can't put baby down

allstagg · October 2015

my newborn will be 1 month old on the 17th and i literally cannot put him down for a simple nap. i rock him to a deep sleep and try to set him down and the second he leaves my body he wakes right up and starts to fuss and cry to be held again. is anyone else having this problem? any suggestions? we have tried the crib, co sleeper, bassinet, mamaroo, etc. the only way to get a 2-4 hour block of sleep at night is if i let him sleep in my arms.

a lot of my family members tell me to just put him down and let him cry it out but i feel like he is too young for that. also, when he cries, he tenses up completely and spits up a lot and once spit up while trying to breathe and choked on it which scared me half the death.

bigilslzr · October 2015

My son does that sometimes I would let him sleep in my arms for 20-25 mins before I put him down on his rocker. I found out that he sleeps better when his next to me in our bed. You just have to be careful if u choose to do this. Also does he burp after u feed him? Maybe that's why his spitting up when u lay him down

christea · October 2015

Have you tried a swing? This doesn't work for me and I'm currently having the same problem (but just during the day), but I've heard the swing works for some people.

christea · October 2015

Also, my guy sleeps in the rock and play much better than anything else.

Justone13 · October 2015

I second the Rock and play. It keeps them on an incline and that has helped with my lo. I had this issue with my lo. What I started doing is rocking her or getting her to the point that she is almost asleep then put her down. If she wakes up more I pop in a pacifier and just rock her in the Rock and play. Or place my hand on her stomach and pat her to add some comfort. There have been points that I've let her cry it out. I normally let her go for 5 minutes. Then pick her up calm her down and try again.

Are you swaddling your lo?

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

NOOOOO, you're LO is way too young to let him cry. You are right to not listen to that advice.

My first child, my son, was that way. He had to sleep on me for the first month or so. It sucked but it passed.

I also think the RnP is a god send, as well as swaddling. Get the swaddle nice and tight and use it for naps and night time. Use a white noise machine and make the area comfortable and warm.

When laying your LO down, keep her as close to your body as possible for as long as you can before separating yourself. I would basically have to lean all the way into the RnP or crib before letting DD go. Babies get the feeling of falling when laid down on their back and that ALWAYS startles them awake. Give it a try.

delujm0 · October 2015

Definitely too young for cry it out. The MINIMUM age is 4 months, and many women choose to wait until closer to 6 months to start sleep training.

My DD was good for the first few weeks, but then weeks 4-8 would only sleep on top of me. Turns out she has GERD, which is severe reflux, and laying her down caused her to reflux and wake up (and usually spit up). When she slept on top of me in the recliner she was usually on her side on a Boppy pillow against me, so it didn't bother her as much as being flat on her back did.

As soon as we got a prescription for Zantac she went back into the bassinet and eventually the crib. Could you have a reflux issue? Does LO spit up a lot? Does she arch her back, unlatch, and cry during feedings sometimes? Does it seem like she wants to eat more but is in pain and can't do it? Can you hear her refluxing and swallowing it (I could before the medication)? If any of these sound like you, it might be worth a visit to the doctor to ask about it.

Otherwise, it could just be that the loss of body warmth when you transfer LO is causing the wakeup. Make sure she is adequately clothed at night, and try a tight swaddle, that might help.

allstagg · October 2015

@bigilslzr - Yes, we spend a lot of time burping and i let him fall into a deep sleep in my arms before i put him down and when i start to move he squeaks and wakes up and immediately fusses.

@christea - We got a mamaroo, he will sit in it for a couple of minutes and then fuss. I haven't tried the rock and play specifically, not sure if its worth it considering LO doesn't care much for the mamaroo??

@justone13 - yes, we are swaddling him and some days he likes it and other days he hates it. sometimes he likes to sleep with his hands next to his head so we leave his arms out, other times he is ok with them being strapped down by his sides. right now i have him 3 inches away from me in his cosleeper dressed in two layers with just a blanket over him. i dont know why he is so particular about swaddling from day to day? also, the odd thing is when we are in the process of swaddling him he wakes right up. seems to be a light sleeper. when we nurse i have to take him out of the swaddle because we do diaper changes and what not otherwise i would just keep him swaddled.

