Kids say the darned things.....

lovethatcolosun · November 2015

Those of us with older kids, what crazy things have popped out of their mouth lately?

lovethatcolosun · November 2015

DS just called our dog a douche bag because he stepped on his artwork from school and ripped it.

)

caitlincunn · November 2015

Something funny my 5 year old said. We were watching say yes to the dress and since our wedding is in September she said "the bigger the budget, the better the dress." I was dying. Not taking her with me shopping!

Sammy K · November 2015

My 3 year old saw me dump hummus all over the floor and says Damn it! Oops.

marlener25 · November 2015

lovethatcolosun said:
DS just called our dog a douche bag because he stepped on his artwork from school and ripped it. )

My three year old said douche bag too the other day. I was dying.

Sammy K · November 2015

Oh, I forgot about this one: DS was running around naked after his bath. DH swatted him on the butt playfully and DS says "No! I don't like that!" And DH says "Mom likes it when I spank her" So DS turns to me and says "You need to take your pants off so Dad can spank you."

I'm waiting for his teacher at school to say something. $:\$ ">

47923ang · November 2015

My 5 year old nephew was going to go swimming in my parents' pool, so he took off all his clothes and ran to the bathroom before putting on his trunks.

My sister, his mom, said, "you shouldn't be running around naked," to which he responded,

"I'm not naked! I'm wearing my socks and my watch!"

klkonwi · November 2015

^^^^^ dying laughing!!!!!

DolphinLover2002 · November 2015

Dh and I were watching reality tv, and one woman said "you bitch " to the other. Our 3 year old ds goes up to the tv, points at the woman and says "you bitch" with such a serious face. Dh and I about died laughing before we told him that was a naughty word.

Another time, my mom was doing something and she got frustrated. She said "what the" and then caught herself. My ds walked up to her and said "hell, grandma. It's what the hell". We all lost it. My mom was like, "whoops, guess I've said that around him a few too many times". She doesn't swear much, but he catches on fast.

RaiEliJusHell1369 · November 2015

I told my nephew his shoes were on the wrong feet and through all the sobbing after this he muttered "these are the only feets I got." I about died

And today in my pre-k class I called one of my 3yo students silly, his reply was "My name's not silly, it's Isaac. You know that Mrs. Raisin." Such literal children I have. haha

virginiaunicorn11 · November 2015

My cousins were trick-or-treating and when they said, "Trick or treat!" one woman replied, "Smell my feet!" And my three year old cousin bent down and smelled them!!

And his five year old sister said, "You have to be careful what you tell him. He's only 3, and he takes you very literally."

)

JessHeppell · November 2015

not something my kid said but something my 3 year old niece said
my Dh was 90% asleep laying on the couch and i said to her "oh no Alyra, uncle Josh is sleeping, what should we do?", turns to me with a big smile and just says "let's kill him"

edit: typo

henrytviii · November 2015

Not sure if I want to follow that . . . But I have a few good ones so I'll play.

We told DS (3) that his time on the computer was up. Long car ride, first time playing games on iPad, because I'm a crazy anti screen time nut. Instant addict. His response to times up: "But I want it to be down"

And of course there's somebody, nobody and if you are wondering who it is . . . "whobody". Nope, never planning to correct that one! Too cute.

These are of course my clean examples.

kezdk · November 2015

One of "my kids" (I'm a teacher) was telling his friends how he had been to watch a baseball game with his dad over the weekend (he is 3 years old, and this happened during baseball season). He was describing who won and what not and then says very matter of factly "and then the guy stole a base, but the police didn't even come" I enjoyed this conversation thoroughly because you could hear the boys discussing teams and "smack talking" (clean) you could totally hear their dads through them...too cute.

ElRuby · November 2015

Oh god.... DS was in his transformers costume talking about how big and strong he is.... And then he says to my father "transformers have big nipples... Bigger than my nipples.... They are as big as mommies".... I just cried laughing, my dad was so embarrassed and speechless....and DH had to leave the room from laughing so hard.... DS was just very nonchalant about it haha

ChardeeMacDennis · November 2015

2yo this morning, helpfully: "when you're so tired you can still get up, mommy." Gee, thanks.

lovethatcolosun · November 2015

DS: "Toby has coconuts on his feet."
Me: coconuts?
DS: yeah look he has two
Me: those are just bumps buddy, but good eye!

He's a chocolate lab who's old and lumpy. Poor fella has a lot of coconuts on him.

henrytviii · November 2015

DS: Mom, do you have a nice teacher at school who sings songs for you?

I just went back to working as a teacher, DH keeps telling him I'm at school. Oops. He thought I was attending preschool without him!

princessbmw · November 2015

My almost three year old saw a Victoria's Secret commercial with a girl in a blue bra. He shouts, "She's turning into Wonder Woman!"

Kbchavez23 · November 2015

This happened about 2 yrs ago but I still find it pretty amusing. My daughter in kindergarten had to draw a glass half empty/half full for part of her hw and after she brought it back to me, the glass she decided to draw, was a wine glass. Epic parent fail.

ahall0358 · November 2015

My mom went to sit down on the floor with my 3 year old nephew yesterday to roll a ball and he says "Nana that didn't hurt your big ole booty?" We both were laughing so hard we couldn't breathe.

HoosOnFirst · November 2015

One of the little girls at daycare can't say "Evelyn", so she calls LO the closest word she DOES know, "elephant". Neat!

virginiaunicorn11 · November 2015

My 10 year old niece said this about her 3 year old little brother:

"He has a worse attention span than a goldfish."

We all laughed and she said, "No really. I held a picture up. The goldfish looked at it for three seconds. He only looked for a second. Literally. Worse attention span than. a. goldfish."

