Gender

RLVbaby · October 2015

DH and I are trying to decide whether or not we should find out what the gender is. Looking for advice on the Pros and Cons of finding out and not.

kp90 · October 2015

I personally want to find out because I don't want to buy and have people buy me things that are "gender neutral". That's just me though. I'd like to be fully prepared before baby comes and know what I'm having to determine what I buy and ask for at my shower, etc. but if you don't mind gender neutral and are patient enough for the wait then go for it! Surprises are always nice.

LDSJM123 · October 2015

I don't want to find out gender so that we have an arsenal of gender neutral stuff. I (along with our families) have ZERO self control when it comes to knowing a baby's gender and not buying everything pink/purple or blue/green. We plan on having another at some point. I also love the surprise factor. My husband on the other hand, wants to know. He HATES surprises. So we compromised. We won't find out at the traditional 20 (ish) week ultra sound. He, alone, will find out at a later ultra sound much closer to our due date. I'll be surprised when baby makes their entrance. I just think trying to shop, pick names, and decorate a nursery would be too difficult if he knows the gender and I don't. So it's the perfect middle ground for us.

cMichelle0423 · October 2015

I'm a planner and like have things done in advance. So team green has never been a serious consideration for us.

PrimRoseMama · October 2015

RLVbaby said:

DH and I are trying to decide whether or not we should find out what the gender is. Looking for advice on the Pros and Cons of finding out and not.

I figure you find out one way or the other. If you want to find out, just remember its not guaranteed.

fourtsixand2 · October 2015

I also am a planner, and the idea of not knowing what the gender of the baby would be would be beyond excruciating to me. I am also an avid decorating fan, so I'm thrilled to be able to design a nursery.

While I do feel like the surprise of finding out the gender of your child at birth would be magical, it is just so much easier for us, and family, to know what to plan for. But that's just my opinion.

redfallon · October 2015

We found out both times because we don't care about it being a surprise.

kalanieileen · October 2015

I hate secrets! Haha it's like when someone says "omg I have something to tell you!!.... Wait, I can't" no! Tell me now!! But that's just me so I will be finding out the sex of my LO

jdrdnr · October 2015

We have always found out with the last 3 but this time I want to be surprised. Hubby wants to know so he can buy buy buy as we got rid of everything already. Knowing this is our last though I kinda want something a Suprise!

doozer1345 · October 2015

We found out with DD against DH's wishes but I promised him this time we wouldn't. It doesn't seem as important with this one bc we already have a lot of stuff and with DD I got a lot of neutral stuff anyways bc I'm not a pink person.

adiaz132003 · October 2015

We are gonna let it be a surprise mostly because we love the idea of the baby coming out and "IT'S A ___!!!" Also, my friends and family are not very practical when it comes to giving gifts so I know that even if we have a registry they would still rather buy clothes for the cute baby. Now I'm left with a ton of clothes that will probably never be worn and missing a bunch of supplies I actually need. Since it's harder to ship for gender nutrual clothes it will force my family to follow the registry. Hahahaha

gemini2005 · October 2015

We found out with our first two so we want to do something different this time. I think it will be hard to decorate and get clothes ready but it's worth it in my opinion. I keep fantasizing about being in the delivery room and hearing my DH yell "it's a ....!".

2.red.heads · October 2015

We did not find out ahead of time with our first two and it was SO MUCH FUN! For some reason it wasn't hard waiting but with other people's pregnancies I always want to know as soon as they do.

Some pros: having things that will work with a boy or girl (if you have additional children). When they're newborns simple gowns are the most comfy and easy for the first month. All those frilly dresses or overalls, etc are a hassle (only 'going out' outfits). We got so many useful things from our registry - supplies - NOT silly clothes! I mean, don't get me wrong, the clothes are as cute as can be, but trusty me, people can't wait to buy the clothes AFTER the baby is born (as a baby gift, not as a shower gift).
This time we're pregnant with twins and we plan on finding out. Our son is 8 and our daughter is 5. Just doing things different this time!

boymomstrong · October 2015

My husband and decided to find out with our first, was told girl then boy and it was beyond frustrating, with our second we waited and did not find out, and hearing my husband say, "its a boy!" Was the most amazing thing... He even loved it so much he wants to keep baby #3 a secret too...
Its a personal decision, and honestly the hard part is the 20 week scan, if you can just say no then its so much easier to wait after that...
I have lots of friends who ended up caving in at the ultrasound, its really the hardest part about waiting...
Good luck!

