Co-ed Baby Shower Advice

zephyrlt · October 2015

Hi ladies! I know there is a baby shower board, but I wanted to ask your advice and opinions since I feel more connected to my baby month board.

My husband and I were talking about the baby shower my mom, sister, and friend are hosting, and he mentioned that he would love a co-ed shower. I've never been to one and only have experience with the afternoon tea/girly type showers. I really want my husband to be involved and excited for the new baby and he's mentioned that he is jealous that I get to feel baby's movements all the time and he doesn't feel like he's bonded as much. My concern is that the guest list is already getting quite large and I don't want to inconvenience my mom by having a huge party at her house. And because I have no experience with co-ed showers, I'm just confused on what the dynamic of the party would be. What does a co-ed shower look like? What do the guys do? I guess it would be no different than our wedding when friends and family from both sides mixed, but I'm having such a hard time wrapping my head around this.

In all honesty, I would love to have my husband with me, and his male friends are also close friends of mine. Plus, I think it would be great to have my dad a part of my shower. A big party with everyone we love would be great, so why am I so stuck on the idea that a shower has to be the gender stereotypical female baby shower? Have any of you had or been to a co-ed shower? What were your thoughts? Thanks so much!

livnicolery · October 2015

I think it is AMAZING that he wants to be included, my husband is the same way and it makes my heart melt. Maybe, throw him a diper party? A "shower" for him and his friends to celebrate new baby and becoming a dad. Ask that each person bring a pack of dippers (split the sizes up on the invitations you send out so you don't have a big supply of one size and not of another) and have them enjoy some beers and bbq. If you're mother is planning a tea party/girly setting enjoy that with your friends and family and have him have fun with his too.
And ps. I would love to have my husband and father at the baby shower.... it's such a special time!!! Good luck! Xo

FutureMrsCaesar · October 2015

I've never been to a co-ed shower either, I'm curious how they work as well. Not that I'll be having a shower. It's not uncommon, at least around here, for the husband to show up to the shower. Usually after all the games and non-sense has been done and the mom has had a chance to visit, but at least for food and gifts. People are just as excited to see the dad and ask him all about becoming a new dad, will the baby be a boy/girl, names, etc. I'm not opposed to co-ed showers, just wanted to throw that out as an option in case the co-ed thing doesn't work out logistically for you.

Sometimes the DH will have a little surprise for the mom-to-be. At the last shower I attended the DH arranged for a Brusters (ice cream) cart to come in and serve ice cream to everyone because that had been the moms biggest craving

SU1989 · October 2015

Lurking from Feb 16 board:

I have been to a few coed showers and we are having one also! The ones I have been to are more laid back then the typical games and sit and open gifts. They were cook outs where everyone was able to just hang out, play yard games, have some drinks and talk to the parents to be. They were all so much fun and takes a lot of pressure off of just the mom. The ones I have been to did not sit and open gifts in front of everyone because it was more of a come and go as you please, open house type thing but if there was a special gift that someone wanted them to open in person they opened it one on one with them which I thought was kind of sweet. I know the whole co-ed shower thing is kind of new and many of the men in my family and my DH's family are not used to it at all so we kind of breaking new ground but I LOVE the co-ed shower. I think it's great to have the father being apart of the celebration too, after all he is half of it! Haha. For ours since I live in the north and it's already freezing we can't really do the outside cookout thing with yard games. But both our families and friends are all huge football (Green Bay Packers specifically) fans and we decided to have a big packer party shower. This gives the guys something to do, and allows the women who are just as much into football as the guys are to hang out as well, which is almost all of them. Haha. This kind of party may not be for some people but we are both super laid back people and I really don't like being center of attention so this is perfect for me! I am super excited to have my husband apart of it as well as all our male friends and family.

