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husband & baby shower

Jamielove2Jamielove2 member
in 3rd Trimester
My husbands feels he doesn't need to attend our baby shower for our first child, the last relationship my husband was in they were together since high school and afterward they moved in together. While they were together she got pregnant, his family threw them a huge baby shower & provided all kinds of gifts from what he told me it was a huge success. Fast forward after the birth and some months later its found out that the child wasn't his. He helped raise this child its first few months and it wasn't his. I know he is hurt by this  but when i ask why he doesn't want to attend he says he's been through all of this before and he doesn't see the need to attend.  He tells me all the time our child is so special and the most important thing to him. He just doesn't want to attend the "party" I just really want him there w/me & i don't know what else to say to him.
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Re: husband & baby shower

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  • ambercakes92ambercakes92 member
    FWIW, I don't think his attendance is a reflection on how excited he is for the baby. I'm sure he really does believe your child is special and the most important thing to him. Yet I can still understand the disinterest in attending a shower (especially assuming it is all women) because really it is just him being there to watch you open gifts. Not especially exciting, even for a first-time dad.

    Obviously this is very important to you. Just continue to express that his support at the shower would mean the world to you and it would be very upsetting if he couldn't attend. The baby isn't going to know either way, so I don't think it's really about the baby at this point. It's about your feelings.
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  • Gingermom15Gingermom15 member
    I was thrown a non-traditional co-ed shower. There were just as many men there as women, the host insisted on at least two games which were short (thankfully, she knows I hate them). She also had a raffle with three neat gift baskets for all in attendance. While she did the two games the guys sat around a fire outside and drank beer and watched the football game on a TV they had out there. My uncle barbecued. They enjoyed participating in the raffle and came in to watch the gift opening, even though they didn't have to. So we put the game on inside so they had something else to watch as well. Which worked for everybody and the cake was also served during the gift opening because, let's face it, nobody wants to sit and watch someone open a bunch of stuff. They're only interested in seeing you open what they bought. Showers don't have to be painful and if the MTB and the host wish it to be co-ed, it can work and be enjoyable. Nobody has to be bored to tears even if it is women only, really.
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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    Jamielove2 said:

    My husbands feels he doesn't need to attend our baby shower for our first child, the last relationship my husband was in they were together since high school and afterward they moved in together. While they were together she got pregnant, his family threw them a huge baby shower & provided all kinds of gifts from what he told me it was a huge success. Fast forward after the birth and some months later its found out that the child wasn't his. He helped raise this child its first few months and it wasn't his. I know he is hurt by this  but when i ask why he doesn't want to attend he says he's been through all of this before and he doesn't see the need to attend.  He tells me all the time our child is so special and the most important thing to him. He just doesn't want to attend the "party" I just really want him there w/me & i don't know what else to say to him.

    Where did OP say it was an all women shower? Why is it assumed to be an all women shower? Where was it stated it was a "traditional" shower? Is that sort of shower even traditional where OP is from regionally and/or culturally? Are there stats somewhere that proves "most" men/dads hate showers? I'm asking because a lot of assumptions were made here and I'm curious as to where they stemmed from, as OP didn't give such info. It would probably be more helpful to have asked about these details and get clarity before just jumping to conclusions. Especially as people are particularly sensitive when it comes to showers, (something I have noticed).

    Anyhoo, 2 pp said some key things. 1. Don't push the issue. It isn't something you should stress over. There are other issues at hand. Maybe speak on it 1 more time, but then leave it alone. 2. Just because he doesn't want to attend the actual party, it does not mean that he isn't excited and the baby isn't the most important thing to him. Please try not to read too much into it. It will only stress you out and you don't need that. Enjoy the festivities and best of luck.
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  • cMichelle0423cMichelle0423 member
    Most of the time baby showers are women only. I've never been to a baby shower that had men in attendance.
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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    cMichelle0423 said:

    Most of the time baby showers are women only. I've never been to a baby shower that had men in attendance.

    I've never been to an all women shower or heard of such until this site. Hence my point, that questions should be asked before we all jump to conclusions and make assumptions based on what is the norm for ourselves.
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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    @thegoudalife there's nothing wrong with giving both responses. I was pointing out that people tend to respond without asking questions for further detail is all. She did get some good info overall, but that doesn't mean we can't all learn to be more inquisitive before giving out info, especially pertaining to the baby shower posts as people on here can easily be offended. That was my point. Sorry if it came across differently or nasty. It was not supposed to.
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    Jamielove2 said:
    My husbands feels he doesn't need to attend our baby shower for our first child, the last relationship my husband was in they were together since high school and afterward they moved in together. While they were together she got pregnant, his family threw them a huge baby shower & provided all kinds of gifts from what he told me it was a huge success. Fast forward after the birth and some months later its found out that the child wasn't his. He helped raise this child its first few months and it wasn't his. I know he is hurt by this  but when i ask why he doesn't want to attend he says he's been through all of this before and he doesn't see the need to attend.  He tells me all the time our child is so special and the most important thing to him. He just doesn't want to attend the "party" I just really want him there w/me & i don't know what else to say to him.
    My husband didn't attend my shower except to eat left overs and help me cart things away. In our social circle its a ladies only event. I think you are over-reacting. In my mind, husbands are not required for the baby shower in order to demonstrate how much they care about the baby.


