Terrified

Ccat1977 · November 2015

We went on our hospital tour - beautiful facilities, couldn't ask for better. But it made it all very real - I almost burst into tears. I'm terrified for being in pain for a long time. Not sure how to calm myself down now. I'm not sure I can do this, but also know I don't have choice. Hubby says "I'll be there" but he can't make the pain better.

littleSkittle14 · November 2015

I feel this way too... And this is my second baby! All the fear, nervousness and anxiety are worth it to meet your baby though! And you'll get through the pain, just like all us other mamas! Drugs are your friend

Elizabella85 · November 2015

I've been told not to worry about the pain beforehand, just take it one "surge" at a time. Because it's not constant, you have a few minutes of relief between each contraction. As a FTM I'm clinging to that particular piece of advice!

Erin12382 · November 2015

I feel the same way. This is my 4th. Each time there are always fears. I know it's hard but try not to think about it. Try to keep busy (not too busy) but focused on other things and when it happens it happens.

lalg28 · November 2015

And they say once the baby is out, the relief is amazing! Just remember, it won't last forever. That baby will come out and you will recover. That's what I try to tell myself at least lol.

Taylovesbrad · November 2015

Me toooo. 36 weeks and our birth class and tour is sat. I'm actually afraid it will make me more nervous but hoping the knowledge helps.
What helps me is knowing how many people have done it.

raevanb · November 2015

I had the exact same reaction. To the point that my husband thought I was going to walk out of the hospital tour group and leave. It wasn't the facilities or anything it was the realization that this baby is coming and soon! Since then my anxiety has been a little out of control.

lablover920 · November 2015

I had my tour yesterday and had the opposite reaction. I think I am just relieved now to know the facility and seeing the rooms. I met many of the welcoming nurses and now feel as though I can start to mentally prepare a more real picture in my head. Don't get me wrong I am nervous but it's not a nervous like I've ever felt before. My mom always reminds me that if the pain was so bad and not worth it then moms would only be having one child and we all know that is not the case! Take it one wave at a time as PP said and we will all get through this and have our LO to hold and love in the end!

Ccat1977 · November 2015

Thanks everyone. This actually my second baby but it's been 10 years so it's like new. I think what really got me was when they started talking about how they are starting to admit later and later - no longer 4cm but more often 6. Then the whole being naked/vulnerable and exposed thing. I'm a very private person and I realize you forget about it when the time comes, but I'm not there yet. At least I know I'm not alone in my fear - thank you! The room itself was great - all one person person room, jacuzzi tub, birthing ball, shower in the bathroom, fold down bed for dad, baby never leaves room, etc. I'm trying to refocus on the "perks"

Court11152325 · November 2015

It kind of saddens me that the most natural and normal thing our bodies were made for has turned into such a fearful process. You might want to try checking out Birth Without Fear or try some meditation/relaxation exercises that provide positive affirmations about the process.

I also agree with PP about referring to pain as a surge. It may sound super crunchy and hippy, but, again, our bodies naturally release hormones to help!

Daphneh28 · November 2015

You can do this! I second @Court11152325. We are being conditioned to think of birth as painful horrible and an emergency waiting to happen situation. Truth is it's perfectly natural. Your body is designed to do this. At the beginning of my pregnancy I was super terrified of it now I'm just excited and I cannot wait! I think of it as of one the greatest feats of human nature. Our bodies are amazing! Reading about it a Lot helped come to terms with it. Read positive birth stories, reading other women's experiences will make it look like a doable thing. And remember mind over matter, if you can do this you can do anything. Think of how powerful you will feel once it's over. Blessings and I hope you have a fast and safe delivery!

nmonty15 · November 2015

@Ccat1977 ...We went in for ours last night; the nurse asked what I was worried about the most...I told her labor in general, and something bad happening to me or the baby. She recommended I read a book called called "Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth" as it is an encouraging and positive book about labor by Ina May Gaskins, and not to listen to other people's birthing stories! She said I need to go in with a positive outlook and she feels this book is very helpful going into labor. Needless to say, the next few days I'll be resting and reading this book because I feel the same way you do...and our due date is next Sunday

