Two parents working out of home but not always FROM home. Desperately need advice

kitkatbird · October 2015

WARNING this is long but I would be so very grateful for advice.

I posted this somewhere else before I realized this section was here.

I am going to be a new mom in March and DH and I are renting a farm house with a barn. He works from home doing data entry 10hourdays 4 days a week but the days rotate biweekly. It requires lots of focus but he can often hold conversations with me for a short amount of time. And browse the Internet a good amount as well.

I am a dog trainer and service dog trainer and basically the only active trainer in the local chapter of my company. It's a very small company with about 10 employees nationwide. The company pays for a good chunk of the rent here at the house because dogs come to stay with me to be trained and sometimes boarded. I also have some lessons here. Other lessons are in people's homes which are mostly within 30 minutes of me but the service dog clients can be 2-3 hours away so my whole day can be taken up with one or two lessons. We have a company car which saves the company money with all that driving.
After doing research I am realizing that I am probably not going to be able to do much more than help out with emails for the first month postpartum. But after that the company REALLY needs me for income and my "boss" although he's not really a boss said the company can't really afford to pay the rent if there are no dogs here. DH said he could help out with boarding clients that first month and I believe both our moms would take some time off to come help.
The next month I don't have a clue what we will be able to handle. Lately I may have 2-3 dogs training staying with me plus 1-3 lessons a day. I plan on doing most of my work on DH's days off, especially traveling lessons but let's say I had to go out to the barn to do a one hour lesson and leave LO within DH to keep an eye on while he is working. And then do some in-home training with the dogs staying with me for a couple hours a day while LO is napping. Does this seem feasible or stretching it. I could take part time pay temporarily to help out the company so that they don't take the car since that is difficult to afford without income coming in too.
Also at what age would this type of arrangement become easier due to a less frequent feeding schedule and what age would it become harder with moving crawling etc? I know I'll need daycare eventually but it will be hard to afford and my schedule is so sporadic I would really want a drop-in-when-needed type care.
Sorry again that this is so long but I really am desperate and at a loss. I'm meeting to have a discussion this week.

Oh and DH has a limited hearing so hoping to get my new dog up to speed on hearing alert skills to let DH know when the baby is crying but we will also be investing in a monitor.

ldmw · October 2015

You should take the time off you need and not worry about your employer. At 1 month postpartum, you are still healing and recovering from birth. Plus, you will never get this time back with your little one. So, take the time you need. Since your company is so small, I doubt you are covered by FMLA. However, talk to your boss and assure you get the necessary time off.

Now, when it comes to hit scheduling once baby arrives. Babies are so unpredictable. I think you are going to have a hard time fitting in training sessions while baby naps. You don't know how long baby will nap for. I think the arrangement you outlined above will be too stressful to manage. I would recommend getting childcare so you have some fixed days and hours for both you and your husband to work.

kitkatbird · October 2015

The company literally couldn't afford me gone for more time than that and I don't plan to do one hour lessons during the naps. Only training at home. Often this is usually only 10-30 min so is very stop and go. Due to DH's schedule I could just do lessons on days he has off limiting me to 4 days. We are on a super tight budget as-is to child care costs will be hard. I know it will be stressful but I do love my job. There will be easier days and harder days. I just want to know if it's impossible.

ldmw · October 2015

Nothing is impossible. Hard, yes. Impossible, no.

maelily15 · October 2015

As far as feasibility, yes it's definitely possible. Very much depends on how you deliver. I was feeling well enough physically to go back to work mostly within a couple weeks. But my delivery was vaginal. As far as the training in your home, you might not even need to worry about leaving your LO with your husband. Depending how vigorous the training is, you could baby wear with a wrap or more structured carrier. Babies sleep a lot those first few months. Also, your husband very well may be more help than you anticipate. You can pump and let him feed the baby. No offense meant, but if he has time to internet browse, then he can help split the baby duties, particularly as your job helps with the rent cost and provides the car.

Anne Mommy · October 2015

The first month after each kid was a blur to me. I have no idea what happened. Really.
I think it's possible but will be stressful. Your body needs time. I know I was not allowed to return to work for at least 6 weeks to let my body recover. Since FMLA doesn't apply, you might be able to do short term disability. I imagine your OB doesn't want you to return too soon. Too much physical activity makes the bleeding worse.