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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    CharminglySouthern said:
    My H and most men I know would rather lick a toilet seat than go to a baby shower. In my circle it's a women only event. My H's interest in a party is no reflection on his involvement as a father or husband. It's just a party. Please don't place too much importance on it. It's not, you know, the birth of your child @chiccobeanz I think it's a fairly safe assumption that the OP is referring to a women only shower, but it's nice to see you (once again) scolding everyone like someone gave you a bump police badge.
    My number 1 fan! I wasn't scolding anyone. I see the same way your posts come across to me, is how my posts come across to you. Welp, at least we reciprocate sentiments. Anyhoo, hope you're having a great 3 day weekend and glad I can entertain you. 
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  • Mother0fDragonsMother0fDragons member
    CharminglySouthern said:
    My H and most men I know would rather lick a toilet seat than go to a baby shower. In my circle it's a women only event. My H's interest in a party is no reflection on his involvement as a father or husband. It's just a party. Please don't place too much importance on it. It's not, you know, the birth of your child @chiccobeanz I think it's a fairly safe assumption that the OP is referring to a women only shower, but it's nice to see you (once again) scolding everyone like someone gave you a bump police badge.

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    @Jamielove2 are you having an all-women baby shower or a co-ed one? Knowing which one would help us help you!
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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member

     
    @Mother0fdragons great minds 
    ;)
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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    @cupcakesareawesome I wasn't upset at all. That's how you chose to read words on the screen. I was really just asking questions. But everyone interprets things differently. *shrugs*

    @FinePlacentaPie that's a normal shower where you are from. Not everyone celebrates in the same way despite the rules of etiquette and your sources. Just because people do things differently from you doesn't make them abnormal. People have different cultures and thereally are regional differences. I really cannot fathom how people can only see things one way when so many other things are factors . But to each her own. I guess that's as mind boggling to me as people not following what you feel to be set in stone etiquette is to you.
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  • redfallonredfallon member
    @ChiccoBeanz said:
    CharminglySouthern said:
    I think anyone who claims they "have never heard of a woman only shower" is completely full of Bologna.
    I've actually only tried Bologna one time in my life  :D . Remind me to give you my autograph. You have been working really hard to get my attention. I so have to reward you. 

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    What??? Bologna is so good! It was a staple in our house growing up :)

    Jamie


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  • Jamielove2Jamielove2 member
    Thank you so much ladies for the responses they all helped greatly ! I guess you can say it will be co-Ed I gave the invite to friends & family and my friends are welcomed to bring their husbands/boyfriends. I will bring it up once more and then drop the subject I just want to experience everything w/him during this pregnancy. But like many of you were saying his attendance or lack of does not determine his love for our child.
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  • FinePlacentaPieFinePlacentaPie member
    ChiccoBeanz said:
    @cupcakesareawesome I wasn't upset at all. That's how you chose to read words on the screen. I was really just asking questions. But everyone interprets things differently. *shrugs* @FinePlacentaPie that's a normal shower where you are from. Not everyone celebrates in the same way despite the rules of etiquette and your sources. Just because people do things differently from you doesn't make them abnormal. People have different cultures and thereally are regional differences. I really cannot fathom how people can only see things one way when so many other things are factors . But to each her own. I guess that's as mind boggling to me as people not following what you feel to be set in stone etiquette is to you.
    This doesn't even make sense and is a totally overblown explanation to my very simple comment. I don't only see things one way. I don't even follow a set code of etiquette. I just have a basic understanding of what is appropriate and what isn't. It's called manners. 

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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    FinePlacentaPie said:
    ChiccoBeanz said:
    @cupcakesareawesome I wasn't upset at all. That's how you chose to read words on the screen. I was really just asking questions. But everyone interprets things differently. *shrugs* @FinePlacentaPie that's a normal shower where you are from. Not everyone celebrates in the same way despite the rules of etiquette and your sources. Just because people do things differently from you doesn't make them abnormal. People have different cultures and thereally are regional differences. I really cannot fathom how people can only see things one way when so many other things are factors . But to each her own. I guess that's as mind boggling to me as people not following what you feel to be set in stone etiquette is to you.
    This doesn't even make sense and is a totally overblown explanation to my very simple comment. I don't only see things one way. I don't even follow a set code of etiquette. I just have a basic understanding of what is appropriate and what isn't. It's called manners. 

    LMAO I guess basic was the correct term to use then. 
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    This thread has been closed to new posts due to the discussion’s unwelcoming tone. Continuing to create threads related to this topic will be grounds for warning and/or removal from The Bump Community.
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