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December 2015 Moms
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Family who wantto hold baby but have STd.

Knottie67744546Knottie67744546 member
in December 2015 Moms
Hi Ladies,

Im a FTM and DH family will becoming to see baby but one of his family members has recently contracted Herpes,she will be bringing her boyfriend (not sure if he has it).im worried about her kissing and holding baby and dont want to be rude but am not sure how to discreetly monitor her with baby. ADVISE PLEASE. How would you handle it?
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Re: Family who wantto hold baby but have STd.

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  • jaayrr95jaayrr95 member
    There's 2 types one down below which would never harm your baby unless she was having an outbreak and touched herself down there did not wash her hands and then touched your baby another way to have it is in the mouth and if it's in the mouth she can not kiss baby touch her face or lips and then touch baby either unless she physically washed her hands a certain amount of times there's also antiviral medication she has to be on to make her outbreak stop so unless she's cleared from now till you have baby she should be fine her boyfriend doesn't need to touch your baby regardless
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  • Daphneh28Daphneh28 member
    Nope. Nope. Nope. I got the mouth cold sore type on the cheek (someone God knows who kissed me on the cheek and passed it on. I'm Hispanic it's kisses on the cheek all the time) when I was 16. And let me tell you that first outbreak is NOT FUN. Yeah with time and treatment you develop immunity but I was 16 and now I'm 34. I wouldn't let them hold baby. It's the illness that keeps on giving. Trust me don't cave in. I can only imagine a newborn having to deal with that. Plus even if it's dormant you never know. I don't recall anyone kissing me with an open mouth sore and I still got it on my cheek.
    Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers
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  • ksarkksark member
    My family has it. My older sister and I are the only ones with out it. Me and my fiancee have rules to prevent it. We never drink after anyone. We have already said once little one starts daycare we will stop kissing him because you never know what kids get into.

    With my family I already mentioned I do not want them kissing my baby. It broke my mother's heart but she understood. She is a nurse. If you are afraid of hurting feelings just say you want anyone kissing the baby for the first few months, because baby needs to build an immune system. After that you may want to have a talk with the family.

    It can be passed on even if someone does not have a break out. They also just released a huge study last month stating that there is no difference between the genital one and cold sore one. Also over 60% of Americans have it. They are working on a cure but we may not see it in our life time.
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  • spottedgingerspottedginger member
    I don't plan on letting anyone kiss the baby anyways (kissing can pass all sorts of germs including the cold or flu). Communicate that to the whole family and then she won't feel targeted. You can also pull her aside before the baby comes and explain how important her hand hygiene is so that you don't have to embarrass her in front of everyone else.
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  • mistycraymistycray member
    One in four adults in America has genital herpes.  So if you think about it, one if four of your hospital visitors has herpes and one if four of your nurses may  have herpes.  EVERYONE should be washing their hands.  And just because they have herpes, doesn't mean they are having an outbreak.  As for relatives with oral herpes, and everyone else for that matter, NO ONE should be kissing on your baby. 
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  • amye02amye02 member
    You should read this article:
    https://m.digitaljournal.com/pr/2718618
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  • topanga815topanga815 member
    edited November 2015
    Do you know if it's in their private areas or on their mouths? If it's on their private areas I assure you they are fine as long as they are not rubbing on their parts and then touching baby. Both of my parents have had the virus prior to me even being born (and I was born vaginally) and they hugged and kissed me and ive never gotten the virus. Herpes is only tranfered through "juices" and blood. Now if it's on thier mouths that's completely different and I would ask them not to kiss baby/have baby close to their faces.

    Eta:I suck at words today.
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  • maiatenemaiatene member
    Don't do it and don't feel like the bad guy saying so. Not to be bad news bear but there was a story recently in NYC that a newborn died bc someone with herpes kissed them. It was a while ago so I can't remember specifics, but I wouldn't chance it and I would want you to go thru something so horrible that could have been prevented.

    Since it's not your family have your husband tell them but be prepared to do it yourself if he can't for some reason.
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  • amye02amye02 member
    spottedginger said:

    I was thinking of getting one of those cattle prods with the electric zappers. It's like a taser, but better.

