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June 2015 Moms
MouseMama817
member
Speaking of the Holidays (might get long, sorry!)
MouseMama817
member
So my BIL is going to be hosting Thanksgiving for my DH's side of the family this year. He lives 2 hours away, which is an easy drive to make if we wanted to go there and come home in the same day. Hint hint see where I'm going with this?
I can only take my MIL in small doses. She's a total baby hog and gives non stop unsolicited advice in between poking and prodding my baby ("What's this on her cheek?" "Her tongue is white, why aren't you cleaning it?" Et-f*cking-cetera.). I'm this close to flat out disliking her because my DH wont really say anything so I have to sit quietly and take it. Which isn't my nature. Spending the weekend with her stealing my daughter from me and criticizing my parenting is going to push me over the edge. I can feel it, guys.
I overheard my hubby telling his brother that we would stay the weekend. I like my BIL and his fiance very much but there are a few things I take issue with:
A) I'm chained to my pump right now and can't imagine sneaking off in someone else's house every couple of hours to get undressed, pump, and then wash my pump parts and store my breastmilk in someone else's kitchen while the rest of the family looks on.
I can only take my MIL in small doses. She's a total baby hog and gives non stop unsolicited advice in between poking and prodding my baby ("What's this on her cheek?" "Her tongue is white, why aren't you cleaning it?" Et-f*cking-cetera.). I'm this close to flat out disliking her because my DH wont really say anything so I have to sit quietly and take it. Which isn't my nature. Spending the weekend with her stealing my daughter from me and criticizing my parenting is going to push me over the edge. I can feel it, guys.C) Our LO doesn't sleep well away from home. Period. She fights her naps as it is but if she's in an unfamiliar place, forget it. Since we'll be away from all of her amenities (for serious lack of a better word), we wont be able to properly replicate her bedtime routine either. So fussy tired baby.
D) Lastly, the last time we stayed with my BIL it was one of the worst night's sleep we've ever had. Their guest room is a really a garage they converted over but without the proper insulation. It was unbelievably hot all night. It also is right off the kitchen and has one of those flimsy pantry doors with slats instead of a real bedroom door so you hear everything and can freaking see through it. So no privacy while I'm all naked and pumping
X_X I'm hoping you ladies can help me craft my rambling argument into a more elegant presentation lol. Lately anytime I try to reason with DH I sound like a sleep-deprived idiot. What's the best way to (hopefully) get him to change his mind about staying all weekend? TIA
Re: Speaking of the Holidays (might get long, sorry!)
A. Your MIL has probably breastfed so the whole amazement of it is probably out the window. You can keep your pump in the fridge to reduce the amount of washing needed (my nurse said once a day is enough)
B. You can look at it as if she's stealing
Your baby or see it as you and your husband get a mini break from LO and can really enjoy the Holidays with LO without having to fuss over her the whole time. You can eat hot turkey whilst MILS goes cold.
C. Could be a good time to try and change up her sleeping habits, you won't always be at home for her naps and bed Te routine. It's fine and cute now because she's still new but my friends 6 year old can kick into 5am because she's not in her bed. It's a nightmare.
Worst case stay a night, go home the next day. If you have to blame it on something do that.
I get that MIL can be a PITA but it's an important relationship our kids have to have. Build that relationship with LO and her because no matter how annoying she is one day you'll be great ful that LO loves her grannie and you can go out and have fun.
I have no problems telling my husband no about going places or being with people I don't want to be with. I compromise by setting a limit "OK, but we're leaving after xxx" if its really important to him. PP suggestion of staying one night is a good one. Its a nice compromise. You're giving a little, he's giving a little.
And he now owes you one night at your parents house for Xmas (or whatever)
Some suggestions: Bring an extra blanket to hang over the door to give you extra privacy and sound dampening. Throw in a white noise machine or fan to cut the distractions even further. Bring a small soft sided cooler to store your BM in inside the frig if you don't want people looking at it. Bring a bottle brush for convenience and a few big zip locks to store your pumping parts in the frig so you don't wash as often. Pack LO's favorite bouncy chair and activity mat as well as you pack n play if you have one. Yeah it seems like a lot of stuff, but do what you need to feel the most comfort away from home.
Also on the annoying MIL front...we all typically have one (or FIL) that gets on our nerves. It doesn't sound like yours is that bad if you can just take a step back and look at it from a different perspective. Use this time to take a break. Go see a movie or go on a date with DH. If she offers advice just nod and smile. Who knows, she may have a gem or two to offer.
Overall I say compromise with DH. Take it on a day by day basis. If it really sucks as bad as you think it's going to then come up with a plan with DH to scoot out early. Come up with a code word if necessary. Enjoy your holiday.
I have no idea what we are going to do yet, we also have a 2.5 hour drive. I'm thinking we'll stay at a hotel, honestly, to avoid all the drama about whose house we'll even stay at.
If you want to be accomodating, then maybe you agree to take a night trip to the relatives' house on another NON-HOLIDAY weekend, so it's less stress, and say that will be practice for the future?
Like pp said, don't blame it on the family, just chalk it up to routine & baby accommodations.
I try to reframe my perspective, and try to see that they are coming from a caring place with their "suggestions." Pick your battles. Decide which "suggestions" are actually helpful, ignore the rest.
People don't do things the same way I do, but ultimately, if they have my babies' best interest in mind, I'm ok letting them do some things their way. I don't need to micromanage them.
Re: travel at the holidays
I'd probably try for a compromise. 1 night instead of 2. And as PP said, make DH help you pack everything so he can see why it might be easier to make it a day trip sometimes. But, for the holidays I'd probably suck it up and stay over.
Thanks for the advice/oh really? Well that's great for some people I'm sure but we are not them and we need to figure out what's right for us so that's what we are going to do. End of story.