Well that was longer than I anticipated. But I hope it helps! I say go for it!

oceanchild · October 2015

We had a co-Ed baby shower. It wasn't any different. All the guys were friends so they talked and hung out. The ones that were dads shared their funny anecdotes with the ones who weren't yet. We had beer and wine for those that wanted it (we would have even if it hadn't been co-Ed though). The guys played all the baby shower games - it was actually more fun with guys playing too than other showers I've been to. The best man at our wedding won the "how big is her belly" string test

We never would have considered having the shower without the guys, bc they are a huge part of of friendships/lives too. Have fun!

parenthood4 · October 2015

We did a co-ed shower. It was really nice! I liked having my husband there, as well as male family and friends. We just treated it like a get together or bbq type thing...food, talking, hanging out. No games or anything like that. Games or no games, I think it's just personal preference. But we had a nice time!

lightrox · October 2015

I had a coed shower it's more like a get together and low key we don't play games thank god since I hate that at other showers. Basically it's good people and good food hanging out. We did open some gifts but our parties are never geared towards gifting just getting everyone together to celebrate the new life growing for our family. I did have a "shower" with my second because everyone in my family wanted to get together. I'm Latina and calling it a shower probably isn't the right word since it's really just a party to celebrate the new life growing and then we usually have a party after the baby is born so everyone can meet the baby, but again it was coed and gifts were never part of the plan it's never expected or a requirement I much prefer the coed showers since my DH is wonderful he got to celebrate with me since this is our child not just mine it was awesome he was part of the process. It might actually be easier for your hosts for a coed shower since there is a lot less that you have to do for them.

katy0990 · October 2015

A friend of mine had a coed shower in a private room at a local pizza place. It was very relaxed and fun. Now my husband thinks all showers involve beer and pizza lol.

llybeck · October 2015

That is awesome that he wants to be included! I have been to co-ed showers and even though everyone was together, it was still sort of separate. What I mean by that is we all kind of ate and mingled but then when gifts were being opened or the ladies got to talking about labor, etc, the guys went and did their own thing like playing cards in another room. I didn't really get that, it would make more sense to me if they had their own thing since they didn't really "participate" in the normal baby shower stuff. What we did for our first is my MIL hosted my shower at her house and DH and his cousins, uncles, etc all went to an uncle's house near by and hung out for a while and when we were done with gift opening and all that they came and joined us for some food and to hang out for a bit before helping us get the gifts in our car.

I have seen the diaper showers for guys too, a couple people we know got a keg and the "cost" of a cup was to bring a box of diapers. In my opinion, that's a little tacky... but it seems to be getting somewhat common. The problem with that is one of our friends had a baby that never wore newborn diapers since he was a bigger baby and that's mostly what everyone brought. And since they didn't have receipts they just gave them away.

I would let the people hosting your shower know that your husband is interested and see what their opinion is. If it is putting them out then don't do it and see if he wants to get together with the guys on the same day. If they are okay with it I would just try to make sure the guys are involved in the day too which is sounds like your husband would be. Ultimately it's up to your hosts so just make sure you let them know you are okay with whatever they decide so that they don't feel obligated.

Parker16772 · October 2015

The co-ed showers that I have been to have been more of like a regular party, very laid back and there is usually a meal served. Lots of BBQs. I went to one where they asked that you bring a gift unwrapped and they just displayed them so that they didn't have to waste time opening gifts. All the women that were interested got to look at the baby stuff if they wanted and the couple had plenty of time to visit with everyone. We won't be having a shower this time since this is our second but DH didn't mind that he wasn't included in my first shower. One of his friends ended up throwing him a diaper party at the same time and it worked out great. Basically the guys drank beer and shot skeet which is something they do regularly anyway.

SarahFoley725 · October 2015

I've been to a co-ed shower! It was during football season. Basically every hung out all together until the present opening started and the guys just stayed outside to watch the game. There are some games like (who can chug beer from a baby bottle the fastest) that the guys don't completely hate.

I think having food and beer is pretty much all you need to keep the men happy haha. If you are concerned about the financial burdon on your mom, I would offer to help pay for it. I would just say that your husband really wants to be involved and you'd love to help her make it possible for some of his guy friends to be there as well.

