Do you regret telling people you're TTC?

DumbledoresArmy · October 2015

I definitely regret telling people. Now, it's gotten out to EVERYBODY. I have people constantly asking me pointedly, "Soooo... how's it going down there?" And then, I have to go on to explain why it's just not happening. Also... when I finally do get pregnant, I'm not going to want everyone to know right away, so what will I say? Just lie and say no?

Anyone else with regrets there?

Malibu45 · October 2015

Yes ! I didn't really tell anyone intentionally but it came out. Now everyone stalks me at a party to see what/if I'm drinking, any time I say I'm tired they're asking why

DumbledoresArmy · October 2015

@Malibu45 Me too!!!! Sometimes I just don't feel like drinking and then they all look at me funny the whole night.

Malibu45 · October 2015

Yep lol. I never act this way towards other people if I know they're trying. I would never lol

BooksForMe23 · October 2015

YES! I didn't even tell my mom because I know she would get all weird and over-involved. I did tell one close friend who proceeded to tell many other friends, and now they make jokes about it all the time! At least now I know how NOT to treat people who are TTC.

Malibu45 · October 2015

Oo that's not nice of your friend to share your private news ! I would be so angry !

heatherbunn24 · October 2015

Our families have been begging us for at least 6 years to give them a grand baby and now I think we are ready TTC but we don't want to tell anyone out of fear of them asking us every 5 seconds if I'm pregnant yet. I think if it happens, we are going to wait until I start showing to tell everyone. That way we can enjoy it ourselves a bit before the chaos begins

gonetothesea · October 2015

YES. That's all my friends and family ever ask me about and it drives me nuts. If I could go back, I wouldn't tell anyone.

LadyMillil · October 2015

I told a couple friends that we were hoping to have a baby while I was writing my thesis. Now that I'm writing they've asked me if we've changed our time line. I've opened up about our struggles and it has been nice to have people talk to. A coworker knows because she covers for me when I have appointments. We haven't told our parents we've been TTC but are talking about telling them that I undergoing infertility testing so they stop asking about grandkids.

sboston06 · October 2015

I wonder the same thing about what to tell people between the time I get a BFP and the time I should wait to announce it. I told mostly just coworkers so I don't want to blab too early.

onefootinthebayou · October 2015

I don't regret it but have only told a select few. They all seem to have enough sense/manners to not bring it up unless I do. I would never have told anyone that I didn't deem trustworthy and mature enough not to say inappropriate things, or spread it around.

mkc3888 · October 2015

I've only told 2 people and I don't regret it. One was trying at the same time and she is really supportive. The other friend gave me all her hand me down from her son. Neither really ask me about it, but it's nice to have someone to talk to about it.

chanfa · October 2015

When I ended last cycle with AF I felt really depressed and wanted to tell my mom. My mom knows that I have endometriosis so she knows its harder for me to get pregnant right away. She was there with me for my surgery last year to remove a 4inch cyst. I am still tempted but I what is stopping me is the fact that I want to surprise her when it happens. It will definitely be hard for me to keep it a secret though haha

I did tell two good friends of mine. One got pregnant on the first try =T

Lilybee8614 · October 2015

It's not that I regret it. But more that people are just expecting it to happen. Since after the wedding and the honeymoon, usually the babies are not too far behind after that.
I'm just getting annoyed with people asking me "when will the babies be coming" since I'm not really ready to tell every single person that we are having a harder time with the whole TTC process.

hunnybunny17 · October 2015

No. Everyone has been really supportive and doesn't ask questions unless I bring it up first. TTC can be a struggle, and there should be no shame in that. Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples, and I'm more than happy to help raise awareness.

pretzel2plus1 · October 2015

I've only told my best friend (who has two children), and my mom. I wasn't planning to tell my mom because she's the one constantly asking when she's getting another grandbaby, but I ended up telling her when my terrible AF symptoms returned last cycle. Because of the symptoms, she thought I might be having a mc, so I had to explain that I was temping/charting so I knew it was AF. Since now she refers to TTC as my "little project" which is kind of weird.

*edited for clarity

MrsDho11 · October 2015

I told my BFF, and I don't regret it. That's it. H told his parents, and I'm still not happy about that because he knew I didn't want to tell them (because they were AWFUL the whole time we weren't trying about asking us for grandkids... His mom would try to guilt me, it was a whole thing). I'm fairly certain he told them to leave me alone about it though, and they've been doing well with it, so I'm a little less upset now.

I'm contemplating telling my Mom when I see my parents this week because I want to be able to talk to her about it if we have a hard time like my sister did. As a bonus, we have some family crap going on, and it'll be something nice/hopeful to talk about.