SnarkasaurusRex · October 2015

DH wanted to find out; I didn't. We compromised and said that we would find out for this one since DH is such a planner, but we'd let the next one be a surprise (if we decide to go for #2). Our nursery theme was pretty neutral, and we honestly had completed our registry before we knew the sex. We only got a handful of super boyish clothes, so most of what we have could be reused for a girl if we had one.

skiingstark · October 2015

I need to find out, I am a super planner, but here is the thing, most of our stuff will be gender neutral any ways since I am a huge dork. I love Disney stuff soo I have already picked out alot of Nemo stuff and have picked out a lot of star wars/dr who/comic stuff.

SunnySurprise · October 2015

We are going to find out the sex! (The gender is up to the LO

While most of the time the two match up that's not a foregone conclusion, not to be snarky, just as an aside.)

Firstly, I agree with everyone who posted about planning ahead. It's half the work when you only have to prepare for one option. Secondly, it's going to be a surprise either way, whether it's at 20 weeks or at 40. Thirdly, we're actually loving the idea of a gender reveal party so that wouldn't be possible if we wouldn't find out. Last but not least I just think gender neutral baby products don't have half the variety that gender-specific ones do.

But in the end you have to do what you feel would make you happiest. There's pros and cons on both options, I say go with your gut

Latina211508 · October 2015

I'm pregnant with baby #4 and we found out every time at our anatomy scan. I'm not patient at all and was way too excited to wait. Even though I think it would be an awesome experience/surprise to find out after delivery. I just like to be prepared as well. Especially this baby being our last I wanted to buy all new furniture etc.

amberrmariee20 · October 2015

My first child was a surprise, when he was born everyone was in such a state of shock ! This time we chose to find out so we can have everything prepared better, last time we had all white, yellow and pale green clothing, this time it's all boy stuff (: !

Buninthe0ven815 · October 2015

My husband and I want to know the gender so we can plan for things we don't want to be gender neutral, but we're not planning to tell anyone else. We don't want every blessed thing to be pink or blue.

ecwk · October 2015

Buninthe0ven815 said:
My husband and I want to know the gender so we can plan for things we don't want to be gender neutral, but we're not planning to tell anyone else. We don't want every blessed thing to be pink or blue.

I would totally side eye the crap out of my friends if they pulled this.

fwtx5815 · October 2015

BostonTerrior2008 said:

ecwk said:

Buninthe0ven815 said:
My husband and I want to know the gender so we can plan for things we don't want to be gender neutral, but we're not planning to tell anyone else. We don't want every blessed thing to be pink or blue.
I would totally side eye the crap out of my friends if they pulled this.

Agreed!!!

If you are going to find out and you are not going to be telling people the sex of the baby, then you better not be telling friends and family that you found out just to keep it from them....That is very tacky IMO.

Edit

--------qbf----
While its obviously the parents' right to share/withhold information as they see fit, I also find it tacky that people would not share the sex of the baby solely to manipulate their friends and family's gift buying behavior.

SnarkasaurusRex · October 2015

fwtx5815 said:

ecwk said:

My husband and I want to know the gender so we can plan for things we don't want to be gender neutral, but we're not planning to tell anyone else. We don't want every blessed thing to be pink or blue.
I would totally side eye the crap out of my friends if they pulled this.

Agreed!!!

If you are going to find out and you are not going to be telling people the sex of the baby, then you better not be telling friends and family that you found out just to keep it from them....That is very tacky IMO.

Edit
--------qbf---- While its obviously the parents' right to share/withhold information as they see fit, I also find it tacky that people would not share the sex of the baby solely to manipulate their friends and family's gift buying behavior.

This. Why is it so hard for people to be gracious and grateful for the fact that someone cared enough about you and your child to get you a gift that THEY put thought into, and just return the stuff you don't want?

If you don't want people to know, that's one thing. But purposely withholding that information in hopes for a different or better gift? TACKY.

Edited because words are hard.

AppleRidge · October 2015

Finding out at 10 weeks. Knowing the sex with my first helped me bond and get excited after several losses. This time, I want our DS to get excited about the prospect of a baby brother or baby sister. He'll be extra psyched if it's a girl so he won't have to share his cars and trucks.

AppleRidge · October 2015

BostonTerrior2008 said:

Finding out at 10 weeks. Knowing the sex with my first helped me bond and get excited after several losses. This time, I want our DS to get excited about the prospect of a baby brother or baby sister. He'll be extra psyched if it's a girl so he won't have to share his cars and trucks.
If it's a girl, he won't have to share cars and trucks?? I majorly side eye this for many reasons!! Edit: grammar

His words. Can't really side eye a four year old.