@bigboobsmcgee @delujm0 - PLEASE tell that to my family. these farts think that i am spoiling my child and i am torturing myself by holding him or appeasing his cries. i dont pick him up immediately when he fusses but when he is crying i come to his rescue or else he spits up A LOT and it takes a long time to calm him. i have tried keeping him really close to my body before i put him down but i am kind of short and difficult to get myself all the way down to his crib and/or sleep pen/bassinet thingy. i can put him down easily in the cosleeper by keeping him really close but he will last maybe 30 minutes and then he starts to fuss and cries when he realizes i am not holding him. @delujm0 - i also suspect really bad reflux because he randomly cries at night, arches his back, squeaks, opens his mouth and tilts his head back as if there is something in his throat. i left another message with the ped this morning and hopefully we can see him today even though his wellness check up is on monday. i dont think i can deal with no sleep through the weekend.

p.s. i am wearing one of his swaddles around my body hopefully to transfer some of my "scent" to it to see if it helps.

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

**Removed for TOU Violation**

What the hell is that?!

NurseRieger · October 2015

Talk to your pedi before giving anything to your baby other than breastmilk /formula. The kidneys are immature and they can get electrolyte imbalances very easily. As far as your family, it is impossible to spoil a baby that young. It's biology, baby is totally dependent on you for survival and they don't see more than about 18 in from their face so once they are down and you step away as far as they are concerned they are alone and helpless. I was in your shoes a few weeks ago, LO could only sleep being held and breastfeeding. Had to pry him off every time! At 1 month I got a RnP and it is worth it's weight in gold! Now I swaddle 1st, pacifier, white noise machine, and when he falls asleep in my arms I put him down by leaning all the way down with him still against me and rock a little more and I can get 4 hours straight! I hope you find what works for you.

delujm0 · October 2015

Bigboobsmcgee said:

**Removed for TOU Violation**

What the hell is that?!

Seriously...what is that and why would you feed it to a one month old? At that age they aren't supposed to get anything other than breastmilk or formula unless your doctor has advised it (and I don't see what other than actual vitamin supplements or medication they would advise for a baby that young).

When I was having this problem this advice did super annoy me...but you can also just embrace and enjoy it. At some point LO won't want to snuggle with you anymore, and you'll probably miss it! I was lucky that my husband convinced me to get a gliding recliner in the nursery instead of a gliding chair with ottoman...I would recline that thing and just sleep there...probably the most comfortable way to sleep other than a bed. it got EXTREMELY HORRIBLE to not sleep in a bed at all for 4 weeks, but I did really enjoy the snuggle time. Sometimes even now that LO sleeps in her crib at night I will fall asleep in the recliner while I'm nursing her. It happened last night during a midnight feeding...I woke up at 2:15am like "what just happened?" and then stuck her in the crib. :-)

Justone13 · October 2015

**Removed for TOU Violation**

What the hell is that?!

That just made me laugh. I looked that stuff up. Looks like fennel tea. I actually had a coworker tell me to give my 2w old a BOTTLE of fennel tea. Uh no. :-q

allstagg · October 2015

baaah, yeah i dont want to give the baby any more "dietary supplements" than i need to. so far the pediatricians want him to take tri vi sol because he's breastfed but i give him two small D3 drops made by child life instead. the pediatricians had said we can try gripe water and gerber soothe drops as well which i did and didnt see much of an improvement. on friday they gave us a prescription for antacid and it is day 3 since he's been on it and i see a slight improvement. less back arching and screaming cries. supposedly when babies have GERD they fuss more and want to be held all the time as opposed to laying flat on their backs.

it is still difficult for me to put him down but getting a bit easier. two nights ago he slept for 2.5 hours in the cosleeper. last night i was too lazy to wait until he was in a deep sleep to put him in his cosleeper so i just let him sleep in my arms. i have been a bit burnt out from so many sleepless nights that sometimes i cheat because i literally cannot stay awake to rock him into a deep sleep for 20-30 minutes before setting him down. it is really pathetic.

i read an article about a baby's sleep cycles and learned that they are in a light sleep for 20-30 minutes before they enter a deep sleep cycle which lasts about 30-50 and they re-enter a light sleep cycle which is when theyre most vulnerable to waking up.

PlainJane8350 · October 2015

My baby's the same way. Have you tried a wrap, like Baby K' tan? It won't help you sleep and my baby hated it the first time, but I put her in it the second time, walked around the house to test it and she fell asleep! This at least allows us to get some things done.

