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When you've reached the end of the line...

BritClenBritClen member
in Trying to Get Pregnant
After 8 months of trying my husband and are calling it....I took my final test this morning and nothing...I cried over it for the first time because we reached our time. Trying for number three and it just didn't happen...long story short we are getting too old and so are our other children...I feel lucky to have two daughters but honestly never saw this coming, as I got pregnant with my first two right away. But that was seven years ago....anyone else experience hard time 2nd, 3rd time around?
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Re: When you've reached the end of the line...

  • addyplusoneaddyplusone member
    edited October 2015
    I don't think you should give up! I'm sure many women here will say the same. I'm only on month two of solidly trying, so I can't say that I'm with you. But I do have a 3 year old and am having more trouble this time around and have experienced a loss. Have you talked to your OB about your concerns? My mother had her 4th and final at 37, which many say is too old. Are you temping, testing? I'm just learning all of this, so I'm not a ton of help.

    Edit: Spelling is a good thing to learn.


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  • crdocrdo member
    BritClen said:

    After 8 months of trying my husband and are calling it....I took my final test this morning and nothing...I cried over it for the first time because we reached our time. Trying for number three and it just didn't happen...long story short we are getting too old and so are our other children...I feel lucky to have two daughters but honestly never saw this coming, as I got pregnant with my first two right away. But that was seven years ago....anyone else experience hard time 2nd, 3rd time around?

    I know it's hard. Finishing up my sixth cycle trying for my first child. No matter you previous history of concieving quickly, it can take a healthy couple up to a year to concieve as you only have a 20% chance each month.

    Are you temping?

    If you're 35 or over, it's recommended to see an RE after 6 months.
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  • callen10210callen10210 member
    I think it can sometimes be a curse when you conceive quickly with the first ones then it seems like it will never happen when it is taking 6-12 and beyond to conceive a sibling. We conceived our daughter the 1st month now i'm on my 5th cycle and i all ready have a plan if we don't conceive in 2 years. If you still really want to try for a 3rd get in to see a RE and keep trying :)
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  • LoveIsOwlYouNeedLoveIsOwlYouNeed member
    edited October 2015
    BritClen said:
    After 8 months of trying my husband and are calling it....I took my final test this morning and nothing...I cried over it for the first time because we reached our time. Trying for number three and it just didn't happen...long story short we are getting too old and so are our other children...I feel lucky to have two daughters but honestly never saw this coming, as I got pregnant with my first two right away. But that was seven years ago....anyone else experience hard time 2nd, 3rd time around?
    What others have said...unless this is just a personal decision based on how far apart you want your children and/or how old you want to be as parents?  I know some women who didn't have their first until they were 36 and even 40 so it's still possible.

    Also, I am not sure if your tickers need to be updated but I am confused by your last sentence. If your oldest is 4, how has it been 7 years since you first got pregnant?  Regardless, your body has changed since then so things are different.  Which might be all the more reason to see a specialist.
          



              

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  • knitmamaknitmama member
    edited October 2015
    If you're truly grieving over this being the "end of the line," it sounds like you and your partner need to have another heart to heart. I'm sure you've had many discussions, but if you're experiencing strong emotions it may do you good to talk it out and find the root source (what exactly is upsetting) and what solutions or next steps work for both of you - i.e., see an RE, give it more time, decide your family is complete.

    I'm sorry you're feeling upset. Sending you positive thoughts.

    Edit: missing word
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  • BritClenBritClen member
    I'm 30 almost 31. I am been charting and doing all what I thought to be right. I did talk to my doctor at the 4 month mark that didn't help so much other than look at my charting and tell me that I am doing it right...finically is was hard for us to make the move on having another baby. We own our own company and have to pay a lot for insurance. This year we'll end up paying 18,000 (from buying insurance and using it) on top of that we have to remodel our house in a major way to add room (house market to move where I live is awful) plus buying a car that would fit a third child. Why I really didn't want to see a specialist.....

