it's fine.

KyCat · November 2015

sarahbethany2015 said:
I just read that whole thread and found the whole thing really horrible. Not your question, but the way some people (seems to be a very vocal minority) relish in raking others through the coals. You seem to have struck a nerve.

It makes for a very unwelcoming forum, from this newbie's POV. So ahead and hit me with some nasty GIFs, I won't be coming back anyway.

And BTW, OP, I'm your polar opposite when it comes to sex. Left up to me, I'd be happy with once a month. Just not a terribly sex-driven person, never have been. There you have it, live and learn. Good luck TTC.

PeggyOlsonFTW · November 2015

sarahbethany2015 said:

I just read that whole thread and found the whole thing really horrible. Not your question, but the way some people (seems to be a very vocal minority) relish in raking others through the coals. You seem to have struck a nerve.

It makes for a very unwelcoming forum, from this newbie's POV. So ahead and hit me with some nasty GIFs, I won't be coming back anyway.

And BTW, OP, I'm your polar opposite when it comes to sex. Left up to me, I'd be happy with once a month. Just not a terribly sex-driven person, never have been. There you have it, live and learn. Good luck TTC.

NamelessAria · November 2015

Maybe I'm just a b**ch but I didn't really see a problem with the previous thread really. I mean yeah OP was somewhat judgey, condescending and (apparently accidentally) rude. The replies seemed pretty on-point with that.

Oh well, looks like we lost another new member to babycenter.

https://iwanticewater.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/hump-day-animation-36.gif

ETA: You probably feel as if people have been a bit hard on you OP. But I promise that if you stick around and get to know the ladies here you'll see how wonderful and supportive they are. And I do hope that you stick around.

benicode · November 2015

@chrlyr My thoughts exactly

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · November 2015

sarahbethany2015 said:
I just read that whole thread and found the whole thing really horrible. Not your question, but the way some people (seems to be a very vocal minority) relish in raking others through the coals. You seem to have struck a nerve.

It makes for a very unwelcoming forum, from this newbie's POV. So ahead and hit me with some nasty GIFs, I won't be coming back anyway.

And BTW, OP, I'm your polar opposite when it comes to sex. Left up to me, I'd be happy with once a month. Just not a terribly sex-driven person, never have been. There you have it, live and learn. Good luck TTC.

I think maybe you need to reread the thread.

MissAmeliaPond · November 2015

sarahbethany2015 said:

I just read that whole thread and found the whole thing really horrible. Not your question, but the way some people (seems to be a very vocal minority) relish in raking others through the coals. You seem to have struck a nerve.

It makes for a very unwelcoming forum, from this newbie's POV. So ahead and hit me with some nasty GIFs, I won't be coming back anyway.

And BTW, OP, I'm your polar opposite when it comes to sex. Left up to me, I'd be happy with once a month. Just not a terribly sex-driven person, never have been. There you have it, live and learn. Good luck TTC.

Not a particularly "nasty gif" but here you go!

Lilybee8614 · November 2015

1faceinacrowd said:

So, I posted a question a few days ago about why people track their cycles because, in my newbieness, I couldn't fathom not having sex at least 3 times per week (and therefore having a chance to miss your FW).

So to everyone here, this is my public apology and self-shaming, I guess. A LOT of people got offended by me stating how often I have sex, and I think that with every comment where I tried to explain myself, tried to apologize, or tried to understand, I sort of just dug myself a little deeper.

One thing I do want to say to some of you who have been on this website for a little while: Don't forget that some of us have never talked to other people about these things. That was my first post here EVER (other than my brief introduction) and I felt like I was being attacked for not knowing that everyone's sex lives are so vastly different, and that there are people who are TTC but that don't have lots of sex (for a WIDE range and number of reasons). I've never asked my mom or most of my friends how often they have sex. It's none of my business. Just remember when a newbie posts a question that comes off as insensitive or naive, it's possible that they don't know any better because these aren't conversations most people have with their real-life friends.

And again, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. You're all awesome, and I appreciate every single bit of feedback that I received, both good and bad.

I can understand not having the conversation with your family members or your friends, they might not be in the same boat as you... Unlike this post, where we are all suppose to be TTC and in the same boat.

Hopefully you will stick around and contribute to the daily TWW and WTO threads, lots of questions and such are posted there and can be very entertaining to read.

ImAMouseDuh · November 2015

sarahbethany2015 said:

I just read that whole thread and found the whole thing really horrible. Not your question, but the way some people (seems to be a very vocal minority) relish in raking others through the coals. You seem to have struck a nerve.

