Advice

alynny · October 2015

Hey guys! I've posted about some of my situation before asking for advice on the last name for my baby because her father is basically a p.o.s cheater but he has taken it to a new level now. He's now saying he doesn't care about the baby at all and refers to me and her as "hoes" ....? Yeah I don't understand that either. He has done nothing to help out with her and makes all types of excuses for it. Basically tells me I'm worthless and "fuck you and the baby".... so as you can see he wants nothing to do with us but is there a for sure way to keep him out of her life? Has anyone gone through anything similar? I would love to hear everyone's opinions and stories.

BowWowBowie · October 2015

Document all texts, calls, messages and emails. Go to the police for harassment, they should be able to give you a no-contact/no trespass order. They will probably tell you to block him on all social media and his number. If you have it documented, it can be legally brought into court if he ever were to fight for rights or custody.
I haven't been through it myself but I've seen where this escalates and turns into much worse because people didn't get the help they needed in the beginning. Don't list him as the father, put him on the birth certificate and have zero contact with his family. (Goes without saying to give that beautiful baby your last name.)

You're strong, you're a fighter and you've got this.

helsbels222 · October 2015

BowWowBowie said:
Document all texts, calls, messages and emails. Go to the police for harassment, they should be able to give you a no-contact/no trespass order. They will probably tell you to block him on all social media and his number. If you have it documented, it can be legally brought into court if he ever were to fight for rights or custody.
I haven't been through it myself but I've seen where this escalates and turns into much worse because people didn't get the help they needed in the beginning. Don't list him as the father, put him on the birth certificate and have zero contact with his family. (Goes without saying to give that beautiful baby your last name.)

You're strong, you're a fighter and you've got this.

This is great advice. I just want to add that I think you can write "unknown" under father on the birth certificate. @BowWowBowie that's probably what you meant but I'm just having trouble with English so early in the am... now of course this won't guarantee he will stay out of your life, he can always come back and push for his right to see his child but if he's already denying her existence and yours, chances are he'll stay away. Of course you can give her your last name as well.

Remember be strong, you can do this. You and your daughter deserve better.

itstheblackwidowbaby · October 2015

I'd speak to some sort of family lawyer. If you decide that you don't need the child support, which is an incredibly personal and hard decision, than I believe that you can actually have him sign paperwork that terminates his parental rights. I have no clue how that works though. Document every interaction with him. It sucks, but at least he's letting you know where you and your baby stand in his mind early. Calling a baby a hoe... ugh, I hope karma gives him a beautiful and painful swift kick in the ass.

My dad had very minimal contact with me as a child. If her dad is that disgusting of a human than she is missing out on nothing with not knowing him. When she's older and asks about her biological father you can tell her the truth - he chose to be a little boy and be verbally abusive to you and her, so you had to make the decision to do it on your own (or whatever you decide). Good luck to you!

lakesideknitter · October 2015

No real advice, but best of luck, momma!

alynny · October 2015

Thank you everyone for your advice and support!

VexedMommy · October 2015

itstheblackwidowbaby said:

I'd speak to some sort of family lawyer. If you decide that you don't need the child support, which is an incredibly personal and hard decision, than I believe that you can actually have him sign paperwork that terminates his parental rights. I have no clue how that works though. Document every interaction with him. It sucks, but at least he's letting you know where you and your baby stand in his mind early. Calling a baby a hoe... ugh, I hope karma gives him a beautiful and painful swift kick in the ass. My dad had very minimal contact with me as a child. If her dad is that disgusting of a human than she is missing out on nothing with not knowing him. When she's older and asks about her biological father you can tell her the truth - he chose to be a little boy and be verbally abusive to you and her, so you had to make the decision to do it on your own (or whatever you decide). Good luck to you!

Termination of parental rights is not a termination of parental responsibility. In the states that I know of you can have parental rights terminated for cause and STILL receive child support from the father.

Personally, if you're sure that he is the father of your child I would list him on the birth certificate as that is information your child deserves to know at some point no matter how horrible a person he is. I would also probably try to go through child support services as they will work out a custody (in your case a no contact) order which will legally protect both you and your child. I would also try to file a restraining order if he is harassing you.

BowWowBowie · October 2015

You're most welcome, I hope things settle down for you. Just think, soon you'll be snuggling your perfect little baby. If you ever need someone to talk to you can message me!

livvielove15 · October 2015

I record all of the conversations between my ex & I. I also screenshot all texts & I have an attorney saved in my phone just to be prepared. If I were you I would talk to one as soon as you can so you will know all of your rights & what could happen in any scenario... You deserve peace & comfort. I'm sorry you are going through this. Like PP says, just stay strong & get ready to hold that precious baby!

NovemberSno · October 2015

Everyone is different but I think you should not put him on the birth certificate because once you do that it is difficult later to do things without his permission. Ex. Get passports and things. I know that from experience. I actually had to track down my ex to get my girls passports for vacation and then he gave me a hell time after not even knowing if they were dead or alive for 4 years. Now all of a sudden he cares why I need passports for them. Anyway, I also suggest keeping records of everything he sends you as you probably will need it. My ex has not been in our lives since my DD1 was 2 and DD2 was newborn. I have pictures of him if they ever ask to see him and they know all about him. I've never said anything bad about him to them because they came from him and I'd never want to make them feel they are a part of anything bad. He's terrible BTW. But they themselves don't consider him thier dad (i mean they don't know him really) and my husband is thier dad. Anyway, not on BC, your last name, keep good records and stay strong. It is hard. Sometimes you see that beautiful baby and can't fathom how someone could not care but she will have all the love she needs from you! Lose all contact with him!!!!!

joforyoga · October 2015

Yup I'd say document everything and call a lawyer.

Cook3133 · October 2015

Deffinetly contact the court system. You can also look up legal aids who might be able to assist you. Each state will be different. If you do list him on the BC you deffinetly need legal assistance to have court documents in place for termination. These are papers you will need to keep until they are 18!

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