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Scared of partner watching birth

katiebepreskatiebepres member
in January 2016 Moms
I feel like I've been posting here so much lately but is anyone else scared of their man/partner watching you give birth and then never being able to look at you the same way after? Sexually I mean. This might be tmi but I'm terrified of never being as "fit" down there again. Im 32 weeks and it seems as if the closer I get to meeting my little girl the more worries pop up!
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Re: Scared of partner watching birth

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  • stephanienjerstephanienjer member
    My husband and I agreed that he will stay at my head, and let the doctors do what they need to do. Not because of any lasting sexual memories, but because he doesn't handle blood at all well. He also knows that he will likely be banned from the room if an emergency C-section happens. I don't need him passing out when my organs are laid out on the table.

    As far as attraction, he has boys from a previous marriage, and it didn't stop him those times, and he has stressed he thinks that pregnant women are really attractive, sooo, I think I'm good.
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  • ariasbabyblogariasbabyblog member
    I had my husband stand at my head for my first because I didn't want him watching and I needed him to help me remember to breath and you can't do that as well from between my legs. I found that defining his role helped him deal with things better when they went wrong (and they did) and it helped me to know that he was there supporting me and I knew where exactly he was.
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  • zg49zg49 member
    My husband also stayed up by my head and I honestly don' remember if he said he looked or anything. Our sex life has been great since we had our daughter, actually better for me than before ;) Try not to worry! 





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  • jeanbug12jeanbug12 member
    edited November 2015
    stephanienjer said:

    My husband and I agreed that he will stay at my head, and let the doctors do what they need to do. Not because of any lasting sexual memories, but because he doesn't handle blood at all well. He also knows that he will likely be banned from the room if an emergency C-section happens. I don't need him passing out when my organs are laid out on the table.


    As far as attraction, he has boys from a previous marriage, and it didn't stop him those times, and he has stressed he thinks that pregnant women are really attractive, sooo, I think I'm good.
    Don't ban him from the OR! I had an emergency c section with my first. They have a curtain up so he won't see your insides. I was an emotional wreck going in for my c section so I really needed DH by my side and that moment we both laid eyes on our first born was incredible!

    My husband is pretty squeamish about blood and he saw a lot during my VBAC, he seems pretty unphased by it all. And DD was a big baby and I tore pretty bad, everything went back to normal!
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  • essentialpeaceessentialpeace member
    ^^ =)) I agree.
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  • PedsIsHardcorePedsIsHardcore member
    It's child birth. Vaginas have a lot of elasticity to them. Vaginas aren't ruined because you have a vaginal delivery. Any man that gets a woman pregnant should also be man enough to handle a child being born.
    My SO won't be watching, because to be honest I don't want to watch my on lady parts as I'm giving birth.
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  • GAgirlinSDakotaGAgirlinSDakota member

    My exH (father of my oldest 3) watched and even held a leg.  Nothing he saw ever stopped him from wanting me.  He said he really couldn't feel a difference either. I can't tell you how my current partner feels about watching b/c it's C-sections all the way.

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  • lfconner7lfconner7 member
    With DD we discussed if he was going to look a tiny bit, I told him it was up to him and he said he'd rather just stay at my head. However as soon as I started pushing he quickly went into full on eyes locked on my area like he was watching his favorite movie.... He often will reference how amazing it was to watch, how good I did, etc. I assume it will he will be the same this time:) totally hasn't hurt our sex life at all (our kids will be 16 months apart)!!
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  • Kelley421Kelley421 member
    I think my DH will prob try to look over the curtain with the csection. After all the disgusting things my body has done while pregnant, giving birth vaginally would be no big deal.
    I asked for a mirror with DD, cause everyone else got to see her crowning and were so excited- I wanted to see too!

    Two years, two losses and three IUIs...

    We are having TRIPLETS!

    EDD 1/26/16

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  • jeanbug12jeanbug12 member
    Kelley421 said:

    I think my DH will prob try to look over the curtain with the csection. After all the disgusting things my body has done while pregnant, giving birth vaginally would be no big deal.
    I asked for a mirror with DD, cause everyone else got to see her crowning and were so excited- I wanted to see too!