Yes you can do it. DS is 7 months and just started crawling. At 4 months, he was taking a morning and an afternoon nap. Before that, he napped frequently and ate frequently. I'd get a baby wrap or carrier. I've heard you can make a wrap but haven't tried it. Your LO can always play near by while you train. We got a plastic gate thing (like the Rugrats cartoon) for DS. He can see us and have his toys, but he is limited on his movement.

kitkatbird · October 2015

THANK YOU! This really puts my mind at ease. Yes I know it will be stressful but I know there will be ups and downs and I need to do what needs to be done to have money to care for him .

@meghanjodino No offense taken! I totally agree! Hhe can do more than he says if he is on the Internet! I tell him this gently all the time and he gets defensive. I know he will step up for his future hockey star though

I was thinking I could do some training carrying LO and I did tell my "Boss" that my only real concern is what dogs we get. A big overpowering crazy dog will be difficult to manage but the puppy I have now would be a piece of cake.

He seemed surprised that I wanted to go back to working full time ASAP and didn't want to be more of a full time mom. ( I guess I'm more like my workaholic mother than I thought) But when you get emails that the 8m old Puppy youve been working with finally alerted the a 6 year old boy's low blood sugar it makes all the stress 1000% worth it.

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

I just don't think you have any idea how hard life is with a newborn. You won't have any idea until that baby is here and I'm not trying to be negative but your life will be consumed by this baby, regardless of whether or not your husband helps.

I don't think anyone should try to work for at least 8 weeks after having a baby. Days are too unpredictable and you will be completely exhausted. Not only are you bleeding heavily, but you are sore, you are out of your mind from being tired and your hormones are all crazy. I personally could barely function after each of my kids were born. And I would NOT recommend wearing your baby in a carrier while you train a dog.

I'm sorry, not trying to be mean but your plans are just not realistic with a new baby and I think you will find that out when your LO is born. Trying to work so soon after having a baby is not a good idea even for a workaholic.

kitkatbird · October 2015

I professionally train service dogs so these are well behaved dogs and not dangerous dogs or even dogs that jump. Sometimes I can even go shopping while training a dog in public access work so if I can shop with a baby the dogs should actually be a help( opening doors, retrieving dropped items etc) 8 weeks would be a luxury that I can't afford. I am willing to face down exhaustion and hormones to make sure my baby has a roof over his head.

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

kitkatbird said:

I professionally train service dogs so these are well behaved dogs and not dangerous dogs or even dogs that jump. Sometimes I can even go shopping while training a dog in public access work so if I can shop with a baby the dogs should actually be a help( opening doors, retrieving dropped items etc) 8 weeks would be a luxury that I can't afford. I am willing to face down exhaustion and hormones to make sure my baby has a roof over his head.

Then do your thing. Sounds like that was your plan all along so go for it.

ldmw · November 2015

Bigboobsmcgee said:
I just don't think you have any idea how hard life is with a newborn. You won't have any idea until that baby is here and I'm not trying to be negative but your life will be consumed by this baby, regardless of whether or not your husband helps.
I don't think anyone should try to work for at least 8 weeks after having a baby. Days are too unpredictable and you will be completely exhausted. Not only are you bleeding heavily, but you are sore, you are out of your mind from being tired and your hormones are all crazy. I personally could barely function after each of my kids were born. And I would NOT recommend wearing your baby in a carrier while you train a dog.
I'm sorry, not trying to be mean but your plans are just not realistic with a new baby and I think you will find that out when your LO is born. Trying to work so soon after having a baby is not a good idea even for a workaholic.

This! Glad someone was more blunt than I am. I tried the nice approach but agree sounds like OP mind was already made up. Wasted thread.

SaltyMcNulty · November 2015

kitkatbird said:

WARNING this is long but I would be so very grateful for advice. I posted this somewhere else before I realized this section was here. I am going to be a new mom in March and DH and I are renting a farm house with a barn. He works from home doing data entry 10hourdays 4 days a week but the days rotate biweekly. It requires lots of focus but he can often hold conversations with me for a short amount of time. And browse the Internet a good amount as well. I am a dog trainer and service dog trainer and basically the only active trainer in the local chapter of my company. It's a very small company with about 10 employees nationwide. The company pays for a good chunk of the rent here at the house because dogs come to stay with me to be trained and sometimes boarded. I also have some lessons here. Other lessons are in people's homes which are mostly within 30 minutes of me but the service dog clients can be 2-3 hours away so my whole day can be taken up with one or two lessons. We have a company car which saves the company money with all that driving. After doing research I am realizing that I am probably not going to be able to do much more than help out with emails for the first month postpartum. But after that the company REALLY needs me for income and my "boss" although he's not really a boss said the company can't really afford to pay the rent if there are no dogs here. DH said he could help out with boarding clients that first month and I believe both our moms would take some time off to come help. The next month I don't have a clue what we will be able to handle. Lately I may have 2-3 dogs training staying with me plus 1-3 lessons a day. I plan on doing most of my work on DH's days off, especially traveling lessons but let's say I had to go out to the barn to do a one hour lesson and leave LO within DH to keep an eye on while he is working. And then do some in-home training with the dogs staying with me for a couple hours a day while LO is napping. Does this seem feasible or stretching it. I could take part time pay temporarily to help out the company so that they don't take the car since that is difficult to afford without income coming in too. Also at what age would this type of arrangement become easier due to a less frequent feeding schedule and what age would it become harder with moving crawling etc? I know I'll need daycare eventually but it will be hard to afford and my schedule is so sporadic I would really want a drop-in-when-needed type care. Sorry again that this is so long but I really am desperate and at a loss. I'm meeting to have a discussion this week. Oh and DH has a limited hearing so hoping to get my new dog up to speed on hearing alert skills to let DH know when the baby is crying but we will also be investing in a monitor.