DobbysSock · October 2015

I have no regrets. I've been pretty open when people ask about trying for a second that we'd probably start trying in the fall. People have been very respectful about it - my best friend and my sister in law both asked if we are sticking to the plan, but I would have told them both anyways. My sisters and mom don't talk about it unless I bring it up. Other than that no one has mentioned it despite the fact that it's definitely not a secret.

PrimRoseMama · October 2015

My BFF knows & that's it. I keep it that way.

misspuppychow · October 2015

Absolutely. Not only do I get asked all the time, but now I don't have a good answer. We're struggling with some infertility issues and I have a very very high risk of miscarriage when I do get pregnant. As a result, we're not going to tell anyone for quite a while. I wish nobody knew now.

PrettyPalomino · October 2015

I told my mom, sis and sis-in-law and so far (cycle 1) I don't regret it but I think I might regret spilling the beans if this goes on too long and we switch to NTNP...

ShallowSeas · October 2015

Only a handful of people know. My parents and sisters know, and my 3 best friends know. That's it. We didn't plan on telling anyone at first because we didn't want to hear everyone's advice and 'tips' so we were really picky about who we did end up telling.

jhems776 · October 2015

I told sooo many people like even before we were trying when we were going to start. We have been together so long and the question came up soo much and the start of trying was so far away that I didn't care. To my surprise a lot of them remembered and asked. I don't regret most of the people but a few that I only see once a month and they ask every time....

AndiPandi127 · October 2015

I've been very selective about who I've actually full-on told: a few close girlfriends, 2 of whom are recent first time mamas and were excited to share insight. They have been great since they have recently been there and both took a pretty long time to conceive. I did tell my best single girlfriend who is wonderful and I love her dearly, but I quickly stopped mentioning it to her and kind of wish I had never told her - she's already covered me in "oh, if it doesn't happen this month, it's your body telling you this, or telling you that, or it's more time for you and your H to have together". Yeah. Thanks.

I have not straight out told my mother but she knows we want to have a baby this year so I assume she gets the idea. I'm extremely lucky, she's not pushy or probe-y about it at all. She'll be excited if/when the time comes. We are going to my in-laws for Turkey Day and I know my wine intake will be monitored intensely even though we haven't breathed a word to them.

Thank goodness for internet strangers - I don't regret telling you!

Edit: clarity

Dilynne · October 2015

I've only been a lurker for a week or so, but I wanted to say thank you! H and I aren't trying yet so we haven't been telling anyone anything, despite being asked all time, and now I know not to tell anyone because it can get overwhelming.

Thanks again!

vampirina · October 2015

Reading these stories has made me exceptionally happy that I solidly coached husband on how to avoid talking about TTC! I'd really hate for everyone to be all up in our business!

MEA0320 · October 2015

**TW: Loss Mentioned**

DH and I have a pretty active social calendar so people would figure it out eventually when I just order a straight soda water or when we don't show up for an annual event. So with that in mind, we have told a lot of our friends and our immediate family.

It did help back in June when people heard our sad new of a loss; the support from our friends has actually been great and I'm really happy we did tell people. I also learned about some of my friends struggles and losses that I didn't know they went through. It has helped both DH and I through this roller coaster of emotion during the whole TTC process.

sarahmsoda · October 2015

Today we just got a pretty devastating SA result and now I am definitely regretting telling people because I know all my friends will ask me how his test went and it's personal and I don't really feel I should be sharing his medical info to my friends. I will have to find a way to discuss it without getting into it too much... I am just dreading it coming up.

I am glad we didn't really get into it with our families though so we can go through this together without their input.

Seagodess7 · October 2015

Yes and no. I dont have many people asking how its going, but when they do its kind of strange. Like, if I were pregnant, dont you think I would tell you? I do like being able to talk about it though. Its also nice because family is saving the stuff they have for their current babies for me.

calfherder · October 2015

My H told some people, his family and some co-workers. He thought we would get KU right away. Almost two years later, pretty sure he regrets telling LOL. I didn't tell anyone in my family, and no one asks. We have been married a long time so I think most people just assume we don't want any. Lately I've felt like I needed to talk to someone about it, so I told my older brother about us doing IVF. He's the only person in my family that I am close to and talk to regularly. Obviously not going to get into details about it with him, but it's good to have someone who knows and is supportive.

PeggyOlsonFTW · October 2015

Nobody knows that we're actively trying, but I'm sure people suspect it. I was pretty open regarding my loss and published an article about it a few weeks ago. I imagine people just assume we're trying again.

momstahp · October 2015

I've only told 2 of my sisters (who are basically my best friends), and I plan on keeping it that way until I get pregnant. One of them is also TTC so it's nice to be there for each other in that way. My husband and I got enough prying from people about having a baby once we got married and then about TTC#2 a few months after DS was born, so I just know if people knew we were trying for #2 I would get those awful stares at my belly and constant questions.

