Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
kqualls5
member
Re: Epidural vs Natural
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
2nd- 4th had epidural and everything was smooth sailing.
5th had epidural and spinal block- didn't like the spinal block because I felt TOO numb and it took forever to get feeling back. For a few days after I had the worst migraines of. My. Life (I've grown up with them but these were ridiculous). Turns out the spinal block left a pin hole sized leak in my spinal fluid. I was advised (by my nurse) to drink a ton of caffeine one afternoon and it would patch itself. Two 2 liters of Mountain Dew and a large coffee later it was completely better. All I had to do at that point was come down off that crazy sugar high.
I plan to have just the epidural with this one again as I've had mostly good experiences with it. I refuse to ever have a spinal block again.
My husband was my only coaching and he let the stress of labor get to him - seeing me in pain made him incredibly agitated. At the hospital, the nurse coached me through a contraction while they were prepping and administering the epidural and that was the easiest contraction I had in a while - if I had that level of coaching all along, I possibly could have skipped the epidural. If you are adamant about skipping an epidural, hire a doula to coach you through your contractions. Don't count on the nurses at the hospital to coach you through a natural labor (I think many of them prefer that you get an epidural).
If you do get an epidural, it isn't that bad. You are already in pain from labor; the pain of having the epidural placed isn't any greater. It is on your back so you can't see what they are doing most anesthesiologists are careful so you never have to see the needle. People who have had complications with an epidural seem to be incredibly vocal but statistics show that epidurals work without complications a vast majority of the time. There is a reason they are so popular - they work.
For many women, myself included, the pain of childbirth is soon forgotten. I look back on it and I say "it wasn't that bad". My husband laughs and says that we have entirely different memories of how it all went.
Definitely research this...we learned in my childbirth class that medication given via epidural will not reach or affect the baby at all (as it never reaches your bloodstream), but medicines given via IV (as most of these alternatives are) wind up in your bloodstream and absolutely reach the baby. So if your issue is simple pain management, these might be for you. If you are a person that doesn't want an epi because you don't want your baby to be medicated, seriously consider this. These alternatives aren't harmful to the baby, but it will reach them. The hospital i delivered at wouldn't allow you to continue on IV drugs once you were dilated to a certain point because they wanted it to be out of the baby's system by the time it was born.
I knew going into it that i wanted an epi. i was hoping to wait until i was 6cm to get it so that it wouldn't slow labor down. Well, i had a sunny-side-up baby and excruciating back labor for almost 7 hours before i was admitted and could get the epi placed (long story short, the triage nurses were baffoons who refused to believe i was in labor despite contractions every 2 minutes...it took my water breaking right in front of them for them to believe it. Apparently they "couldn't find" my cervix? WTF). So when i got it i was actually 6cm. Knowing that's what 6cm feels like made me wish i had gotten it closer to 4. The epi worked really well - no pain but i could feel the pressure when a contraction was starting so i knew when to push and how hard i was pushing. My legs just felt like they were asleep basically. i felt sensation when DD crowned, when she came out, and when i delivered the placenta. i actually told the doctor the placenta was coming. DD was on my chest and i was like "oh...i think the placenta is on its way out" and the doctor was like "yup." :-)
Regarding the cath, i had one for laproscopic surgery three years ago and HATED it. i was semi-awake when it was removed and i remember it being horrible and feeling like i had to pee constantly for like two days afterwards. However, for the birth, when they placed it it was painless (the epi had already taken) and i immediately felt like my bladder was completely empty (because it was). That day i felt like i had to pee every time i had a contraction, and after the cath i actually said to DH "this is the best thing that has ever happened to me, this is the first time my bladder has felt empty in like 4 months." he was like "i don't think you know what you're saying" haha. but it seriously was glorious. i didn't feel them remove it and didn't have any after-effects.
I don't even remember them removing the epi, but i stayed in the delivery room for about 2 hours post-delivery and i was able to walk to the bathroom on my own at that point before moving over to recovery. i had no lingering issues afterwards. Highly recommend, and i'd do it again in a heartbeat (hopefully i won't have straight up back labor next time, so i won't need it so early!)
