Due Dec 25th, Mom is giving me grief?! — The Bump
December 2015 Moms

Due Dec 25th, Mom is giving me grief?!

I don't know if anyone else's family is obsessed with Christmas, but mine is. For quite some time now, they have known our planned c-section will be within days of Christmas. Upon reminding my mother of this, she asked if I could do it after...because "what about Christmas!?" i thought it was obvious that the holidays were basically a wash for us, but I can't believe her stance on it. Especially because I was hoping to have her there to help me during my hospital stay. You would think this was more important.... Anyone else dealing with the holiday drama?
garrettnr
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Re: Due Dec 25th, Mom is giving me grief?!

  • meh, sorry that you guys are going through that. You would think that people understand a birth of a baby is more important than any event!
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    garrettnr
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  • My mother kept bringing it up nonchalantly and I finally sat her down and explained my health and my babies' health was way more important than celebrating a yearly holiday. I explained the guidelines on how we would decide if we attended Christmas or not and promised we would stick by them. This actually worked for her. I think the fact that we had an actual plan and gave her the guidelines, made her see that we weren't just attempting to blow it off all together. Sometimes, people just need it spelled out in black and white to see the answer for what it is.
    It seems like you've already done this as you have the c section scheduled. Could you maybe plan a second Christmas with her either before or after the big day? Give her another date to focus on?
    mhwoodcaitlyn5454ketobaby
  • I'm sorry, it definitely adds a layer of stress being due around a holiday. My due date is 2 days after Thanksgiving and I got a lot of grief when I had to let my in laws know I was not up for hosting this year. I think the comment I heard was something like "well now Jen doesn't know when the baby is coming". As if I ever knew an exact date!!
    It's not worth it to stress over, although I would think of a backup plan for help in case your mom really won't be available after your c-section. Sorry you are dealing with this.
    HFjeld
  • My family seems to be the opposite. They are both planning Christmas as usual, and if I feel up to it, I'll be coming by.

    Is there a reason you needed her at the hospital with you?
    garrettnr
  • mhwoodmhwood
    Ninth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
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    edited October 2015
    @blessedwtwins - This would be a great solution. Maybe suggest doing a New Years Day Brunch or something like that?
    blessedwtwins
  • edited October 2015
    SO needs to be with our toddler who has medical problems that the rest of the family isn't trained to handle. And it's not looking like they will be ready to handle it by then. So the plan was after my surgery, SO would go home and my mother would stay until I leave the hospital, which would most likely be the 25th. Now I'm getting guilt about the f'ing holiday. I told her it's just a day, and we can have it a few days later, and that having this baby is WAY more important, and that we really need and appreciate her help. It will be fine. I'm just super annoyed.
    garrettnr
  • It's not scheduled yet. I want the 23 or 24. Any later and I could go into labor, and that is a situation we are trying to avoid. Hospital Can't do any earlier than 23rd. My MIL is also an option.
  • Everyone in my life was pushing me for "plans"- even DH. But I had a little meltdown, tears included, that I couldn't control any of it & I needed support. That seemed to help.
    Now my c-sect is planned for the 21st so with any luck I'll be home Xmas eve- I told my fam they were welcome to visit so long as they brought food & left when I asked them to. DH will be taking our son to his moms Christmas Day for a few hours & I'm looking forward to being home alone with the baby, frankly.
    Maybe just tell them how you feel & that the pressure doesn't help a thing!
    Maybe she's unaware of how much her being there would mean to you?
    garrettnr
  • SO needs to be with our toddler who has medical problems that the rest of the family isn't trained to handle. And it's not looking like they will be ready to handle it by then. So the plan was after my surgery, SO would go home and my mother would stay until I leave the hospital, which would most likely be the 25th. Now I'm getting guilt about the f'ing holiday. I told her it's just a day, and we can have it a few days later, and that having this baby is WAY more important, and that we really need and appreciate her help. It will be fine. I'm just super annoyed.
    Does she need to be at the hospital the entire time you are there though? That was sort of my point. My husband is planning on working, and carrying on DD2's schedule as closely as possible to cause the least about of disruptions for her. When I had DD2, I was at the hospital by myself 75% of the time and I loved it. I got to work with the lactation consultant, the nurses weren't stepping over people to get to us, I was able to sleep/breastfeed/bond without feeling the need to "entertain" anyone. It was amazing...I'm looking forward to doing it again!
    ecotton1234garrettnr
  • @mhwood this will be ccsection #2. It took about 24 hrs before I was able to take care of DS#1. So I am concerned that this time I will need someone there to hand me the baby, or go with the baby for exams and whatnot. Maybe after the first day, she can go home. It's just the unknown until we are in the situation and know what I can handle physically. Personally, I wouldn't mind being alone. I guess a nurse could help me with those things too, and exams can be postponed until I can get up. SO could also come back for a few hours. There are options....
    garrettnr
  • blended10 said:

