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Engaged and TTC

blackgirlmagicblackgirlmagic member
in Trying to Get Pregnant
I have a question for you ladies that are engaged and TTC. Why are you TTGP before the wedding? Wouldn't it be better to just wait till after you are married to start trying? I know that you do not have to be married to have a baby, but if you are already half way to marriage why rush the baby? Why would you want to be pregnant in a wedding dress and not be able to enjoy your reception or honeymoon?
Sorry for all of the questions. I just have so many. So please let me in to you POV. 
Thanks :)
Married: August 2012
TTC #1: July 2015
BFP 1: October 30, 2015; EDD: July 6, 2016- Team Pink
TTC #2: September 2019

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Re: Engaged and TTC

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  • blackgirlmagicblackgirlmagic member
    Lulucooks said:
    I have a question for you ladies that are engaged and TTC. Why are you TTGP before the wedding? Wouldn't it be better to just wait till after you are married to start trying? I know that you do not have to be married to have a baby, but if you are already half way to marriage why rush the baby? Why would you want to be pregnant in a wedding dress and not be able to enjoy your reception or honeymoon?
    Sorry for all of the questions. I just have so many. So please let me in to you POV. 
    Thanks :)
    Because marriage doesn't change my relationship. Because a family is made up of many different types. Because I haven't even decided when I will get married again, spoiler its not anytime soon. Because I can. Because I don't allow society to dictate how and when I start/add on to my family Because I couldn't give two flying shits about being pregnant in a wedding dress, so long as it means I'm pregnant. Because receptions and honeymoons don't make marriage's Anything else I can enlighten you on?
    I was asking a question because I am curious. I'm not judging geez! 
    Married: August 2012
    TTC #1: July 2015
    BFP 1: October 30, 2015; EDD: July 6, 2016- Team Pink
    TTC #2: September 2019

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  • blackgirlmagicblackgirlmagic member
    saladflambe said:
    BeachTigress said:
    Lulucooks said:
    I have a question for you ladies that are engaged and TTC. Why are you TTGP before the wedding? Wouldn't it be better to just wait till after you are married to start trying? I know that you do not have to be married to have a baby, but if you are already half way to marriage why rush the baby? Why would you want to be pregnant in a wedding dress and not be able to enjoy your reception or honeymoon?
    Sorry for all of the questions. I just have so many. So please let me in to you POV. 
    Thanks :)
    Because marriage doesn't change my relationship. Because a family is made up of many different types. Because I haven't even decided when I will get married again, spoiler its not anytime soon. Because I can. Because I don't allow society to dictate how and when I start/add on to my family Because I couldn't give two flying shits about being pregnant in a wedding dress, so long as it means I'm pregnant. Because receptions and honeymoons don't make marriage's Anything else I can enlighten you on?
    I was asking a question because I am curious. I'm not judging geez! 
    I have conveniently highlighted where you are, in fact, flat out judging.
    MYOB.

    ~~LURKER TICKER WARNING~~
    I do not understand how asking questions are judging? How do you learn about something without asking questions?
    Married: August 2012
    TTC #1: July 2015
    BFP 1: October 30, 2015; EDD: July 6, 2016- Team Pink
    TTC #2: September 2019

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  • KMorley3KMorley3 member
    Why do you care ?

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Trying to Conceive"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1c9357.aspx" alt=" Trying to Conceive Ticker" border="0"  /></a>

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  • mkc3888mkc3888 member
    Everything @PrimRoseMama said.

    TTC #1 since August 2015
    BFP #1 January 28, 2016
    EDD October 3, 2016
    Felicity Joy, born September 2, 2016
    My Chart
    TTC #2 Since August 2020
    BFP #2 September 11, 2020
    EDD May 23, 2021





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  • addyplusoneaddyplusone member
    Are you for real? You're not judging but that's exactly how your questions are directed. I'm not married or even engaged so having a DD and ttcas I must be a lunatic! But I really don't think it's anyone's business what I choose. I'm not going to let anyone try to bully me into getting married. We've been together for 7 years, I'm not turning back anytime soon. There isn't a time line on marriage.

    image


    Addison (DD) born 6/10/12
    M/C 3/3/14 Due 10/8/14
    Rainbow Koen (DS) born 7/9/16


    Lfafer  you want to have in your playgroup  * Best Baker  * Sweetest Lfafer * Best NBR\GTKY Threads*  Most Supportive Lfafer *   Best Mom * Lfafer you want organizing your meal train after birth

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  • IB113IB113 member
    edited October 2015
    PrimRoseMama said:
    Thankfully marriage is not required to have children. It does, in many countries and states, offer a layer of legal protection to a mother with children. 

