As promised in my TTT post, here's a a place where we can share stories and/or vent about parents/in laws. This thread might also be a place to ask questions or seek guidance in regards to family situations. Hopefully this is helpful for many of us that struggle with troublesome families.
Ps- I'll share some of my MIL stories later in the day!
Re: Problematic parents/in laws
So my MIL and SIL are very controlling women. My DH is very very blunt, like to a fault. Before me, MIL and SIL THOUGHT they were directing/controlling DH's life although he would respond with his typical blunt comments or would simply hang up the phone/ not respond. So, here I come (DH had literally NO dating experience so MIL and SIL were used to being the only women in his life). MIL would text me every morning and every evening, she and SIL called me ALL the time and wouldn't want to have normal people convos, it would be calls asking about my health issues (I got a very terrible and life altering diagnosis 4 months into dating DH). MIL asked me for my medical records so that she could make sure my Drs knew what they were doing and SIL was giving me advice that was never asked for especially seeing as she didn't have the same disease as me and was 100% healthy. Every phone call was them telling us how we didn't go about making this decision right and how I shouldn't do such and such that way, I should do it this way. I'm a very private person and I don't talk to anyone everyday, not my best friend, not my family, nobody, and DH and I were very tired of all the calls and texts and telling us how to live every aspect of our lives especially while dealing with my diagnosis. DH asked them several times to back off with no success so we wrote them an email in June simply asking them for a little privacy and ensuring them that we would keep them in the loop on life's happening for us, and that we wished for advice to be given when it was asked for. It was very gentle. SIL called and told us she was taking us off the will to have our nieces if anything happened to she or BIL and told us she no longer has a SIL or brother as far as she was concerned. She told her 3 and 4 year old that we broke her heart and told them that uncle and auntie no longer wanted to be in their lives. MIL responded 2 weeks later with an email only to my husband (she's very "religious" so she slammed me in the whole email and referred to me as the devil trying to tear her family apart and make her son choose sides and slammed me using bible verses throughout the whole email). This is all in response to us asking for privacy mind you. MIL called DH's aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother and told them all that we sent an email telling them we no longer wanted anything to do with any of them trying to turn his family against us as well. DH tried several times calling his MIL and SIL and telling them that all we want is the privacy to make the decisions we wish to make in regards to our own marriage and want normal healthy conversations and relationships with them and they continued to tell him how hurt THEYVE been and how THEYVE been crying and have had so much stress inflicted on their lives because of us and they never once stopped to think about what they've put onto us for the last year. They said the only way we can rekindle a relationship is if he and I apologize for what we asked for and allow things to go back to how they used to be or they want us to get an annulment because they feel I'm the problem and we refuse. They've told me that I made nice with them all until DH and I got married because I "knew I was sick all along and had a preconceived notion to marry my husband so I could stay at home and have someone make my money for me, pay my bills, and ensure I always had health insurance". Who thinks like that?!
Needless to say, I truly never want to see them again and neither does DH. He's disgusted with them. I don't foresee a reconciliation of any kind seeing as they've kept digging the hole deeper and deeper. I've never disliked people so much in my entire life.
Sorry for the essay, this all doesn't even cover the tip of the iceberg but I had to rant
I got into this a bit on FFFC a week or so ago... but my issues are my mom and DH. They do not get along. My mom tried to sabotage our wedding, and hasn't apologized to either of us. He doesn't trust her, and thinks everything is a manipulation. I don't know that I disagree, but I don't think "everything" she does has an angle. But now, he is dragging his parents into it. My mom sent him Steeler bibs and a card to congratulate him (which he never opened or acknowledged). His parents thought the timing was "weird", almost like she was jinxing the pregnancy. I was offended they would even say that. So basically anything she does is never going to be right on their end, or his. We cant even spend holidays together. He has never come home with me because he doesn't want to be in the same room with her for more than 5 minutes. Needless to say this has been very draining on me. I used to try to be ok with it, but now that a baby is in the picture, I really just want everyone to get along for the sake of the baby.
I get along fine with DHs parents, even though they drive me bonkers and are a bit pretentious and overbearing. They mean well, but I am beyond pissed that they are stepping into the issues with DH and my mom. They should stay out of it, or try to mend the issue. Not keep it going by alluding to the fact that my mom is jinxing our pregnancy.
Married in 2011
Baby 1: Stillborn at 27 weeks (April 2014)
Baby 2: Due May 2016
@chottomotto so true, I keep reminding myself that I wouldn't want people like this around my child acting as "role models" anyway! Makes it easier to move forward.
DS: Born 5-17-16
My MIL has been nothing but a nightmare since we've had DS. I don't know if she finally realized that she wasn't the most important woman in her son's life anymore, but it is baaaaaaaaad. We haven't spoken to her in months. She doesn't even know I'm pregnant again.
Personally I don't care at all, but I do feel bad for my husband. She's been very hurtful and he doesn't deserve it.