As PP mentioned, you could also do a diaper/beer party. Just have his guys show up with diapers and they can all drink and bond together. I think it is AWESOME your husband wants to be so involved. My DH is also jealous of the movement I can feel, but he is so anti social he'd hate the idea of a co Ed shower.

zephyrlt · October 2015

Thank you all so much for the great advice! You've definitely given me a lot to think about. I think my main concern is the size of my mom's house and how much bigger the guest list would get. It's especially hard because I don't think we'd be able to open up the outdoor patio for extra space since we're planning the shower for the end of January and if the rumors about El Nino pan out, it will be cold in Northern Nevada! It was so cute when my husband told me about the co-ed shower he went to before. He and his friend played all the baby shower games and loved the one where you cut the string to guess how big the mom is. The image of my husband playing this and enjoying it blew me away! He's not usually one for the cutesy games

I really do want him to feel included and welcome, so I'll talk with my mom and the other planners and brainstorm some ideas. Thanks again!!!

flowerpower5838 · October 2015

Hey look guys! Someone asked for advice, appreciated the advice they were given and were open to opinions that may not have been what they were wanting/expecting to hear! Thanks @zephyrlt for reminding me that normal people do exist here on the BMB lol.

FWIW the only co-ed shower I was a guest at was very segregated and was a little awkward. However, I work a little side job at my neighborhood clubhouse that residents can rent out and someone recently had a co-ed shower there and the guys were SO into it, played the games (there was a bottle chugging contest that was right up their alley) and overall looked like a blast. Good luck!

llybeck · October 2015

flowerpower5838 said:

Hey look guys! Someone asked for advice, appreciated the advice they were given and were open to opinions that may not have been what they were wanting/expecting to hear! Thanks @zephyrlt for reminding me that normal people do exist here on the BMB lol.
FWIW the only co-ed shower I was a guest at was very segregated and was a little awkward. However, I work a little side job at my neighborhood clubhouse that residents can rent out and someone recently had a co-ed shower there and the guys were SO into it, played the games (there was a bottle chugging contest that was right up their alley) and overall looked like a blast. Good luck!

LOL, I was thinking the exact same thing. AND she acknowledged that she thought about the host's feelings and accommodations! I like this OP lady

KMKaiser07 · October 2015

I was actually at one recently but most of the men there were older. They hung out at a table together and did what the ladies did: ate, played games and talked. None of them appeared to be uncomfortable so I guess it really all depends on the men being invited. We were in a party room of a restaurant which made a huge difference with the size of the party.

clairemwalker · October 2015

We are having a co-ed shower and i threw co-ed showers for both my sisters. Its easier for us as we all live in different cities so when we travel to meet up there is always a surplus of husbands/brothers/dad hanging around. None of us were really big on games, so it was more of just a big party rather then a traditional baby shower. One of my sisters wanted some games but there were enough men invited that they just chose that time to go outside and bbq for everyone. My shower is being thrown by one of my sisters and it will be pretty much the same

crcosmetics · October 2015

My mom is renting out a coffee shop and having us a co-Ed shower. We have too many couple friends to not, it wouldn't be the same with just the wives and not the husbands I don't think lol! I am not a fan of games at showers so I have mentioned to my mom she can skip those lol. It'll be more of a eat, drink and be merry sort of thing! The shower is in January and she is setting up a soup bar, and a hot cocoa bar. Should be fun and cozy!

JessKo08 · October 2015

crcosmetics said:
My mom is renting out a coffee shop and having us a co-Ed shower. We have too many couple friends to not, it wouldn't be the same with just the wives and not the husbands I don't think lol! I am not a fan of games at showers so I have mentioned to my mom she can skip those lol. It'll be more of a eat, drink and be merry sort of thing! The shower is in January and she is setting up a soup bar, and a hot cocoa bar. Should be fun and cozy!

That sounds like a blast! I want an invite

zephyrlt · October 2015

@crcosmetics I love the idea of the soup and hot cocoa bar. Perfect food for January! Ok, now I'm super excited for a co-ed shower!