    I just feel like I'm in this awful limbo....and I need to move on from feeling stressed that I'm getting older that my kids won't be able to connect with a much younger sibling. That I might be wasting my money if I start building on to the house.... having a 5 and 7 year old I'm realizing they will be 6 and 8 now and maybe that is unfair to both the youngest and the oldest 


    ***I haven't been on the bump in three years...so year my tickers are all off...
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  • LoveIsOwlYouNeedLoveIsOwlYouNeed member
    BritClen said:
    I'm 30 almost 31. I am been charting and doing all what I thought to be right. I did talk to my doctor at the 4 month mark that didn't help so much other than look at my charting and tell me that I am doing it right...finically is was hard for us to make the move on having another baby. We own our own company and have to pay a lot for insurance. This year we'll end up paying 18,000 (from buying insurance and using it) on top of that we have to remodel our house in a major way to add room (house market to move where I live is awful) plus buying a car that would fit a third child. Why I really didn't want to see a specialist.....

    I just feel like I'm in this awful limbo....and I need to move on from feeling stressed that I'm getting older that my kids won't be able to connect with a much younger sibling. That I might be wasting my money if I start building on to the house.... having a 5 and 7 year old I'm realizing they will be 6 and 8 now and maybe that is unfair to both the youngest and the oldest 


    ***I haven't been on the bump in three years...so year my tickers are all off...
    Ah, that makes more sense now.  I totally feel you BTW when life seems to get in the way of these TTC plans.  Three months ago DH and I were ready to try for #2 and then the sale of our condo fell through and other life things happened and now it's a big old question mark.  Being an adult sucks. I think that could be a fun age gap honestly, and I have heard of much more extreme ones, but I understand. 
          



              

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  • hboazhboaz member
    BritClen said:

    I'm 30 almost 31. I am been charting and doing all what I thought to be right. I did talk to my doctor at the 4 month mark that didn't help so much other than look at my charting and tell me that I am doing it right...finically is was hard for us to make the move on having another baby. We own our own company and have to pay a lot for insurance. This year we'll end up paying 18,000 (from buying insurance and using it) on top of that we have to remodel our house in a major way to add room (house market to move where I live is awful) plus buying a car that would fit a third child. Why I really didn't want to see a specialist.....


    I just feel like I'm in this awful limbo....and I need to move on from feeling stressed that I'm getting older that my kids won't be able to connect with a much younger sibling. That I might be wasting my money if I start building on to the house.... having a 5 and 7 year old I'm realizing they will be 6 and 8 now and maybe that is unfair to both the youngest and the oldest 


    ***I haven't been on the bump in three years...so year my tickers are all off...
    I am almost 30 trying to conceive #1, so I hope that's not old. :(

    As for the gap between your children's ages, I wouldn't worry about that. I was 12 and my sister was 9 when our youngest sister was born. She is definitely the baby of the family, and we couldn't imagine life without her! She brought new life into our family when she came along.
    Me - 30; DH - 30
    TTC #1 since June 2015
    3/16 - Started infertility testing
    4/16 - SA results: borderline low count/morph
    8/16 - Ultrasound and HSG: all clear! Prescribed Bromocriptine for elevated Prolactin levels.
    9/16 - Prolactin down to normal levels! 

    IUI #1 - 9/21/16 - Clomid 50mg, Estrace, Ovidrel, Progesterone/Estradiol - 4 follies - BFP! EDD 6/15/17 Team PINK!


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  • ArtlessIbexArtlessIbex member
    I'm 36, trying for #2 (this is my fourth cycle). I had my first at 32. You're not too old!
    And as everyone else has mentioned, it takes a perfectly healthy couple up to a year to conceive. If you want to give up for personal reasons, you should. But if you just think that trying for 8 months is a sign that you're not meant to get pregnant again, or whatever, put that thought away. You can do whatever you want, but you're not too old, and you don't need a specialist (at this time).
    Children are a joy whenever they come, so stick around a while if you want to. Your older kids will connect fine with a baby.
    The women here are a great support.
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker
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  • MrsRo731MrsRo731 member
    First, I'm sorry you're having a tough time. However, I don't think many people are going to sympathize with you saying 30 is too old. Most here are trying for the first time and are in the mid to late 30s. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. 

