STM: Baby Shower or Sprinkle or Nothin'?!

BabyG814 · October 2015

Please someone fill me in on the "rules" or "societal standards" of baby showers. I've heard second time mommas get a sprinkle, a "mini baby shower"?? But I've also heard...keep in mind I live in the South...that since our first baby was a girl and now we're having a boy (yay!!!!!) that I get to register for baby and have a full blown shower. But then I've also heard that spacing is a factor...like a certain amount of time needs to pass between pregnancies before people will pull out their credit card to stock you up for your new baby...
What is the norm here?!
Understand by no means am I being greedy or expecting anything of anyone! I do not want to seem presumptuous and get scanner crazy registering for our new baby boy that'll be 19 months apart from our daughter, but i don't want to assume I'm not having another shower/sprinkle/drizzle/whatever and be unprepared.
What is the protocol??

flowerpower5838 · October 2015

Societal norms in my circle is one shower. I do know a few people that have been thrown sprinkles and they are usually very low key (think no registering), small and the mom to be usually receives an outfit or diapers from each guest. I am from St. Louis, so Midwest and southish.

livnicolery · October 2015

Same here, one shower with a sprinkling of gifts for the second baby in a casual setting. Although to stem off of one of your other thoughts, this past weekend I went to a baby shower for a 3rd time momma but it was 10 years since her last baby so her family threw her one - so that I, is maybe the exception.

Maybe have yours and SO family and friends come over for bbq to celebrate the welcoming of baby boy and the promotion for big sister!

LilLump2 · October 2015

Nada. But I understand that this varies from area to area. (N. California)

red3ye · October 2015

It really varies. Where I grew up, everyone did "sprinkles" for additional babies, but they actually treated them the same as the original baby shower. That being said, baby showers there were always super casual anyway, gifts were usually clothes and diapers, maybe a good sized gift from the closest family (they would pool together money). I won't be having anything but that is simply because I don't have anyone here to invite that I know.

ARogers26 · October 2015

Nothing. I think most people have sprinkles here but mine are both boys and will only be 19 months apart. Gift grabby and super tacky IMO. (Indiana)

meganmarie1087 · October 2015

Baby shower for the first and that is it. I am from the Midwest and I have heard of very few "sprinkles." This is my second baby and I am not expecting any gifts from anyone, including my parents. We saved everything from my son so we are stocking up on the essentials such as diapers, wipes, baby shampoo, etc. i am sure relatives will buy outfits if little one is a girl, but that's where I draw the line.

kellygrace2 · October 2015

ARogers26 said:
Nothing. I think most people have sprinkles here but mine are both boys and will only be 19 months apart. Gift grabby and super tacky IMO. (Indiana)

Same thing here in Canada. Showers for additional babies are considered tacky. My kids will be 25 months apart (won't know until later this month the gender), and I don't expect any sort of shower or "sprinkle." I'm sure family will get us a gift here and there but we have all the essentials anyway.

FutureMrsCaesar · October 2015

Just 1 shower here in PA, except in certain circumstances that you don't seem to qualify for. In the few instances I've heard of sprinkles it's a very small, casual gathering of close friends. Definitely not something you would register for. In your case, I would not start registering (how much stuff could you need anyway??) unless someone specifically says 'hey we're throwing you another shower and we need you to register' otherwise it will look gift grabby. Congrats on the baby boy!

lspharmd · October 2015

Would your response change if baby #2 is 10 years after baby #1, different gender AND SO's 1st biological child?

llybeck · October 2015

One shower and that's it. I don't know anyone who has had a sprinkle so it's not common where I live, the Midwest. I think the general opinion is it doesn't really matter if it's boy vs girl and regardless, it would have to be something that someone offers to throw you. Registering is not that hard if someone offers to throw you a full blown shower so there is no reason to get prepared until someone actually offers.