Court11152325 · November 2015

@nmonty15 - that is an excellent book!

kathleeeenrose · November 2015

Yes the birth stories in Ina mays books will really help you feel more positive! Spiritual midwifery was my first book of hers. Anyway, I had a great birth experience 2 years ago and I'm excited to have this baby. Yes, it hurts. But it's pain with a purpose and the most magical love you will ever feel is on the other side of that pain!

mperotti220 · November 2015

OMG yes! I wasn't scared until our class last night...now it's all I can think about and I'm feeling anxious! Glad I'm not alone in this fear!! Love the encouraging words! You ladies are awesome.

ealiska · November 2015

I'm terrified by the pain too! It my birthing class the RN running it mentioned that in active labor we'll have about a minute of pain and 4 ish minutes of recovery and to just get through that one minute. If you're familiar with yoga breathing...you can probably stretch a breath (inhale and exhale ) to like 12-15 seconds. So you really only have to get through like 4 or 5 deep breaths at a time. That's what I keep telling myself anyways.

Melissadmag · November 2015

Google positive birth affirmations, they are a great calming source.

mac-n-cheesy · November 2015

The one thing that is helping me (even though I have pretty severe pre-existing anxiety) is that even though it will be painful, it's pain with a purpose. It isn't shattering an elbow like DH or fracturing my back in a car accident like I did 5 years ago. We got through those and it was pointless pain. This pain has a reward at the end. I'm sure it will be stressful, very hard work, and unbearable at times in the moment, but at the end I get to finally meet my little girl I've been growing for most of 2015.
She's got to come out somehow and sometime so I try not to work myself into a frenzy about something that will just have to occur. I know I only can control so much and after being in L&D over 10 times since 31w for PTL, oligohydraminos, and continued HG I honestly feel more comfortable there than at home!! I have a high chance of being induced in the next 1-2 weeks so the pain is near but so is getting to meet my little girl!

Ccat1977 · November 2015

So the Ina May book isn't helping - sorry just not for me apparently. The one where another woman gets naked and lays down next to the mother - oh hell no. Why does everyone have to be completely naked too? Again privacy issue and photos of being naked and surrounded by other people, some of which are complete strangers - completely spikes my anxiety. I'm start to think half of my fear is the lack of privacy. Pictures of crowning baby head - it may be a miracle but it ain't pretty. Think seeing that in middle school sex ed traumatized me. ;-) Going to put the book away for now. I tried and maybe I'll try again later, but to each their own I guess. Still glad to know I'm not the only one feeling afraid.

boydgirl123 · November 2015

If it helps at all, I thought people went through hours and hours of incredible pain when they were in labor. As I have gone along (on my 4th pregnancy now), it has occured to me that the only intense pain for me, at least, is when I am in transition and the actual delivery ( about 30-45 minutes). Now, that's not to say I'm not dreading it, but it's my 4th unmedicated labor and delivery... I just encourage you to take it one contraction at a time! You'll be fine! We were made to do this!

Ccat1977 · November 2015

It occurred to me as I've been trying to come to terms with this that there's more driving my panic than the pain. Yes, that's a large part of it as I do have a tendency to pass out when it gets bad, but.... As mentioned a lot is the vulnerability. Being at the mercy of a natural process that you cannot really control - I hate not being in control and not knowing what's going to happen. People seeing me afraid - hate that too. Fear of the unknown - will he be okay? If he's got some issue/handicap how will I react? Will I be a good mother the second time around? motherhood scared the hell out of me the first time around too - I cried the first few days with my daughter - "what do I do with her?!" I'm not the super maternal type (youngest and was never around kids) and yet I figured it out - but I'll never be a super mom so to speak. We were very surprised by this baby after years of no success. We'd given up really. Could it be that while yes I really am happy I'm also a little upset that my "plans" have been derailed?? Plans like going to Europe before I'm 40 (not that far away), working on my art career (or trying to at least), etc. My anxiety could also be because we just moved 2500 miles away and have only one family member nearby - I feel isolated and have no friends/sisters local. Anyway, apologies on the soapbox but I just think maybe all my feelings are balling up and I'm misdirecting my energy. It helps to write it out and I'm sure I'll be up most of the night tossing and turning as I continue processing. Perhaps I should have bought some unisom - Dr. recommended some for if I was having trouble sleeping. Thanks for listening so to speak.

