Your baby on social media - Page 2 — The Bump
February 2016 Moms

Your baby on social media

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Re: Your baby on social media

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  • katec4vt said:
    Ugh, literally just had someone come in my office - whom I've never met before - and try to show me a picture of some child that is somehow related to her (but not hers) on her cell phone. This just reiterates my idea of wanting to just have hard copies of photos that we send only to close friends and relatives. Even if it does cost more - this woman doesn't know me from Adam. Who knows what kind of person I could be?
    That's not going to stop just because you give out hard copies of photos instead of digital copies. Nothing prevents your mother(just an example) going to her hair salon and showing some random lady sitting next to her a photo of your child out of her wallet. If other people seeing your kid's picture is in itself a problem for you (instead of the issue of photos on the internet), the only way you could prevent this is to not take any photos of your child (i am not advising this - childhood photos are so important, in my opinion). Even with hard copy photos, you understand that the photo processing employees (randoms) will look at them, right?

    I do understand that. In fact, I even said to someone the other day (with whom I was having this discussion) that even if you could develop your own photos, still nothing is to stop a repair man in your home from taking a picture with his phone of the picture that's framed on your mantle. I'm not so inept that I believe I can completely avoid pictures of my child getting out. I just think that if I don't want a ton of them floating all around everywhere that not posting to social media is a good start. 
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  • Honestly, you're fighting a losing battle in this era. Pictures of your kid will eventually end up on the internet. Period. They just will. Control what you personally can and let go of the rest or you'll just drive yourself crazy - the kid isn't even here yet and you kind of already are. Paedophiles can watch your kid at the park or at the grocery store and there's not much controlling their thoughts about what they see anyways. You're overthinking this. You're not famous (or, who knows, maybe you are), chances are no one is going to go, "Omg! Look at the baby with rosy cheeks and no hair wearing a totally non-identifiable onesie! Definitely katecvwhatever's kid. We should publish it."
    Agree, but this is my point. I'm just wanting to control what I can by asking friends and family not to share our daughter's photo on social media. The whole purpose of this post was to find a tactful way to suggest to THOSE people that they oblige.
  • By that logic, you'd have to control who visits the homes of those who will have hard copy photographs of your child. I totally understand not wanted to have your child on social media and that's perfectly understandable. But expecting to be able to control all aspects of what family members end up seeing pictures and who they might chose to show pictures to will drive you crazy and cause a lot of anxiety.
    Monkeybutt80
  • We decided we did not want pictures of our DS on the Internet. Not because of pedophiles, but because we want it to be our sons' decision. It all has to do with consent, IMO. We just told family that we did not want pictures on social media and we followed our own rule. Family email pictures and text pictures all of the time. We have not had a problem thus far. It is quite simple.
    This is a helpful response. I'm glad to hear it has worked out for you so far.
  • I have a solution for you. Cover your child's face with a veil of some sort at all times when outside of your home or in front of other people. Then, you won't need to worry about your child's photo being recognized and shared.

    ---- edit quote fail ---- Lol. Sorry? Develop your own photos? Random repair man takes them? You're... That's... A stretch? Deep breaths. I take back my previous post. You MUST be famous!

    I really think you may be overthinking this. I am not trying to be snarky but have you ever had problems with paranoia or anxiety? If it is something new, you may want to mention this to your OB. Drastic changes in outlook/ behavior could mean depression (I am speaking as someone who has dealt with depression induced anxiety). 
     Of course, it is possible that a repair man in your house could take a picture of your child's picture. it is also possible that the same repairman can hide a camera and watch your kid and stream it online for pedophiles. It's also possible that someone can hack into your baby monitor. It is also possible that they can hack into your computer and access the built in webcam. The nurse/ dr who delivers your baby could take a picture and blast it on her facebook. But why would they? It cannot be easy or healthy living in fear of what could possibly happen. 

    egraves4 said:
    Not that I don't think some of your points are valid, but I think this just goes too far in depth in the direction of "the world is out to get me".
    I think it's entirely possible that some of you may be taking what I've typed on the internet slightly too literally. My comment about the repair man and picture on a mantle was really meant to illustrate that I understand I can't completely prevent my daughter's picture from ending up on the internet - not intended to make anyone believe I actually think that would happen. I've used a lot of extreme examples here to either A) Iterate that I know I'm not going to be able to control everything or B) To refute the sarcasm that I've heard in a lot of the posts from commenters who do post their children's photos to social media. 