Flip60 · October 2015

I liked knowing as helped me bond with baby during first pregnancy to call them by their name. I will do the same with this pregnancy. I would never have waited but if I did it would have been anticlimactic as I was super drugged out for my c-section and you can't really control how much drugs they give you at that time or how your body responds - so finding out then would not have been as good as when I did.

FinePlacentaPie · October 2015

BBHME said:

BostonTerrior2008 said:

Finding out at 10 weeks. Knowing the sex with my first helped me bond and get excited after several losses. This time, I want our DS to get excited about the prospect of a baby brother or baby sister. He'll be extra psyched if it's a girl so he won't have to share his cars and trucks.
If it's a girl, he won't have to share cars and trucks?? I majorly side eye this for many reasons!! Edit: grammar

His words. Can't really side eye a four year old.

Tell him he's probably out of luck, I wanted to play with my cousin's toy cars all the time as a kid.

AppleRidge · October 2015

FinePlacentaPie said:

BBHME said:

BostonTerrior2008 said:

BBHME said:
Finding out at 10 weeks. Knowing the sex with my first helped me bond and get excited after several losses. This time, I want our DS to get excited about the prospect of a baby brother or baby sister. He'll be extra psyched if it's a girl so he won't have to share his cars and trucks.
If it's a girl, he won't have to share cars and trucks?? I majorly side eye this for many reasons!!

Edit: grammar

His words. Can't really side eye a four year old.

Tell him he's probably out of luck, I wanted to play with my cousin's toy cars all the time as a kid.

He's been to five different preschool/daycares and tells me none of the girls like cars. His prejudice is evidence-based at least.

anesmd · October 2015

I'm solidly team green, but my husband wants to find out the sex as he feels it'll make it easier for him to bond with baby prior to the birth (regardless of male or female). I don't think we'll tell our family, not because of gender neutral gifts as mentioned above (though I do plan on gender neutral stuff either way), but because it'll be kind of fun to have that secret just between the two of us

we wouldn't tell anyone that we know though.

amandagil · October 2015

We're looking at not finding out. I personally want a gender neutral room along with clothes just because. However once the baby is here it's total different.

Also We don't want to tell our families purely because we want to keep them guessing. It's kind of our sick sense of humor. And he doesn't want to know because he agrees it'll be fun but he can't keep a secret (this big!) to save his life.

Plus my cousins have girls and boys and some of my aunts have younger children of both genders so the amount of hand-me-downs is unreal.

Another thing to consider is (from what I've read) if you are trying to go as natural a birth as possible then not knowing makes the labor a bit more easy to manage.

Edit because words are very hard

Corts · October 2015

I am going to find out because I will need the extra time of knowing what to expect.

Corts · October 2015

BostonTerrior2008 said:

Corts said:
I am going to find out because I will need the extra time of knowing what to expect.
If you need extra time of knowing what to expect due to baby's sex, then you are in for a rude awakening as you can "expect" things to happen later in pregnancy, and the unexpected happens, same with L&D....no two stories are the same. You can read on what to expect, but reality is anything can happen.....same with after baby is born, that is full of unexpectancies. Knowing the sex is such a minute detail over what is to come.

Yes I am well aware of this, I have 2 other children and am a NILMDTS photographer. I know what can "happen". And it was a source of comfort each time knowing their gender so I could prepare to the fullest. Different strokes for different folks. But hey thanks for the history lesson; )

marriedtoadutchman · October 2015

This is our 4th. Our first two we were team green and our 3rd we found out but kept it to ourselves. And we plan to find out with this one as well and not tell anyone. I don't find this tacky at all. It's our baby so why should we have to tell? It's was nice knowing and having this little secret between the two of us. All of our family and friends knew we found out and respected our decision to keep it to yourselves. Although a few would try and guess throughout the pregnancy

Dasha420 · October 2015

I want to know. Badly. Haha. Just to gather my thoughts and send them in the proper direction. To make my plans and ideas.
I've known couples who were told they were having a girl then later were told it's a boy then again a girl and in the end a boy was born so my plans can change of course.
However, I just want to know to get names set up and just to know >:D<

I would tell my parents, his parents, and some close friends. I don't see the need for the surprise at the end of labor- I think I'll be getting surprised on that table regardless.

