With my DS, I had my dad and step dad at the hospital when I went in because it was a scheduled c-section and they were both terrified of something going wrong. After I had DS, I ended up going to recovery for an hour before I was even allowed to bond with my son. Totally sucked for me, but H was with him and my dads the entire time. I didn't have any other visitors until the next day, which were my pastors and then the day I was getting discharged, my MIL and SIL showed up to see DS. This time, I honestly don't know how it's going to go. I know I'll need someone there to watch DS because I'm having another c-section. Plus it'll be the middle of February and I have no clue what the weather is going to be doing around San Antonio, Texas then and my family lives 80 miles from the hospital. I'm just playing it by ear this time.
With DS my parents + my husband's parents waited outside delivery room while I delivered and came in immediately after birth. All of our parents live about 2 hrs. away but were called when I went into labor being as it was my first child, I was scared and wanted my mother there.
This time around I will still probably call all of our parents and they can come in whenever, same with grandparents (we have a very large, extended family, well at least my DH does) and the more I think about it, the more I'd much rather have everyone visit while I was in the hospital vs. having tons of company within the first few days home. It was really stressful with DS because I was still trying to figure out breastfeeding and we had DH's grandparents x4 + step parents all come visit (with their 4+ children) and honestly I'd just rather get everyone out of the way while in the hospital! That way no one will overstay their welcome, just my opinion though!
I must be a total jerk because we aren't really inviting anyone other than our parents to be around for the first month or so. DHs parents will be invited to come for the labor if they can (they live about 3.5 hours away and my FIL owns a snow plow business so he can't really drop everything on a dime). Then my parents will be invited about 2-3 weeks later because they are coming in from Florida and we are in NY. They aren't invited to stay with us but I know they will want to stay for a while so we want a few weeks to settle in.
Beyond that we'll probably be around extended family for Easter...
if people want to drive the 3.5-4 hours to see us that will probably be okay but I highly doubt we'll have very many visitors. We only have a handful of friends who live where we do so if they want to come over for a few hours I'm sure that will be fine but everyone else in our lives is a "hosting" situation and we just don't want to do that for a few weeks.
The hospital will only be my mom and fiancé my hospital has a strict 2 support people policy..which I'm thankful for because I have a very over bearing step mother who invited herself to everything! She likes to think it's her way or no way..I still haven't told her it's only my mom fiancé and I at the hospital because I don't want to offend her! I'm a ftm and I've heard less people at the hospital the better..I really don't want anyone being around my baby other then me and the father for the first few days,bonding with our baby is really important to me. Is it selfish to want no visitors the first couple days ?
The hospital will only be my mom and fiancé my hospital has a strict 2 support people policy..which I'm thankful for because I have a very over bearing step mother who invited herself to everything! She likes to think it's her way or no way..I still haven't told her it's only my mom fiancé and I at the hospital because I don't want to offend her! I'm a ftm and I've heard less people at the hospital the better..I really don't want anyone being around my baby other then me and the father for the first few days,bonding with our baby is really important to me. Is it selfish to want no visitors the first couple days ?
I don't think so at all. Then again, I posted this subject on The Bump to see if I was the only person who felt this way. Apparently, I'm not.
I think you have to do whatever is best for you. For my husband and I, it worked best to include our parents the first time; but this time we want it to be a more personal experience for just us.
A lot of people have brought up other children or pets, which I hadn't necessarily thought about (as everyone knew I was being induced last time and my FIL was willing to go take care of our dog). This time, I'll call my brother for sure to worry about those things, because he will keep any information about me being in the hospital to himself.
In my case, almost our entire family and extended family lives in the same city as us; so while we won't have many potential overnight visitors, we do have a lot who could just show up at our house. As such, while people won't be invited to wait in the hospital while I'm in labor, we will be requesting they visit us at the hospital. I had to entertain the day after I got home last time and it was not easy. Of course, because I was induced, my house was already clean as I had time to prepare. This time could go either way - and I'm not dealing with that again! My SIL has already decided she's flying in two and a half weeks after my due date to spend the week "bonding" with the baby. She hasn't yet brought this to my attention (and good luck to her when she does), but it won't be happening.
@katec4vt I'm so happy you made this thread and we are all not alone with our plans ! My mother is already flying in two weeks before the baby I don't know if I could handle any other guests
@katec4vt I'm so happy you made this thread and we are all not alone with our plans ! My mother is already flying in two weeks before the baby I don't know if I could handle any other guests
My mother - whom I love and usually see five days a week - was granted FMLA time for me having a baby. She will have almost as much PTO as me to "help". My husband is not happy. HAHAHA.
@katec4vt haha I have my fiancé who isn't really looking forward to my mom being here for almost a month. I could imagine your husband is probably feeling the same.I live a 4 hour plane ride from my mother so seeing her and having her help will hopefully all work out for all of us ! Good luck to you
DH,BF and my mom will be in the delivery room. Not telling anybody else until the baby has been born and then it's a free for all I guess.... Not looking forward to the chaos so hopefully people will be respectful and won't stay too long. If they are unable to make it to the hospital we will have family and close friends only to our house.
I'm having a scheduled C-section, and I know I'll definitely want my parents there for afterwards! This means my super annoying MIL will either a) want to be there too, or b) throw a fit if she wasn't told. Thankfully, I don't care about her feelings, lol. My FIL lives in another state, and he'll be happy with a phone call. I'm sure my Grandma and my aunt will show up at some point, but that's cool with us. We're pretty low-key, and our families are generally chill, so we'll just hope for the best
Good luck all!
S/P L salpingo-oophorectomy w/ septic torsion 1999, dx moderate to severe Crohn's dz 2004. DH S/P hypospadic sx w/ multiple subsequent scar tissue removals, S/P herniorrhaphy. Married on 10/7/2006! TTC since May 2011; abnormal SA #1, better SA #2, normal HSG 7/2012, dx MFI/ low egg count, IUI!
Its so refreshing to read everyone's plans and see so many not inviting everyone first thing!
With my first, I was induced the night before and had an emergency c-section the next morning. All along, my hubby and I were keeping both sets of parents (who live in the same town as us) posted on progress. Apparently, they all decided to show up during the c-section. So while I was in recovery, my in-laws asked hubby to go eat lunch with them and he left me alone! And somehow my parents were allowed back to the recovery room at the same time. I was half dressed and half conscious (the nurses gave me benadryll for some odd reason) and my father was allowed in the room! I was in recovery for 3 hours before being taken to a regular room. I found out that all the in-laws along with my grandparents and several aunts were in the hall waiting to come in to see me and I hadn't even seen my little girl yet! I burst into tears and requested to see my baby and be left alone. Hubby and I both felt horrible sending all the family away, but I just wanted to see my baby and husband.
So this time, due to having to have a repeat c-section, we plan on asking that no one come up to visit until invited. I'm thinking we'll wait until a week or two before the scheduled c-section to tell everyone this news. Hubby will keep them updated on when baby gets here and that everyone is healthy via text, and then inform them when we are ready for company. I feel like both sets of parents will be supportive of our decision, simply because of being sent away last time. Not to mention, I don't want the in-laws around to whisk my hubby away unannounced again.
Its so refreshing to read everyone's plans and see so many not inviting everyone first thing!
With my first, I was induced the night before and had an emergency c-section the next morning. All along, my hubby and I were keeping both sets of parents (who live in the same town as us) posted on progress. Apparently, they all decided to show up during the c-section. So while I was in recovery, my in-laws asked hubby to go eat lunch with them and he left me alone! And somehow my parents were allowed back to the recovery room at the same time. I was half dressed and half conscious (the nurses gave me benadryll for some odd reason) and my father was allowed in the room! I was in recovery for 3 hours before being taken to a regular room. I found out that all the in-laws along with my grandparents and several aunts were in the hall waiting to come in to see me and I hadn't even seen my little girl yet! I burst into tears and requested to see my baby and be left alone. Hubby and I both felt horrible sending all the family away, but I just wanted to see my baby and husband.
So this time, due to having to have a repeat c-section, we plan on asking that no one come up to visit until invited. I'm thinking we'll wait until a week or two before the scheduled c-section to tell everyone this news. Hubby will keep them updated on when baby gets here and that everyone is healthy via text, and then inform them when we are ready for company. I feel like both sets of parents will be supportive of our decision, simply because of being sent away last time. Not to mention, I don't want the in-laws around to whisk my hubby away unannounced again.
This part really bothers me - along with the idea that people may get to see my daughter before I get any time with her at all, if for some reason I have to have a C/S as well. So sorry this happened to you!
Oh I was very stern with DH with our first that if I had a cs and someone held DD before me(besides him) I would freak out. Luckily that didn't happen since I'm super anxious about the possibility of a CS. I wish my in laws would be as respectful as some of yours about not coming up until we say but I know MIL is not
Oh I was very stern with DH with our first that if I had a cs and someone held DD before me(besides him) I would freak out. Luckily that didn't happen since I'm super anxious about the possibility of a CS.
