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Engaged and TTC

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Re: Engaged and TTC

  • bikramlassbikramlass member
    Didn't ask you to explain. Just said it doesn't make any sense. I want more for my daughter than that, and I know my DH deserves better that, as do I.

    Yes. People have very different standards. This is becoming very obvious.
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  • patriciahomolpatriciahomol member
    bikramlass said:
    Didn't ask you to explain. Just said it doesn't make any sense. I want more for my daughter than that, and I know my DH deserves better that, as do I. Yes. People have very different standards. This is becoming very obvious.
    better than what? different "standards" is fine, but don't judge others who do something differently.
    Me: 29 | SO: 28
    Started Dating SO: 9/26/2009
    DS Born: 6/02/2012
    Tied the Knot: 11/14/2015
    Trying for Number Two since 9/1/15
    BFP!!! Baby 2 Due: 12/6/21
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  • addyplusoneaddyplusone member
    bikramlass said:

    Didn't ask you to explain. Just said it doesn't make any sense. I want more for my daughter than that, and I know my DH deserves better that, as do I.

    Yes. People have very different standards. This is becoming very obvious.

    Woah!!!!

    image


    Addison (DD) born 6/10/12
    M/C 3/3/14 Due 10/8/14
    Rainbow Koen (DS) born 7/9/16


    Lfafer  you want to have in your playgroup  * Best Baker  * Sweetest Lfafer * Best NBR\GTKY Threads*  Most Supportive Lfafer *   Best Mom * Lfafer you want organizing your meal train after birth

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  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas member
    edited October 2015
    @bikramlass you make it sound like if a couple is married, their relationship is instantly better than a couple's relationship who is not married.  I promise you, the moment DH and I signed our marriage license angels didn't sing from the Heavens. Nothing changed. We were still just as in love and still just as ready for a family as we were before we were ever even engaged. 

    Me: 31 | H: 32
    Married September 2014
    TTC #1 December 2014
    RE appt 12/2015
    CD3 labs normal | HSG 1/8/16 clear | H's SA excellent
    Dx: Unexplained Infertility
    February 2016, cycle 16 - cycle #1 with Letrozole 5mg + TI | Progesterone=20.6
    BFP 2/24/16 - EDD 11/7/16
    It's a girl!
    Isla Quinn born 10/29/16 at 38w5d via C/S
    --------
    TFAS March 2018
    RE consultation 8/2/18
    Suprise! BFP 8/8/18 natural cycle | EDD 4/19/19
    It's a girl!
    Afton Noelle born 4/10/19 at 38w5d via natural VBAC
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  • charmedlifex3charmedlifex3 member

    We started TTC about 3 months before the wedding, assuming this upped our chances of actually conceiving shortly after the wedding. By that point my body would be normalized, and both being a little older, a honeymoon baby would have been lovely!

    But then I got sick. Horribly, in the hospital sick, and ended up on some high test medication (class C) for about 6 months.

    Ironically, because of the medication I still couldn't drink at my wedding, and it caused weight gain. All the "terrible" things you mentioned with no baby at the end!

    So while we've actively been trying since September, we've been trying to try since last May, when we were "only" engaged.

    So from my personal experience - That's why we did what we did. I wanted to be married when I gave birth for legal reasons, and not showing on my wedding day for vanity, so we started trying as soon as both those criteria would be likely. No one would have been counting months, this isn't 1915.

    As far as anyone else - you do you.





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  • addyplusoneaddyplusone member
    Lulucooks said:

    bikramlass said:

    Didn't ask you to explain. Just said it doesn't make any sense. I want more for my daughter than that, and I know my DH deserves better that, as do I.

    Yes. People have very different standards. This is becoming very obvious.

    Poor Fiance, I told him a stranger said he deserved better than that and he wondered if you would pay for our wedding, since it's so important to you for us to be married. We'd like to honeymoon in Germany, thanks. I'll set up a honeymoon fund for you to contribute to. I'll expect the wedding money there too.

    Can't wait, I'm thinking June. Of course all my bumpies are invited, I'm sure bikramlass will fly you out.

    image
    Oh I can't wait! Is it a destination wedding?


    Addison (DD) born 6/10/12
    M/C 3/3/14 Due 10/8/14
    Rainbow Koen (DS) born 7/9/16


    Lfafer  you want to have in your playgroup  * Best Baker  * Sweetest Lfafer * Best NBR\GTKY Threads*  Most Supportive Lfafer *   Best Mom * Lfafer you want organizing your meal train after birth

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  • prettysmile40prettysmile40 member
    My husband felt strongly that he wanted to be married before we tried so I didn't have a choice. While it was hard for me I had to respect his position. 
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  • addyplusoneaddyplusone member
    Lulucooks said:

    addyplusone said:

    Lulucooks said:

    bikramlass said:

    Didn't ask you to explain. Just said it doesn't make any sense. I want more for my daughter than that, and I know my DH deserves better that, as do I.

