Last Name Situation

ArtlessIbex · October 2015

DH and I are TTC again. We have one daughter together who is four. When she was born we were not married, and we gave her DH's last name because we planned to get married. Then when we married I retained my maiden name for my own reasons. So he and DD have the same last name, and mine is different. I have no plans to change my name. This doesn't bother anyone involved, including DD.

Here's the question: should we conceive again, would it be odd to give the baby my last name? I have no objection at all to giving a baby DH's last name, but when we were discussing it he brought up that option. I thought it was an interesting idea. Has anyone out there done this? Were there drawbacks?

nininou19 · October 2015

I have the name of my mother and my brother has my father's name. They were not married when I was born and my father was not around but then came back. It never bothered me or anyone. It was kindda cool but I always had to explain that my brother was indeed my brother. And it can get annoying sometimes. Hope sharing my experience helped you a little.

MamaWren919 · October 2015

I would give new baby his last name too. I'm just traditional like that. I think your ln as a mn would be a good option.

ecwk · October 2015

I don't have the same name as my DH but will give children his name. Not that I think it's better to give the children the father's name but if you are together then I think it makes sense that the kids have the same last name. My mom and dad have been married since before I was born but have different last names. My siblings and I all have our dad's name!

KaLikeAWind · October 2015

I don't have experience in this, but my DH and I did ponder giving our child my last name even tho we are married. The way it worked out the baby got his name, but I wanted to say I don't think it would be weird for the two children to have different last names, or for the child to not have dads name despite the fact you are married. Of course the siblings will have to explain they are in fact siblings. But in this day and age of step siblings and half siblings I don't think it will be quite as hard for kids to wrap their heads around

lm45678 · October 2015

MamaWren919 said:
I would give new baby his last name too. I'm just traditional like that. I think your ln as a mn would be a good option.

^^Agree. I have a good friend who has her dad's last name and her sisters has her moms last name (parents are married) I have always thought it was odd.

My mn is Clayton for my moms maiden name and I love it.

SmrBrd2012 · October 2015

It would personally bug me if my kids had two different last names even though they'd both be my hubs and mine. I'd keep the same LN that the other child has.

HinataUzumaki913 · October 2015

What about a hyphenated last name? I've got two last names. I was recently married, and I will still have 2 last names. My DH and I decided to give the baby his last name and because my name is hyphenated, we all share a last name, but I kept mine too.

SusieG85 · October 2015

I have a friend whose family did this - she and mom shared a LN and her brothers had dads name. When someone was teasing her about it she just said, 'the girls in our family are x and the boys are z, what's so tough?' Haha didn't bother her at all!

4N6s · November 2015

I think it's odd, I'd use your husbands last name.

Kristin712 · November 2015

I think it's weird and would really advise against doing this.

theGDpaterfamilias · November 2015

I would say odd, especially given the statement that nobody is bothered by you not sharing your name. If that's true then there is no benefit to naming the second child with your LN. While mixed neo-nuclear families are common and accepted by society without a second thought, yours is a traditional nuclear family that would be presented as Dad, Mom, Dad's kid (and maybe Mom's), and Mom's kid (but definitely not Dad's) at least on paper. Obviously that may not matter to him, given his suggestion, but it also might not be something he thought through.

I guess I'm saying I see no positive reason to do this for yourselves and a few negatives that you may or may not care about. But still no positive.

misstopsail · November 2015

I agree with @theGDpaterfamilias .
Also - If kid #1 and kid #2 attend the same school at some point, it could be uncomfortable for them to have to explain that they are, in fact, full blood siblings. And kids WILL ask.. They're nosy creatures

.
I'd want my kids to have the same last name.. Maybe give the baby your maiden name as a middle name.

FutureMrsCaesar · November 2015

I wouldn't do it. It's not the worst thing I've ever heard, but I guess I just don't see the benefit. I feel like it would cause more confusion than anything. I would assume that this 2nd child is not your hubsands, but then I'd be curious how you had a baby with someone besides your husband while you were married, not that it never happens haha. Which of course is none of anyone's business, but I think it invites questions and curiosity. But then again I guess I'm traditional and I like the fact that my family unit shares the same last name.

Latina211508 · November 2015

I would give your second child his last name as the same as you did with your first. You two are still together. I gave my first child my last name only because we were not married. Once we married I changed mine and my sons last name. All of 6 of us (expecting baby #4) have my husbands last name.

Elsa1984 · November 2015

I would give kid #2 his last name.

Your four year old doesn't care that you have a different name than her and her dad, because she is four. And really, she doesn't know any different. But I know a couple of people that have done that, and when their kids were older, they wished their parents had the same last names. And one of my friends has her husbands last name hyphenated onto her last name, her husband has his last name (obviously), and their kids have both of their last names, not hyphenated, but flip flopped from how she has her last name. Example: the dad is Joe Brown, the mom is Mary Smith-Brown, and the kids are Ethan (middle name) Brown Smith and Sarah (middle name) Brown Smith. Its kind of a pain in the a$$ remembering who has what last name.

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