    I don't really want to weigh in on what I think is kind of a troll post (FYI OP, assuming a certain status quo and asking about challenges to your preconceived notions of "the way to do things" is judging, but WHATEVS).  Just want to note that the above is not true in the United States.  You have the same obligations, legally, to your children regardless of whether you are now, or ever were, married to their other parent.  This is an outdated belief.  I happen to be married, but I have a lot of ambivalence about the institution, and it mattered more to my partner than to me. 

    ETA: I guess I couldn't help myself and I weighed in.  Still think the OP is a troll.
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  • LulucooksLulucooks member
    BeachTigress said:

    So when most people get engaged they eventually get married. Most but not all people get married. The longest I have seen someone engaged for is two years, including myself. So no matter how long your engagement is, I just said half way because most people do eventually get married. No where in my post did I say that you would not look good in your wedding dress. Nor did I say that I did not agree with your life choice. Nor did I say you had to drink at your wedding to have fun. I only had one glass of wine at my wedding and I had a blast. I have never been pregnant before so I can only imagine, from the people that I know who have been pregnant, that being pregnant is not always fun and it can be uncomfortable at times. I am women enough to come out and say if I do not agree with something. I am sorry if my word choice was not the correct words to use. I have been told that a lot and I am still working on it, and clearly failing :(. It is something I have to work on. I have friends that have babies and are not married to their SO. I figured that since this is a public board filled with women of all different walks of life that I would be able to get different POV's from people. 

    I have creepy internet love for everyone here and I am sorry if I offended anyone. image
    Why don't you message your friends with the same language and see if they think it's being judgy.

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  • noelietrexnoelietrex member
    I secretly wished I was pregnant every month leading up to my wedding. I'd stopped BC and naively thought the pull out method might (happily) lead to an "accident". I would daydream about not drinking at my reception and having people whisper about my wedding dress looking snug (fun fact: it barely fit because I was stress eating a lot and looked super snug anyway). Turns out the pull out method is totally effective BC despite what my mother always said... But point being that fairytale ending means different things to different people. That was totally a time of love and joy and just cup-runith-over so IMO it would have been a wonderful time to welcome a new baby into the world.
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  • WickiBabyWickiBaby member
    We started TTC when we were engaged because we knew we were getting married and we knew TTC could take awhile and we wanted our family to start as soon as possible since we knew this is what we wanted.  I didn't care if I would be pregnant at our wedding.  I didn't care if we got married after I was pregnant.  What I cared about was that we were starting our family our way and it was exciting.
    We are also older and I wanted to be done with having children by 40, so there's that too.

    I don't think the way you worded your questions was the issue... it was the questions themselves.
    Why do you care when other's TTC?  
    I was in the TWW at my wedding, so no alcohol there... and I fully enjoyed my wedding.
    And honeymoon.

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  • Megzb510Megzb510 member
    I think it's a pretty broad assumption to make about all women to think that they all want to have a family the same way.  I get you may not have meant it that way. Marriage isn't for everyone but some people may still want to have a family on their own timeline.  Just like there an infinite number of ways people get married, there are an infinite number of reasons why it might not be love, marriage, baby carriage in that order.  And seriously, fitting a wedding dress and getting drunk at a wedding aren't top priorities for all women.  
    Me: 33 DH: 31
    DS: 5 years old
    TTC #2 since August 2015
    July 2016: Testing cycle with 100 mg Clomid = BFN
    August 2016: 50 mg Clomid + IUI = BFN
    October 2016: IVF#1 - 13 retrieved / 12 mature /  9 fertilized / 2 blasts
    November 2016: FET#1 = chemical
    January 2017: FET#2 = chemical
    March 2017: IVF#2 - 18 retrieved / 18 mature / 16 fertilized / 5 blasts
    April 24, 2017: FET#3 - BFN
    May 24, 2017: FET#4 - BFP! - Beta #1 151 - Beta #2 503 - Due date 2/9/18
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  • bikramlassbikramlass member
    I agree with OP- I am curious too. I would never have a baby with a man who wouldn't commit to me as a husband. If my relationship is not stable enough to at least walk into a courthouse and sign paperwork to become legally married, why would I commit my life to raising children with this man?

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  • AL_TwinCitiesAL_TwinCities member
    jennifer0428 said:

    bikramlass said:

    I agree with OP- I am curious too. I would never have a baby with a man who wouldn't commit to me as a husband. If my relationship is not stable enough to at least walk into a courthouse and sign paperwork to become legally married, why would I commit my life to raising children with this man?