    I like where your head is at!
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  • LittleKickLittleKick member
    There was an article in the paper here in the uk where a dad kissed his newborn son on the mouth and the baby ended up dying just coz the dad had a coldsaw at the same time
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  • Bombmom3Bombmom3 member
    edited November 2015
    ...

    *hit the post reply button on a hormonal rant post. Had no clue how to delete it. So. Enjoy my awkwardness.
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  • groovylocksgroovylocks member
    I'm a pretty blunt person. I don't always recommend it. But you really need to drive home the danger of a baby contracting herpes.

    The kind that causes cold sores is very common and can hit for a number of reasons. But it can be dangerous for babies. No biggie. If I had herpes and a new mom said that to me, I'd understand that.
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  • rachel10488rachel10488 member
    I feel like I need to point out the obvious here but cold sores are not permenant, it's a virus that comes and goes and very different than genital herpes. So her having herpes has to mean genitals because seriously, everyone one of us could have oral herpes and not know about it.
    My husband gets cold sores every now and then...if he had it flare up right now would I be worrying about him kissing my newborn baby in 6 weeks? Heck no because it would be GONE by then. If he has one when baby is born it is so fricking obvious it's gross, his entire lip is swollen and he's incredibly uncomfortable, his face wouldn't be going anywhere near our baby...but he could go to the dr, get some meds and be clear in a week and then baby would be perfectly safe again.
    So if we're all talking about her mouth herpes right now than they will more than likely be gone in a few weeks. Needless to say, I wouldn't want any cousins' girlfriend kissing my baby and I don't know why they would, I've never kissed all over a baby.

    Since genital herpes is the only scenrio that makes sense here... No one should be worrying about someone's genitals and your tiny baby, unless we're talking about Law and Order SVU. It's unnecessary to me to have a convo about this with her when the blanket statement of EVERYONE wash their hands can be made, I imagine that having genital herpes and other's knowing about it would be uncomfortable enough, being called out when you visit a baby would be awful.
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  • blended10blended10 member
    @Knottie67744546
    Would be great to know which type of herpes it is....
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  • Knottie67744546Knottie67744546 member
    blended10 said:

    @Knottie67744546
    Would be great to know which type of herpes it is....

    Yes. It's DH sister, I'm waiting on DH to get more info. Will update.
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  • BostonBaby1BostonBaby1 member
    edited November 2015
    nik6499 said:

    Just as an FYI you can have hsv1 or hsv2 on your lips and orally. They are not confined to above the waist and below the waist and we are seeing this much more because of unsafe oral sex practices. Without serotyping most people don't really know the difference. >60% of the population has herpes of their oral mucosa

    You beat me too it.

    Seriously though OP, I agreed to just enforce a no kissing rule for everybody because it's cold and flu season. You don't need to call out her herpes. If you see that she has an active visible outbreak then you can make a different decision at that point in time. If you're seriously uncomfortable, you can put the baby into a sling. Or you could use the cattle prod route. It's not like she's going to give genital herpes to the baby.

    *ETA- seriously, tons of people have herpes and I'm sure that you'll have a lot of people holding the baby that have the virus and you'd never know.
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  • CharminglySouthernCharminglySouthern member
    Ken122014 said:

    My question is, how do people know that their family members have herpes? Is this a dinner conversation? I mean, my family is pretty close, and stds have definitely never been a topic of conversation.

    .

    This is my question.
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  • Mizuiro007Mizuiro007 member
    Hubby has oral herpes. I know it's difficult for him but he doesn't kiss DS or me when he has an outbreak, washes his hands and so on. He's very diligent about it and so far, as far as we can tell hasn't passed it. This is what was recommended to him by doctors.