Natural labor was the most horribly painful thing I've ever experience in my whole life. Of course I've forgotten specifics about the pain itself but I can remember honestly feeling like I was going to die. Like the pain would kill me. I didn't make it to the hospital in time to get the Epidural I so desperately wanted and had with my first child. I felt like a bad ass afterward though. I pushed a 9 pound baby out without drugs of any kind but I would never ever do it again that way.
I never took a birthing class with either pregnancies but I don't think even the worlds best breathing techniques would have made a med free delivery any easier for me. Less scary maybe.
If you plan to try med-free I'd suggest taking some classes!
Good luck with whatever you choose!
It's worked for me, I experienced enough pain with number 1 to know that I didn't want to do the same with no 2 and like wise for number 3.
Good luck
http://natenkim.wordpress.com/
I understand about your concern about the needle in the back tho. Its a effing scary ass thought. I'm not really bad with needles, but I'm not good with them, either. I'm OK if I close my eyes or look away while they poke me, and then after that I'm home free. But I cannot watch myself being poked. So I advised my nurses and the Dr that I did not want my usual curiosity satisfied (I like to see things and know how they work) regarding the epidural until after it was removed. The anesthesiologist kind of gave me a bit of play by play ('I'm prepping the skin now, I'm numbing the general area now, OK be sure to hold still now'... That kind of stuff) which I appreciated because it satisfied my curiosity without giving me too many details. Also, by then I was REALLY distracted and concentrating on the pain.
After the epidural, smooth sailing. I was able to rest and nap for an hour before I felt baby in position and it was time to push. I felt each contraction and when I needed to push, but was relieved of my pain and was able to focus on pushing. I did not feel them place or remove the catheter for my bladder. I do remember similar to what PP said, tho, about feeling my bladder empty for the first time in a long time, that was pretty nice.
Once the birth was over and the epidural was removed I went ahead and looked at it. Pretty neat, actually.
No residual pain in that area afterward, either. I actually had more soreness in my upper back / abs / shoulder area from pushing (when pushing from a lying position you're essentially doing crunches, your core gets a great workout) than from the placement of the epidural.
Also, a note about the 'other' pain options to 'take the edge off'. I had heard before my labor they lose effectiveness as you use them, but I tried anyway. My first dose helped some, my second dose was almost useless. It held me together (barely) until the anesthesiologist arrived to place my epidural (which I had asked for when they gave me my second one hour dose of 'take the edge off' meds, I knew it would take 30-45 minutes for the anesthesiologist to arrive) but other than that it was pretty much pointless
If you end up going without the epidural, great. But try not to let your fear rule your decision.
Congrats on your baby. Best wishes for your labor
I definitely like the "wait and see what happens" approach.
Also as for "natural" to describe med free, that is the way it's always been used in my life. Natural doesn't mean superior by any means, it just means you didn't use pain relief.. Didn't mean to offend anyone!!
I'm sure you weren't trying to offend.
I planned a med free water birth but within minutes of arriving at the hospital I was told that wasn't going to happen as there was meconium in my waters and they needed to induce me asap, after 8 hours of excruciating labour they then discovered that baby was breech and her heart rate was dropping and I needed an emergency section. Was my baby's birth what I planned? Not even close! However, medical intervention was needed to ensure my daughter entered this world the safest way for both of us and if anyone judges me for this I will damn well put them firmly in their place. I felt unbelievable guilt after my section as I thought I had let my daughter and my SO down by not being able to go naturally and do what our bodies are designed to do. It's taken me a while to realise this is bull, I didn't do what I had planned but I wasn't a failure as I did bring a life into this world in the safest way possible after unexpected complications so the only judgement I (and people like me) should get is understanding for doing what is best for our babies. The same applies to everyone, you have to do what you believe is best for you and your baby when in labour, whether that be med free or not, and if anyone judges you for the decisions you make tell them to go to hell!
Sorry for ranting, this is still a very emotive subject for me.