One way or another, there are going to be times you will need help with your LO.

I'd at least be looking at a mother's helper or nanny share or maybe another new SAHM who could bring her own infant along while watching yours (these are all ways to keep costs down).

Your plan sounds very unfeasible to me.

kitkatbird · November 2015

Yes my mind is made up to work. I am not asking if I can do this without help. I specifically said I WOULD have some help actually. I would not keep LO with me all the time. Totally agree that THAT would be unfeasible if not impossible. When I said feasible I mean is there anything I'm not thinking of that I should take into account. It's not black and white/set in stone.
DH's schedule is such that he works 4 days a week for 10 hours so 3 days off every week that he would watch LO and I could travel to lessons. He works every other weekend so in-laws/family/friends could watch LO then( I'd have a back up always if needed) and then I'd have my "weekends" Thursdays and Fridays since DH always works those days but rotates the other days of the week. But I may have 1-3 dogs to give basic care to on those "weekends" This leaves one day a week where either we both would be working or me doing light work with a couple lessons leaving LO with DH working at his desk or schedule them in the morning when he isn't working, or just sacrifice a day of pay.
I didn't mean to be so negative but it made me a little mad when I'm looking for constructive advice and someone says to just throw in the towel and give up. THAT, to me, is wasting the thread.

Many thanks again for the advice.

Bigboobsmcgee · November 2015

kitkatbird said:

Yes my mind is made up to work. I am not asking if I can do this without help. I specifically said I WOULD have some help actually. I would not keep LO with me all the time. Totally agree that THAT would be unfeasible if not impossible. When I said feasible I mean is there anything I'm not thinking of that I should take into account. It's not black and white/set in stone. DH's schedule is such that he works 4 days a week for 10 hours so 3 days off every week that he would watch LO and I could travel to lessons. He works every other weekend so in-laws/family/friends could watch LO then( I'd have a back up always if needed) and then I'd have my "weekends" Thursdays and Fridays since DH always works those days but rotates the other days of the week. But I may have 1-3 dogs to give basic care to on those "weekends" This leaves one day a week where either we both would be working or me doing light work with a couple lessons leaving LO with DH working at his desk or schedule them in the morning when he isn't working, or just sacrifice a day of pay. I didn't mean to be so negative but it made me a little mad when I'm looking for constructive advice and someone says to just throw in the towel and give up. THAT, to me, is wasting the thread. Many thanks again for the advice.

No one said that. Further proof you aren't really listening to what others are saying.

I do wish you luck when the baby comes and you find a balance.

kitkatbird · November 2015

Bigboobsmcgee said:
I just don't think you have any idea how hard life is with a newborn. You won't have any idea until that baby is here and I'm not trying to be negative but your life will be consumed by this baby, regardless of whether or not your husband helps.
I don't think anyone should try to work for at least 8 weeks after having a baby. Days are too unpredictable and you will be completely exhausted. Not only are you bleeding heavily, but you are sore, you are out of your mind from being tired and your hormones are all crazy. I personally could barely function after each of my kids were born. And I would NOT recommend wearing your baby in a carrier while you train a dog.
I'm sorry, not trying to be mean but your plans are just not realistic with a new baby and I think you will find that out when your LO is born. TRYING TO WORK SO SOON AFTER HAVING A BABY IS NOT A GOOD IDEA EVEN FOR A WORKAHOLIC.