It makes for a very unwelcoming forum, from this newbie's POV. So ahead and hit me with some nasty GIFs, I won't be coming back anyway.

And BTW, OP, I'm your polar opposite when it comes to sex. Left up to me, I'd be happy with once a month. Just not a terribly sex-driven person, never have been. There you have it, live and learn. Good luck TTC.

This is really too bad, because it seems you could learn a lot from the "very vocal minority." Oh well, bye!

PrimRoseMama · November 2015

Oh dear...what ever will we do without an infrequent poster that offers no real support or information?

fairestblair · November 2015

sarahbethany2015 said:
I just read that whole thread and found the whole thing really horrible. Not your question, but the way some people (seems to be a very vocal minority) relish in raking others through the coals. You seem to have struck a nerve.

It makes for a very unwelcoming forum, from this newbie's POV. So ahead and hit me with some nasty GIFs, I won't be coming back anyway.

And BTW, OP, I'm your polar opposite when it comes to sex. Left up to me, I'd be happy with once a month. Just not a terribly sex-driven person, never have been. There you have it, live and learn. Good luck TTC.

Why didn't you go ahead and lurk for the three days period when you signed up?
This is an established community.
You can't just come in and expect things to change for your ss self.
Lurk more and if the tone of the board doesn't appeal to you there are other sites.

PugsandKisses · November 2015

It is not how often you have sex, it is acting like you must be better than every one because you are more sexually active. Like "omg!, if you just have sex like me, then you will totally get knocked up". Does not work that way honey.

And Dh and I have a very healthy sex life, even with two kids and in our 30's, however we can still miss our FW.

spunkybrewster · November 2015

Because I still don't think you get it, let me just say have no idea what if any TTGP hurdles you will have to overcome until you try, and that goes for all of us. For some, hitting the FW is indeed a hurdle, but not everyone. Charting can also pinpoint a too-short luteal phase, later ovulation, lack of ovulation, find patterns in irregular cycles. None of this means people are infertile, and none of these things have to do with how much sex you have. For many people, TTGP is more than just " have all the sex all the time." If it was that easy for everyone, there would be no community here discussing the intricacies of it all day in and day out.

pnkslpprsnsocks · November 2015

This conversation got crazy spicy. From one "newbie," to another-
I'll grant you that this seems to be a very established group of women who have very specific rules that can be restrictive. That being said, they tell us this a million times over (I mean really, there are like 4 or 5 pg1 threads dedicated to cluing us in on this stuff...) so if you aren't loving the way they do things there are so many other boards to join. I also like to think that there are reasons for these rules... I mean, this board is probably a better place to be because of them? Hopefully.

I'm slightly terrified of these women too (and as a grown woman... I find this is probably a mixture of 1. being afraid of accidentally slaughtering a rule or 2. my own general ignorance of my own body...which really is inexcusable.) but still, it's pretty intimidating. I'm trying to start a toe dip at a time. I don't think that any of these ladies are "out to get," anyone but I do think they are trying to guide us into their way of doing things...

LadyMillil · November 2015

pnkslpprsnsocks said:

This conversation got crazy spicy. From one "newbie," to another-
I'll grant you that this seems to be a very established group of women who have very specific rules that can be restrictive. That being said, they tell us this a million times over (I mean really, there are like 4 or 5 pg1 threads dedicated to cluing us in on this stuff...) so if you aren't loving the way they do things there are so many other boards to join. I also like to think that there are reasons for these rules... I mean, this board is probably a better place to be because of them? Hopefully.

I'm slightly terrified of these women too (and as a grown woman... I find this is probably a mixture of 1. being afraid of accidentally slaughtering a rule or 2. my own general ignorance of my own body...which really is inexcusable.) but still, it's pretty intimidating. I'm trying to start a toe dip at a time. I don't think that any of these ladies are "out to get," anyone but I do think they are trying to guide us into their way of doing things...

Exactly what rules are restrictive? I've never felt like I couldn't say anything here. Of course, I also haven't felt the need to ask Internet strangers if I'm pregnant, take pictures of bodily fluids or things I've peed on, rub a BFP in others' faces, or be judgey and rude.

tripledaggerWed95976 · November 2015

pnkslpprsnsocks said:

This conversation got crazy spicy. From one "newbie," to another-
I'll grant you that this seems to be a very established group of women who have very specific rules that can be restrictive. That being said, they tell us this a million times over (I mean really, there are like 4 or 5 pg1 threads dedicated to cluing us in on this stuff...) so if you aren't loving the way they do things there are so many other boards to join. I also like to think that there are reasons for these rules... I mean, this board is probably a better place to be because of them? Hopefully.

