@Knottie9983816 I seriously hope you get a high needs baby who you can't control at all and people approach you in the store telling you how disturbing your kid is.
Imo this is not cool. High needs , to me, means something could be wrong with the baby. The only thing I ever wish for an expectant mother is a healthy baby.
Knottie9983816, I hated the tone of your original post and I don't think you have redemeed yourself. But I absolutely wish you a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child.
^see above for clarification/definition of high needs, @sarahufl
@Knottie9983816 I seriously hope you get a high needs baby who you can't control at all and people approach you in the store telling you how disturbing your kid is.
Imo this is not cool. High needs , to me, means something could be wrong with the baby. The only thing I ever wish for an expectant mother is a healthy baby.
High needs is not special needs. High needs means the baby needs more attention than most. It means maybe they're higher maintenance, maybe they have a harder time at day care, maybe they don't sleep through the night until later. It does not mean that a child has any developmental special needs, and in no way does it mean the child has different medical needs.
Right, I get now what you meant. My thought process was all special needs kids are high needs while it is not necessarily true the other way around. That's why I said "something could be wrong" with a high needs child. (Wrong in a medically healthy sense). I'm defining high needs, in my head, as needs extra attention.
I'm agreeing with @AmadorRose and I'll be the first to admit that my daughter has been spanked. Definitely not hard enough to leave a mark, though. I don't believe that stepping in was the best move to make in that situation. However, I agree with your general point. Maybe it's working in elementary schools that makes me jaded, but the behavior of kids these days (when did I turn 100 years old) is pretty bad. Not all, but a lot. Kids attempt things in school that I wouldn't have dreamed of. There is a general lack of respect for authority and an apathetic attitude towards work.
My UO: I don't like frosting. It just makes the cake taste bad. Yuck!
If I hadn't been sparked as a kid, I shudder to think how my life would have turned out. I'm stubborn and prideful - just like my dad. He knew nothing else was going to work because 1) I didn't have any toys to take away and 2) I liked doing chores.
Also, have you read the story about the young teenage girl who broke a boy's nose for snapping her bra strap? She asked him to stop, asked the teacher to make him stop, and nothing happened. The school called the mother and tried to make it out to be the girl's fault. Long story short, I would be so proud of a daughter like that I'd pull her from school for a couple days to go anywhere she wanted to do whatever she wanted. 'Merica!
Finally, frosting is disgusting. @pinottoparenthood can have all the frosting.
Amanda
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Nov siggy challenge: animals eating Thanksgiving food
My UO: Husband bashing is NEVER okay. It is disloyal and plain mean. Talking about my best friend behind his back would make me feel awful. I don't complain to my parents or ILs about DH because it's just not okay. Asking advice (in private) is acceptable IMO, but it's very different from bashing. Plus, "private" precludes asking the internet community.
Jana Lynn
Happily married since 5/24/2015 Momma of a baby Viking since 4/16, expecting #2 in 5/18
My UO: Husband bashing is NEVER okay. It is disloyal and plain mean. Talking about my best friend behind his back would make me feel awful. I don't complain to my parents or ILs about DH because it's just not okay. Asking advice (in private) is acceptable IMO, but it's very different from bashing. Plus, "private" precludes asking the internet community.
THANK YOU. I have friends who do this constantly, and it takes quite a bit of self-control not to ask them why they married their husbands in the first place. Even in private, there's a difference between venting about a particularly annoying incident or asking for advice in addressing an issue that's recently arisen, and complaining about your husband's character or habits, particularly when that character and those habits were already evident back when you were still dating him.
Worse still are the husband-bashers who attribute their husband's flaws to "the way marriage is" or "the way men are," and expect me to identify. Nope, sorry, your husband may be insensitive to your needs, or may refuse to help you make important decisions, or may not follow through when he says he will, or may treat your family poorly, but that's problem specific to your relationship. My husband is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but that's not the type of man he is and I don't expect it's the type of man he'll ever be. I'll empathize with you, because relationship problems are hard and being married to a jerk sucks, but I'm not going to sit back and agree with you when you suggest that it's only a matter of time before my husband turns into an inconsiderate a**hole, too.
My UO: Husband bashing is NEVER okay. It is disloyal and plain mean. Talking about my best friend behind his back would make me feel awful. I don't complain to my parents or ILs about DH because it's just not okay. Asking advice (in private) is acceptable IMO, but it's very different from bashing. Plus, "private" precludes asking the internet community.