LilLump2 · October 2015

I'm no help. My shower was a girly shower. I suggested a co-ed shower, but H was all, "I'm a man, I have a penis. That means i don't have to go." Boys, lol. I hope none of your male friends have his cave-man attitude!

lexievelyn8179 · October 2015

We're planning on having a co-ed shower. DH wants to be involved with as much as he can since it's his kid, too. Most of my friends are guys, and thankfully none of them have that cave-man type attitude.

Anyway, since it'll probably be in January, chances are, it'll be too cold for a BBQ. However, that's perfect Gumbo weather, and that's something that is best made in large batches. We'll see as it gets closer. We've yet to sit down and fully talk about it with my mom and sister who are the main two planning it.

amyid · October 2015

Never ever been to one but that sounds fun-when we got married we had 3, yes... Three bridal showers organized for us, one of which husbands and my husband was present at and it was the one that I enjoyed the most of all of them, it was so fun and relaxed ! Maybe this should be a thing

ReggieBear · October 2015

We did a co-ed BBQ and it was so much fun. We made it family friendly and had games for the kids and adults - it was actually easier on my MIL since my dad did all of the grilling and the sides were super easy to.

I personally loved it because I am not a sit in a room with ladies and drink tea kind of person! We did a measure the belly and the guys actually were the top winners! Also, when we opened gifts it was great because it was the two of us having a blast with our new stuff.

Overall, it was a great shower and a perfect way to see ALL of our friends before the baby came. We also had people bring a book for the baby and it is so sweet to read what the guys wrote in the books.

This time around I am skipping a shower but DH is doing a "Diapers and Dads" which in Scottsdale is a day of drinking games and we get a ton of diapers!

Good luck!

CalebsHabibi · October 2015

llybeck said:
The problem with that is one of our friends had a baby that never wore newborn diapers since he was a bigger baby and that's mostly what everyone brought.

That's unfortunate. Most stores probably would've let them trade it for another size, if they carry that brand of diaper. Walmart will take back anything, haha!

Knottie46309505 · October 2015

Have the guys do a bottle race and drink out of the small size bottles (beer, juice, milk, etc.)
I've done it a couple of times and inevitably one if them will take the lid off and chug. Fun to watch though.

kmejia2 · October 2015

So i know i can't drink, but i was thinking of doing a co ed shower and a local wine and craft beer bar/art gallery that does private parties sometimes. I personally have not fully worked out the details and probability but throwing the idea out there

ReggieBear · October 2015

We attended one at a place like that and LOVED it. It was fun for everyone and the setting was really cool.

camilleleveille · October 2015

I'm against coed showers ... I got into it with a mom to be husband. He gossiped and told his wife lies about something that was never said to him at the shower. So no I'd never go to another coed baby shower .

jenniferamcooper · October 2015

@camilleleveille that seems like way too much drama!

My shower my Mom threw was co-ed because we live 4 hours away and everyone wanted to see us. The guys ended up watching the hockey game (can you tell we're Canadian lol) while the gals opened up presents. It was funny the guys would sneak in when they came out for 2nds and 3rds.

My Mom insisted we play games so I suggested the "chugging beer (or pop) out of a bottle" game. We played head to head and then had one winner. That was played co-ed, and was really funny. We also played the "guess the baby food" game, which is precisely when I decided I was making all my baby food - that stuff is nasty! The guys were far more adventurous than the gals and my Uncle Joe cleaned house. He guessed them all right and won a "guy prize" which was a beer stein.

kellygrace2 · October 2015

I didn't have a co-ed shower but DH was at my shower. He wanted to be involved and was so excited to be there. He actually insisted on being there lol. He was helpful and also took a lot of the pictures. So there's always that as an option if the guest list size is a concern.

Vova · November 2015

I have never been to a Co ed shower but am planning one for my self. And also suggested my sister to have hers Co ed as well (which is this weekend! Exciting!)

My husband has never heard of Co ed showers so he was kind of weirded out but was 100% supportive!

All the baby showers I have been to where all females. Even though we had fun but I felt a little awkward (you can't possibly know everyone there). So I believe that having guys there will make it so much funnier. Definitely will have the beer chugging out of baby bottles for the guys. Husband already planning the BBQ and drinks!