    So everyone woman despriately wants to get married and the only reason their not married is because their man won't marry them?
    IS THIS WHAT MARRIED PEOPLE THINK?!
    Not all married people. Certainly not me.
    me 30; DH 35
    TTC since May 2014.
    Aug 2014 BFP, EDD April 22, 2015. Low progesterone, started suppositories. Loss at 5w6d.
    Nov 19, 2015 BFP at 13 dpo, EDD July 29, 2016. MMC discovered 12/29 (9+4). Natural miscarriage 1/16 (12+1).
    AMH results 0.42, 1.2; FSH 12.1, AFC 10, dx DOR. 
    RPL testing results normal. Nurse recommended progesterone suppositories in TWW.
    Clomid + trigger + TI cycle August 2016 - failed. Thin lining.
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    Short LP (8 days).
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  • patriciahomolpatriciahomol member
    I had ds with my fiance before we were even engaged *gasp*
    Now we are engaged and will be getting married November 14 
    I have dreams of being pregnant and not being able to drink at my wedding(not happening, just started ttc this month)
    I would easily give up drinking at my reception if it meant I was pregnant.
    fwiw so and I have been dating since 2009 and might not ever have gotten married if it wasn't for some insurance issues lol
    (I do love him and am glad we are getting married lol)
    and the judging that is taking place in this post is so ugly. :D
    Me: 29 | SO: 28
    Started Dating SO: 9/26/2009
    DS Born: 6/02/2012
    Tied the Knot: 11/14/2015
    Trying for Number Two since 9/1/15
    BFP!!! Baby 2 Due: 12/6/21
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  • bikramlassbikramlass member
    So, posters are emotionally ready to have a child with a man... But not in a place, for whatever reason, that you would consider getting married? Or waiting until your actual wedding?

    That makes no sense.
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  • patriciahomolpatriciahomol member
    bikramlass said:
    So, posters are emotionally ready to have a child with a man... But not in a place, for whatever reason, that you would consider getting married? Or waiting until your actual wedding? That makes no sense.
    The fact that you would even say this speaks wonders to what decade you are still living in. I've been living with my fiance for 4 years, all four of those years we have been unmarried. We are just fine.
    Me: 29 | SO: 28
    Started Dating SO: 9/26/2009
    DS Born: 6/02/2012
    Tied the Knot: 11/14/2015
    Trying for Number Two since 9/1/15
    BFP!!! Baby 2 Due: 12/6/21
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  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas member


    bikramlass said:
    So, posters are emotionally ready to have a child with a man... But not in a place, for whatever reason, that you would consider getting married? Or waiting until your actual wedding? That makes no sense.
    It doesnt have to make sense to you or anyone else, as long as it makes sense to the person making that decision.  Maybe your views on marriage and relationships don't make sense to a lot of us.  DH and I moved in together after barely 2 months of dating and I wish we would have started ttc before our wedding because we were absolutely ready to start a family before we were married.
    Me: 31 | H: 32
    Married September 2014
    TTC #1 December 2014
    RE appt 12/2015
    CD3 labs normal | HSG 1/8/16 clear | H's SA excellent
    Dx: Unexplained Infertility
    February 2016, cycle 16 - cycle #1 with Letrozole 5mg + TI | Progesterone=20.6
    BFP 2/24/16 - EDD 11/7/16
    It's a girl!
    Isla Quinn born 10/29/16 at 38w5d via C/S
    --------
    TFAS March 2018
    RE consultation 8/2/18
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    It's a girl!
    Afton Noelle born 4/10/19 at 38w5d via natural VBAC
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  • LulucooksLulucooks member
    bikramlass said:

    So, posters are emotionally ready to have a child with a man... But not in a place, for whatever reason, that you would consider getting married? Or waiting until your actual wedding?

    That makes no sense.

    3 years with Fiance, being married changes nothing, zilch, nada. I've been there, done that. I understand why it's important for some, I also get why it doesn't matter for others. You should probably try to see the world through the eyes of others and not expect everyone to fit in your bubble.


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  • Ready2BeAMommaReady2BeAMomma member

    I see no judgment in the questions. I think its just how you are reading them. no a wedding day does not "change" a relationship.. I have to say that being married a month I feel no different. however I would feel different if I was nauseous during the wedding day.  I was hung over at the tasting for the food and that SUCKED!!!! I don't think that I would plan it that way cause for ME it wouldn't work for others sure if that's what you want.. do it.

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