    That being said, if someone wants to let me know the cheapest place to purchase veils, I'll be glad to take the tip! 

    ^^^ Oh, did you think I was really going to buy one? No, I'll just make it in the room next to my dark room in my fabulous Hollywood mansion. 
  • katec4vtkatec4vt member
    edited October 2015
    xkatiekx said:
    The majority of concerns on this post raise questions. I can understand wanting to limit the online presence of your child but this is extreme. My cousin is particular regarding photos online and choose to start a private shutter fly account requiring a password to view photos. What I don't understand is the extreme level you seem to need regarding perceived privacy. It sounds like deep seeded issues with your MIL are making you paranoid and causing you to take things overboard and really over think simple things. If it's so concerning you should probably not send photos to anyone. You can't control what other people do. I think the big concern here is that you feel like everyone is out to get you (as pp mentioned), use photos of your child for harm or post something somewhere you can't control it. The need for control seems to be more important than the photos?

    It's very true that I have some real issues with my MIL, but for reasons that I'd rather not discuss on The Bump and that my husband and I agree are legitimate. In this instance, it really is just about the photos; but in general, it's not so much the need for control as it is our total inability to believe that she would cooperate with any parenting decisions we make. 
  • katec4vt said:
    I have social media for myself (Facebook and Instagram) so my husband, who is adamantly opposed to social media as a whole, was surprised when I told him I didn't want pictures of our daughter ending up on the world wide web. 

    I feel that I have a choice over what I post on social media about myself. My daughter [whose resume will probably be her Facebook page, by the time she is trying to get a full-time job] won't. Is it really fair for me to post pictures of her in the tub that can never really be deleted? For that matter, how can I be so sure who is looking at those pictures? Sure, there are privacy settings, but that's not going to stop a pedophile from getting a hold of a picture of my daughter swinging at the park that was intended to be purely innocent. 

    Who else has wanted to prevent their child's pictures from getting on social media and how did you do it? Even if you limit the photos you send relatives to hard copies, someone can easily take a picture with their phone and send it to someone else. 

    How do you TACTFULLY tell relatives you don't want the pictures posted? We asked for there to be no ultrasound photos shared, but my MIL still posted one to Facebook, so I refused to send her any more. I feel like my husband and I are consistently telling her to please not post anything on social media, even if it's not a picture; because the one time we don't, she thinks it's okay to go ahead. 
    So I'm really late on this because well, I just am. What you choose to post or not post is your business, to each their own. If you don't want anything posted by family members, just be straight forward and honest with them about it, BUT, I don't think you should stress out too much if they choose to not follow your wishes. Why give yourself more anxiety than is really necessary, ya know?

    Before we were even trying for a child, I always said I wouldn't post baby photos on facebook, but now I'm more in the camp of never say never. I'm sure I'm going to limit what I share, but technology is making it easier to share things faster with loved ones who don't live as close, whether it's social media, email, text, etc. So for now I think I'm going to be one of those people that saves the bath photos for a hard copy photo albums (while being okay that whoever develops those photos will see it and just hope they aren't crazy and make themselves a copy), and don't have addresses or any sort of identifiable location, other than large theme parks/attractions that you can't really hide, and call it a day.
    image

    Married.....09/08/2012
    Baby F.......02/02/2016
    katec4vt
  • xkatiekxxkatiekx member
    edited October 2015
    katec4vt said:


    xkatiekx said:

    The majority of concerns on this post raise questions. I can understand wanting to limit the online presence of your child but this is extreme. My cousin is particular regarding photos online and choose to start a private shutter fly account requiring a password to view photos. What I don't understand is the extreme level you seem to need regarding perceived privacy.