    Everyone in my life was pushing me for "plans"- even DH. But I had a little meltdown, tears included, that I couldn't control any of it & I needed support. That seemed to help.
    Now my c-sect is planned for the 21st so with any luck I'll be home Xmas eve- I told my fam they were welcome to visit so long as they brought food & left when I asked them to. DH will be taking our son to his moms Christmas Day for a few hours & I'm looking forward to being home alone with the baby, frankly.
    Maybe just tell them how you feel & that the pressure doesn't help a thing!
    Maybe she's unaware of how much her being there would mean to you?

    This! I'm due the first week of December, but my mom and dad are flying in from out of town, so I kept getting pushed for a date.

    I'm due on the 4th, and she says "ok, we'll be out on the 7th...she'll be three days old at that point."

    "But mom, it's an estimate, I could be early or two weeks late."

    "Well, if we come much later, it's getting too close to Christmas." (She wants to be back in the Midwest for her white Christmas).

    But I know if they get here and she's not born I'll here the "we flew all the way out here..." speech.

    Dios mio!
    fashiongirlstephgarrettnrmrs14678LMJL
  • Having crazy family scheduling issue here as well. I have family members trying to book flights based on THEIR fall breaks (school teachers and kids). I'm like....ummm this baby doesn't give a crap when your fall break is so don't book a flight or make any plans until we give you the ok!! They are driving me crazy!!! Our due date is 12/2. None of our immediate fam is in town so it's going to be a non-stop 2 months of out of town guests and everyone wants to stay at our house and get here as soon as baby arrives. Totally stressing me out!!
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    satindawl83garrettnrmarochicken
  • It's not quite the same, but my Mom is obsessed with the baby being here for Christmas (I'm due the 27th, but have consistently measured 2 days ahead). I have a feeling I will be late. She told me just before Christmas I should start trying to "naturally" induce the baby, i.e. Drink castor oil.

    I think I want the baby here more then anyone, but really, can't he come when he's ready. I think she was joking, but there's a kernnal of truth in every joke!
    garrettnrabrownbolton
  • My due date is Christmas and my family is all about the Christmas Eve party. My mom is canceling it this year but I know my other family is upset. Ohh well!

    Also my SIL asked what we were doing for Christmas because she's hosting at her house. My husband responded with "We'll be in the hospital..having a baby." Ya you go DH!

    But other than that no one has really nagged at me.
    mrs14678
  • @fashiongirlsteph I would have a nervous breakdown if multiple family wanted to visit AND stay at my house!

    My 1st LO was born Dec 22nd ... First day home was Xmas Eve. My mother (and father) showed up first thing in the morning Xmas day all dressed up and all perfumed with pots & pans to cook in my kitchen & start a party.
    We specifically told her to call first & it would be later in the day. I was running on no sleep & right in the middle of pumping, quietly chatting with my DH, and then her comes the crazy. I cried in my room for a half hour before gathering myself and coming out. My LO slept all morning, after being up all night, while I had to entertain.

    This time I'm due Christmas Eve (apparently I'm only fertile in March). Looks like we may be induced early around the 18th and we have kept this to ourselves. We asked family to fly in around the 21st / 22nd so we'd have time to settle ... Somehow my family must see right through me and went ahead and scheduled to fly in the 17th ... Without mentioning it to me.

