Does anyone else feel like they're making a mistake?

Pinkmoon23

I feel horrible even writing this, but I'm 5 weeks pregnant. I've known for a week, and my partner and I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. After it being quite a gigantic shock. I expected to be scared but every day I have this sick to my stomach feeling like this is too soon. I get flashes of excitement and happiness. And before I got pregnant I was baby-mad and SO broody. And now I can't remember any of that feeling. And I can't think of any good reason for having a child. It literally makes me feel extreme anxiety. I don't know if this is normal or not. Please can someone reassure me or be honest with me. Did anyone else have this and go onto have a happy life? I'm going mad because I don't know what to do.

lm45678

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I really can't relate at all, so I won't be much help. I would suggest speaking to a therapist before you make any decisions though.

If you wanted a baby before you found out you were pregnant, maybe deep down you're just nervous about how this will affect your body, your life or you're finances? Please don't think I am being condescending, I am a person who really believes that everyone should see a therapist at some point in their life.

I saw one when I was depressed years back and it really helped me. My husband who had a really rough life growing up had been seeing one every week for the last year to help him get over the anxiety of being a bad father by repeating his parents mistakes. It has helped him SO much I can't even tell you. Now instead of being anxious about having a child he is genuinely excited and is able to see all of the qualities I see in him that will make him a great father.

I wish you luck in your journey and happiness is whatever you choose.

amangels2

Honestly, for me, making the decision to have a baby was one of the most terrifying, hardest decisions I've ever made. But once I decided, all I've been is excited. But my situation is totally different from yours. I do believe you will love your baby and you will have a happy lif

adiaz132003

It's completely normal to feel this way. It was a shock but hopefully you'll take comfort in this. I know quite a few woman who's babies were unplanned and a hard choice was made. They said the fear at the beginning was so intense but after a few months, when they started hearing the heartbeats and feeling the kicks they get that bond. One of my friends didn't even know she was pregnant until she went in the hospital for stomach pains and turns out she was hours away from delivering her little girl. She was in shock but now she is such a great mom and her little one is one of the sweetest kids I've met. One thing all my friends have in common is that they are so in love with their kids and couldn't imagine life without them. It's ok to be scared but remember that this little surprise was sent to you to bring so much joy into your life! We'll be here so any support you need.

Pinkmoon23

Thanks so much to you all for your replies. My own mum passed away in 2010 (5 years ago today exactly infact) and she had a really hard life with a lot of depression, postnatal depression and anxiety. She had to go to a mental hospital and had a huge amount of guilt for her own mental health. I never doubted once how much she loved my sister and I, but I guess I'm scared the same thing will happen to me and I'll find being a parent too hard. I have a history of anxiety and depression but I'm always very proactive to get passed it. I've seen counsellors in the past and I'm currently doing online counselling. I hope these feelings are normal and I really hope they'll subside. I wish someone could tell me they would for sure

bsumter0330

I know exactly how you feel, although termination was never an option for me and my then boyfriend now husband. I was terrified, I didn't feel connected to my baby, I didn't go around telling everyone I was pregnant til I had to inform my management at work and even then many of my coworkers were clueless. I didn't show till I was almost 7 months along, which I think was another reason. But things changed once she really started moving and I could see her move in my belly! Once we had the baby shower I saw how much love and support i would have. I live 8 hours away from my friends and family and was scared my SO family wouldn't be supportive early on bc they didn't know me! But as time progressed my fears subsided and here I am with a now 9 month old and expecting number 2. I am so excited this time around! We haven't spilled the beans but I am anxious to do so! Cheer up mum! Continue your counseling and know you have a network online who is here! ❤️

Pinkmoon23

Thanks so much that makes me feel better. So the happiness from a child outweighs any worry of regret and anxiety you think?

Incandescent

I got pregnant after dating for 3 months my now DH, and I was livid, I found out the day I went to get an IUD in! I was so unsure, but we are married with 2 kids and one on the way now, and I couldn't be happier. I think being upset and unsure 8s also the hormones as well, fun stuff. Hang in there, hope this helps

SharonB222

I tried for eight years to have a child - so you think I'd really have wanted one - but near the end of TTC I was so depressed I couldn't imagine that I'd be a fit parent whatsoever. I wondered that I had become goal oriented and didn't really want a child at all. My therapist said parenting would be easier than my IF/RPL; that as a parent I'd be busy and I'd do what I'd have to do. She was right - you'll find out that parenting is the hardest thing in the world and the greatest thing in the world. I was fortunate that my IF taught me to always keep in mind that any parenting difficulty is a "happy problem" b/c most difficulties pass and children are amazing, and there is always help in the community. During IF/RPL, I was mentally preparing to be childless and now I am pregnant with #3! (never, ever, ever would have imagined) and I wouldn't have it any other way. My BFF is a DINC, so I get envious, but I wouldn't say I am every jealous; parenting is hard but I do ok. Congrats on your pg!