    It sounds like deep seeded issues with your MIL are making you paranoid and causing you to take things overboard and really over think simple things. If it's so concerning you should probably not send photos to anyone. You can't control what other people do. I think the big concern here is that you feel like everyone is out to get you (as pp mentioned), use photos of your child for harm or post something somewhere you can't control it. The need for control seems to be more important than the photos?

    It's very true that I have some real issues with my MIL, but for reasons that I'd rather not discuss on The Bump and that my husband and I agree are legitimate. In this instance, it really is just about the photos; but in general, it's not so much the need for control as it is our total inability to believe that she would cooperate with any parenting decisions we make. 


    ----- eta quote fail

    I definitely wasn't looking for you to explain the back story with your mother in law, I apologize if it came across that way. I would encourage you to work on that issue within your family if one person's actions are causing you to rethink involvement of other family members too.

    As PP have said this can be simple and if you still want some way to share you could look into shutter fly. It's nice to see photos my cousin posts there but the username and password are a good reminder to the viewer that they want things private.
  • ----- eta quote fail I definitely wasn't looking for you to explain the back story with your mother in law, I apologize if it came across that way. I would encourage you to work on that issue within your family if one person's actions are causing you to rethink involvement of other family members too. As PP have said this can be simple and if you still want some way to share you could look into shutter fly. It's nice to see photos my cousin posts there but the username and password are a good reminder to the viewer that they want things private.
    That's actually really helpful! I didn't realize that Shutterfly had that feature and we do have OOT relatives that this would benefit! I didn't think you were trying to come across that way in regards to my MIL, so the apology isn't necessary :)
    alanna3622
  • I'm a FTM and I've already had a talk with my SO and our families about my child being on social media. I am not for it and truly would not like it to happen. You do have control over the situation. If you have a talk with your family and let them know how you feel they should respect your wishes period. My SIL got her panties in a bunch when I told them because she likes to share every minute of everyday and I'm not ok with that. It's your personal preference and your child everyone else should respect the boundaries that you have.
    emgee27
  • I plan on sharing photos of my son. But i want watermarks on them so people will refrain from stealing them from my fb page. But i wuld never post anything with my son being in the bath or in a diaper. Just with how they are now days they would call you a pedophile for having those pictures of your child.


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  • Also for those putting kiddo into daycare make sure the center you use has a Social Media policy and gives you the option to opt out.
  • When my nephew and his wife had their first child they texted a photo of the new baby to the family with a message not to share/post the photo on social media as they didn't want photos of their child online.  They asked family to be respectful of their wishes.  It was a simple message and no one was offended.  

    Add 3 more children into the mix several years later and they still follow this rule.  While there have been a few slip ups (child was in the background and someone didn't notice) my nephew or his wife have private messaged the 'rule breaker' just to remind them and kindly ask to remove the photo or blur them out.


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  • I removed myself from social media well before I became pregnant (my husband doesn't use it either). We plan to let our families know that we do not want any photos that we share to be posted on social media. If we find out that our wishes are violated then that person will not recieve anymore pictures.

    DS (2.29.16) via Homebirth

    ~ Proverbs 22:6 ~

  • Lurking but this is an interesting topic for me.
    I do not plan on posting any pictures of my baby on Facebook. For one, I actually think it's annoying when I see a million pictures of the same kid on my news feed everyday. Mostly though, it's because I prefer to keep those things private. I've no problem emailing pictures etc. but I will ask relatives and friends to not post pictures. I have a friend who does not post pictures of her children online and it's never been an issue. I understand that there may be instances where my child is in a group photo but I wouldn't be so obnoxious as to ask the taker to crop him/her out. I accept that there may eventually be a couple of pics out there but I'll do my best to limit it. I certainly won't be one of those who posts five pictures a day of my child engaging in various hilarious activities and messily eating their meals. Eurgh.