    I had a mirror for DDs birth too, it helped me so much with pushing. And honestly I don't even remember what my vagina looked like at the time, I was totally focused on that baby!
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  • Monilee1017Monilee1017 member
    Some men can't watch. I watched my SIL give birth I was holding a leg and my brother kept looking and dry heaving over her. Finally I had to grab him and say if you vomit on her you will never live it down. So he just was holding her hand and talking to her. For her second I actually watched and it was amazing! My brother was holding her hand and standing still like a statue. Also for the c-section don't not have your husband there. They have a curtain up and the only way to see is to stand up and try to look, they give a chair to DH so he can sit and not see. I had issues during the c-section, it was the best/worst day of my life and I don't know what I would have done with out him there.
    Married 2006
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  • Leah6120Leah6120 member
    @willashbaby... YES. =))
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  • keshakdaviskeshakdavis member
    We've agreed my husband will not watch. He doesn't do well with blood and I don't want him to watch so it all works out.
    1st child DOB 9/3/02

    SO and I met 6/25/06

    Married 9/2/12

    Due date 1/16/16 with our twins!
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  • BarrettJ89BarrettJ89 member
    My SO has a daughter from a previous marriage and he watched that birth, and watched our son being born. At the exact moment, I couldn't have cared less where anyone was looking, I just wanted that baby out! Afterwards, he told me there was a lot of blood (multiple times) while looking completely mortified. Lol. I tore pretty bad, so I can only imagine. No less, he was still begging for it at 6 weeks. I cried and we didn't get too far. The pain was just too much. Waited a whIle and tried again, and voila, here I am pregnant again (my son will be 11 months in a couple days)!
    Trust me, he will still want it.
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  • cawalpcawalp member
    My husband also does terribly with blood. He won't even be in the room when I get blood drawn, it's really bad. I think that's the reason he says he doesn't want to watch and I'd rather him not watch either, but if he tries to peek a little I won't really care.
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  • BabyRut2015BabyRut2015 member
    I feel like it would take a lot more than childbirth to make a man not want his wife....lol I mean, we're talking about men here. And they put us in this predicament in the first place!!

    That being said, we agreed he would be at my head, but if he wants to look I am all for it. It's our 1st so we'll be playing it by ear. I think watching would almost be better, like create more respect for what we go through to grow our families lol.
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  • ashhsaashhsa member
    Op, have you talked with your husband about these worries? Does he want to watch? Maybe have a chat with him and see what he says, if he wants to see it, I'd say let him, but maybe tell him that you would mainly prefer him up your end helping you. If he isn't keen to see it, you can discuss with him that you are perfectly comfortable with him not looking. If you really don't feel comfortable I think you should ask yourself why? is it something he has said? Or it is it your own insecurities? He might make you feel a lot better either way if you tell him what is on your mind.

    My husband says he won't look, and he will stay up my end, but I'm certain (if I don't have a csection) that he will, he won't be able to help it, he will be curious!
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  • OrangeFoxOrangeFox member
    I didn't have a traditional hospital birth with my first but instead at a birthing center with midwives. As soon as we got there I told the midwife that I wanted to be in the birthing tub and stripped completely naked while she ran the water. I didn't even think, it just happened. My husband actually got to reach down and catch the baby. It hasn't changed anything for us.
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  • bishoplmbbishoplmb member
    Before I went into labor with DD i had the same concerns. Once i was in active labor I didnt care who saw what i just wanted the baby out! My DH held my leg when I was pushing with DD because I couldn't feel them due to the epidural. He saw everything and then cut the cord even though he thought he didn't want to. I think it made him appreciate even more everything my body went through to get DD out. It definitely did not change anything in our relationship...if anything it brought us closer. 


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  • cyanopecyanope member
    DH gets squeamish about anything having to do with labor and delivery, so he's been watching birth videos to prepare himself on what to expect. This is our first, so I don't know how he will react, but I personally think he will do just fine. I think he will spend most of the time up by my head, but I know that he won't be able to resist watching when she comes out. And I have NO worries about him wanting sex after she's born. If I haven't turned him off yet with all of this pregnancy business, I don't think I ever will! 
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  • KareninKarenin member
    I was terrified of this! I kept telling DH he'd have to stay by my head, but the nurses made him hold a leg after my epidural so he saw everything. This is our third baby so it obviously didn't ruin things for him to see but I totally get your fear! I myself refuse to watch using a mirror etc. I've never even seen a birthing video since one we had to see in high school. I think sometimes we are the ones with the hangup and we project our discomfort on our SOs. It'll be ok!