It's also why I love TB, because I can get the support and relief from a community of women who know what I'm going through while at the same time not have to deal with the awkward consequences of IRL people all up in my business lol

prettysmile40 · October 2015

I told a few close friends but am ok with it. They don't really ask...once in a while I get "how is baby making going?" I had a couple friends ask if we are going to try because I told them that I wasn't sure it we were going to or not.

Bubblegum5586 · October 2015

We haven't told anyone per H's request. He thinks it reflects poorly on him and doesn't want people to know how long we have been trying for. After 5 months I am grateful he asked to keep it between us (as I am a blabber mouth about myself) and can't imagine all the questions. We already get a fair amount since we have been married 2 years (together 10).

SchmancyNancy · October 2015

Yes. Definitely regret it. I feel like I put it into other people's head to start trying. It felt like every time I told close friends of ours that we were trying to get pregnant, they would announce their pregnancy a couple months later. Over and over! I'm like the "Good Luck Chuck" of getting people KU.

bunnybunny2010 · October 2015

@SchmancyNancy this! This seems to be my story as well. We have told a few people, and I do feel like the few couples in our similar stage of life have announced their pregnancies. We have been trying for 6+ months, and it is a bit disheartening.

There are some people I have been very glad I have told. They have been supportive and told me about their own fertility struggles. It has been a great comfort. But then there are those others....

CoonMom · October 2015

Yes and No. No one really asks "hey are you KU yet?" but I'm embarrassed it's taking this long. My two close coworker friends know and I'm glad I told them because I can vent when I'm having a bad day (AF arrives, etc).

rkstro2 · October 2015

I don't regret telling my mom and sister and a friend who also struggled/struggles with TTC. I didn't want to tell anyone at first but realized I couldn't handle the stress between just me and DH. Especially since everyone else in the family appears to be fertile myrtle. My mom and sister knowing has helped them break the news to me gently each time we find out someone else is expecting...

Eta: I also don't regret telling internet strangers on this message board. I never imagined myself sharing in a forum like this but this group has provided so much support so far. I love the TWW board where people share their good news and it's so encouraging to see people who are struggling just like we are to finally get their BFP. It helps me have hope for us!

virginiaham · October 2015

***TW -- pregnancy, losses, kids (none mine)***

I have not regretted telling those I have told, but I'm also a blabber mouth and both H and I have lived at least across the country, if not overseas, from our families for the majority of the last decade, and all of our older siblings are all done having kids.

I've told pretty much my immediate family, a few long-distance friends, and all of our close friends where we are (H and I both made that decision). My grandparents were the first to really encourage us and to know we were going to start trying soon, and it brightened their lives. I did talk to my mom pretty in-depth about her trouble with TTC and her L/D and her losses, specifically as a "Mom, I'm TTC. What did you go through?" That was insightful and ended up being a sweet conversation. Our friends here know, and they've let me vent, but they also keep me focused on life now. One of our good friends is on year 6 of TTC and talking to her has kept me grounded and sensitive (I started this process pretty flippant and ignorant).

For everyone who's like, "TL;DR!!":
I've had some beautiful conversations with the women in my life just by asking them what they went through. It doesn't work with everyone, but with some it's been awesomely supportive. I also second @rkstro2 on this community.

adunkin · October 2015

Our first time TTC, we only told close friends and family. The support was good since it took us 13 cycles and fertility meds. But I'm really glad we didn't tell my ILs. I can only imagine the grief had we been open with them.

This time around we made a promise to be much more open with our friends and family (that said, DH still has never addressed it with his parents, though SIL and his cousins know at least a bit) in an attempt to help remove the stigma and shame of trouble trying to conceive. We do email blasts to 20+ friends and family about where we are at with our treatments and talk about it openly when we hang out with friends. BUT there are definitely days that I just don't want to discuss it and not everyone seems to understand that. However, it makes me more sad how many people refuse to talk about it at all with us - like if we don't talk about it, the struggle won't be real.

I also have a friend who told several of us that they were TTC, then stopped coming to our weekly wine nights and was SUPER upset when we started speculating that she was KTFU. She is KTFU, but we weren't supposed to speculate about it because they wanted to wait until 2nd tri to share the news. I mean, there's gotta be a middle ground.

mali0902 · October 2015

Yes and no. DH and I agreed we wouldn't tell anyone, but when my SIL found my prenatals and an ovulation kit in the bathroom (I thought I had cleared them all out) I kudzu opened up about it. 2 other closervices friends of mine know and my sister has an idea. I feel guilty having told them because DH doesn't know. But at the same time, it has given me such relief to talk about it with others in person. Don't get me wrong, I very much value the ladies and their opinions here on the bump too

That all being said, my mouth is shut now to all others close to me.

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