    I totally get the stress of it all. I sincerely hope I remember this when my DD grows up and has babies!!
    garrettnrfashiongirlstephTomekiaB
  • My immediate family is all okay with my Christmas expectations. I LOVE Christmas and as we are Christians, it is very important to us all. They know that plans may break at a moments notice, my mom even told her mom that if I am in the hospital, she will not be doing any Christmas dinners because she wants to be with me. I feel very special to have this.


    However, my cousins are giving me grief since I told them my DH and I will not be participating in their gift exchange. I am very much looking forward to getting presents for my sisters and brother, but I could care less about my cousins. I told them nicely but they are very upset about it. (FYI, I have 24 cousins plus 4 in laws.) It is getting ridiculous and I really am learning to shrug it off.
    kristen2b
  • @ChiccoBeanz not rude at all and I have one of these families!
    It actually infuriates me. My mother has always been like this and now I know she is not the only one. It's sad really ... And as I said above, I sure hope I don't somehow forget all of this and create grief for my DD when she becomes a mommy!
    ChiccoBeanzfashiongirlsteph
  • Wow. Some of the families mentioned here are extremely selfish. I do not know how you deal.
    I hope it all works itself out in the end.
    My family knows that my husband, three kids and I will most likely not be attending either the Christmas gathering or the New Years gathering. Both sides of our family said that was understandable and that they would drop off the kids gifts.
    I figure my grandmother may steal the kids for the party to get them out of the house, but it hasn't been mentioned....yet.
    ChiccoBeanzfashiongirlsteph
  • Sorry to hear that some of you are in that position. The birth of your child should be the most joyous occasion at the time. It should never be considered an inconvenience to anyone. I'm really hoping once the day comes a bit closer they will show more interest in you and your babies needs and not on themselves. Christmas comes every bloody year. The birth of a child in your family does not.
    ChiccoBeanzspottedginger
  • I'm also having a scheduled c-section on the 23rd. Maybe home Christmas morning.. I was talking to my mother about Christmas dinner asking if she could bring some food to our place. I made the dinner last year, and she asks me if I can still make the turkey!!
    WTF, Mom.
    I said, that's the day im probably coming home post c section. No, I'm not making a turkey, are you crazy?!
    She realized her mistake. Lol. Make a turkey....
    kristen2bkaitinperthgarrettnr
  • ColoradoHikerColoradoHiker
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Photogenic
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    edited October 2015
    I'm due Nov 22, and we live 3-4.5 HR from our immediate family. They already know thanksgiving isn't going to happen for us, and this kid could come two weeks late, so we made it clear Christmas might not happen unless they're coming to us. We basically just didn't give another option, they're not the ones with a new baby and recovering from giving birth.
    DS1: Born 11.18.15
    DS2: EDD- 09.08.17

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  • I am having Christmas scheduling issues as well. I am due on Christmas Day, and we normally travel either to my parents or my in-laws for the holiday. Knowing that this would not be possible this year, I was hoping that we would have a quiet Christmas at home, just the two of us, (or with the baby if she comes early), but instead I am hosting Christmas dinner at my house for my parents and in-laws. In my tiny apartment. This is causing me so much stress. I have put my foot down and asked that people stay in a hotel, but I still feel overwhelmed. 
  • I am due 12/2 and as i live in south africa its the beginning of summer and summer holidays which is when my parents and in laws are at their busiest with their respective businesses. Since we found out the due dateI have had to listen to my mom complain about how we couldnt have picked a more inconvenient time.