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  • I plan on sharing photos of my son. But i want watermarks on them so people will refrain from stealing them from my fb page. But i wuld never post anything with my son being in the bath or in a diaper. Just with how they are now days they would call you a pedophile for having those pictures of your child.
    I don't know who "they" are but this isn't true. There's nothing wrong with not sharing those pictures if you don't want to, but there's nothing wrong with a photo of a baby in a diaper either, even if you -gasp!- posted it on your FB page. This comment is pretty dramatic.
    Married 8.5.12
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    mamacat315
  • I find this whole concept almost laughable...there is no way to keep pictures of your kid off the Internet these days. You might be able to control individual pictures of your child, but group pictures and other such things cannot be controlled. For example, I went to the zoo with a large group of friends today and we took a whole group picture. If one person in that group asked that the picture not be shared because they didn't want their kids picture posted, I'd think they were crazy. And after looking at all the pictures I took of my own kids at various halloween activities this week, there are many kids in the background...if you don't want a picture of your kid on the internet, stay home. You can't control who posts what, and you'll make yourself seem foolish by trying.
    sharkgirl7
  • I find this whole concept almost laughable...there is no way to keep pictures of your kid off the Internet these days. You might be able to control individual pictures of your child, but group pictures and other such things cannot be controlled. For example, I went to the zoo with a large group of friends today and we took a whole group picture. If one person in that group asked that the picture not be shared because they didn't want their kids picture posted, I'd think they were crazy. And after looking at all the pictures I took of my own kids at various halloween activities this week, there are many kids in the background...if you don't want a picture of your kid on the internet, stay home. You can't control who posts what, and you'll make yourself seem foolish by trying.
    That's where you, knowing you don't want your child's image online, excuse yourself from the group photo.

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    beharrington
  • I find this whole concept almost laughable...there is no way to keep pictures of your kid off the Internet these days. You might be able to control individual pictures of your child, but group pictures and other such things cannot be controlled. For example, I went to the zoo with a large group of friends today and we took a whole group picture. If one person in that group asked that the picture not be shared because they didn't want their kids picture posted, I'd think they were crazy. And after looking at all the pictures I took of my own kids at various halloween activities this week, there are many kids in the background...if you don't want a picture of your kid on the internet, stay home. You can't control who posts what, and you'll make yourself seem foolish by trying.
    That's where you, knowing you don't want your child's image online, excuse yourself from the group photo.
    She brings up a good point, though. Ever since this discussion, the whole issue has kind of been on my radar. Scrolling through my FB feed, I see TONS of kids that don't belong to my friends that end up in their pictures. ToTing is a great example, plus stuff like corn mazes and pumpkin patches and children's museums, that sort of thing... people take pictures of kids and their friends on playdates or at school... there are so many ways your kid's image can (and probably will) end up online at some point. That's not to say you shouldn't try to keep things private, if that's what you want to do. You should. But assuming you can keep your kid off of the internet entirely is unrealistic.
    Married 8.5.12
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    jellybellybean3
  • edited November 2015
    She brings up a good point, though. Ever since this discussion, the whole issue has kind of been on my radar. Scrolling through my FB feed, I see TONS of kids that don't belong to my friends that end up in their pictures. ToTing is a great example, plus stuff like corn mazes and pumpkin patches and children's museums, that sort of thing... people take pictures of kids and their friends on playdates or at school... there are so many ways your kid's image can (and probably will) end up online at some point. That's not to say you shouldn't try to keep things private, if that's what you want to do. You should. But assuming you can keep your kid off of the internet entirely is unrealistic.
    I agree that it's unrealistic, but in her situation the parent who wants to keep their child's image off the Internet should have said no to the group photo. There was someone else posted about the parents wanting their kids in the group Christmas photos and then telling everyone they needed to crop their kid; that parent should have not allowed their child to be in the group photo.

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  • We decided we did not want pictures of our DS on the Internet. Not because of pedophiles, but because we want it to be our sons' decision. It all has to do with consent, IMO. We just told family that we did not want pictures on social media and we followed our own rule. Family email pictures and text pictures all of the time. We have not had a problem thus far. It is quite simple.

