The only person we have told is my doctor. I'm very close with my mom so it's been hard to not tell her, but my sister has been trying for 3 years now with no success and my mom can be slightly judgmental/nosy about things, so H & I decided not to tell her. Or anyone else.
Personally, it feels weird to announce you're trying. I can't see myself telling anyone "Hey, so H and I are now having strategically timed, unprotected sex in the hopes that one of his swimmers will meet up with my egg and turn into a human being!" My friends and family know that H and I want kids someday, so for me that's enough. I get out my venting and frustration on here.
@lalalorelai I feel the same way! I don't mind if people know but it feels so weird telling people because I feel like I'm telling them we're having lots of sex!
@bubblegum5586- I just read something a few weeks ago about why men are attracted to pregnant women and one of the things was they feel "proud" of themselves for getting their women pregnant, like its an achievement or something. I think my DH may be starting to feel a little antsy now that we are on month 6. He thought it was going to be pretty quick and I kept telling him that it doesn't just happen like that, especially after everything I learned from the ladies on this board!! So I think he's starting to feel a little confused and ready for it to happen himself.
I have told my younger sister because I needed somebody to talk too before I found this board although she says she has NO desire to get pregnant ever. So that can be hard sometimes too.
My dad has said repeatedly he's ready for grandkids, but I feel like it would be weird to really get into too much detail with him.
I feel like my mom would just probably add more pressure to the mix and she'd probably ask about it.
A few co workers of mine now and I regretted telling one of them because then she was always asking, did you get your period? or when I could smell somebodies fish for lunch, I said how it stunk. They were making comments about how much I could smell things and my nose being sensitive. Little did they know I was on my period and it was really just the dam smelly fish. So, personally, I put enough pressure on myself with out extra pressure from others.
Some people close to us know. Most do not. I kind of regret telling anyone besides my Mom, though...they're always asking now, or really watching if I drink or not when we're together. It feels like a lot more pressure. But, I can't take it back now.
I've told close friends and my mother. There are only about 4 people altogether that know, and only my mother knows how long and that we have started taking Clomid. Hubby and I decided it was stressful enough TTC without having people asking us about it all the time, so that's why we decided not to talk about it to others. I honestly think it's just a personal choice!
Originally we were not going to tell anyone. I didn't even plan on revealing my eventual pregnancy (in my imaginary pregnant-on-the-first-try life) until well into the second trimester. Life happened, and my mom and sister came to stay with me while DH was in Europe for a week on work. That same week I found out that another sibling was having baby #2 while in public at a restaurant and I lost it. I didn't tell them right then but I did end up telling them before they went home that we were TTC and hadn't had much luck. I assumed since they both were super fertile they wouldn't understand but they have both been super supportive. I feel like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders since my two closest confidants now knew my secret struggle. A few other people know like my friend who is an OBGYN and another bestie of mine who has had trouble TTC in the past. I know telling people isn't for everyone, but I cant believe how much better I have felt since revealing our struggle.
I told a close friend this weekend who is leaving to live out of the country next week. We've just started and I'm already learning so much. DH assumes it will happen in the first month of trying, but I couldn't imagine telling people we were trying and then dealing with 400,000+ questions if we didn't conceive in the first month.
We have told my sister, sil, mom, mil and my best friend. I mostly just update my mom on how the tests are going and my best friend asks about it, but everyone else is pretty casual about it. I think the rest of my family doesn't expect me to have kids bc I'm in a same-sex relationship and I spent my 20s telling them all I never planned on having kids, so I don't have to hear the questions about planning on kids.
I initially only told my sister and my BFF - she's like another sister to me. But they're both supportive but also super busy and most of the time have not had much time to have longer conversations so I decided to tell an aunt and cousin who are so much like a mom and sister to me. They've been so supportive and have taken the time to listen when I talk about fears and struggle. That's was good. But otherwise I'm afraid to announce to the world because of feeling like we're being watched.
After 5 years, EVERYONE knows It started out exciting and hopeful and now we just get looks of "hang in there" and condolences, which is depressing and sucks. We also get the "have you thought about adoption at this point?" And "have you seen specialists? Maybe there's something wrong." Grrrr. Nosy people suck.
I've only told a few close friends - and if any of my other TK friends wind up seeing this - HI!! Now you know too! I've also decided to NOT tell my mom or sisters, because as it is, my mom greets me by asking "Having lots of unprotected sex yet???" Back off, ma.