    I dont see how thats true as I am not expecting them to stay up with the baby, look after the baby or cancel any plans. In fact hubby and I are planning on hiding away for 2 weeks after our LO is born.
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • Unfortunately you are not alone!
    Mil's throwing a party 10 days before my EDD to celebrate 1 year of her new life. She had a life saving transplant last December which we are really grateful for.
    First she wanted to go on a family trip, but when we told her we couldn't come she changed the plan to a party so we could be there. I thought it was going to be at her house but it's not. It's at a really nice place like 30 mins away in a small town. There's a bodega and tour and wine tasting followed by a cocktail party or dinner. It's like an all day thing. DH told her we most likely won't be able to come since I'll be 9 months pregnant, uncomfortable, and not in the condition to be anywhere but home. She said she'd move it up a week, which really wouldn't make a difference so we said no. She's not really understanding about it which is hard for me to understand. I mean, does she not remember what it was like?
    She literally told me that LO can't be born before her party because we have to at least be at the party since she had to cancel the family trip because of us... Really? Who in their right mind would expect a pregnant woman to go out of town with them 10 days before her EDD?
    If my daughter is anything like me she'll make her grand entrance the day before the party!
    kristen2bChiccoBeanzgarrettnrwillashbaby
  • Can't believe some of these families you ladies have!! Wow!!! My family is so cool and calm about it. I'm due Dec 27th and my parents are very supportive of whatever I want to do about the holidays. If I can come, great...if not, we will just celebrate when it works for us. I have other kids so of course I'm a little worried about being in hospital over holiday but it is what it is if it happens. I will have family helping to play Santa for me and see my boys have a good day. I'm planning ahead and getting everything ready and wrapped by the end of this month. No grief from our families. So sorry some of you have to deal with it!
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


    Me:34      DH:41      1 son: 6       2 step sons: 18, 12

    BFP: 4/24/08 - Missed Miscarriage found 5/29/08

    BFP: 11/21/08 - DS born 7/13/09

    BFP:5/8/14  - Chemical pregnancy

    BFP: 4/11/15....stick baby stick!!!

    rmarie13ChiccoBeanz
  • Christmas is HUGE with my In-laws. Christmas Eve party at one house, Christmas Day lunch at another. Presents at three seperate locations. Normally, I love the festivities and I am really sad that I am going to be missing out on it this year. But we made it super clear the moment we found out the due date.

    My SO and I will NOT be attending any family Christmas festivities this year. If baby comes before his due date, then (healthy) direct relations are allowed to come visit us with notice. None of our aunts, uncles, or cousins, or family friends. Just parents, grandparents, and siblings. If baby has not come yet, we will be going to my MIL's house for a couple hours to exchange gifts, but will not be attending the big parties as they will take us too far away from our hospital.

    SO and I came up with this game plan BEFORE we even revealed the pregnancy to family because we knew we would have to a brick wall. 
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    kristen2b
  • redfallonredfallon
    5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
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    edited October 2015
    I didn't have any stories before this weekend. I went to stay with my mom who lives six hours away from me part of last week because we are not going there for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. She told me that my stepdad's brother had said that if we really wanted to come to Christmas we would. I'm due December 22. They live 6+ hours away.

    ETA: both my mom and my stepdad were appalled at what his brother said.

    Jamie


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    ChiccoBeanzElizabella85spottedginger
  • @redfallon good! I'm appalled too!
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    redfallonDaphneh28
  • I mean, let's say that I actually have the baby on the 22nd. I would then be in the hospital for two days after, which puts me at Christmas Eve. So, yeah, if I really wanted to, I'm gonna drive with a newborn (2 day old), a 2 year old, try to find somewhere to board my 16 year old dog that can't travel any longer, and go on a 6 hour car ride with blood gushing out of me every time I move and milk coming out of my pores two days after giving birth. Sure...

    I tend to like my stepdad's brother, but he is clueless about birth and recovery, and it was a jackass thing to say. He is over 50 years old and never been married. He has one daughter, who is 5 years old, but I don't think he was even involved with her mother when she had her (broke up before then).

    Jamie


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    stickybun14
  • Our family is all coming up (although we only both have parents and siblings with their partners/kids close enough) I'm due the 10th so if bubs is on time then our parents and probably my sister and her hubby and 2 year old will come up at different times to meet bubs.

    Haven't quite worked out who is coming when for Christmas. I don't want both families up at the same time as that will be too overwhelming for me. My mum has said not to worry about a thing, she will do the shopping, cooking and cleaning.

