In-law drama?

lindygirl0408 · October 2015

Anyone have reservations about telling their in-laws about pregnancy? There is some major bad blood between the in-laws and me, not to mention they are practically raising their two other grandkids and feel as though they get a say in everything.

Is this a worry for anyone else? Is my situation "normal?"

Hoping to find anyone with a similar perspective on this.

Thanks!

Huskerfanz · October 2015

I'm worried about them spilling the beans. I was really worried about them before DS but it's turned out better than I thought.

Boundaries are key. If they are interjecting opinions, maybe tell them less what's going on?

GoMommy · October 2015

My inlaws dont know. Dh is scared to tell his Narcissistic father. My fil loves controlling my husband(with guilt and money) but he doesnt control him anymore bc about a year ago i had enough. I know he wont be happy which makes me sad. He straight up and told dh we shouldnt have another child until we pay off more debt (then offered money so dh would feel guilty about getting money and we'd come over more-we didn't take it)
I think we are telling him sunday although id like to wait even longer but its up to dh

DeePaddy24 · October 2015

We haven't told my in-laws yet, & truthfully I would be okay keeping it from them until it's made public knowledge. DH doesn't share my feelings on it, though, & he wants to tell them in a couple of weeks. I haven't always had the best relationship with them, & I really don't trust them not to spill the beans before we're ready...but, I'm not going to win the battle.

I agree with PP's...boundaries are key. Make them clear & set them early...hopefully they will be able to respect them. Good luck!

lindygirl0408 · October 2015

Thanks @huskerfamily @GoMommy @DeePaddy24 !!! My problem is that SIL and BIL have set an example already. SIL has become a complete doormat because they provide "free" childcare a few days a week. She doesn't want to upset them. So she chooses to be miserable instead.

To me it seems as though their childcare isn't free at all!

Huskerfanz · October 2015

So don't have them watch your LO? What are your plans? You don't have to do things the same way as your SIL/BIL.

knw007 · October 2015

We are waiting to tell the in laws. We told them last time in the first trimester and told them to keep it a secret for two weeks. My MIL didn't even wait 2 hours before spilling it. Then when I was hurt and told her how I felt she said she isn't sorry she is the only one that doesn't have grandchildren. Well we ended up miscarrying a few days later so now they have been on us about having kids because they are embarrassed to not have grandchildren. They will find out around Christmas when I will be in my 4th month and we are ready to share with everyone.

lindygirl0408 · October 2015

@huskerfamily At this point I honestly don't know. This was a completely unexpected pregnancy. I was on BC, and regularly. I think both of us want to get our first appt under our belts to make sure everything is okay before we make plans. I am petrified that I have harmed the baby with the pills...

lindygirl0408 · October 2015

@knw007 That is exactly what I want to wait for. I don't think my husband wants to wait that long.

arteduc8 · October 2015

I'm waiting to tell both sets of grandparents until Thanksgiving. I'll be 11 weeks and we're worried they'll spill the beans. This gives them a week to keep it secret, not a month. Here's hoping I can good or that long. I'm not worried about their involvement after that. We're fortunate to get along well with both both sets.

totsabounding · October 2015

knw007 said:
We are waiting to tell the in laws. We told them last time in the first trimester and told them to keep it a secret for two weeks. My MIL didn't even wait 2 hours before spilling it. Then when I was hurt and told her how I felt she said she isn't sorry she is the only one that doesn't have grandchildren. Well we ended up miscarrying a few days later so now they have been on us about having kids because they are embarrassed to not have grandchildren. They will find out around Christmas when I will be in my 4th month and we are ready to share with everyone.

Wow, they sound like real pieces of work. Sorry you had/have to deal with that level of selfishness on their part!

anna.oskar · October 2015

Sorry for your loss @knw007 !

We told the MIL on Tuesday (8w3d) and by Thursday night I noticed people congratulating her on FB. *sigh* So even though we weren't announcing to well into December, she forced my hand and I did the formal announcement. I'm terrified.

Rawa1416 · October 2015

I thankfully have a great relationship with in laws but so so with my own parents. Told my mom when we found out at 4w and she already went and told hs friends of mine that I don't speak to. Thanks mom.

knw007 · October 2015

@parsonsperson yea they are a piece of work they told my husband they will be taking care of all our children while we work but I honestly rather pay someone than have them watch our children.

@lindygirl0408 yea because of how things went with our first pregnancy my husband 100% agrees with waiting. I would just explain to him how you feel and you want to make sure everything is okay before you spill. Maybe if you both try to come up with a fun way to tell them he can get excited and look forward to it.

knw007 · October 2015

@parsonsperson yea they are a piece of work they told my husband they will be taking care of all our children while we work but I honestly rather pay someone than have them watch our children.

@lindygirl0408 yea because of how things went with our first pregnancy my husband 100% agrees with waiting. I would just explain to him how you feel and you want to make sure everything is okay before you spill. Maybe if you both try to come up with a fun way to tell them he can get excited and look forward to it.

Jgar2u2 · October 2015

We told my mom because she will be the one to help watch the other two when I go to appointments but my in laws don't know. They can't keep a secret. Last time we told them to not tell and they secretly did anyway. I wasn't happy.

HBamama2B · November 2015

Ugh, sorry for the difficulties ladies! If I could go back I would urge my DH to wait. I knew the ILs wouldn't be excited. He wanted to share with the in laws right away and called. We haven't heard the end of it since. Mil has been badgering us about who to tell and when like its her pregnancy. As for setting boundaries, when we tried to do that she responded with an incredibly nasty email directed at me. Just not worth my time quite frankly. DH now wishes he hadn't told them. We know for next time!

lindygirl0408 · November 2015

Oh no, @HBamama2B! I am so sorry. The IL's love to cause us problems, huh?

Sometimes I wish we could move to another continent to get away.

DH and I got into a huge fight yesterday, once again, about his parents. My stomach was in knots the rest of the day.

We don't need this stress. We're under enough pressure as it is!

kaitielynnrichardson · November 2015

Most of my family knows, but we have not told DHs family. Last time we told his aunt and uncle (they raised him), and asked them not to tell.. Sure enough they told their kids so we started getting congrats text messages. Sadly, I had a mc at 12 weeks.. Didn't even get an "I'm sorry for your loss" text or call from some of them. Never again..

RMLandy · November 2015

This is my second and I have to say if I could go back in time to my first pregnancy, I would spend so much less time worrying about what other people thought about my pregnancy/choices/parenting. It doesn't matter if they feel they should have a say. They don't if you don't want them to! Tell them when you want to tell them, establish clear boundaries, and don't let anyone else's opinions get to you too much! Every moment spent worrying what other people think is a moment wasted that you could spend being excited and making fun plans for the new LO. I wish I could get some of those moments back. I can't but I do know I won't make the same mistake this time around!

june2016baby · November 2015

knw007 said:
We are waiting to tell the in laws. We told them last time in the first trimester and told them to keep it a secret for two weeks. My MIL didn't even wait 2 hours before spilling it. Then when I was hurt and told her how I felt she said she isn't sorry she is the only one that doesn't have grandchildren. Well we ended up miscarrying a few days later so now they have been on us about having kids because they are embarrassed to not have grandchildren. They will find out around Christmas when I will be in my 4th month and we are ready to share with everyone.

Wow! What a story. I believe in forgiveness, but this one would be VERY difficult!

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