No one knew when TTC our first two. Now that we are seeing a RE, our families know. The only one that asked anything is my sister and mom, and more like 'when will you know', and 'when is your next appt"
I, too, have felt this overwhelming urge to talk to confide in work friends and a couple of others outside my immediate circle. It just dawned on me today that this was probably not the best course of action. I just find it really difficult to contain myself when it comes to something I am thinking about constantly! Weirdly enough, nobody in my family knows that I am seeing an RE because if my mother or MIL were in the loop, it would just lead to tons of worrying and questions. That wouldn't be good for ANYONE involved!
Yeah I didn't think things through. Pretty much everyone in my life knows we are TTC. I just didn't think about what it would be like for people to ask follow up questions/check in. We are having a big housewarming party on the 17th and I'm already trying to figure out how I'm going to field questions (whether I'm KU by then or not). I'm an idiot.
I think I would want my family to know if we had to seek help from an RE, but not until then, if only so the more subtle when are you having kids questions could be avoided. A few friends who won't constantly bug me about it know, but otherwise I haven't told anyone.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
We wanted to keep it a secret. But we are very close to DH parents. My MIL and DH actually work together. So after a year of TTC and my MIL accidentally finding my OPKs and all the Dr app we finally came clean and told them everything along with my SIL and our closest friends. While I would have loved to surprise them all it has been so wonderful having there support and prayers. This journey has become so much easier since them finding out. So all the way around in so glad we told them!!!
I want to tell people, but I am afraid of the flack I would catch, my first pregnancy was very hard on me, what with lupus, pcos, and it taking 13 years to get pregnant my first time. We are so scared it wont happen again that we begged for the go ahead to start as soon as possible. The reason I'm so afraid is that every has already said to us to never try again, that its not worth it, so I'm erring on the side of better to beg forgiveness than ask permission!
We told my family and a couple of friends. No one has asked us "are you pregnant yet?" I can't see anyone in my family asking intrusive questions like that so hopefully that remains the case.
So many different answers! I know that there's no right or wrong way to do it and it's all about how much support or how many questions you want to answer.
DH and I have been officially trying for about 8 months. Now that I think about it, I'm actually surprised at how many people that I've actually confided in. We got married a year ago, so naturally it's the next phase and so people ask out of curiosity. I can usually get away with it by answering along the lines of "when it happens" or "we're practicing now, am I allowed to say that *chuckle*"
A close friend of mine and I had agreed that we would let each other know when we were TTC so that our kids would be close in age. So obviously, she knows. Other close friends of our know as well. They don't usually ask us about it each month so it's not too bad. We were also the first of our friends to get married. Therefore they just assumed that we would be the first to get pregnant. But nope, it wasn't the case.
Only one of my sisters know. She went through 6 years of TTC so she knows exactly how it feels and she is amazing to have around. She was the shoulders I cried on when I found out that my younger SIL is KU when not even trying or in a good place.
The other hard part is that my own mother doesn't really know since she keeps telling us to "enjoy married life" and to "take our time". But what if I'm like my sister and it takes us 6 years. I don't want to take that chance.
DH and I don't want people to know we're TTC. We can't tell anyone in his family because once one person knows everyone knows, There are no secrets in a Spanish family.... NONE. I have told 2 of my best friends, one of which had a baby last year so i mainly vent to her. It's nice to have a couple people close to me know and know that they won't be telling anyone else.
I've been reading that most people regret telling friends they're trying. For us my parents and brother know and our closest friends. Im one that definitely loves happy hour and beer so telling our friends makes it so they aren't suspicious when I don't drink since I have given it up completely. It's also nice to have people to talk to. The only hard part will be keeping if a secret for 3 months when it happens.
Re: Telling people your TTC ?!
Me: 27
DH: 34
TTC #1 Feb 2015
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Me: 29 / Hubster: 31
Married July 2010
DC #1 Oct 2013
DC #2 EDD June 2016
DH and I have been officially trying for about 8 months. Now that I think about it, I'm actually surprised at how many people that I've actually confided in.
We got married a year ago, so naturally it's the next phase and so people ask out of curiosity. I can usually get away with it by answering along the lines of "when it happens" or "we're practicing now, am I allowed to say that *chuckle*"
A close friend of mine and I had agreed that we would let each other know when we were TTC so that our kids would be close in age. So obviously, she knows.
Other close friends of our know as well. They don't usually ask us about it each month so it's not too bad. We were also the first of our friends to get married. Therefore they just assumed that we would be the first to get pregnant. But nope, it wasn't the case.
Only one of my sisters know. She went through 6 years of TTC so she knows exactly how it feels and she is amazing to have around. She was the shoulders I cried on when I found out that my younger SIL is KU when not even trying or in a good place.
The other hard part is that my own mother doesn't really know since she keeps telling us to "enjoy married life" and to "take our time". But what if I'm like my sister and it takes us 6 years. I don't want to take that chance.
And now. I apologize for the long post.