I love this! Thank you. If you have a problem with your husband, (politely) bring it up with him. Unless you're actually being abused, it's no one else's business. I know my husband would never rant about me to anyone else, and it's not okay for me to do it about him. My mom probably thinks that he's perfect because I never complain about him, but that's just fine. haha.
But am I still allowed to complain that DH left DS's dinner milk out and I refuse to clean curdled milk that was his responsibility? Or does that fall under bashing?
One of DH's best friends wives is so mean about him it makes me so uncomfortable. We do well for ourselves and when they got married her husband had literally just graduated with a PH.D in bme. He's super successful now but was like 2 months out of being a student. She saw our house and my engagement ring and in front of everyone started complaining that why didn't she have that ring and she wants an upgrade etc. like are you f-ing kidding me???? How about "your ring is beautiful" and move on, and tell him later in private so you're not basically putting him down in front of his best friends from college. We've all taken bets on when they'll divorce and sadly hasn't happened yet.
First BFP 12/2012, MMC at 9 weeks
Second BFP 6/2013, resulted in DS, born 2/23/14 :-)
Third BFP 5/2015, natural MC at 6 weeks
Fourth BFP 8/2015, hoping for sticky little brother or sister to H!
Proud SAHM to our little monkey H.
Pro Vax, extended breasftfeeder, ring sling and stroller loving mama. I don't judge you unless you don't vaccinate!
But am I still allowed to complain that DH left DS's dinner milk out and I refuse to clean curdled milk that was his responsibility? Or does that fall under bashing?
One of DH's best friends wives is so mean about him it makes me so uncomfortable. We do well for ourselves and when they got married her husband had literally just graduated with a PH.D in bme. He's super successful now but was like 2 months out of being a student. She saw our house and my engagement ring and in front of everyone started complaining that why didn't she have that ring and she wants an upgrade etc. like are you f-ing kidding me???? How about "your ring is beautiful" and move on, and tell him later in private so you're not basically putting him down in front of his best friends from college. We've all taken bets on when they'll divorce and sadly hasn't happened yet.
I think we all need to complain a little, but there's a huge difference in saying "Ugh, DH forgot to take out the trash again," and "MH is worthless. He's the reason we don't have nice things. I hate the way he chews his food etc. etc." Disliking a habit is not reason enough to bring other people into a very private relationship.
I think the worst is when a wife complains to her family or ILs about the man she CHOSE to marry - especially if that man is their son/brother/whatever. Family should not be involved in the day-to-day spats of a couple, and I feel this is a big indicator for big issues down the road.
When I announced my divorce, my family was shocked - they thought my ex was a d-bag but I never spoke poorly about him. His family, on the other hand, knew it was coming and blamed me for the marriage falling apart...which is funny, because only one of us was sleeping around while I was in basic and AIT. It surely wasn't me considering I barely made it to my rack each night. Luckily, I learned from my mistakes and DH physically can't bring himself to speak negatively about women, even when they deserve it. (So how do you feel about women bragging about their husbands? Because I totally hit the jackpot!)
NachosAndPeaches said:
But am I still allowed to complain that DH left DS's dinner milk out and I refuse to clean curdled milk that was his responsibility? Or does that fall under bashing?
One of DH's best friends wives is so mean about him it makes me so uncomfortable. We do well for ourselves and when they got married her husband had literally just graduated with a PH.D in bme. He's super successful now but was like 2 months out of being a student. She saw our house and my engagement ring and in front of everyone started complaining that why didn't she have that ring and she wants an upgrade etc. like are you f-ing kidding me???? How about "your ring is beautiful" and move on, and tell him later in private so you're not basically putting him down in front of his best friends from college. We've all taken bets on when they'll divorce and sadly hasn't happened yet.
I think the sort of complaint you're talking about (i.e. DH did something especially frustrating this one time) is fine. If you were to tell us all that your DH did something objectionable and ohmygod, that's just soooooooo like him, he's so lazy and inconsiderate and he never helps out around the house and UGH MEN, AMIRITE?! ....... Yeah, not so much. One's a complaint about specific actions. The other is a b*tchfest bashing him that happened to be triggered by something frustrating. Not okay.
And that story about your husband's best friend's wife just makes me sad
Yeah she's just a peach in general. Not just about him. We just don't see what he sees in her. But they have a kid together and he seems happy. I know things are different behind closed doors but still.