    FWIW, my brother was 14 and my sister was 12 when I was born; I have a great relationship with both of them. I'm extremely close with my sister. Obviously everyone is different, but I don't think an 8 year difference is good enough reasoning to stop trying. 
    July '16 May Siggy Challenge 


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  • sldp123sldp123 member
    I'm sorry you are struggling, and maybe you are just having a bad day, but saying that you and your children are too old for another baby seems a little extreme. If it's something that you want, what difference does a couple more months make?

    I'm 34 and TTC #2 and my son is 7.5. Maybe that's not what you'd prefer, which is fine. Hey, it's actually not what I would have chosen either but that's how things lined up for me, and it certainly isn't going to change my mind about wanting another child. 



    DS: June 2008
    Married: July 2015
    BFP: 5/20/16  |  EDD: 1/28/17  |  Twin boys born 1/16/17
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  • WickiBabyWickiBaby member
    I'm sorry you are feeling down.
    I am 35 and TFAS.
    I had my first at 34.
    30 is not old.

    It took us 7 cycles to get a positive with our first.
    I talked to my OB about it during that time as I was frustrated and she told me to expect 12 periods before a positive.
    Statistically, 70% of perfectly healthy couples get pregnant within a year (meaning 30% takes a bit longer).

    Maybe just stop actively TTC for awhile and see how you feel.  Just NTNP for a bit - have a romantic weekend with your H - have a spa day.  Do you for awhile and come back around to it later.
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  • Mlight28Mlight28 member
    I'm sorry for your struggle. I'm sure whatever you and DH decide will be the right choice for you. Everyone has different ideas of good timing and only you know what works for your situation. Best of luck in whatever you decide. We will be here if you decide to keep trying.
    Married 2011
    TTC #1 since April 2015
    Fur child: One awesome Golden Retriever
    IUI August 2016  : Cancelled due to polyp
    September 2016: Polyp removal/hysteroscopy
    October 2016: IUI #1- BFN
    November 2016: IUI #2- BFN
    December 2016: IUI #3 - BFN
    January/February 2017 - IVF + ICSI + PGD
    March 2017 - FET

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  • izza2izza2 member
    edited October 2015
    Just sharing a few things, here:
    1. My mother got pregnant with me when she was 6 weeks shy of her 40th birthday. And she had her tubes tied. It's not over until it's really over.
    2. I'm 22; my eldest brother is 44, my second eldest brother is almost 40, my third eldest/second youngest brother is 33. We're all extremely close. [And I have another brother who's closer to my age, but that doesn't pertain to the 7+ year gap you may be worried about.] I'm sure some siblings may not connect with a sibling that's much younger/older than them - but that's mostly on how you raise them. Raise them as a family and they'll stay a family. Raise them as two separate generations, and they'll stay two separate generations.

    Edit: Words are hard.

    Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
    PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023

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  • JournoGrl23JournoGrl23 member
    My mom was 34 when she had me and my family goes into early menopause. And by early I mean mid- to late-30s kind of early. So 30 is definitely not too old. She even kept trying for a second (unfortunately never happened) until she went into full blown menopause at 38.
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  • WickiBabyWickiBaby member
    The age gap - I don't think it really makes a difference as much as personality does in getting along with each other.

    I have 4 siblings... don't get along with my older sister (22 month difference) or my youngest brother (8 year difference).
    I get along with my other sister (3 years) and brother (4 years)


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  • Crowqueen03Crowqueen03 member
    My children will have a huge age gap.I was a teen mom at 17.My daughter is 12 now.My husband and I were discussing having another a while back but we were not in thhe right place at the time but here we are.I'm 29 turning 30 in March and daughter will be 13.I too had thoughts about not wanting to have another child after 30 but then realized how stupid I was for thinking that.There are many woman that give birth well into 40-50 and children with huge age gaps that get along just fine.
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    TTC #2

    What i'm trying: Seed Cycling,Fertility Friend,&Charting.
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  • adunkinadunkin member
    TTC can be a huge emotional roller coaster. As a PP said, take a couple months to NTNP and see where your head (and heart) is after that. If you really decide it's time to throw in the towel, Resolve.org can be a great resource for helping come to terms with big family planning decisions.