I wish my in laws would be as respectful as some of yours about not coming up until we say but I know MIL is not
I like your idea of not even calling and telling anyone you're in labor for a while. I wish I could do that, but hubby will be so excited to tell his parents that he'll call them before we even get our admission paperwork handed in (like last time!).
Family can feel free to wait in the waiting room all they want, but no one will be allowed in the room when I'm in labor except hubby. The only exception is if hubby needs a break due to a long labor. Then, I'll let my mom come in so he can go get a coffee in the cafeteria or just walk around outside for a few.
After delivery, I don't want anyone in the room until baby has breastfed and we've had a chance to bond (at least an hour - maybe more because it takes forever for all the bathing and heel sticks and initial birth stuff.)
I like your idea of not even calling and telling anyone you're in labor for a while. I wish I could do that, but hubby will be so excited to tell his parents that he'll call them before we even get our admission paperwork handed in (like last time!).
Family can feel free to wait in the waiting room all they want, but no one will be allowed in the room when I'm in labor except hubby. The only exception is if hubby needs a break due to a long labor. Then, I'll let my mom come in so he can go get a coffee in the cafeteria or just walk around outside for a few.
After delivery, I don't want anyone in the room until baby has breastfed and we've had a chance to bond (at least an hour - maybe more because it takes forever for all the bathing and heel sticks and initial birth stuff.)
My mom did that with DD. She left to go take care of my dog, or to get DH food but also stayed so he could have breaks. Since I was induced it took awhile for things to get started. She also took pictures for us which are nice to have, and then left so we could bond.
I'm in a similar predicament...my husband wants it to just be him and myself because he thinks his mom will drive us crazy. Which, consequently, means my mom can't come to be fair. My mom is hurt that she would miss out because of my MIL. My mom and I are very close so I'm considering letting moms in for the last few pushes (but us being alone for majority of labor) so that they can share that moment since this is both of their first grandbabies. STMs+ have any of you kept people out of the room until the end? Did you prefer that over having an audience for the whole labor? I'm not sure how I'll be feeling and what I'll want at that time. Or how to go about it diplomatically so to not upset my husband, or my mom. Any advise?
I think giving birth is one of the very few times in life you truly get to be as particular as you want. You get to decide. Not anybody else. It is entirely your choice and everyone will have to accept your decision including your husband. If you want your husband and your mom only then so be it! Your MIL will have to deal. It is a VERY private and personal time and she will just have to understand. There's enough people in the room already while you are completely exposed. You probably won't want any additional eyes. Just a thought, there is a good chance you could labor for hours so you could have a visitor or two pop in during the down time but then you can kick them out when you want (If that makes it easier). But good luck with it all!!!
Re: Who are you inviting to the hospital and when?
This time, I honestly don't know how it's going to go. I know I'll need someone there to watch DS because I'm having another c-section. Plus it'll be the middle of February and I have no clue what the weather is going to be doing around San Antonio, Texas then and my family lives 80 miles from the hospital. I'm just playing it by ear this time.
Edited because words suck. Lol
I must be a total jerk because we aren't really inviting anyone other than our parents to be around for the first month or so. DHs parents will be invited to come for the labor if they can (they live about 3.5 hours away and my FIL owns a snow plow business so he can't really drop everything on a dime). Then my parents will be invited about 2-3 weeks later because they are coming in from Florida and we are in NY. They aren't invited to stay with us but I know they will want to stay for a while so we want a few weeks to settle in.
Beyond that we'll probably be around extended family for Easter...
if people want to drive the 3.5-4 hours to see us that will probably be okay but I highly doubt we'll have very many visitors. We only have a handful of friends who live where we do so if they want to come over for a few hours I'm sure that will be fine but everyone else in our lives is a "hosting" situation and we just don't want to do that for a few weeks.
*Kate*
February 2016
I wish my in laws would be as respectful as some of yours about not coming up until we say but I know MIL is not
I like your idea of not even calling and telling anyone you're in labor for a while. I wish I could do that, but hubby will be so excited to tell his parents that he'll call them before we even get our admission paperwork handed in (like last time!).
Family can feel free to wait in the waiting room all they want, but no one will be allowed in the room when I'm in labor except hubby. The only exception is if hubby needs a break due to a long labor. Then, I'll let my mom come in so he can go get a coffee in the cafeteria or just walk around outside for a few.
After delivery, I don't want anyone in the room until baby has breastfed and we've had a chance to bond (at least an hour - maybe more because it takes forever for all the bathing and heel sticks and initial birth stuff.)