Okay, I agree with husband bashing. And I'm glad I get to complain because he forgets to take the recycling all the time despite a calendar reminder and me reminding him. And we pile up SO MUCH in two weeks I can't stand having to wait another 2. Lol
First BFP 12/2012, MMC at 9 weeks
Second BFP 6/2013, resulted in DS, born 2/23/14 :-)
Third BFP 5/2015, natural MC at 6 weeks
Fourth BFP 8/2015, hoping for sticky little brother or sister to H!
Proud SAHM to our little monkey H.
Pro Vax, extended breasftfeeder, ring sling and stroller loving mama. I don't judge you unless you don't vaccinate!
Yeah she's just a peach in general. Not just about him. We just don't see what he sees in her. But they have a kid together and he seems happy. I know things are different behind closed doors but still.
Okay, I agree with husband bashing. And I'm glad I get to complain because he forgets to take the recycling all the time despite a calendar reminder and me reminding him. And we pile up SO MUCH in two weeks I can't stand having to wait another 2. Lol
I love my husband and I think he is wonderful.
But damnit, he ALWAYS forgets the recycling. Literally, always.
Yeah she's just a peach in general. Not just about him. We just don't see what he sees in her. But they have a kid together and he seems happy. I know things are different behind closed doors but still.
Okay, I agree with husband bashing. And I'm glad I get to complain because he forgets to take the recycling all the time despite a calendar reminder and me reminding him. And we pile up SO MUCH in two weeks I can't stand having to wait another 2. Lol
I love my husband and I think he is wonderful.
But damnit, he ALWAYS forgets the recycling. Literally, always.
It's basically his only chore!!!!!!! Grrrr
First BFP 12/2012, MMC at 9 weeks
Second BFP 6/2013, resulted in DS, born 2/23/14 :-)
Third BFP 5/2015, natural MC at 6 weeks
Fourth BFP 8/2015, hoping for sticky little brother or sister to H!
Proud SAHM to our little monkey H.
Pro Vax, extended breasftfeeder, ring sling and stroller loving mama. I don't judge you unless you don't vaccinate!
I'm planning on ordering my groceries online towards the end of third trimester! I had a hard time even standing at that point and I'm not about to wrestle a toddler to buy milk and bread - haha!
I also don't bash DH in public or to my friends, but I pout sometimes...
Ahh, the infamous mancold. It foils us all.
What is it with mancold anyway? I am making a baby and you have the sniffles- yet YOU are the one moping around the house all day. Get it together, yo!
I think chocolate is gross! I tolerate it when it's mixed with other tastier things (Butterfingers, etc), but I'd prefer to live in a world without it!
Re: Unpopular Opinions
Edit for tagging
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Nov siggy challenge: animals eating Thanksgiving food
Rhys - born 04.17.2013
Harry - born 04.18.2016
If you have a problem with your husband, (politely) bring it up with him. Unless you're actually being abused, it's no one else's business. I know my husband would never rant about me to anyone else, and it's not okay for me to do it about him. My mom probably thinks that he's perfect because I never complain about him, but that's just fine. haha.
ETA some clarity.
One of DH's best friends wives is so mean about him it makes me so uncomfortable. We do well for ourselves and when they got married her husband had literally just graduated with a PH.D in bme. He's super successful now but was like 2 months out of being a student. She saw our house and my engagement ring and in front of everyone started complaining that why didn't she have that ring and she wants an upgrade etc. like are you f-ing kidding me???? How about "your ring is beautiful" and move on, and tell him later in private so you're not basically putting him down in front of his best friends from college. We've all taken bets on when they'll divorce and sadly hasn't happened yet.
I think the worst is when a wife complains to her family or ILs about the man she CHOSE to marry - especially if that man is their son/brother/whatever. Family should not be involved in the day-to-day spats of a couple, and I feel this is a big indicator for big issues down the road.
When I announced my divorce, my family was shocked - they thought my ex was a d-bag but I never spoke poorly about him. His family, on the other hand, knew it was coming and blamed me for the marriage falling apart...which is funny, because only one of us was sleeping around while I was in basic and AIT. It surely wasn't me considering I barely made it to my rack each night. Luckily, I learned from my mistakes and DH physically can't bring himself to speak negatively about women, even when they deserve it. (So how do you feel about women bragging about their husbands? Because I totally hit the jackpot!)
Okay, I agree with husband bashing. And I'm glad I get to complain because he forgets to take the recycling all the time despite a calendar reminder and me reminding him. And we pile up SO MUCH in two weeks I can't stand having to wait another 2. Lol
It's basically his only chore!!!!!!! Grrrr