TomekiaB · November 2015

@ccat1977 I read lots of "book previews on kindle" so I read Ina May's preview and I too was really creeped out by the naked assistance of the women "still bleeding" from her own delivery, I literally stopped reading and deleted the sample. I read a couple reviews and realized that their stats are also likely so great because they are super selective about who can give birth at the farm. I've read other positive birth stories (found on pinterest) and natural birth books but Ina May was really to much for me.

Court11152325 · November 2015

Birth Without Fear is a great resource without all the nakedness!

spottedginger · November 2015

Court11152325 said:
Birth Without Fear is a great resource without all the nakedness!

I second this!

laurabwalker · November 2015

The second part of the Ina May book is a really good resource!
I'm trying to focus on pain with a purpose as well. And it's not pain and suffering, like someone would with continuous pain. You have breaks, which can help you cope.

groovylocks · November 2015

I'm afraid too. I actually have spent some time thinking about the fear I'm having and i realized i'm not really afraid of the pain. I'm not looking forward to it, of course.. but that's not what worries me. I'm claustrophobic. The idea of something large squeezing out of something small, localized entirely WITHIN my own body gives me the absolute shivers and any pain that accompanies THAT is going to make me very panicky.

I think that might be weird to hear somebody say but I think a huge part of the anxiety is the claustrophobia for a lot of people.

mrs14678 · November 2015

I agree with PP, at least from what I've heard from my mom and some friends! I'm a FTM.

They said it's pain with a purpose, but compared it more to really bad period cramps. So, if we can deal with cramps, this is better cos at least there's a reason for it at the end! At least that's what I keep telling myself!!!

Like others said too, drugs are there if you need them!

My biggest fear is the IV needles!! I can stick myself all day long when I'm sewing, but someone else sticking me?? Nope!

Ccat1977 · November 2015

Oh I hate the IVs too. I balled when my daughter was born - they couldn't get the IV in - took like 5-7 tries. I hate to sound sexist but in my experience the men seem to be better with needles than women. Perhaps that was just my luck of draw - I always ask them to send in someone who's really good at it as I'm NOT good at it.

Slowly but surely in coming to grips with what's coming. I did buy a labor gown though - the " kumbaya it's ok if you're naked thing" - so not okay with that. It may be silly, but I'll do whatever I can to preserve my modesty if it makes me feel even a little bit better.

Knottie43691308 · November 2015

@ccat1977 try the second part of Ina May's book, since you already have it and all. That's where she explains the process, what happens and how to deal with all of it. I jumped most of the first part and then skipped through bits of the second but since you already have the book it's worth going through it.

kelseyofanne · November 2015

Yes I so agree about the second part of Ina May's book! I didn't find the birth stories nearly as helpful as the medical info at the end.

I think they are as selective as any midwives at the Farm. Low risk only or else you really do need an OB.

redfallon · November 2015

This may not be the prettiest comparison, but I compare the contractions more to diarrhea cramps than to period cramps. And pushing feels like you are trying to take the biggest poo in your life with the worst constipation you've ever had and when the baby comes out it is the same feeling of relief, but in a different place.

Taylovesbrad · November 2015

Yup had the class sat. Videos involved and definately cried. I am really scared too and wish he could just appear in my arms instead of going through birth. Knowing other people have done it isn't helping me anymore. Our poor poor vaginas!!!!!

Ccat1977 · November 2015

I think it's funny people assume I don't know how it works because I'm scared. "If you learn about the process...." Second baby - I know exactly how it works ... Still scared. I know we'll all get through it, but learning to deal the with anxiety is the issue.

Court11152325 · November 2015

I think it's really insightful to realize that it's vulnerability that is causing you a lot of anxiety @ccat1977. Many of us aren't willing to be vulnerable in front of others.

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