I REALLY don't want an argument or to be confrontational. I just want advice and I am fully willing to listen but please correct me if I am wrong that you meant I should NOT work period ( for over a month). I believe
not-trying=giving up

I guess I should clarify that as I have heard of many other mothers going back to work sooner than I will be, I am not considering soreness an fatigue a factor since, for many people, that factor is obviously feasible( yet difficult, I get that).
I am concerned about feasibility as far as time management goes such as awake/sleep feeding, changing, laundry. Is 1-1.5 hours, 2x a day to do lessons on-site too much to handle for DH working at his desk and will I be able to manage everything else on those days. ( which would be one day a week)

crsanchez87 · November 2015

I have to agree with PP. It does seem though your mind is already made up and after the all the responses you've gotten (none of which i thought were mean-spirited) you seem as though you are looking for someone to tell you "you can do it, go get em tiger!". I am sure what you are thinking of doing can be done.. I understand people need to do what they need to do to get bills paid/keep a roof over their head/food on the table etc. I think what others are saying, is that they don't think training these dogs will be at the top of your priority list once your baby is here. Can it be done? Probably. Will it be the thing you are going to want to focus on once LO is here? You'll have to wait and see.

kitkatbird · November 2015

Actually I came on here hoping to find someone who had some experience with working a similar type schedule such as working from home or a job that is appointment based who could enlighten me to what worked and didn't work for them so I am prepared and perhaps get some good ideas. That is all. I am not a close minded person by any means. And I realize that things could change at any time completely trampling my plans. I simply want advice, not "yes it's possible" or "no it's not possible"

Bigboobsmcgee · November 2015

kitkatbird said:

I just don't think you have any idea how hard life is with a newborn. You won't have any idea until that baby is here and I'm not trying to be negative but your life will be consumed by this baby, regardless of whether or not your husband helps.
I don't think anyone should try to work for at least 8 weeks after having a baby. Days are too unpredictable and you will be completely exhausted. Not only are you bleeding heavily, but you are sore, you are out of your mind from being tired and your hormones are all crazy. I personally could barely function after each of my kids were born. And I would NOT recommend wearing your baby in a carrier while you train a dog.
I'm sorry, not trying to be mean but your plans are just not realistic with a new baby and I think you will find that out when your LO is born. TRYING TO WORK SO SOON AFTER HAVING A BABY IS NOT A GOOD IDEA EVEN FOR A WORKAHOLIC.
I should clarify that as I have heard of many other mothers going back to work sooner than I will be, I am not considering soreness an fatigue a factor since, for many people, that factor is obviously feasible( yet difficult, I get that). I am concerned about feasibility as far as time management goes such as awake/sleep feeding, changing, laundry. Is 1-1.5 hours, 2x a day to do lessons on-site too much to handle for DH working at his desk and will I be able to manage everything else on those days. ( which would be one day a week)

I am not trying to argue either and none of this really matters because again...you have NO idea what will happen until the day you bring that baby home.

I hear you talking about soreness and fatigue in such a nonchalant way and it sort of makes me laugh. I'm really not trying to be mean when I say that but you will see. Oh honey, you will see.

All you are thinking about is work, work, work but that is not what you should be thinking about right now. In my opinion at least.

Bickey11 · December 2015

Be prepared to take a leave of absence. You won't know until you're there, but i went back to work at 3 months and it was a struggle. I also have the opportunity to work from home on occasion, and with ALL of my kids I attempted to work with them there and after 1 or 2 days of it, ended up having to take them do daycare despite being home. They are far more work than you can imagine, especially early on. You can't "Schedule" things because your baby will not allow it. My littlest is 4 months and still eats every 3-4 hours and sometimes 2 hours if his majesty decides he's ready. And don't even get me started on diapers. I mean, sometimes they just pee and that's great, but some blowouts are a 20 minute project and possibly an unscheduled bath. I consider myself to have quite a bit of experience with 3 kids, but even at 4 months, i still can't get my bills paid on time because i don't have a spare second, i've not even looked at the hospital bills because they're so overwhelming, why can't there be one big bill? Seriously 8 different account #'s for billing for a 2 day stay. My credit will be ruined this year I'm sure. I've been back to work for 1 month and called off 3 times already. Twice for the baby and once for a stomach bug. Give yourself some time, you and your baby deserve it. It may be time for a career change, or at least an employer change.

kitkatbird · December 2015

Thank you for the advice. I'll probably ease back into it a bit more. I am very lucky DH works from home and during the night shift at that. My sister has the same job as him and she was caring for her son all on her own as a single mom. So I know it's doable but maybe, like you said, it may not be good to try and have a day where we are both technically working and trying to juggle things. I'm thinking the real difficulty will be one LO is mobile.

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