    I know it can be worrisome but there really shouldn't be a stigma and there's no reason to call anyone out or make them feel bad. Hubby has it from vaccination testing in the Military. He gets obvious cold sores when he's stressed so everyone knows about it.
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  • Ken122014Ken122014 member
    OP doesn't know whether it's oral or genital so, I'd assume she hasn't seen it, and her husband hasn't seen it, or they'd know what kind it is. This is just an assumption, on my part.
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  • stephaniearthursstephaniearthurs member
    Mizuiro007 said:

    Hubby has oral herpes. I know it's difficult for him but he doesn't kiss DS or me when he has an outbreak, washes his hands and so on. He's very diligent about it and so far, as far as we can tell hasn't passed it. This is what was recommended to him by doctors.

    I know it can be worrisome but there really shouldn't be a stigma and there's no reason to call anyone out or make them feel bad. Hubby has it from vaccination testing in the Military. He gets obvious cold sores when he's stressed so everyone knows about it.

    My hubby is the same! He gets the when he's stressed! He can usually feel one coming on. Basically we've decided that when the baby is new born he won't be kissing him (maybe on the head? Would that be ok if he doesn't have an out break?). We have been very careful and I have never had one!

    I agree with PP, how on earth do you know your family has an STD? Seriously, my family does not talk about sex, I'm married and we lived together for 4 years before we got married and as far as I'm conserned, my parents can think it was immaculate conception!!
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  • Knottie67744546Knottie67744546 member
    CharminglySouthern said:

    Ken122014 said:

    My question is, how do people know that their family members have herpes? Is this a dinner conversation? I mean, my family is pretty close, and stds have definitely never been a topic of conversation.

    .

    This is my question.
    DH mom told him about it. Of course mom tells all.
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  • stlmomof2stlmomof2 member
    Mizuiro007 said:

    Knottie67744546 said:

    CharminglySouthern said:

    Ken122014 said:

    My question is, how do people know that their family members have herpes? Is this a dinner conversation? I mean, my family is pretty close, and stds have definitely never been a topic of conversation.

    .

    This is my question.
    DH mom told him about it. Of course mom tells all.
    It seems to me she didn't tell all, just enough to leave you worried.
    I assumed genital herpes because her title says STD. But seriously OP do you really have no clue if it is oral or genital herpes? If his mom tells all then tell her to cough up the whole story.

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  • violetigerlilyvioletigerlily member
    When you guys are saying "no kissing" do you mean at all or specifically on the mouth or hands?  Full disclosure here, I occasionally get cold sores (I'm pretty sure I got if from sharing lipstick in high school).  Does that mean that I shouldn't be able to kiss my newborn baby at all even if I'm not having an outbreak (I usually only get it once a year or every other year)?  Not to completely hijack the thread, but since over half the people in the country apparently get cold sores, more than half of us are likely infected. Has anyone mentioned this to a pediatrician?  Maybe our own antibodies passed passively are enough to keep babies protected from our own strain of the virus. It would be good to know ahead of time.   Are we just not kissing our own babies? On one hand it sounds crazy to not let a mom kiss her own baby when they both seem healthy, on the other hand, other people are suggesting DH shouldn't kiss the newborn even if he's clear, so would that apply to us too?

    Note:  I don't mean kissing on the mouth. That weirds me out personally since they can't pucker up--I mean on the head, toes, etc. 
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  • kristen2bkristen2b member
    Ken122014 said:

    My question is, how do people know that their family members have herpes? Is this a dinner conversation? I mean, my family is pretty close, and stds have definitely never been a topic of conversation.

    We should probably send out a list of all the illnesses we do not want spread to our babies, and make people put their names on it and check off what they have- that way we would really know that our newborns are safe.

    Just sayin.

    My crazy sister in law told me. She's crazy cause she's crazy. Nothing to do with her std.
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  • Mizuiro007Mizuiro007 member
    @violetigerlily We've just gone by what was originally suggested to hubby by military doctors. If he doesn't have an outbreak or feel on coming on he'll do things like kiss DS's head and blow raspberries on his belly when they're playing. He stops these things as soon as he feels an outbreak coming on until it's past. It isn't just to keep from passing it to DS but knowing I kiss DS it seems a little like sharing a drink, there's some chance I could get it.

    I really don't know about the rest, it seems like a question for your pediatrician.
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