    Yes. People have very different standards. This is becoming very obvious.

    Poor Fiance, I told him a stranger said he deserved better than that and he wondered if you would pay for our wedding, since it's so important to you for us to be married. We'd like to honeymoon in Germany, thanks. I'll set up a honeymoon fund for you to contribute to. I'll expect the wedding money there too.

    Can't wait, I'm thinking June. Of course all my bumpies are invited, I'm sure bikramlass will fly you out.

    image
    Oh I can't wait! Is it a destination wedding?
    I haven't even thought of that!! Ohhh.... I feel so behind planning this. Perhaps we should all get together and have a planning sessh! Sleepover!!! SQUEEEEEEE

    image
    Yesss!

    image


    Addison (DD) born 6/10/12
    M/C 3/3/14 Due 10/8/14
    Rainbow Koen (DS) born 7/9/16


    Lfafer  you want to have in your playgroup  * Best Baker  * Sweetest Lfafer * Best NBR\GTKY Threads*  Most Supportive Lfafer *   Best Mom * Lfafer you want organizing your meal train after birth

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  • bikramlassbikramlass member
    Have fun with that!
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  • mrsE2015mrsE2015 member
    WitandWhimsy said:

    bikramlass said:

    Have fun with that!

    Well aren't you special snowflake. I didn't realize we lived in the 1950s still. First, Marrying my partner is not going to make us love each other more or make us more committed, we already do that. We do intend to marry next year.

    Second, I don't know about the US but in Canada we are considered common law already. We have the exact same rights as a married couple. So having a baby isn't going to stir up any legal issues or whatever.

    Third, I again don't see how other people's relationships affect you in anyway whatsoever. If it were up to me, I would have been knocked up almost a year ago but alas, here I am, still trying :-?? There is no guarantee one will be pregnant when they get married anyway.

    So get off that high horse and learn to mind your own business.

    ETA - spelling
    Exactly!!!!
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  • EasterEggsEasterEggs member

    WitandWhimsy said:
    Have fun with that!
    Well aren't you special snowflake. I didn't realize we lived in the 1950s still. First, Marrying my partner is not going to make us love each other more or make us more committed, we already do that. We do intend to marry next year. Second, I don't know about the US but in Canada we are considered common law already. We have the exact same rights as a married couple. So having a baby isn't going to stir up any legal issues or whatever. Third, I again don't see how other people's relationships affect you in anyway whatsoever. If it were up to me, I would have been knocked up almost a year ago but alas, here I am, still trying :-?? There is no guarantee one will be pregnant when they get married anyway. So get off that high horse and learn to mind your own business. ETA - spelling

    Unless you live in BC you do not have the same rights as a married couple. All other provinces treat common-law relationships differently, and Quebec does not acknowledge them at all. You should look into the law in your province. Most provinces advise that you enter into some other kind of legal agreement if you wish to protect your assets or apply for spousal support following the dissolution of your relationship. 

    This was the Supreme Court of Canada's decision in 2002 on the difference between common-law and marriage (it's copied and pasted so sorry for the weird format):

    "Although the courts and legislatures have recognized the historical disadvantages suffered by unmarried cohabiting couples, where legislation has the effect of dramatically altering the legal obligations of partners, choice must be paramount.  The decision to marry or not is intensely personal.  Many opposite sex individuals in conjugal relationships of some permanence have chosen to avoid marriage and the legal consequences that flow from it.  To ignore the differences among cohabiting couples presumes a commonality of intention and understanding that simply does not exist.  This effectively nullifies the individual’s freedom to choose alternative family forms and to have that choice respected by the state."


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  • roadspeckleroadspeckle member
    edited October 2015
    I was pregnant when I got married. I enjoyed my reception and was glad I wasn't trashed on my wedding day. Didn't bother me at all that I didn't drink, and I was only 6 weeks pregnant but I felt beautiful in my dress.
    ETA: but it is nobody's business. why would people even wonder that?
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • bikramlassbikramlass member
    The same way you all 'kindly disagree' with posters who think they know they ovulated when (gasp!!) they aren't temping- I believe choosing to conceive children when not married is sad, for everyone involved, especially the children.

    That is my opinion and I own this. We will never agree, and there are many more who feel like you, and many more who feel like I do. End of story.
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  • bikramlassbikramlass member
    Thanks @Lulucooks. I forget this all starts with someone proposing. It does not surprise me at all that one has not been offered to someone with your...charm and elegance.
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