    We made it clear very early that we would not be traveling (even though it's only 2 hours away) for Christmas with a 2 week or younger newborn. We will be trying to settle and get into a schedule, in the awkward early breastfeeding phase and just want to be in our own home.
    kristen2b
  • edited November 2015
    Thanks everyone for sharing!  Unfortunately we have a new complication to my folks that may eliminate them visiting completely.  They dropped a bomb on me.  Basically they are leaving for the first two weeks of December to the East Coast to visit my sister and her new baby (due thanksgiving).  Understandable.  But leaving me hanging, as I could give birth anytime.  They also expressed that they will not be getting their flu shots this year because "it makes them feel ill and achy for a few days".  AHHHHHH!!!  Mom and Dad, you realize you are going to see TWO new babies right after air traveling during the height of flu season?  Now I have to have a super awkward conversation.  I understand you don't want to and respect your decision Mom and Dad, but that basically means I won't be able to allow your around my newborn and my Type 1 diabetic toddler (who can have severe diabetic complications if he gets the flu), and this means no potential Christmas celebration AT ALL. My sister is not expressing any problems with this, so naturally, I will have to be the bad guy...
    FYI, my son's diabetes is the whole reason why I was needing their help in the first place, so my husband can be with him and my parents could be with me. Oh, I just want to scream. The only silver lining in this situation is that my In-Laws are aware of our needs and are going to help.  I'm just really dissappointed in my family.
  • @stephaniechen82 - I cannot believe that they won't get the flu shot and are being absolute snots about the whole situation. I'd be mad, too!  Your parents can always request the pregnant lady version of the flu shot which tends to sit better with those sensitive to shots.  I'm so sorry!

    LMJL
  • Totally agree with you!
  • My fiancee family has always done christmas at midnight open the presents dinner and everything. She is very mad I do not want to have my daughter when the oldest she'll be is two weeks old out that late even when she's older I don't think it should happen am I wrong I'm due on Christmas and she threatened to down her son if we don't come.
  • My fiancee family has always done christmas at midnight open the presents dinner and everything. She is very mad I do not want to have my daughter when the oldest she'll be is two weeks old out that late even when she's older I don't think it should happen am I wrong I'm due on Christmas and she threatened to down her son if we don't come.
    Your comment is a little hard to follow with a lot of punctuation missing. I'm also not sure what you mean by "she threatened to down her son if we don't come."

    You've said that you are due on Christmas, but that the baby will be 2 weeks old on Christmas?

    We still don't have our daughter out anywhere past her bedtime, which is 7:30pm and she's 2. We wouldn't be doing a midnight Mass for a long time, if that's what you are referring to.

    Jamie


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    kristen2bspottedgingerKen122014
  • Yeah, no idea what "down her son" means...
  • I'm guessing she meant "disown".

    My MIL has been known to throw empty, rash threats like that when she's not getting her way (Example: DH and I bought a dog shortly after we got engaged. Since we didn't run this decision past her first she called everyone in both of our families up and said she would not be attending our engagement party and possibly the wedding. This was made doubly ridiculous by the fact we weren't living with her, he was independent of her financially and the purchase of the dog impacted her life not at all.).

    You guys are all saints for dealing with this nonsense and family drama. I guess because my family grew up overseas or half the country away from everyone else we all learned it was the time together and not the exact date that made something like Christmas or Thanksgiving special. Sure, Christmas is fun and no one wants to miss out but things come up sometimes that are more important (like labor, or a newborn). Maybe tell folks if it is that important to them for you to be involved then they should do a smaller version of Christmas a week or so earlier than planned )or later, depending on when you are due and your comfort levels). That way everyone can do a small gift exchange and still eat, drink and be merry. If not, screw them.

    It is THEIR choice and attitude that is making the holiday miserable and stressful, not yours. I'm sure you didn't check your calendar, look over at DH eight months ago and say, "You know, if we have sex right now we can really f&[email protected]! up everyone's holiday plans!"
    TomekiaBredfallon
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