Angry with old OB right now — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Angry with old OB right now

To start Im sorry for the long post. We had been in the process of moving from our OB to our new midwife when we miscarried and I'm regretting that we didn't go with our midwife to begin with. We just went in for our follow up with the midwife and after reviewing my medical records she said that my progesterone levels were lower than normal (she said each practice is different but for them that was lo and she would put me on a supplement). Also my records show that when my baby was at 8w3d the sac was only measuring 6w5d. The baby's heart stop 2 weeks later, but before the loss and after the loss nothing was mentioned to us about either of these things, we can understand why we weren't told. Maybe it wouldn't have change anything but I can help but think what if she had said something.. would our baby be alive today? The OB never gave us specifics after the test result  just that everything was good. I wish I had questioned her, asked what my numbers were and what was a normal range. I feel like I failed my baby all over again.

Re: Angry with old OB right now

  • I menat to say "we CAN'T understand why we weren't told"
  • Deep breath. You did NOT fail your baby. It sounds like you have ample reason to leave that OB behind and move on to a new practice. If you'd like, call them and express your concerns to the old practice. Tell them why you're 'firing' them and why you're moving on. 

    I'm certain that if you inform your midwife of your fears and this idea that you failed your baby, she/he will assure you that you did not such thing. I am experiencing a MC and I hadn't even gone to the doctor. We had met with a midwife who told me to come in at 10-12 weeks. 

    When I lost my pregnancy at 6 w 3d, I called the midwife and told her I felt guilty that I'dnever gone into the OB for my levels checked. She told me "This was an unviable pregnancy, and the loss was going to happen. You saved yourself pokes, blood work, money and stress. Then she assured me that next time around, if I wanted to go to her at an earlier date, that would be fine- but only for my assurance, not the health of the baby. 
    Due with rainbow rainbow rainbow baby on 9/29/17
    It's been a long road- Let's just say that! 
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  • I'm very sorry you're going through this hurting right now. you are NOT alone.
    Due with rainbow rainbow rainbow baby on 9/29/17
    It's been a long road- Let's just say that! 
  • Thank you. I did voice our feelings to our midwife, she also assured me it was nothing I did. just can't stop with all the "what ifs"  our midwife has been amazing, we are very thankful for her. I'm sorry for your loss @raincity
  • I would be frustrated the OB didn't share what was happening, but know that you did nothing wrong and even if you had know the size difference there's unfortunately nothing you could have done.

    I was 8 weeks with baby measuring 6+1 when my loss was confirmed. I knew about the size difference and there was still nothing that could be done about it. So while it sounds like you make a good switch from the OB to the MW, know that you couldn't have done anything differently.

    I am so sorry for your loss.
    MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks
    DS born 9/13/16
    BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
  • @ssnova
    I completly get where your coming from,first I am so sorry for you loss. I had a mc with a blighted ovum at 10 weeks. I had went in 2 weeks before my next apt because of bleeding. I hadn't had an ultrasound or blood work done yet because of insurance reasons taking forever to approve. I went in and she gave me an ultrasound that day and before I had it done she told me that the visit before I had an abnormal pap. I asked her why I wasn't notified on the phone of this and she said " that's not how I practice" I was so frustrated. In the ultrasound room she had a nurse come in and give me a pamphlet on different types of abnormal paps. She said that mine was not severe it would go away on its own. She basically brushed it off, and although it isn't severe and not serious it still is important information I need to know. It was some type of chromosomal issue, which in return when I went to the ER that night I had found out I needed to get a certain shot when I get pregnant and after because of my blood type and my baby's and fathers would clash and make chromosomal abnormalities? I am still confused a little on that. My blood type is O negative so that has a lot to do with the shot as well they said. But my OB had not told me anything until I came in and I do also have "what ifs" and blame myself for not asking the right questions, but I know I can't do that. I try and think of it knowing that now I know I need that shot. I was so so mad and still am with that OB and there office as well they have been a nightmare since I went in the very first day. I will never go back there again. I can relate and I'm sure a lot of other women here can also. It's not fair at all. But you can't best yourself up about it. It is most definitely not your fault, you did the best you could with everything and you did all you needed too. Just know your not alone and that we are all here for you. And I hope everything works out in the future for you and everything falls into place, which I believe it will. Hugs :x
  • I'm sorry for your loss. I would be so angry that the OB hadn't kept me informed. It's very likely that there is nothing they could have done, but it makes me so mad that doctors think they don't have to tell patients what is happening or take our concerns seriously. It doesn't make it less sad, and it wouldn't stop me from changing doctors if I were you, but you should know it is not your fault and there's really probably nothing you could have done if you had known.  My progesterone was low and I was put on supplements and I still miscarried a week later. If the pregnancy isn't viable due to a chromosomal or other issue, progesterone can drop before hcg starts dropping. Unfortunately, in those cases, supplements won't save the pregnancy but can cause your body to hold on to everything for longer than it otherwise would have, which is why many doctors don't like to give them. The doctors that do give them (including mine) often have them in the "won't hurt and might help" category. I'm sorry you are going through this, and I hope your next pregnancy is uneventful with a wonderful midwife. 
  • Thank you all and I'm so sorry for your losses as well...@danytargaryen our baby was measuring correct but at our 8 week appt the sac or "home" for the baby was 2 weeks behind so it's like my baby was being suffocated...@babymama03252016 and @marie2409 Thank you ladies...I felt like we were in the dark, even if I couldnt do anything at least I would have had the chance to look things up or seek a second opinion if we wanted something...I did write a review on our Dr so that other women using her or just looking for a dr could take from our experience and ask more questions even if theyre worried about judgement or being seen as a "worry wort" again thank you all for you caring words and support
  • @babymam03252016 are you RH-? if you don't mind me asking? do you think you will continue with your Dr or look for someone else? I'm also O but i think I'm positive, again Dr never told me....our Dr was really awful, the decision to leave was very clear to us. When we told her we would like her to take a look at a photo of the baby to confirm everything had passed her reply was "oh gross...ok let me see, I'm ready" we were completely caught off guard by this, first and foremost that was our baby she was talking about. A baby that we had loved and wanted dearly, A baby we had lost just hours ago. Secondly she is a doctor and the comments seemed very unprofessional and inappropriate. 
  • @ssnova
    Oh wow, I cannot believe that she actually said that to you. I am so sorry. My doctor also when she told me I was miss carrying that it I should be happy cause it's not the worse news she has to give, she has to give someone else worse news. I was thinking are you kidding me right now? This is the worst news for me. The answer is yes I am going to look for another doctor definitely, her and there office never had anything right everything was so hectic there. They didn't even do any tests on me my first visit and they didn't even tell me my insurance didn't cover me until around 7 weeks then they denied me there until I got insurance which I went in before I got approved by another insurance because I had started bleeding. Then she did a ultrasound. And at that ultrasound she said she didn't see a fetus and I tried to be positive and say maybe I'm just to early and I am earlier than I thought and she said no, I would see a fetus even if you were earlier, she had NOTHING positive to say to me. She never was sympathetic at all the whole time, when my tests finally came back negative she said all is good your good to go. Like it was good news.. Makes me so mad even thinking about going thru that. They never did tell me if I was RH- I know I am O negative blood type though. I left there after one visit and went straight to the ER for more accurate answers and that's when I found out my blood type and everything my doctor didn't even tell me. The hospital did, which I had to do an overnight stay also cause i lost so much blood. I'm sorry to write so much here, but I'm not 100% sure if I am RH-, but yes I am for sure changing doctors, and I definitely think you should to that is horrible of your doctor to say! My heart breaks for you :(
  • I sent you a message direct, still learning how this all works
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