It's going to be a gender reveal Co ed baby shower. So we will have team pink and team blue playing games against each other! Can't wait! Should be lots of fun!

;;) 8-}

ecwk · November 2015

@vova you're planning your own shower?

kmorin523 · November 2015

I've never been to any showers but co-ed. I would assume it's no different than the usual girls only type, but it's more open I guess. The guys participate in the games and hang out with the guys while the girls hang out and talk. It's just like one big party with all your (yours and your significant other) family and friends for the baby.

kellygrace2 · November 2015

ecwk said:
@vova you're planning your own shower?

That was my immediate thought too.

Very cool idea to incorporate a gender reveal into the shower though! I've only ever heard of it being done separately which seems like a lot in such a short time span.

ecwk · November 2015

kellygrace2 said:

@vova you're planning your own shower?
That was my immediate thought too. Very cool idea to incorporate a gender reveal into the shower though! I've only ever heard of it being done separately which seems like a lot in such a short time span.

I don't get the point of having a gender reveal if the parents already know, though. Like, the only thing I would care about is seeing the parents' faces when they find out. I don't really care what anyone is having, as long as the baby is healthy. I'd feel awkward being expected to holler and cheer because of the sex of the baby, what does it really matter to me?

CharminglySouthern · November 2015

ecwk said:
@vova you're planning your own shower?

This. All aboard the tacky train...

Gah. I can't even believe people admit this out loud. #noshame

smount2011 · November 2015

ecwk said:

@vova you're planning your own shower?

This. I saw this before 7 am and was too tired to ask...

bntfroggie · November 2015

ecwk said:

kellygrace2 said:

@vova you're planning your own shower?
That was my immediate thought too. Very cool idea to incorporate a gender reveal into the shower though! I've only ever heard of it being done separately which seems like a lot in such a short time span.

I don't get the point of having a gender reveal if the parents already know, though. Like, the only thing I would care about is seeing the parents' faces when they find out. I don't really care what anyone is having, as long as the baby is healthy. I'd feel awkward being expected to holler and cheer because of the sex of the baby, what does it really matter to me?

We are having a reveal with our family at Thanksgiving we wont know either. I can't wait to find out.

Also why can't girls be in the the beer chugging contest?

kellygrace2 · November 2015

ecwk said:

kellygrace2 said:

ecwk said:
@vova you're planning your own shower?
That was my immediate thought too.

Very cool idea to incorporate a gender reveal into the shower though! I've only ever heard of it being done separately which seems like a lot in such a short time span.

I don't get the point of having a gender reveal if the parents already know, though. Like, the only thing I would care about is seeing the parents' faces when they find out. I don't really care what anyone is having, as long as the baby is healthy. I'd feel awkward being expected to holler and cheer because of the sex of the baby, what does it really matter to me?

100%. I can't remember if she said she knows what she's having? (Been up since 4:30am with DD so I either missed it or, you know, mom brain.) I agree the fun is in seeing the parents' reactions. Gender doesn't make a difference to most others... Maybe grandparents but yeah.

Vova · November 2015

Yes I ann planning my own shower. If I Lived up north, with the rest of the big family, then I would have no need to. Our family always does suprise baby showers for mommy to be. Which is really awesome! But down south I don't have much family and am required to plan my own. And I have no shame in it.

Beer chugging for guys cuz the girls that will be there don't drink.

flowerpower5838 · November 2015

Vova said:
Yes I ann planning my own shower. If I Lived up north, with the rest of the big family, then I would have no need to. Our family always does suprise baby showers for mommy to be. Which is really awesome! But down south I don't have much family and am required to plan my own. And I have no shame in it.

Beer chugging for guys cuz the girls that will be there don't drink.

Not saying this to be judgey - honestly just an FYI.

Showers are gifts given to mothers to be, and not something they should plan themselves. They are not a "right" or required (as you put it) and etiquette generally (aka always) frowns upon someone hosting a gift giving event for themselves. It's gift grabby and kind of rude.

If someone doesnt offer to throw you one, unfortunately you just go without.

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