I get a lot of comments from the Peanut Gallery, too. When I got the wrap my MIL was like, "You're gonna need it because she likes being on you." She also lectures me on letting her sleep in me. In her case, she's just mad that the baby doesn't want her to rock her to sleep. "She's rocked all of her other grandkids." *sigh*

allstagg · October 2015

@plainjane8350 - i have the ergo baby wrap, is the baby K'tan better? it looks easier/faster. the ergo wrap is like 12 feet of fabric that i need to manipulate before i can put the baby in and sometimes his head bobs around and it makes me nervous.

how old is your baby now? is she sleeping by herself?

i just tried setting the baby down in his crib and he woke up instantly. i think cleared some space on our bed and set him down and he fell right asleep but we have a plush top mattress so i am worried that it doesnt give him enough support. i am sitting literally 2 inches away from him as he sleeps (i got rid of my bedside table and replaced it with a desk and chair).

[big sigh]. i love our cuddles but i really need to be able to put him down in his crib by himself so i can do work. it is hard for me to make phone calls or anything else work related with him ...

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

allstagg said:

@plainjane8350 - i have the ergo baby wrap, is the baby K'tan better? it looks easier/faster. the ergo wrap is like 12 feet of fabric that i need to manipulate before i can put the baby in and sometimes his head bobs around and it makes me nervous.

how old is your baby now? is she sleeping by herself?

i just tried setting the baby down in his crib and he woke up instantly. i think cleared some space on our bed and set him down and he fell right asleep but we have a plush top mattress so i am worried that it doesnt give him enough support. i am sitting literally 2 inches away from him as he sleeps (i got rid of my bedside table and replaced it with a desk and chair).

[big sigh]. i love our cuddles but i really need to be able to put him down in his crib by himself so i can do work. it is hard for me to make phone calls or anything else work related with him ...

It's completely unrealistic to try and work with a newborn. Most babies won't sleep in a crib until at least 6 months old, and that's after doing sleep training. It's a large open space and it's flat. Babies hate both of those things.

Are you trying or willing to try any of the suggestions you've been given? The crib is going to keep disappointing you so I suggest you find a different place to have your LO nap like a swing or RnP.

allstagg · October 2015

@bigboobsmcgee - yes, sorry i didnt clarify. we have swaddled, used a cosleeper, bassinet and mamaroo (equivalent of a swing). i did not try the RnP because of this article >> https://www.candokiddo.com/news/rocknplay ... i know a couple of kids who had flat heads and needed to be fit with helmets and it was very sad, and not to mention expensive!

today LO slept soundly on our king sized bed! i set him down so i could wash my hands after changing him (dont worry, the bathroom was 5 feet away and i kept an eye on him the whole time). when i came back i saw that his eyes appeared heavy and then he fell asleep and stayed asleep for 2 hours. we have a plush top mattress that he seems to like but is not safe for sleeping unless he is supervised. in this case, i pulled up my desk right next to the bed and watched him sleep as i did work.

KateLouise · October 2015

have you tried lying with him on your bed while he goes to sleep? snug him in close, and then gradually edge away as he drifts to sleep.

PlainJane8350 · October 2015

@allstagg Ha! Ya, that's why I went with Baby K'tan. I didn't have confidence in myself to master a real wrap and pictured it unraveling and her falling out.

I'm one of those controversial people who co-sleep, so take my opinion for what that's worth when it comes to putting him down in your bed. There are some agencies who support it, like La Leche, and you can find guidelines on their site like no pillows that you aren't using, etc. You could always get one of those little "nests" that are designed to go in your bed. We even have an Arm's Reach co-sleeper, but we just change her in it and lay her on her back until she gets fussy. She won't fall asleep in it.

Cuddles are one thing, but I know what you mean about being productive. I really would try a K'tan if you don't love your carrier because your baby sounds like mine and it works for me. She didn't like it the first time, but she fell right sleep the second time and stayed sleep.

I assume this stage won't last forever. Is your husband able to transfer her once asleep? The few times my husband has her he's usually successful. My friend said that her husband would "shush" while transferring both of their babies and it worked...but it never worked for her.