The only time I have seen a second shower is in the instance of a coworker who had her first daughter 10 years ago in a previous relationship. She is now remarried and they just had her husband's first child. So his family and their friends were very insistent on having a shower for her. Even then she still felt a bit weird about it but everyone was very excited about throwing it.

SarahFoley725 · October 2015

I'm from Texas and I've never even heard of a "sprinkle" although I guess it makes sense...smaller than a shower...ANYWAY lots of people that I know have had a huge second shower, but I personally don't agree with them especially with kids so close together. In the end, if someone offers to throw you something it's your decision to accept or deny! If it was me, I'd graciously deny a second shower. Your friends and family will likely still see clothes and think you HAVE to have it for this baby. I just don't see a need to have a whole big shibang more than once!

Doxies4life · October 2015

We are having a shower thrown for us. It's our first together and mine is 16. From what I've read previously it is very different from place to place. I'm in the south too and we tend to look for any reason to gather and celebrate

the only real "rules" that I know of are that you don't throw it yourself. We had two people offer so I got them in touch with one another. I'd rather have one for everyone to attend than have people receive two invites for the same baby's shower. Good luck!

ceds07 · October 2015

People do have sprinkles here (Northeast) but it tends to be a VERY small group of girlfriends just having lunch really. Maybe a token gift but certainly nothing big. And obviously they are the ones that suggest it/"host" it.

I have to be honest I really don't understand the gender justification for a second shower. Even if you did find out what you were having if you even thought that two children were eventually a possibility why on earth would you not get gender neutral items? Pink strollers and car seats especially boggle my mind.

Swillah · October 2015

I'm honestly not sure what the societal norm in Washington is. I'm guessing one shower and that's it since I've only ever attended showers for first babies. With that being said I do know of two women who have had showers for baby 2 and even 3... but it seemed a friend wanted to throw it so they let them. None of my friends seemed put out so maybe its not as tacky as I think? I know DH family will most likely want to throw a "sprinkle" for us if this babe is a girl because that's what they did for my SIL.

As far as registering for a second babies, I don't see why not. Most registrations have a pretty good completion discount that will help for the larger items. I did a quick one on amazon that started out as just a double stroller and then I added items like a second monitor camera, crib, baby bath tub (ours broke). I have no plans on telling people about it unless they specifically ask. I'm just in it for the discount

Bizzle29 · October 2015

I'm from the Pacific Northwest and around here we see a little of everything but most of the time the attitude I've seen is "every baby is special and deserves a celebration". The extent varies... And some moms do nothing for subsequent baby but most do at least a little something. So, I've seen full blown baby showers for a 4th girl in a row and I've also seen some people just opt for a sprinkle or only a gender reveal party (no gifts) even for a first of a gender after having just a first of the other gender.
I agree each baby is special and I don't mind getting gifts for people having however many kids... They're all a big deal! It's a wonderful new little person in their family!

I would say, if someone is interested in throwing something gage what they have in mind and what you're comfortable with. If some people find it excessive they can do something else that day and not rain on your parade. But the again I don't know. I've never lived in the south. Maybe it would be taboo enough that it would become awkward and sad instead of the celebration that it should be.
I just know what we do here.

Bizzle29 · October 2015

Oh and blessingways. I've seen more and more of those popping up too. Just went to one on Saturday for a friend having her 4th boy. Other friends also threw her a full blown baby shower too (she had gotten rid of all her baby stuff lol).

parenthood4 · October 2015

Everyone I know has a second shower or sprinkle, but I know that's not the popular opinion here. We had a little sprinkle for baby 2. I wasn't that interested in it, but a close friend did it and it was mostly family. I didn't register (well I registered for a few things to get the completion coupon, but I didn't tell anyone about it), and everyone just got us girl clothes or blankets or whatever.