    I know there was some argument on this thread, but I would like to say that I really appreciated the discussion and the various points of view, as I read all of the responses. I too will not be posting photos of my baby on social media for the same reasons cited above and will probably just email photos to family or create a locked account somewhere (flickr I hear has great privacy settings and they don't 'own' your photos just for using them) and communicate that I don't want photos of my child posted.  

    However, I know that the reality is that my child will end up in group photos of birthday parties or family outings online as those are other people's events and I recognize their right to share what they'd like online too. I will not be going through the trouble of asking that my child be cropped or blurred out, but I do plan on untagging myself if I happen to be tagged in the photo so that my child is not highlighted in any way in the photo. If I find the photo particularly sensitive, I will just ask if it can please be taken down. Like others said, I think communication is key. :)
    notasycophant
  • katec4vt said:

    I really was hoping to hear a good idea for how to approach this subject with people, but judging by the responses I've gotten I'm guessing my husband and I are in the minority with how we feel. 
    I'm just lurking on this board since I'm due March 2nd and could end up in Feb, but I actually kind of agree with you but for a different reason. I never really thought about the whole pedophile side of things, but I read an article about parents who refused to allow people to post pictures of their daughter for the whole "it's her life" sort of reason you've mentioned but also because then the whole internet will have photographic evidence of what she looks like from birth to whatever age. People could figure out how she grows and matures and could easily figure out what she'll look like for the rest of her life. That to me was kind of scary to think about. 

    I don't know anyone else personally who avoids social media since all my friends on FB seem to be the annoying mothers who CONSTANTLY update the world on their child's life...but I hope to do the best I can in keeping my child off FB for however long. I realize that like some PPs said, it's gonna happen even accidentally. And I know MIL will probably be my hardest battle because she posts more on FB than I do and will argue that she and FIL and other family members won't get to see our baby growing up in person much because they're all at least 3 hours away and we're all busy with work. So I still have yet to figure out how to accomplish no pictures, but good luck to you!! 
    DS1 born 2/28/16
    DS2 due 12/12/18

  • Honestly, you're fighting a losing battle in this era. Pictures of your kid will eventually end up on the internet. Period. They just will. Control what you personally can and let go of the rest or you'll just drive yourself crazy - the kid isn't even here yet and you kind of already are.

    Paedophiles can watch your kid at the park or at the grocery store and there's not much controlling their thoughts about what they see anyways. You're overthinking this. You're not famous (or, who knows, maybe you are), chances are no one is going to go, "Omg! Look at the baby with rosy cheeks and no hair wearing a totally non-identifiable onesie! Definitely katecvwhatever's kid. We should publish it."

    Omgosh! Thank you!!!!!!
  • Anyone else find it amusing that someone has regular contact with 150+ people?
  • I have a private email set up that we are sharing the password with our family on. I want to avoid social media as best we can, but living 3,000 miles away makes it a little hard for some people. The email was my compromise. Nothing gets taken out, things can be put in, and when the baby grows up and is old enough, SHE will be the one deciding who sees what photo and where they go.
  • This is why I created a secret group on facebook and listed rules for everyone in the group to follow. We've asked them not to share anything that we post within the group and to refrain from sharing any photos electronically. So far that has worked really well for us and we plan to keep it going even after our little one arrives.

    At the end of the day this is your child and you are allowed to set the rules. People either respect them or they don't, then you have to decide how to deal with those people. Of course they will talk and probably be upset but they don't get to make decisions when it comes to your child and their privacy.



  • I am 100% with you! I don't want our brand new baby all over Facebook and Instagram! It's exposure that she doesn't need! I'm sure that I will still post some though. However, I have a friend that JUST had a little girl, and the day they got home from the hospital, I got a friends request from their NEWBORN! Now they are posting everything about her. (They even posted when her cord fell off! TMI!) I think a nice median is where we will fall.
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