PrimRoseMama · October 2015

Corts said:

I am going to find out because I will need the extra time of knowing what to expect.
If you need extra time of knowing what to expect due to baby's sex, then you are in for a rude awakening as you can "expect" things to happen later in pregnancy, and the unexpected happens, same with L&D....no two stories are the same. You can read on what to expect, but reality is anything can happen.....same with after baby is born, that is full of unexpectancies. Knowing the sex is such a minute detail over what is to come.
Yes I am well aware of this, I have 2 other children and am a NILMDTS photographer. I know what can "happen". And it was a source of comfort each time knowing their gender so I could prepare to the fullest. Different strokes for different folks. But hey thanks for the history lesson; )

I'm not trying to challenge you and/or be difficult-- I'm honestly curious and don't get it, how does knowing the baby's sex allow you to prepare any more than if you didn't know? I get wanting to know just because I like to know-- so I'm not a rabid Team Green person. I just don't understand how its a "source of comfort" or "helps you prepare". You just know how the kid will pee...

I DO understand making it easier to put a name to baby and such. Knowing how my kid will pee doesn't make me feel more prepared though-- so can you explain that part? I mean, you don't have to. I just never understood this justification @corts

goldie987 · October 2015

marriedtoadutchman said:
This is our 4th. Our first two we were team green and our 3rd we found out but kept it to ourselves. And we plan to find out with this one as well and not tell anyone. I don't find this tacky at all. It's our baby so why should we have to tell? It's was nice knowing and having this little secret between the two of us. All of our family and friends knew we found out and respected our decision to keep it to yourselves. Although a few would try and guess throughout the pregnancy

That's what we're doing, although I'm not sure if we are going to tell people that we know or not. We told everyone we're having a baby early on so the sex will be our secret. I don't think it's tacky either, its not like we plan to wave it in people's faces or anything.

Corts · October 2015

It's much easier to purchase what you need beforehand with knowing. And knowing what to expect after leaving the hospital. There is only so much green and yellow a person can buy beforehand and myself I find it much more peaceful knowing that in x amount of months I will be bringing home a boy/girl rather than a yellow bundle. Too much uncertainty in the delivery room so it's nice to know that something will be a sure thing. I imagine these are the same reasons a lot of people want to know beforehand.

jmjarling · October 2015

Its our first and we found out the gender. My husband couldn't wait so we agreed on finding out for this pregnancy. We plan on another baby pretty much right after and agreed that one will be a surprise! Knowing does help bonding I agree I see alot of people saying that in their post. At the same time I love things being a surprise (:

snowhite12 · October 2015

We found out the sex with our DD, and plan to with this one as well. My MIL recently asked me if I wanted another baby shower and I said no thank you. However, many family members have expressed that they would like to get us something for the new baby and it would be easier for them if they knew he sex as well.

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

BBHME said:

BBHME said:

BostonTerrior2008 said:

Finding out at 10 weeks. Knowing the sex with my first helped me bond and get excited after several losses. This time, I want our DS to get excited about the prospect of a baby brother or baby sister. He'll be extra psyched if it's a girl so he won't have to share his cars and trucks.
If it's a girl, he won't have to share cars and trucks?? I majorly side eye this for many reasons!! Edit: grammar

His words. Can't really side eye a four year old.

Tell him he's probably out of luck, I wanted to play with my cousin's toy cars all the time as a kid.
He's been to five different preschool/daycares and tells me none of the girls like cars. His prejudice is evidence-based at least.

My 1 year old DD loves playing with anything her brother is playing with. She's way into his cars. It's super cute

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

BostonTerrior2008 said:

I'm solidly team green, but my husband wants to find out the sex as he feels it'll make it easier for him to bond with baby prior to the birth (regardless of male or female). I don't think we'll tell our family, not because of gender neutral gifts as mentioned above (though I do plan on gender neutral stuff either way), but because it'll be kind of fun to have that secret just between the two of us we wouldn't tell anyone that we know though.
Just don't tell anyone that you found out, you will create a lot of resentment from family and friends......if you decide to find out, tmyou need to pretend you are team green.....but I guarantee it will be hard not to slip up while in conversation after finding out. This will be hard to maintain. DH did just fine not knowing the sex. He talked to baby, got kicked in the back multiple times while sleeping (yes LO's kicks were pretty strong), felt baby move, and had many opportunities to bond- yet we did not know the sex. He helped pick out the nursery, bedding, etc, I let him have a lot of say in our registry, etc.

You don't know either of the bolded statements to be true. Why try to convince someone else to do what you did? You push and push and push just because it went well for you. Finding out the sex beforehand isn't something to try and change someone's stance on. I just don't get it. It's not like we're talking about car seat safety or vaccines or something.

Want a personalized experience?

Gender

Re: Gender

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Jamie

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Choose Another Board

Search Boards