So I don't think it's a big deal if someone wants to throw one for you, but I think it just depends on your social circle. I will definitely politely decline if someone wants to do something for baby three. With three kids in less than four years and one of each already, we definitely don't need anything. I feel a little bad not celebrating this baby, because I don't want to seem like I'm not excited about it (I definitely am!) but oh well!

adotgorman · October 2015

I would be mortified if someone threw me a shower. It's tacky, and if I got invited to a second shower/sprinkle, I wouldn't attend. However I do have a registry as a shopping list for myself because you get coupons when you register. It's private so no one can see it but me.

ceds07 · October 2015

adotgorman said:

I would be mortified if someone threw me a shower. It's tacky, and if I got invited to a second shower/sprinkle, I wouldn't attend. However I do have a registry as a shopping list for myself because you get coupons when you register. It's private so no one can see it but me.

I actually did this. A fairly close friend was having a shower for her second even though her kids are only 18 months apart. She essentially registered for a convertible car seat and all of her nursery decor. I honestly just couldn't bring myself to attend. I visited her after the baby was born with food and a gift then. I know that seems so petty but I will likely continue to decline second shower invites going forward as well.

JessKo08 · October 2015

It just depends what the norm is in your own circle. Up here in MN you usually get one baby shower. Sprinkles are not the norm, I've only been invited to one and that was this summer. This sprinkle was definitely more like a baby shower, mom had a gift registry and it was requested you bring a package of diapers in as well. It was also very large, with both of the parents male and femal friends and a keg of beer. I was not amused and was thankful I had to work so I could not attend.

alligreer88 · October 2015

One shower per mom is the norm where I'm from- unless it's several (like 10) years from your first baby or its dads first and you do a co-ed type event. Or maybe if family and friends knew you were in a bad spot financially... I would feel very awkward if my friends or family had me another shower and would discourage any consideration of it - I'm at a new job and wouldn't even agree with work friends having one. My husband has went to a "diaper party" where you brought a pack of diapers and joined all men at a local bar... I would be okay with a friend trying to do that- but that's about it. I wouldn't be surprised if our parents and siblings got us items(diapers, clothes, or payment toward something we mentioned buying) but it won't be anything near the truck loads we received at our first shower.

jmdj615 · October 2015

I am having my second and they are both boys... only 17 months apart. The thought of a shower or even a sprinkle, stresses me out. We don't need anything! And I hate clutter.

My opinion is nothing. BUT if someone is insistent on throwing you something, request it be very small.

elle313 · October 2015

I'll either have nothing or a very small (mostly family) sprinkle. My BFF has said she wants to throw me a sprinkle, but I'll just go with the flow and see if she arranges anything. We could honestly use anything people want to give us since we had to get rid of all of our older daughter's baby supplies (living in a tiny apartment at the time), but I don't feel like anyone "owes" us a gift, of course.

ecwk · October 2015

Where I'm from in Europe, people don't really have baby showers at all like they do here. I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea but will probably be having one here (Massachusetts). It wouldn't bother me if I don't though. Amongst my friends who live here, no one has had a second shower or even a sprinkle. I personally believe it to be tacky and gift grabby (though there are exceptions). Clearly though, as PPs have said, what is considered the norm in your social group will be hugely significant. If and only if, that is, someone offers to throw it for you.

jenniferamcooper · October 2015

I personally think 2 full blown showers are tacky but then again I had 3 showers for my first - one with my family who lives 4 hours away, one with hubby's family and my friends in the city we live in and a work shower. I felt sufficiently loved and we had almost everything we needed from them. We were so fortunate.

My mom has insisted on throwing me a shower for my second. I have politely declined and instead asked that we have friends over for a welcome baby party (no presents) a few months after baby is born and baby's first out of town visit. I may have to be politely forceful before the party, we don't need baby stuff and my Mom has a tendancy to ignore wishes. She keeps talking about what games we're going to play already haha

My cousin's wife had a 100 person shower for their first. For their 2nd (a little less than 2 years apart) they're having/had 2 more with likely 100 people attending both. She's had her first already and required 2 car trips with the stuff she got from the first shower. In my opinion people don't need that much stuff. It's wasteful and unnecessary. I sent a gift card for a yummy healthy take out place for once baby is born because I wanted to keep the peace in the family but there was no way in hell in travelling 4 hours to go to a gift grab.

shilohsmama · October 2015

In my opinion, every baby deserves to be celebrated. In Louisiana, we do one shower and additional babies we have a sprinkle but they're generally the same.

