Annoyed... Maybe hurt... Maybe jealous?

LaurenNewph · October 2015

So my husband just got home from work, made a snarky comment about me not emptying the dishwasher (sorry I didn't want to spend the few spare moments I had emptying it), then immediately got changed and went for a run. I hesitate to use the word "stuck," but I'm stuck home alone all day with baby. I feel like he just does whatever he wants whenever he wants. Sleeps when he wants, eats when he wants, etc. I am very grateful for everything he does do because it allows me to stay home, but I must admit it's a little lonely. I do all the baby care and anything he does do, I have to ask him to do. I'm just annoyed... And a little hurt I guess.

ElleMF728 · October 2015

I refer to this as being the default parent. I think a lot of Dads don't think anything of taking a shower, sitting down to grab something to eat etc. because Mom is there to pick up the slack. It doesn't occur to them that we can't just do the same, even when DH is home I always let him know that I'm running upstairs to do X, Y, or Z so he needs to watch the kids.

In my experience the best thing to do is to be proactive about these things and communicate with your partner. Before he has the chance to get engaged in something tell him you need a break. You need some down time just as much as he does, don't feel guilty to ask for it!

I know I say this a million times on these boards but LEAVE! Get out of the house, if you are there he will always be tempted to "default" to you when he "needs" to do something. He will never really understand what you deal with everyday but he will probably be more empathetic when he has to do some one on one time without mom to lean on. Even better, forcing DH to deal when things get a little rough will help him have more confidence when it comes to soothing and bonding with baby.

jbettles · October 2015

I sometimes feel the same. This morning, hubby got up at 3:45 like he does everyday and baby boy woke up then like he usually does, too. I needed to pee sooooo bad. Hubby just took off down the stairs to start the coffee, but didn't come back up. He went ahead and left for work. Once I realized he wasn't coming back I texted him and kinda gave him a bit of a guilt trip. He doesn't stop and think how much just a few extra minutes so I can run to the bathroom makes my life so much easier because he's never been in that situation.

tlc11934 · October 2015

Put your husband in a situation so he sees what you deal with daily. Take a shower without telling him. When the baby cries he'll be forced to deal with them. Make plans to run errands and tell him on the way out the door. Don't get up when the baby cries at night (for a short time).

jen83mn · October 2015

I've been trying to tell my husband in advance when I'll need him to watch the baby. So for instance, if I'm feeding baby in 30 minutes, I tell him that once I get done feeding the baby, I need him to take the baby for an hour so I can "fill in the blank." I've found he doesn't just offer so I need to just tell him and hand over the kiddo. I could probably go all day and night taking care of baby with him home and he wouldn't come take the baby from me unless I asked ... I think it's a newborn thing. He's watched the baby by himself, but I don't think he'll really get into full dad mode until baby is walking and talking and can actually play. I know he looks forward to that day. Some guys just aren't good with newborns ... they're not natural soothers like we are and they definitely get more frustrated when they can't calm a baby down than we do. And I know my husband doesn't really know what to do with him when he is awake; there's only so many ways to entertain a newborn!

I would definitely try to get out of the house, even if it's just for an hour to run to the store or something, and leave DH with the baby. He'll learn pretty quick how much work it is! And don't leave him with a sleeping baby ... that's too easy!

And I would talk to him about what you need from him and work out a schedule; maybe once he gets home from work he gets an hour to unwind and do what he wants, whether that's going for a run or watching tv, etc. Then after that hour's up, he takes baby for two hours so you can do what you need to do! It's only fair!

slp213psu · October 2015

Ugh. My husband got home at 6. I told him about 10 times that I hadn't been able to put LO down since 3, she is cluster feeding and only happy being held upright or cradled. I handed her to him and heated up dinner. He's put her down in various settings (rock and play, pack and play, swing) at least 6 times and she's freaked out every time and I finally had to tell I TOLD YOU SHE WON'T BE PUT DOWN. Like he has some magical power that he can put her down and I can't.

alyjmac · October 2015

tlc11934 said:
Put your husband in a situation so he sees what you deal with daily. Take a shower without telling him. When the baby cries he'll be forced to deal with them. Make plans to run errands and tell him on the way out the door. Don't get up when the baby cries at night (for a short time).

I tried the night time one and I swear he just pretended to sleep until I got up and started the diaper change. Then, he went pee and hopped straight back to bed.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one feeling this way. My boyfriend does whatever, whenever, with no worries about if baby is crying or if I just need a break.

LaurenNewph · October 2015

Thanks ladies! Glad I'm not crazy! Like I said I love my husband and he does do a lot for me, but I just felt a little crazy earlier. @slp213psu I know exactly what you mean... Baby starts screaming and he asks "did you change him?" Hmmm no I didn't think of that oh wise baby genius!

pixiecut · October 2015

My husband complained one too many times about me asking him to get up at night to do a diaper change before a feeding. Sooo that night I turned on the light every time I had to get up to change her, feed her, console her, etc. And made sure his peaceful rest was anything but. That proved how little of a deal it was to change her quickly and hand her my way. Now I get a little bit extra shut eye and less diaper changes. I think if you have a stubborn partner it's harder to get them to see what you're going through but get the point across because moms deserve a lot of credit and a break! Its crazy how much "behind the scenes" work a baby is! The fact that we still put clean clothes on (some days) is a miracle!

AmandaNacora · October 2015

I feel the same a lot of the time. I get to be a stay at home mom and I understand that means doing most of the child care and housework, but it would be nice to have some fun. To do something for me for once, I feel so...alone and bored. Stuck as you said. I don't have any friends here, so when my husband is gone all the time or comes home and pretty much goes straight to bed after work, I get really lonely.

Want a personalized experience?

Annoyed... Maybe hurt... Maybe jealous?

Re: Annoyed... Maybe hurt... Maybe jealous?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards