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SPM3 · October 2015

Hello,

I just wanted to thank everyone who has been a part of this board, it has really helped me over the past 2 weeks dealing with my first mc.

On Sunday, 10/11 I signed up for the bump so I could post to the June 16 board....and miscarried before I even had a chance to post. I was 5 weeks 5 days and started with light brown staining - which of course I explained away. My back hurt and I had some red spotting but hoped it was constipation/cervical spotting from straining, even though I hadn't had any before....although I had a lot of other symptoms and felt very pregnant, more so this early than in two other pregnancies. Then Monday it was very clear that I was miscarrying. I had cramping/contractions/back pain and bled rather heavily (like a heavy period day) for 3 days then lightly through Sunday. NO more pregnancy symptoms at all. On the following Tuesday I took a test and it officially said Not Pregnant.

I never even went to the doctor, my old obgyn has retired and I was researching docs on my insurance plan. I wasn't in a hurry to go either with my $6000 deductible, but was going to make an appt for 10 weeks.

I haven't told anyone at all except my husband, this page has been a life-saver. (My mom is of the opinion that there is no such thing as an early miscarriage, just a late period. Also, among other things, people with morning sickness just don't want to be pregnant and I am much to old to have children. So no talking to her. My sis would have been my first choice to talk to but she was having a difficut in-law visit so I was waiting until after to Skype and tell her about the pregnancy - and now I don't even know whether to share because it will make her feel so bad and nothing she can do. There's one friend I blew off 10/17 and I feel like I should explain to her but I just don't want to.

I'm not being very eloquent here but I just wanted to share with others who will understand how important it was and how much it has impacted me. Reading everyone's stories has helped me feel a bit more normal even when I was crying through them and I wanted to thank everyone for sharing, and write my own. I am feeling better and not so sad but it is still hard. My DH is great but I feel like I can only express that I'm better to him, and not that I'm still sad or he will worry too much. So thanks to all of you for sharing and I hope we all heal....

(edited for spelling)

lawbebe1176 · October 2015

So sorry to hear about what you're going through. It's so tough to m/c and it must be even harder to do it while feeling so isolated. Know that you are strong and that there are loads of us willing to listen and talk about the loss you have suffered. I read about a lot of people doing crafts, using adult coloring books, planting trees, etc. to make everything feel more real and move on from it a little bit easier. Maybe you could try doing one of those things to help you get through these tough next few weeks and months.

I suffered a loss in March and am now pregnant again, still nervous and sad, but time really does make everything a little easier. Know that it is okay to grieve and talk and that so many of us have felt the same way and are thinking of you. Thanks for sharing and I wish you and your family the best.

Raincity · October 2015

I'm glad you shared your story. Even just typing mine out made me feel the tiniest bit better. I'm sorry this has happened to you, and to all of us.

I too was on the June 2016 message board. Ironically, I had just started a really fun and popular thread about great things about giving birth in june! Literally while I was typing that, I started to miscarry.

I think that next time around, I may wait to join the message board until I'm farther along. I feel envy thinking of the people on there, still typing out reasons why june is the best birth month and dreaming of their babies. I'm happy for them, especially for all the women in there who are pregnant after losses of their own. But for now, it still hurts me to think about it.

It did help me to 'normalize' my MC though, sadly, seeing so many people in our June 2016 group have to drop out early.

I'm just rambling now. Again, I'm sorry for what you're going through. I understand the isolation because we hadn't told anyone, either. I went to a friends birthday party one hour after the MC started, and to be sitting there bleeding with contractions as I was supposed to enjoy the dinner and make conversation with people I barely knew....it was completely surreal and macabre.

You don't have to explain to your friend why you bailed. You can give yourself a pass on this one. You're doing the best you can. Of course, you could tell her as well, there's nothing wrong with that. Whatever feels right. Be kind to yourself and I will try to do the same.

Time will pass. I have the coloring book to prove it. (I told myself that when the coloring book, which i bought for myself yesterday) is filled, it will be time to move on and try again.

queenklau · October 2015

@SPM3 I am sorry for your early loss, I agree it can feel isolating because you didn't get any time to share with others. Time will heal you.

@Raincity I was also in the June BMB. So sad we are meeting here now. I was 9w with my second mmc. Hang in there girl, we can get through this. I agree, I kinda wish I had waited a few weeks to post, but anyways it was happy times and I wanted to enjoy it with the other pregnant ladies.

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