LilLump2 · October 2015

lspharmd said:
Would your response change if baby #2 is 10 years after baby #1, different gender AND SO's 1st biological child?

***trigger warning, loss mentioned***

Yes, 100%.

My youngest 2 were born 10 years apart. She was baby #4 for me, but It was DH's 1st living child. (His first had complications and wasn't expected to survive the pregnancy, so they chose not to have a shower or purchase much of anything. He passed at 32 weeks gestation.)

His family was super excited to come to my shower. It was small (immediate family, a few friends). I think it was 15 people in all. We bought all the big ticket items before the shower, and it was fun, and a huge help, as I had given away all my baby things about 7-8 years prior. We went out the next day and bought everything else we needed with my completion discount.

All that said, having a shower or not, REGISTER. Surely I'm not the only STM who needs more baby crap, and registry completion discounts are no joke.

ETA: I didn't have a shower for baby #2, or #3, nor will I with this last one. I also don't understand showers for babies being a different sex. I do have a pink stroller for DD2 though. I love it.

But I figured that I'd trade it in for a double stroller anyway- so I didn't care about it being gender neutral.

BabyG814 · October 2015

Good stuff...Thanks ladies! I'm definitely seeing a geographical variance. I totally agree with registering for yourself so you get the coupons & can keep track! We don't need much...definitely need a double stroller and my head almost exploded while searching for one. Whoa there's a lot of options and add ons and such!
I'm seeing a trend around my area with my friends doing co-ed parties serving beer and cocktails and attendees bringing diapers and basics. I think it's cute. Any reason to celebrate here in the South will be celebrated and Lord let there be alcohol! Moms to be SO enjoy watching other people drink!

LilLump2 · October 2015

BabyG814 said:
Good stuff...Thanks ladies! I'm definitely seeing a geographical variance. I totally agree with registering for yourself so you get the coupons & can keep track! We don't need much...definitely need a double stroller and my head almost exploded while searching for one. Whoa there's a lot of options and add ons and such!
I'm seeing a trend around my area with my friends doing co-ed parties serving beer and cocktails and attendees bringing diapers and basics. I think it's cute. Any reason to celebrate here in the South will be celebrated and Lord let there be alcohol! Moms to be SO enjoy watching other people drink!

Randomly, check the Graco Ready2Grow. It looks great and steers really nicely. I'm looking forward to picking it up in February!

Laurenc523 · October 2015

I'm in the pacific northwest and its common and expected to have subsequent showers or sprinkles. And by "expected", I mean friends and family are excited to go shopping for mother and baby and are looking forward to a celebration/gathering. My sister had 2 showers, both were girls and only 21 months apart. It was not considered tacky or gift grabby, just a fun celebration. My sister has already asked to throw my second shower. Although, we won't be creating a registry. It is extremely common for women in the church to throw luncheon showers for a mother also, no matter what how many she has, age gap or gender difference. Last summer I attended a luncheon for a mother having her 4th child, 3 previously being boys, the new baby was a girl. And also a mother with 2 older children and an unexpected pregnancy. We love celebrating and giving gifts.

2-Step · October 2015

In my circle people seem to have showers for every baby. I am also in the pacific northwest. I had a sprinkle for my second boy, who was 27 months apart from the first. I kind of tried to decline and everyone insisted I must and my friends planning the whole thing.