I also hear people having success with placing a heating pad on the mattress and removing it before you put the baby in, but it leaves the mattress warm.

allstagg · October 2015

@plainjane8350 - i am ordering the baby k'tan. that thing looks like heaven compared to this ergo wrap i have on right now!

so we definitely co-sleep because i dont have the energy to fight him fighting the crib or bassinet or rocker at 4AM in the morning. not to mention, his witching hour is usually from 12AM-4AM and i am drained. my husband isn't very successful in doing much anything because he is so tired from work that he is unable to help me at night. he is barely able to clean up after himself after dinner and we have been doing take out every night.

when baby first arrived we used a cosleeper that you put in the bed and it worked for the first week but then his colic started and he hit a milestone where he refused to sleep anywhere but in my arms. i am all about doing whatever works for mom and baby because it is a lonely freaking world when no one else but you knows the struggle of your newborn.

if you learn of any tips or find a way to put your baby down successfully please let me know! how old is your bub now? i hear that by 3 months things drastically change and it is easier to put the baby down.

altow1310 · October 2015

My LO is just over two weeks old, and I can get him to sleep and put him down for a 3-4ish hour stretch at the beginning of the night, but after that it is nearly impossible. He typically sleeps from about 10/10:30 until 1:30/2:00ish, and after his feeding at that time we usually just fall asleep together with him in my arms. I never wanted to cosleep, and I still refuse to lay him in the bed with us because I don't trust myself or my husband as we are both heavy sleepers; however, you have to do whatever works. For us, that means letting LO sleep in my arms from about 2 AM on. I try laying him back down sometimes, but he usually winds up making so much noise that I pick him back up to allow myself to get some sleep. I did buy a Rock N Play recently because I've heard babies sleep so much better in those and our pedi gave us the green light, but we haven't tried it at nighttime yet. You just have to find what works for you and your family and go with that.

Also, swaddling helps us a ton! LO loves to have his arms up, but at nighttime he startles himself too much and ends up getting restless.

Sully3302 · October 2015

@jadi1215 my LO will only nap in my arms but sleeps great at night in the RNP...try it! Or get a co-sleeper basket for your bed.

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

jadi1215 said:

My LO is just over two weeks old, and I can get him to sleep and put him down for a 3-4ish hour stretch at the beginning of the night, but after that it is nearly impossible. He typically sleeps from about 10/10:30 until 1:30/2:00ish, and after his feeding at that time we usually just fall asleep together with him in my arms. I never wanted to cosleep, and I still refuse to lay him in the bed with us because I don't trust myself or my husband as we are both heavy sleepers; however, you have to do whatever works. For us, that means letting LO sleep in my arms from about 2 AM on. I try laying him back down sometimes, but he usually winds up making so much noise that I pick him back up to allow myself to get some sleep. I did buy a Rock N Play recently because I've heard babies sleep so much better in those and our pedi gave us the green light, but we haven't tried it at nighttime yet. You just have to find what works for you and your family and go with that. Also, swaddling helps us a ton! LO loves to have his arms up, but at nighttime he startles himself too much and ends up getting restless.

This is all great advice and the perfect example of trial and error, which is what parenting is! Find what works, even if it's not ideal and go with it. Sleep and habits are always changing so do what you have to now to get the most sleep.

My DD slept swaddled in the RnP at night and would sleep for 10-12 hours. That thing is amazing. For real.

PlainJane8350 · November 2015

@allstagg, I laughed when I read his "witching hour."

She's two months as of yesterday, and she's curled up next to me, comfort nursing as we speak.

She did lay on my bed for a long time this week. She never feel sleep, but I was able to fold a bunch of clothes

I'll tell you this about that Baby K'tan, she had two extremely fussy days this week. I tried everything and, for the first time, she wouldn't even eat! I popped her in the Baby K' tan in the hug position and she fell asleep! I was shocked, and relieved. She had cried so much that day that I cried! I was also able to take her out of the wrap and lay her down on the bed, where she slept for a little while until she got hungry.

She had rolled from her side, I side lay when I nurse, to her back twice this week which makes me think she may be getting a little more independent. We'll see!

How are you guys doing over there? What's going on?!

PlainJane8350 · November 2015

Hey, ladies!

I know nothing about this, but just saw a Mammas and Pappas carrier that is selling itself by having a removable baby "pod" that allows baby to stay asleep and still be removed from the carrier.

kathoelckgoble · November 2015

My little dude really only likes to sleep in my arms, as well. I sleep lightly in this way, but for longer stretches and when he is hungry or needs to be changed, he doesnt have to get full on upset to get my attention, so we are both happier. As long as you are sober and you dont have extra blankets and pillows around you, your baby is safe in your arms and is most secure. It feels like forever because its around the clock lovin', but these days are limited. I figure that nourishing our baby's need for security in these early days can only help them to develop peacefully.

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