I'm slightly terrified of these women too (and as a grown woman... I find this is probably a mixture of 1. being afraid of accidentally slaughtering a rule or 2. my own general ignorance of my own body...which really is inexcusable.) but still, it's pretty intimidating. I'm trying to start a toe dip at a time. I don't think that any of these ladies are "out to get," anyone but I do think they are trying to guide us into their way of doing things...

I get what your saying, but there's no need to be terrified... Trust me when I say- every regular contributor on here has been flamed at least once for something they've said. When it happens, u just have to put on your big girl panties and learn from it.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · November 2015

pnkslpprsnsocks said:
This conversation got crazy spicy. From one "newbie," to another-
I'll grant you that this seems to be a very established group of women who have very specific rules that can be restrictive. That being said, they tell us this a million times over (I mean really, there are like 4 or 5 pg1 threads dedicated to cluing us in on this stuff...) so if you aren't loving the way they do things there are so many other boards to join. I also like to think that there are reasons for these rules... I mean, this board is probably a better place to be because of them? Hopefully.

I'm slightly terrified of these women too (and as a grown woman... I find this is probably a mixture of 1. being afraid of accidentally slaughtering a rule or 2. my own general ignorance of my own body...which really is inexcusable.) but still, it's pretty intimidating. I'm trying to start a toe dip at a time. I don't think that any of these ladies are "out to get," anyone but I do think they are trying to guide us into their way of doing things...

Believe me when I tell you that many of the established women here started off making a faux pas of their own and some have been flamed more heavily than this. The difference is how you take the criticism and move on from it. Those who can "put on their big girl pants" and move on are still here on the site. Everyone makes mistakes. What we do after them is what makes the difference.

So, don't be scared I guess is what I am trying to say. It's a very supportive, knowledgeable group and if you give support you'll get it back.

shawntrale84 · November 2015

I wanted to join to learn more about what to expect and what to do and not to do. But everybody on here seems so damn rude. Everyone is here to learn and grow but are constantly being attacked because f what they post and how they say it. Grow up.

jsassy · November 2015

shawntrale84 said:

I wanted to join to learn more about what to expect and what to do and not to do. But everybody on here seems so damn rude. Everyone is here to learn and grow but are constantly being attacked because f what they post and how they say it. Grow up.

Lulucooks · November 2015

shawntrale84 said:
I wanted to join to learn more about what to expect and what to do and not to do. But everybody on here seems so damn rude. Everyone is here to learn and grow but are constantly being attacked because f what they post and how they say it. Grow up.

Um...... what?

PeggyOlsonFTW · November 2015

shawntrale84 said:

I wanted to join to learn more about what to expect and what to do and not to do. But everybody on here seems so damn rude. Everyone is here to learn and grow but are constantly being attacked because f what they post and how they say it. Grow up.

Oh my god you're so right! You've completely changed everyone's attitude with your very original thought. On second thought....

MamaMunn · November 2015

shawntrale84 said:
I wanted to join to learn more about what to expect and what to do and not to do. But everybody on here seems so damn rude. Everyone is here to learn and grow but are constantly being attacked because f what they post and how they say it. Grow up.

Where the heck did this come from?

ButterMyBiscuit · November 2015

**dirty lurker**
I love everything about this thread. Oh snark, I've missed you!

jennifer0428 · November 2015

shawntrale84 said:
I wanted to join to learn more about what to expect and what to do and not to do. But everybody on here seems so damn rude. Everyone is here to learn and grow but are constantly being attacked because f what they post and how they say it. Grow up.

You must know so much since you joined not even 2 weeks ago. How would you know what's happening "constantly" in your 2 week sample?

pnkslpprsnsocks · November 2015

Exactly what rules are restrictive? I've never felt like I couldn't say anything here. Of course, I also haven't felt the need to ask Internet strangers if I'm pregnant, take pictures of bodily fluids or things I've peed on, rub a BFP in others' faces, or be judgey and rude.

Maybe "restrictive," wasn't the most accurate word it's more that the culture (from the acronyms to what really are set-in-stone rules ) can be easy to forget when you don't yet know the "language," like the back of your hand and yeah... I don't really want to be sharing all that crazy either... which is part of the reason I'm toughing it out here rather than going elsewhere. I guess the other reason would be because it seems like there is support here before, during even after the process which I don't think you get on just any message board. But I do get where this girl is coming from, it's a steep learning curve.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement though *specifically in response to my own reply (the "don't be scared," messages.) It's nice that not everyone is ready to vote me off the island.

Maybe I'll get to win that million after all.

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Apologies from a Newb. I didn't mean to be offensive...

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