Who is and who isnt enforcing the 'no vacc no visit' rule?

jencook25 · October 2015

Hey ladies, so as we're getting closer to holding our little bundles in our arms, Im wondering how many people enforce the no vacc no visit rule in those first 6 weeks (whooping cough/flu). I live 1800kms from family, and have family intending to visit on their way home on christmas holidays. They're making an approx 1500km detour with their 3 kids to see myself, hubby and bub. While I am greatful, Im worried as they will be arriving before bub is 6 weeks, they are in the "no vacc" boat. I personally am very pro-vacc, and whilst i completely respect their choice not to vaccinate, I cant say Im happy about letting them visit when it may affect my baby in that first 6 weeks. How have/will people approach this situation? And also, what do you intend to do when people turn up on your doorstep unnannounced? Do you ask them is they have been vaccinated before letting them in?! Im generally one to avoid conflict and probably an generally a pushover, but thats when it comes to ME. My little one is a completely different story!!

kristib1027 · October 2015

Being a concerned mother and not wanting to put your newborns health at risk id come right out and say that while you appreciate them willing and wanting to visit it is your personal choice that you do not want your child potentially exposed. just like its their choice not to vacc it's yours to ask them to wait and visit when your baby is protected. Also turning people away that come over unannounced in my book is never rude, but if you make it clear to some that you don't want Non vacc people over you have to make it aware to all.. End of the day most other parents will understand, if not are you really going to be upset when you are just being the best mother you can be?

ntyravgsp · October 2015

^^^ I agree 100%. I'd definitely let them know that while you appreciate the thought, you are not comfortable with them visiting during the first xx weeks because of their non-vax status. Especially with it being cold and flu season, I think they will understand your wishes stem from the desire to protect your child to the best of your ability.
If they can't understand that, then it is their problem, not yours. Put your foot down - you and your husband are the only advocates your baby has at that point.

mrscammack · October 2015

Agree 100% with turning them away, especially with it being cold and flu season. We recently held a party, like a late baby shower for a friend at work who had twins (and didn't ask people if the had their shots etc before letting them attend) and sure enough less than a week later she was in the hospital with both babies who had severe runny noses, sore throats, coughs the whole 9 yards

I would not want to risk that by exposing my baby to someone who decided against vaccination. If you respect their decision not to vaccinate then they should respect your stance on the issue as well

ChrissyD1203 · October 2015

I'm in favor of the no vacc/no visit rule. I don't care if they choose not to vaccinate themselves or their kids, but don't want their decision to affect baby.

kodariah · October 2015

I don't get vaccinated for no reason other than I seem to always just end up with what I get vaccinated for. I'm not going to ask everyone that's around my baby if they have gotten shots but with that being said I am going to tell everyone if they feel sick at all stay away and no one will touch my little guy without washing there hands first. But as someone who doesn't get vaccinated if someone asked me to wait a few weeks to come see there new little one to be on the safe side I wouldn't be upset or offended. I wouldn't tell them they are potentially exposing your child to sickness cause that makes them sound kinda gross, haha

I would just say Dr suggest to not let anyone who's not vac around the baby and you would rather be safe then sorry.

Wicked4589 · October 2015

I am not turning anyone away that stops by. Vac or not. I am asking everyone to wash their hands and if they have been sick or around anyone sick recently to please not stop by. Even if someone had the vac they can still carry the virus on them. Getting the vac won't stop that.

Oapples · October 2015

I plan on letting everyone know well in advance that they need to have their flu shot first AND if they are sick they need to stay home. I know this won't go over well in my family, but in addition to the the baby being vulnerable, I am immune-compromised. I am actually bringing cards to my baby shower for my immediate family, and very close friends to give them directions, parking, visiting hours, hospital policies, etc, and among that information will be the flu shot/sick stuff.

What I haven't figured out how to handle is dealing with my two young nieces who I am very close to. I take them one night a week, currently, and I know they have full expectation of being around in the very beginning, but they are constantly sick. That wouldn't be the biggest deal if they would be upfront, but they like to try to hide it so they can still come over (which their parents go along with). I would prefer for them to wait to visit until after cold and flu season, but I know they will be crushed. We are thinking about maybe letting them come once, when we can verify their is no sickness in their household, and then do lots of skyping with them until flu season is over.