ETA - I shouldn't say I don't care, I care very much. I mean, I don't care in a sense where if she's going to continue to act this way, then I'm not going to deal with her and she's not going to be around my children. If she wants to start behaving, we can see where it goes but right now... she's not around and it's no sweat off of my back.
DS: Born 5-17-16
I don't know about you guys, but it makes me feel better to see that I am not the only one in a bad family situation.
Totally makes me feel better!
All the rules were easily obeyed by everyone until DS #1 was born. I expected the drop in for a little while and always ended the visit with a kind reminder that especially now that I have a baby, I'd prefer a heads up for visitors so I'd be home and dressed. It was ok for a little while. Then out of nowhere my parents started just stopping by whenever they felt like it. If we weren't home I'd get angry voice mails about how they drove all the way to my house and how rude it was that I wasn't there. That pissed me off enough. They did stop dropping by randomly after the 5th or 6th time we weren't home, and called first. OK great! Back to normal! So they come over. Eat my food. Drink my drinks. Watch my tv. That's it. They didn't even acknowledge the presence of their grandson. And every time they'd stay until well past bed time and I'd say repeatedly I need to get spencer to sleep and theyd just cut me off and say "so put him to sleep, that's fine". When in fact it was not fine at all because my son couldn't sleep when he could hear people laughing and screaming in the next room! One day I just told them no they couldn't come over and they haven't asked since.
I had another baby last December. They ooo and ahh over my oldest at every family party. They don't even give my youngest a second look. Not only that but at christmas when he was 3 weeks old the family was playing pass the baby which is fine, whatever. I gave him to my aunt to use the bathroom and she gave him to my mom. OK that's fine. Then mom gave him to my dad. Also fine. I went and played with my oldest. I heard my baby screaming at the top of his lungs so I go get him. He is full on soaked from his head to his feet (literally, wet hat, wet onsie, wet pants, wet socks, exploded diaper) and I asked why no one said anything and brought him to me, to which my dad responds "he's fine, he's just a little wet. Stop over reacting". Maybe I am crazy and over reacting but a 3 week old baby should never explode a diaper to the point of being that wet. I should have changed him before pass the baby but I honestly thought someone would bring him to me or my husband if he needed changed. Lesson learned.
They still don't know about this baby. And I plan to keep it that way.
DS: Born 5-17-16
About an 2 hrs ago I got into a car accident and was standing at the side of the road exchanging information with the guy. My mom drives up next to me in her car, rolls down the window and says are you ok? I told her I was fine, but shaken up & was crying at the time. And without pulling off to side, or asking me if I needed help, she just drives off! I can't begin to tell you how disappointed and hurt I am by her.
Maybe I'm overreacting because of the pregnancy hormones, but I just can't imagine ever doing that to my own daughter.
When I finally got home, I had the chance to tell her I wish she would have stopped to actually see if I was ok, and replied that I am a drama queen.
It makes me sad.
Our relationship has taken a toll since I've lived with her the past few months- she calls me a bitch for no apparent reason about every week, she is controlling, and manipulative and sometimes I feel like H, DD and I need to get out of the house. I wish there were better options.
I called my OB and she said to just relax and call if there is any red spotting. I feel so relieved that LO appears to be fine.
Thanks for listening to my vent.
Also, DD did so well with no passie. Then MIL steps in.... At 2 years old (2YEARS FREAKIN OLD) DD is now so addicted to her passie that MIL gave her and continues to let my niece have (she's 4 and lives with ILs). I don't really care so much about my niece but when DD is over there she wants what my niece has too so there you have it. I told DH she shouldn't go over there if this is how it's going to go. He said he will refuse to let them go over there if this new LO gets a passie there... Uh huh...we shall see.
Also, my SIL is a drug addict and refuses to take care of her child that lives in the same house as her. It has turned my niece into a monster bc she's learned at an early age to play IL's and her mom against each other...Therefore she gets whatever she wants whenever. Anyone see the old movie The Bad Seed? Yeah... my niece is the new Rhoda.
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
DS: Born 5-17-16
As for my MIL and SIL sounding like yours, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hate hearing that so many people are so twisted and ugly hearted, it's hard enough accepting that there are two of them, let alone finding out there are a lot more like them!! Just horrible!
Pretty much when SO and I started dating, things weren't so good with him and his family (due to multiple things that have happened over a lifetime). I met his mother, father, sister, and niece the first time he took me to their house. Things went fine, everyone was polite. Then, I tried to add his mother as my friend on Facebook. This led her to finding out that I am a Pagan. She wouldn't be friends with me, and pretty much started telling my SO to "be careful" around me, and kind of saying that I was "bad" or "evil". SO defended me, so she blocked him on Facebook and wouldn't speak to him via text or phone call. We tried to go over to their house multiple times, and they would never answer the door for us, when we knew for sure they were there. She is quite a religious Christian. I didn't really mind that she disliked my religion, as I am used to it being a Pagan in the Bible Belt.