MouseMama817 · November 2015

My friends little sister tried to pick a fight with another little girl when she was five. They were at a garage sale and my friends sister had been looking at a doll she didn't end up getting. As they were driving away she saw another little girl with the doll and my friend's sister said
"Wait! That lil girl has my doll!"
*rolls car window down*
"HEY LIL GIRL!!!"

My friend was mortified but I laugh every time I think about it 8 years later!

ashleymc09 · November 2015

Sorry, this one is kinda long.. My husband's uncle was an elementary school assistant principal several years ago. This one day he had two 2nd grade girls that had been sent to his office because one girl had been bitten by the other girl, and she still had a red bite mark on her arm to prove it. When he asked them to tell him what happened, they argued and he couldn't get a consistent story from them, and the accused girl was crying too much for him to understand the situation. So he told them he was going to leave the room and give them a minute to calm down and when he came back he needed to hear the truth..and told them something like "And I'll know who's telling the truth and the one not telling the truth will be in big trouble." So when he came back in, the girl who had the bite mark on her arm told him that while he was gone she had been studying the bite mark and compared it to the other girl's mouth and decided that the bite mark and her mouth didn't match, but that the bite mark actually looked more like something she might have done herself.... So this little girl was mad at the other, so she bit her own arm and framed the other girl for doing it to get her in trouble. Way too smart for her own good!

ETA - Sorry this isn't my own older kid, so it kinda strays a bit away from the original question..

staceyfern · November 2015

I teach preschool students with special needs. Somehow I got super lucky and only have two friends in one of my classes. One little girl who understands everything but all she says is no. She HATES getting her diaper changed. On Friday as we were sitting at circle and saying goodbye I smelled something. I said her name and that I smelled a poop. She shouted no, wavered her hand in front of her nose and pointed her other hand at the one other student. She is only 3 and she knows to blame others!!

lovethatcolosun · November 2015

DS has had Ba Ba Black Sheep stuck in his head for four days. He sings a few other songs on occasion, but a good 1/3 of my day is filled with this tune.

Good god man!!! Yes the sheep has wool...three fucking bags full!! Pick a new song!

Sammy K · November 2015

Today was DS's well kid visit and he got his flu shot. It took 3 of us to hold him down. Afterwards, as we're walking into daycare, he looks at me and says "We're NOT doing that again. OK Mom?" Ok, kiddo. At least, not until next year.

LaurenAnn0405 · November 2015

When we're in the car if the car is stopped for a while (like at a light or in traffic) I hear my 3.5 yo DD in the backseat go "Come on! Really? Move your ass!" I'm trying not to laugh but she has obviously heard my "clean(er)" version of road rage too many times!

lovethatcolosun · November 2015

@LaurenAnn0405 our so loves to mimic our road rage too. I have to go totally PG now, because he'll use all the right words in context.

Sammy K · November 2015

@LaurenAnn0405 The first time DS said "C'mon, grandma!" from the back seat, I just about died. Apparently that is DH's go to phrase.

dancegurl1118 · November 2015

@Sammy K dying. If I could insert the emoji of laughing I would. I need to clean up my act or LO is going to have the worst mouth on account of mommy's road rage.

Sammy K · November 2015

This morning DS wanted cake for breakfast and I said no so he threatened to call "his man." I told him to go ahead. So he pretends to hold a phone up to his ear and says "Hello, Man? Come and get Mom. She's being mean" all while staring at me. So I said I was going to call my Man too. Well, then he had a meltdown. Over invisible thugs. And cake.

We also had our first episode of dad saying no, so he came to ask me. At 3.

henrytviii · November 2015

@Sammy K I'd call my man too if you didn't let me eat cake for breakfast. That is mean.

Tonight we had a 5 minute argument about if its okay to argue with your mom. Clearly my point was well taken. 3 is the new 13 apparently.

virginiaunicorn11 · November 2015

Sammy K said:
This morning DS wanted cake for breakfast and I said no so he threatened to call "his man." I told him to go ahead. So he pretends to hold a phone up to his ear and says "Hello, Man? Come and get Mom. She's being mean" all while staring at me. So I said I was going to call my Man too. Well, then he had a meltdown. Over invisible thugs. And cake.

We also had our first episode of dad saying no, so he came to ask me. At 3.

I freaking love this!! "Hello, Man?" Your kid is awesome

KaLikeAWind · November 2015

@Sammy K your kid is the godfather in training. Its awesome.

Sammy K · November 2015

It's even funnier in his toddler-speak. He draws it out, like may-on. I love that kid. I hope everyone has funny kids.

KarasTwin · November 2015

I want to hang out with @Sammy Ks kid and @virginiaunicorn11s grandma

corndogrobot · November 2015

i was at my friend's house and ready to leave and say put your shoes on (3 times!!) to my 4 year old son and the third time I said it I look over and he is wearing just a shirt and socks. No pants. No under pants.
When I yell "what are you doing!?!"
He said:
"I forgot what you said"

You forgot what I said so you took off your pants!??

bethanne09 · November 2015

^^that's hilarious.
My friend's daughter (4.5 years) says that I'm her favorite 'auntie' because she doesn't have to wear pants here and I give her chocolate milk.
She proceeded to tell this to every shopper in Target.

Way to make me sound like a crazy person, kiddo. Lol

Sammy K · November 2015

This morning after I left, DS decided it was Naked Thursday and refused to put clothes on all morning (but complained about being cold, whatev). DH let him since this is not a battle worth fighting. When it was time to go, DH loads up LO and tells DS he's going to have to stay home by himself since he wasn't ready to leave. DS runs over, put his jacket on and starts putting his shoes on before DS stops him. When DH explained we can't leave the house with no clothes on, DS was really disappointed and asked "What if I put socks on first?"

Sorry kid, we must wear pants. Not to mention it was 38 degrees outside!

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