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  • LIly436LIly436 member
    Keep him close to your head and let the nurses know, that you do not want him to watch. There is no need to expose him to this very graphic show, unless he really wants to. A lot of men have problems after watching
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  • mamajenna_cnmmamajenna_cnm member
    Ummmm....can I just say that, if men had vaginas and birthed babies out of them...they would spread eagle for the world to see and brag about it for years....lets be proud of what we got and flaunt it. Giving birth is one of the most beautiful things on earth....anyone who witnesses it is usually changed for life (in a good way)! If he/she wants to watch it, they should...and you should be proud of what you are doing. Hail to the vagina!
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  • LIly436LIly436 member
    Statistically 40% of men, who watched their children to be born have a wide range of problems from inability to even initiate sex because of stuck images in their brains to plain erectile disfunction. 
    If it did not happen to you, it does not mean it cant happen at all. The process is not pretty at best. Blood poop and a lot of pain
    We can be proud all we want, but if your men cant handle it, don't force him
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  • lwebleylwebley member
    LIly436 said:

    Statistically 40% of men, who watched their children to be born have a wide range of problems from inability to even initiate sex because of stuck images in their brains to plain erectile disfunction. 

    If it did not happen to you, it does not mean it cant happen at all. The process is not pretty at best. Blood poop and a lot of pain
    We can be proud all we want, but if your men cant handle it, don't force him
    This seems a bit ridiculous. Not to say it can't happen at all, but that percentage seem way too high. Not all births are the same. I didn't poop, I wasn't in pain (epidural), we both watched (mirror for me), and there wasn't a blood bath or a "graphic show". Where is the statistic/quote coming from? Have you ever seen a delivery?
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  • LIly436LIly436 member
    We are not discussing your feelings, but feelings of men. This is statistics and you can argue all you want it is still true. If your man does  not have any problems, from your words, then he belongs to another 60%. I also heard the stories when men cant get it up because they fear something is going to come from vagina and get them or in fear to cause more pain. Some cant get over the "picture" of stretched and ripped flesh with a touch of poop and blood. All depends on sensitivity of the subject
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  • ashhsaashhsa member
    LIly436 said:

    Statistically 40% of men, who watched their children to be born have a wide range of problems from inability to even initiate sex because of stuck images in their brains to plain erectile disfunction. 

    If it did not happen to you, it does not mean it cant happen at all. The process is not pretty at best. Blood poop and a lot of pain
    We can be proud all we want, but if your men cant handle it, don't force him

    Please link to these statistics. I can't help but feel that number is extreemly high, and if it were truly that wide scale of an issue relating to viewing a birth it would have been something discussed more often, especially amoung my girlfriends who some would no doubt be affected by it....
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  • lwebleylwebley member
    LIly436 said:

    We are not discussing your feelings, but feelings of men. This is statistics and you can argue all you want it is still true. If your man does  not have any problems, from your words, then he belongs to another 60%. I also heard the stories when men cant get it up because they fear something is going to come from vagina and get them or in fear to cause more pain. Some cant get over the "picture" of stretched and ripped flesh with a touch of poop and blood. All depends on sensitivity of the subject

    You sound as though you are just trying to get the poor girl worried. If you were really trying to help and not scare her you wouldn't be talking the way you are. "Stretched and ripped flesh"?! The word "ripped" alone. Wtf? Seriously?
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  • ashhsaashhsa member
    @lwebley I agree with you, I feel like we are being trolled. I'm not going to continue taking the bait.
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  • LIly436LIly436 member
    I can say whatever I want within the rules of this forum. I like the truth and the truth is some men cant handle it and some women do not want their husbands to see them. The person is worried about her husband watching, legitimate concern. Why should I sweet talk her, so after she would be cursing me for lying. 
    I do not want my husband to see me there. Some like the gross stuff and think that it makes them closer, some do not
    We are all different
    The study is not from the internet, so no links. You do not have to believe me. You may want to search this forum and will find  a thread about one guy who was not able to see his wife sexually after watching her give birth, they got divorced. It was enough for me. 
    What is wrong with just holding hands and looking in the eyes? 
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