    (We are trying for our 2nd. Our RE gave us a 2% chance of natural conception and only a bit higher with treatment. We're in the middle of IUI #3. We might also need to throw in the towel soon. It's a really hard, emotional decision to make but there are lots of factors to consider - as highlighted by many of the other posts.)
    ______________________________________________________________________________

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    Trying to conceive #2
    Me: 36 - slight DOR (AMH: 1.1), decent OAR; DH: 41 - Morphology 4%
    NTNP July-Aug 2014, ATTC Sept 2014-Present
    October 2014 - CP
    July 2015 - Clomid + #1 IUI = BFN
    September 2015 - Clomid + #2 IUI = CP
    October 2015 - Letrozole (5 follies - yay!) + #3 IUI = BFN
    November 2015 - CP
    December 2015 - CP
    February 2016 - Letrozole + #4 IUI = CP
    April 2016 - CP
    May/June 2016 - IVF #1 and IUI #5 (Estrace + Follistim + micro-hCG + HGH) = BFN

    Struggled to conceive #1 2012-2013
    Me: Chronic Pain Condition since 2009, DH: Slightly Abnormal SA
    Clomid #1: March 2013 - BFN; Clomid + IUI: May 2013 CXL; BFP on 4/22/13 = Baby Boy #1 1/1/14

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  • jojomama25jojomama25 member
    30 is not too old to have kids. DH and I are 29, going on 30 and just started trying for our first a few months ago. And both sets of parents didn't start until late 20's and had kids onto their early 30's. Many families have children with larger age gaps. That might be your personal opinion that you're too old and your kids are too old to have another, but its slightly offensive to me to have that stated so bluntly as a fact. Not everyone is in a place to have kids in their early 20's, including DH and I. If you're healthy there's no reason you cant have children into your late 30's and 40's. Maybe you need to have a talk with DH so he knows how you feel.
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  • FiancBFiancB member
    I'm a #3 born when my parents were 42 and 45... I'm also almost 30 and definitely not too old. 

    I understand wanting to have siblings close together, but having that space between has advantages too. I like having a sibling that's ten years older, very much actually, and have lots of friends in similar situations. 

    Obviously, if you want to be done, that's a personal decision and other people can't tell you otherwise. But please understand that saying 30 is "too old" for a THIRD child may be a bit of a punch to the gut for a lot of people. I understand drawing a line somewhere, like I personally don't know if I'd want to go through IVF and stuff like that, but yours is waaaay more constricting than most people's. 
    LFAF/Nov 16 challenge: Bad TV moms that shouldn't be celebrated


    BFP #1 10/30/15 MMC found 11/30/15 D&C 12/11/15 EDD 7/9/16
    healing comes in waves, and maybe today the wave hits the rocks and that’s ok, that’s ok, darling. you are still healing, you are still healing- Ijeoma Umebinyuo, be gentle with yourself
    BFP #2  3/21   EDD 11/28/16
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  • BostonBaby1BostonBaby1 member
    letyourheartbeyourguide said:

    I get the ideals about sibling timing, though my brother is 7 years older than me and it really isn't the end of the world. But honestly, comments about 30 being "too old" really rub me the wrong way. I'm almost 34, TTC #1, and don't really appreciate the idea that I was "too old" four years ago.

    I've got 3 years on you and still TTC #1. You can't call me Grandma yet though!
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  • noelietrexnoelietrex member
    My half sister had a normal, healthy pregnancy and baby a year ago at 40. (And an unmedicated home birth that went smoothly to top it all off.) She now has a 14 year old, a 12 year old, and a 1 year old. They seem happy enough.

    Point being that if you want to try, that's what you should do. It isn't impossible and 30s aren't the end of the line unless you want them to be. Also kids are adaptable and there's always enough love to go around. Good luck to you! Also if you're feeling hopeless, most people here have been there, and we're happy to support you when you need it. Just be careful of stepping on toes ;) We tend to be sensitive around here.
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  • KarenBeth714KarenBeth714 member
    Def do not give up... 4 and 2 ( I see on your ticker) is not too old for another!! My hubs is the baby and has brothers 8 and 10 years older.. they loved having another bro. Mom says he's her fav lol
    Me:35, DH 37  ~ Married July 2014
    ttc July 2015 ~ bfp Nov 2015 (cp)
    bfp Dec 2015 ~ (tfmr 17wk, March 2016, genetic disease)
    ttcal May 2016
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