SharonB222

P.S. Because of IF/RPL, DH and I are in our mid-40s expecting a baby and it's hard in the energy dept (easier in the maturity dept), I didn't really want another but we had another potential child waiting for us, so we pinky swore that if the pg stuck that somehow we would make this work (and keep our marriage intact and the other children sane). We are committed to that. I have to remind myself b/c I am nervous also. We will make this work.

Pinkmoon23

Thanks for sharing your stories guys it's good to know that feeling anxious is normal! The more positive stories I hear the better. Sometimes it's hard to find the positives of having a baby!

NicknShan

@Pinkmoon23 I am sorry you are having these feelings! I would definitely continue with you counseling. It's amazing how much having that outlet can help.

I have struggled with anxiety in my past. Both of my pregnancies were planned, but there were times during both that I was in tears struggling with the fact that I was going to be this baby's mother. Sometimes I felt like I just wouldn't be good enough.

I love my little guy more than anything else in the world. The joy he brings me is sometimes the only smile I can force in a day. Don't get me wrong - sometimes I get overwhelmed too but it is worth it.

My husband travels a lot. So now with #2 on the way, I had a breakdown again. Knowing I would be outnumbered most the time. But I know my hormones are out of whack. And this is a big change. And change is scary.

In general, I think your feelings are normal. But I also think nothing will bring you more joy.

How does your partner feel about it? Supportive? Scared?

Pinkmoon23

Thanks so much it's online counselling but honestly I'm not I can continue it at £100 a month. And that's cheap for counselling if I can find free or cheap counselling I will try for that. I'm feeling more positive today and more determined. Yesterday I spent the whole day crying and completely freaking out. My partner was scared at first but now he's very excited and happy. He's also extremely supportive and understanding. But I know it's hard for him because he knows my mind is always switching. I really hope the anxiety will fade and I can beat it and be happy and still travel once the baby is older. And I plan to do my degree next year too.

berky84

I think the responses so far have been great but I'll just add I agree what your experiencing is normal. Becoming a parent is terrifying. I'm not second guessing my decision but I am thinking about all the anxieties and fears that come along with my excitement. This is a HUGE change. How could it not be scary??

Given your family history and how you're feeling I agree going to speak with someone is a great idea. I'm a HUGE fan of therapy and have benefitted from it many many times. Best of luck to you!!

peaceinnature

DH and I planned for this baby and this first month we tried I didn't get pregnant and I was really sad. But now that I am I've been having some moments of doubt mixed in with joy and excitement. I think it's normal. Lots of worries about things that could go wrong, but also will I still have the same relationship with DS? How can I love another baby as much as I love him? If it's a girl will she and I have the same issues I have with my mom?

Sometimes it just feels overwhelming, such a huge change, like a stranger coming in to throw off our family balance. But then I remind myself that this is not a stranger; I know them, they're my child. I had the same feeling with DS and then as soon as I saw his face I relaxed because I was like oh yeah I do know you; you're not some foreign stranger, you're my family. Argh I'm getting teary now.

aawaine

I feel like this on and off. Not necessarily that I'm making a mistake but that I'm scared shitless and think "oh god I'm going to get fat/it's going to hurt so bad/will my daughter like the baby/will I love the baby as much as I love my daughter/should I have waited longer/can I afford this/have I messed up a promotion at work" and then I realise that I've just got to let go of all the niggling doubts and just go with the flow. My husband was in such shock when we fell pregnant with my daughter that he didn't come round until I was 20 weeks and will openly tell you that he hated my pregnancy - it was a nightmare. But from the moment I saw her little face I know this was what I was meant to do in life. Maybe you'll be the same.