Has anyone offered to throw you one? I would just register for whatever you want and then see if anyone offers. If not, you can still use the completion coupon to get the things you really need. I am on my third boy and I don't want a shower so we are maybe going to do a little ladies brunch with no gifts. I'm still going to register on Amazon because family wants to buy things for the baby for Christmas and just to keep a list of things I see that I want to pick up before he gets here.

Bizzle29 · October 2015

Laurenc523 said:
I'm in the pacific northwest and its common and expected to have subsequent showers or sprinkles. And by "expected", I mean friends and family are excited to go shopping for mother and baby and are looking forward to a celebration/gathering.

2-Step said:
In my circle people seem to have showers for every baby. I am also in the pacific northwest.

Idk if I did the quote thing right but I'm right there in PNW with those two ladies above. Ive seen some "sprinkles" and other smaller things but yeah... Mostly I'm seeing full blown showers for most people's babies regardless of gender/age gap. I just attended a full blown shower for someone having their 4th boy within 10 years! Lol I DID NOT realize that all these showers was exclusive to our area up here! Lots of people in other areas seem WAY against it. Kinda funny. I guess you learn something new every day!
Oh well, I like all the parties and showering all the babies and their mommies! It's all fun and exciting

Laurenc523 · October 2015

@bizzle29, I'm shocked to see SO many people horribly outraged about second showers.

thecubiclee · October 2015

I live in Georgia and it's pretty normal where I live for people to have more than one shower. Especially for a different gender than the first. I know people who have had a shower for each of their four kids. (Though that's where I think it's a little overboard) But I think it just depends on how your family and friends are and if anyone is planning on throwing a shower/sprinkle for you.

mybigfatgreekfetus · October 2015

I'm in OK, and in my circle of friends showers for second kids are the total norm. My girlfriends are just looking for an excuse to drink, probably! Ha!

jess9802 · October 2015

Laurenc523 said:

I'm in the pacific northwest and its common and expected to have subsequent showers or sprinkles. And by "expected", I mean friends and family are excited to go shopping for mother and baby and are looking forward to a celebration/gathering. My sister had 2 showers, both were girls and only 21 months apart. It was not considered tacky or gift grabby, just a fun celebration. My sister has already asked to throw my second shower. Although, we won't be creating a registry. It is extremely common for women in the church to throw luncheon showers for a mother also, no matter what how many she has, age gap or gender difference. Last summer I attended a luncheon for a mother having her 4th child, 3 previously being boys, the new baby was a girl. And also a mother with 2 older children and an unexpected pregnancy. We love celebrating and giving gifts.

I'm in the PNW also and in my social circle at least it is very uncommon and quite frowned upon to have a second shower or a sprinkle.

kynbar5 · October 2015

Basically I think the consensus is that the location doesn't really have anything to do with it. It's your family/social circle. I've seen comments where subsequent showers are expected in the south. Well, I'm in the south and they're very much frowned upon. If someone offers you one then you make your own judgement call. Don't throw your own and don't expect one. I think in general, if you're bringing humans into the world your 1st duty as a parent is to provide for said human on your own (with or without your SO).

Bizzle29 · October 2015

Laurenc523 said:
@bizzle29, I'm shocked to see SO many people horribly outraged about second showers.

Me too! I had no idea! Lol
I'm glad it's normal in my circles. I like all the celebration.

flowerpower5838 · October 2015

I feel like people that "like all of the celebration" or want to "celebrate this baby just like the first one" actually mean they like all of the gifts. Because while all showers are celebrations, not all celebrations are showers. You can celebrate your future baby without having a shower. Multiple showers are just plain gift grabby IMHO.

I am sorry if that sounds bitchy, but it's just the first thing that comes to my mind when I see posts like these. It's also 3pm on a Friday and the weekend doesn't seem like it will ever get here so I might be extra snarky at the moment. Apologies.

Sweet_D · October 2015

I'm in Ohio and never heard of a sprinkle till my MIL went to one last year. Most of my friends all have multiples and there were never showers beyond the first no matter the circumstances.

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