I've struggled writing this for the last month, I've written, deleted, written, edited, deleted, about four times. I've come to the conclusion that no gory details about the labor matter, no hostile "the doctor/the nurse didn't do this right", no "Im so mad because my PA forgot this", none of that actually matters. What matters is this, I had a premature baby.
Isaac was born at 34 weeks on September 21st, 2015. Knowing that he would be early and there wasn't an option to prolong the delivery, we were transferred to a state hospital that specializes in premies. When Isaac was born I was allowed to see him for one minute, I was incapable of touching him, but i did see him, say "he's perfect" and kiss him on the forehead. It wasn't until hours later when they finally allowed me to make it up to the NiCU that my fiancé told me to prepare myself. Prepare myself? I saw him already. He's perfect. Along with being perfect, he was also on a ventilator, an IV, three monitors and other various terrifying looking medical equipment. There was never a single doubt in my mind that Isaac wasn't going to make it. But, that doesn't take away the terrifying and helpless feeling that I felt when seeing him.
It took 23 hours and 5 minutes to have Isaac.
It took five days (the longest days of my existence) to hold Isaac.
It took seven days to feed Isaac.
It took (cross your fingers because we're not discharged quite yet) one month, one week and three days to bring Isaac home.
What I've learned in this experience is that I (and you reading this) have so much more patience, strength, respect and that beyond insane love feeling (that one is smacked in the face with after realizing THAT baby, is YOUR baby) that you could even realize.
I met moms in the NICU that told me their babies were born in July and as of mid October, still haven't held them. I met babies that were born at 26 weeks. I met mothers that gave birth in August and weren't expecting their little ones home until Christmas. I will never forget about them or their babies and I'll never stop praying for premie and NICU babies, their families and those amazing nurses. If any of you have been through this, or haven't! I wish you the absolute best luck and love and prayers and wishes in the world. Please remember that you have more strength in you then you realize. Enjoy and appreciate every second that you have your baby to hold, feed, kiss and cuddle.