hellomommas

Girl. I hear you. But life is never a mistake. There is something very special and beautiful going on inside of you and it turns into one of the greatest loves you will ever know. Several of my friends and me included have conceived babies in times that were not ideal. With my first one, my husband and I didn't have a job and we were moving in with my in-laws and moving across the country when I was pregnant. Now we are on number three and everything is great! Like the other posters have said there are definitely days that are difficult. But that is true no matter what do you have in your life baby or not. Life always has hard days and easier days. There will be days that you are frustrated… But there will also be very many days of smiles and uncontrollable laughter and joy because of your little one. I agree with everyone else… Therapy has been a huge victory in my own life as I have struggled with depression and anxiety linked to my fathers tragic death. I would encourage you to visit a church or seek out Christian counseling which can sometimes be very discounted or free. You and your partner are doing such a great thing saying yes to this baby growing inside of you. But as time goes on, if you ever feel like you can't handle it, at least you have given someone a life and you can always offer another family who wants children the option to adopt. Give yourself time… It's still early and it's shocking for all of us when we see those two lines on the pregnancy test. No matter how many kids you have, all of our first reaction is "I hope I can handle this". Try to relax and find comfort in that all of us mamas here that have had babies before love our babies so much… So much so that we wanted more. I'm going to pray for peace in your mind and heart and that the anxiety and depression could fade and have less and less power over you. You can do this! You are already a great mama for even being concerned!

Pinkmoon23

Thank you from the bottom of my heart you took the time to reply such a lovely message. Xxxxx

VikingGirl12

I want this baby so flipping bad but I STILL say to myself "what have you done? How will you ever handle two children when you barely make it with one? Did we make the wrong decision??" then I look at my 19 mo old and remember how much my life has changed since having him. It's been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but I would not change one single thing. I think it's completely normal to feel terrified. I think we all are.

Pinkmoon23

Thanks for your reply. I just keep hearing that it's the hardest thing you can do in your life. And this terrifies me because I don't know if I'm strong enough for that....

cjt121413

When you meet your child, and even when you start to feel him or her kick, it will make sense. Being a parent isn't easy, but the rewards are out of this world. You can do this.

I got pregnant with DS when I was NOT ready. I was scared because I didn't have the money to raise a child, and my relationship with DS's dad was not very strong. I was scared and/or depressed a lot of my pregnancy. Fast forward six years, DS was the best thing that ever happened to me. I eventually became a single mom, but you know what? That was okay too. You will be surprised at how much you can accomplish as a mom.

How you're feeling is okay. It'll get better.

VikingGirl12

Pinkmoon23 said:

Thanks for your reply. I just keep hearing that it's the hardest thing you can do in your life. And this terrifies me because I don't know if I'm strong enough for that....

Yeah you are. You'll take things a day at a time and every time you face something challenging, you'll also be faced with the best reward of your life once you figure it out. The good times way more than outweigh the hard. Just wait until your baby starts laughing. Or when it starts saying "mommy" and wraps its little hands around your neck and kisses you. My heart literally melts every time my son does that. I'll take all the hard times over never having my little man.

satcher08

OP if you ever just need someone to talk to feel free to message me. I felt similar during my first pregnancy with dd. Also, for what its worth I am a licensed guidance counselor and currently working on my masters degree in professional counseling so I'm a pretty good listener.:)

little_bren

Both my DC (one is cooking) were planned but both times, I have felt a "no going back!" feeling which is thrilling and terrifying. When I was getting close to go time with DD, I felt like I had a foot on the gas and the brake so to speak: both "GET HER OUT"/excited to hold my baby and then also "My life is about to change forever and I'm scared out of my mind. You can do it, mama!

CourtJack

Everyone here has given such great advice I don't have much more to add except that how you're feeling is totally normal and completely OK. Don't feel like you *should* feel a certain way. I hope you can keep seeing a therapist. They are life savers. Please continue to share here. We're all in this together.

anchorandcherry

Hey, just read this and I can't really relate to this is in anyway because I've never had anxiety or suffered with depression. Although I wanted to say a few words I don't want to kind negative at all and I am being completely honest with my thoughts when I was reading through etc. Someone said to me and my now husband that there's never a right time to have a baby as something will always come up... But having a baby is never something you will ever regret it is the best job in the world being a mummy. On the other hand though you need to feel positive and happy that your doing the right thing because little ones definitely change your life in my case a bundle of joy. Also don't let your past rule you now your sound like a strong woman and if you've got a supportive partner then you can do it. Just don't have any regrets : )

itsbronte

I had prenatal depression with my first, she was a surprise and I was in college. It felt like terrible timing even though we were excited to be having her. All through my pregnancy was a struggle, even after having her I still struggled a little. But once she started interacting more I completely fell in love. I'm now pregnant with our second, and I feel those same anxious feelings creeping back in, which is disheartening. But I know once he or she arrives I will feel better.
You're not alone! If you are really struggling, talk to your doctor. That really has helped me.