6 weeks pregnant & not happy

lissylola · October 2015

Hi I found out I was pregnant 1 week ago it was unexpected & unplanned, I am with the partner of my dreams and am set up for a baby with our own home, good job ect.
But I just can't get happy about being pregnant, people congratulate me and I don't understand why.. I feel so overwhelmed, scared, alone, upset, so emotional, I am so sad I have to give up my life and give up me, my friends, freedom and youth, to have a child for 18years when I didn't even really want one, at the moment anyway, maybe in a couple of years.
I don't know if it's the hormones and fear that is making feel depressed or does anyone else feel this way? I feel horrible feeling this way and I'm trying to see positives, but I look at pregnancy books and they give me anixiety and I don't get excited at all about buying baby things which I thought I would, because my whole life I wanted children and said it was my destiny to be a mum, and have always been so clucky, but now it's actually happening in freaking out!!!
I'm 31 years old I'm sure it's time to start but for some reason I'm just so down please help..

sorarose · October 2015

I think it's completely normal to have feelings all over the place when you become KU. Your life changes forever as a parent, and I think there's definitely anxiety that comes with the territory; I've read plenty of women nervous about becoming pregnant whether due to hormones or simply being overwhelmed by the milestone.

Can I ask why are you telling people so early on? I think you need time to process everything before telling others, besides your partner and maybe a close relative. How does your partner feel about everything?

You should also talk to your OB about this and seek out a therapist to help you sort everything out. Good luck to you!

mkemommy · October 2015

I'm sorry you are feeling down. It sounds like it might be something you might want to talk to a counselor about. Do you have access to one? There are other options of course if you are not ready for a child- adoption, in my opinion, being one of the most selfless but you have to decide what is right for you.

How does your partner feel about the pregnancy? Are you getting emotional support from him?

A lot of us feel uncertain (especially first time moms) and I was and am emotional too. I'm in a slightly different boat as our pregnancy was planned and desired for over a year but you should cut yourself a break...pregnancy emotions are hard. Hugs to you. I would strongly recommend talking this through with a professional.

mkemommy · October 2015

I posted at the same time as @sorarose but second everything she said. Your OB will have some suggestions for a counselor I'm sure too if you can't find one on your own. Good luck.

longhurrdontcurr · October 2015

I can understand. I'm 30, almost 31 and I worry that I might lose part of myself... However I've talked about these feelings with some of the women on TB. It's helped allot. Everyone has had doubts and fears but every single woman I've ever spoken to has told me they never regretted it and wouldn't change a thing. I believe them! Having children isn't a death sentence

Besides, I don't want to be any older when I start having kids...

lm45678 · October 2015

I'm going to third what @sorarose and @mkemommy said.

Hormones can be a real b*tch and can have your emotions all over the place. However, I think what you are describing may run deeper than that. I would highly suggest seeing a therapist to work through these feelings before your child gets here.

I also agree that you shouldn't tell people so early, allow yourself to get comfortable with the idea of being pregnant before sharing your news.

Best of luck to you!

goldie987 · October 2015

First off, I second (or third or fourth) what everyone else has said.

Now, this pregnancy for me is 100% planned, we stopped using birth control and got busy every day within my fertile seek determiend by OPKs and basal body temperature. We did everything in our power to make this happen. Despite this, I get waves of fear and anxiety about whether we made the right choice to make a baby and moments where I feel completely overwhelmed with the situation. I think it's perfectly normal when your hormones are all over the place whether it was planned or not.

hockeyfan42 · October 2015

I agree with what PPs have said. Talking things out with a therapist is a good idea! Crazy hormones are definitely a b^tch. Here are two other recent threads from this board you might be able to relate to:

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12636384/feeling-sad-and-isolated-anyone-else#latest

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12634149/does-anyone-else-feel-like-theyre-making-a-mistake#latest

redheadbride15 · October 2015

I agree with everyone who says this is normal. I'm 38 and this pregnancy was very planned but I still find myself thinking I should have waited longer(?!?), or that maybe I'm making a mistake. I think we are fed this image that's all butterflies and sunshine but the entrance into parenthood isn't that simple. It's common to feel this sense of dread or conflict. I've heard this from almost every mom I know... but I think it changes once the baby actually arrives. You'll find a new sense of joy and purpose. Hang in there - fortunately 9 months is a pretty long time to adapt. You don't need to do it overnight. And I agree that if you don't feel like you're coping then don't be afraid to ask a medical professional for help.

leasaj · October 2015

This is my 2nd and was planned but still worried/nervous/anxious. We always said one & done but then decided our daughter should have a sibling. I am worried about trying to juggle two children and a full-time job with a husband who is gone 1/2 the time for work. I also worry about my age, the health of the baby, how many are in there, and an endless amount of other things. I swear, pregnancy makes you worry about everything!

VikingGirl12 · October 2015

I agree with everyone else too. We planned this one and I prayed and prayed that the test would be positive. But even with that I catch myself being terrified and somewhat reluctant. I feel guilty but I realize it's normal. I would try to get with a therapist and definitely wait until you yourself is comfortable before you tell other. Sending thoughts and prayers!

emucoleman · October 2015

I absolutely second what others have said...pregnancy and parenthood can be very overwhelming. I had a very similar feeling when I had my daughter; I loved being pregnant, but once the baby arrived I started wondering if it was all too soon, and wishing I could go back to when it was just me and my husband. Sounds like you're experiencing something similar, just sooner. I overcame it and now I absolutely love being a mom, and this will probably happen for you too.

That said, I think talking to a therapist is a great idea. At the very least, you should talk to your OB about your feelings. They aren't just there for the baby, they're there for you too.

hellomommas · October 2015

Aww I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It's totally understandable...You will feel so different at so many different times. Don't put 100% stock in your emotions and how you feel right now. You also haven't seen your baby yet. Wait til you see that beautiful ultrasound and hear the heartbeat...You will be overcome with so many great/breathtaking emotions in a positive way. *At least I would bet on that*. You DO NOT have to give up your life, friends, etc etc.---that is a dramatic interpretation of motherhood. Much of who I am is the same...I just do "me" a different way. But I have all the same friends, do a lot of the same things, etc. etc. Is it harder? YES. Is it worth it? YES. YES. YES. Couldn't imagine my life without my precious children.

NamelessAria · October 2015

First of all OP, I'm very sorry that you're going through all the negative emotions you're having.

As others have said, pregnancy is a pretty overwhelming time even if you were sure you wanted a baby and planned for it. I think some stress, anxiety and feeling unsure are just part of it.

However, it's possible that what you're experiencing goes beyond the normal amounts of fear and other negative emotions. I know postpartum depression has gotten a decent amount of exposure in recent years to raise awareness but you never hear about antepartum depression. Here is an article from AmericanPregnacy.org. I obviously am not saying you have antepartum depression as there is no way I could know what.

I also second what PPs said about waiting to tell people till you've had some time to figure everything out yourself. I know for me it can be difficult to figure out how I feel about things when everyone around me has all these (very insistent!) views on how I should feel. It may be helpful to you to take some time to just figure out what you want (or don't want) and how you actually feel. Then, when you're comfortable with your feelings (whatever they may be) and confident about them you can tell others.

Wishing you all the best and I hope you feel better!

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