Once she found out her son and I were expecting, she decided to finally add me as a friend and began talking to us again. She started messaging me lots of bible-y stuff, I think trying to make me say something about it. I just act like I didn't see them and chat with her anyway haha. They still won't answer the door for us when we come over.. Oh well, I'm sure they will soon since I'm further along.
Mrs. Schicksal: An only child
MIL: Dad wasn't in the picture and her mom worked at the Playboy Mansion. Seriously.
FIL: Retired from Corps of Engineers, now works for the government. He made good money as either a GS13 or 14 but has always been beyond cheap. The MIL is cheap too, and they've had financial planners go over their affairs only to be told that everything is fine. This is very important because it makes half the stories just that much more crazy.
While we were dating...
- When we were dating (long distance). Mrs. Schicksal was going to school and still lived at home. She told a couple of stories where her mom hit her but I didn't quite believe it until she left her phone on the car seat one time while it happened and I could hear for myself. Suddenly I realized why she was so anxious to pack up and get out of there, apparently it had been going on for years.
- Before she moved out to where I lived her car was totaled by someone who didn't look before pulling out. The MIL kept the cash and told her to try and find another car for under $1,000. She moved across the country with whatever she could fit into three bags that she checked on her Southwest flight. I got to ferry her to/from community college for the next three months on my way to work until we could find her a decent car to get around in.
- She patched things up a bit with her mom and she decided to come out to Seattle to check the place out. To this day I have no idea what she actually saw. Her picture of the Space Needle was from zoomed all the way in from a long distance with 1/3 of it visible between two tall buildings. I do know that one of her high points was getting to go to Big Lots. She thought that was loads of fun.
- In-laws buy a new house from a builder known for being cheap in the exurbs of the city. They complain about driving/gas/oil constantly to this day.
While we were engaged... we moved to the city her parents lived in.
- 2008, we did Thanksgiving at the future in-laws place. Her dad went to Wal Mart on black friday and got a brand new TV, the square tube kind that was 24 inches at the absolute most. It was an upgrade from their maybe 19 inch set. He might have paid up to $75 for it. Her mom saw it and just freaked out! She couldn't believe he spent all that money and blah blah blah, take it back... The FIL is probably the only person to have to take something back on black friday before noon.
- Time to start looking at wedding dresses. The MIL refuses to look at anything that's not on Ali Express to try and keep things cheap. I think she wanted to keep it under $200 or so. This horrified MIL's sister who covered an actual wedding dress that looked good.
- Word got back to me that I needed to keep it to immediate family only, which I don't really have because family on my side is so small. No friends, coworkers or any of that in order to keep costs low. This changes a week before the wedding but it was far too late for me to do anything about it at that point. I spend the next three months apologizing to people I would have invited.
- We wanted to have someone video the wedding. MIL says she's got it covered so she buys something mega-cheap online that comes complete with a charger that fits Chinese wall outlets. She successfully recorded the first minute and a half of the wedding, right up until the point where everyone turned around because Mrs. Schicksal was entering the room... only for it to run out of memory at that exact moment!
While we were married and still living there...
- Six of us were crammed into the in-laws Corolla. They had two foreign exchange students they were taking to a nice park north of the city and for some reason we came with. I have no clue what they started arguing about but they got into some kind of weird slap fight on the way there (hand/arm slapping). That was more than awkward for the four of us in the back seat and to this day I wonder what the exchange students were thinking.
Since moving here...
- Mrs. Schicksal remained over there for a semester after I moved in order to graduate from the university. The MIL couldn't stand to be so far away from her so she booked a flight over maybe a week or two after graduation, but failed to realize that we had also just closed on our house so nearly everything was still in boxes while I painted over some awful colors the people who lived here before chose. While I was at work the MIL decided to "help" despite the wife pleading her not to. She tried priming over some of the deep purple walls but did a bad job of it and got paint all over the hardwood floor instead. Seriously, who thinks that it's a good time to visit when the people you're visiting haven't even unpacked yet?!
- During this trip she also had to find Big Lots and have a visit. They do have those where she lives, by the way. While visiting they also like to point out how gas is up to 3 cents more per gallon than it is where they are while shaking their head and going on about how that's just too much.
- Her and the FIL have visited a few times more since then, usually apart. To be cheap they normally book flights that leave as early as possible and insist upon being there 2 hours early so I get to ferry them to the airport at 4am. Awesome.
- They scheduled another visit while I was in the later stages of completely rebuilding about 1,300 square feet of our house, then the MIL went on about how it was "ghetto" that there were tools lying around (this was DIY) even though they were being stored in a nearby room they would not need to go in or out of. Since the MIL can't leave things alone when asked she decided to rearrange everything and scatter (hide) them throughout the house, which took a month to recover from.
Their next trip falls right in the middle of the 2nd trimester and when we'll be about halfway through rebuilding the master bedroom/bathroom/closet, and they're bringing their foreign exchange student this time. I can't wait. The MIL is also thinking about moving over here for four months after the baby is born.
DS: Born 5-17-16