PedsIsHardcore · October 2015

We won't be allowing visitors for a while. I have to have surgery after I deliver this baby so we are turning everyone away for a couple of months. We have close friends that will be helping out when I have surgery since SO and I don't have any family close by. They are my coworkers so I know they have their vaccinations.

samara267 · October 2015

I'm not getting vaccinated, nor am I asking anyone else to get vaccinated. If they are sick, they are not to come visit. The only exceptions to that no vax rule are my mother (she works in healthcare - she's a midwife) and maybe is my husband since he works in a restaurant and is around tons of people all the time. Other than that, I'd hope that people use their best judgement and I'll use mine.

maddisonwallace · October 2015

I'm asking that everyone that we spend the most time with get vaccinated because my in-laws and parents will be helping out a significant amount of time with my son. Anyone who shows up on my doorstep unexpectedly may or may not be asked to leave. It will really depend on how I'm feeling. But EVERYONE will be asked to wash their hands.

ljalmeida · October 2015

We have asked our family and anyone who is coming out of their way to visit for a few days to please get vaccinated. If someone were to tell me know, I would kindly ask them to wait until the baby is 6 weeks old. I will still ask everyone to wash their hands though.

DianaL92 · October 2015

I think my family would laugh in my face if I told them they all needed to be vaccinated to visit my baby. I honestly have never gotten the flu shot, and don't see that changing. I will just ask that everyone wash their hands. While out and about I'll make sure that I have sanitizer on hand. Idk if living in FL has anything to do with it, but I rarely have seen people in my circle with the flu.

UptownPearl · October 2015

Fortunately we won't have to deal with any out of town guests wanting to stay, so any visitors will be short 1hr or so visits. I intend to say no visitors for the first few weeks (immediate family and my best friends as exceptions), and anyone who walks into the house will have to wash/sanitize hands. I will say that the recent story of the baby that got kissed and ended up almost dying totally freaked me out! I think that when I finally leave the house with LO I will baby wear to prevent others from being able to kiss or pick up DS.

littleloves3 · October 2015

Seeking clarification: When you all use the phrase "not vaccinated", are you primarily referring to the flu shot? I understand OP probably meant other vaccinations, just trying to understand everyone else's stance.

Oapples · October 2015

I was referring specifivally to the flu shot. I actually don't know any anti-vax people personally, so I don't have that issue.

Monilee1017 · October 2015

I am lucky a large majority of my friends and family work in the health care industry and have to get the flu shot for work. Also almost all my friends and family have had children so they know not to come around if they or their children are ill. (The fact the some peoplle don't know that I find crazy) Also I don't know anyone who is anti flu shot. What I will do is baby wear when out for my sons games and stuff. I found that doing that is best, I did for my second. People tend not to ask to hold the baby, just see the face. Not to mention they fall asleep almost everytime.

maureenmce · October 2015

A little baby I know actually got the measles this past year and it was absolutely terrifying. Luckily, he survived, but that close call definitely pushed me to be more cautious with our little one once she is born that I would have been otherwise, so we're planning to limit visits to close family and friends for the first 6 months. All close family that will be staying with us or visiting in the first 6 months will be getting the whooping cough vaccine and a flu shot. (They have all volunteered, luckily, which is really nice!)

I'm not going to be a helicopter mom or anything, but overall I'm also going to be cautious about bringing her out to places like Disneyland or places like that until she's 1 and has her full vaccine schedule. There are just too many anti vax people where I live for me to feel safe about it before she has all of her shots. (Especially with the Disneyland measles outbreak last year.) And with things like measles, you are contagious often 1-3 days before you know you are sick, unfortunately.

I'm just a better safe than sorry person. I think you can be super polite and nice about it, but my baby's safety in her most vulnerable first year is important enough for me to insist on certain safeguards as much as possible. (Again, politely and respectfully!)

danasphillips · October 2015

kodariah said:
I don't get vaccinated for no reason other than I seem to always just end up with what I get vaccinated for.

I don't want to start a debate but I feel the need to clarify for others that this is not true. I assume you are talking about the flu vaccine and if that's the case, the vaccine typically only covers the worst strains. Getting a different strain doesn't mean you weren't protected from others.

UptownPearl · October 2015

WineBaby122 said:

kodariah said:
I don't get vaccinated for no reason other than I seem to always just end up with what I get vaccinated for.
I don't want to start a debate but I feel the need to clarify for others that this is not true. I assume you are talking about the flu vaccine and if that's the case, the vaccine typically only covers the worst strains. Getting a different strain doesn't mean you weren't protected from others.

Hopefully she just means when she's gotten a flu vac she still ends up getting the flu. That happens to my dad too. Idk if some people are just more prone to the less common strains or what

maddisonwallace · October 2015

happyandhopeful3 said:
Seeking clarification: When you all use the phrase "not vaccinated", are you primarily referring to the flu shot? I understand OP probably meant other vaccinations, just trying to understand everyone else's stance.

Oh good point. I was talking about the flu shot specifically. I only know of one friend and her family who are against vaccinations. I love her and respect her choice to not vaccinate, and I know she will love me and respect my choice to ask her to wait 6 weeks to come over.

l4rk · October 2015

I have a follow up question: are you mommas planning to take babe out into the world before vaccinations? I'm not being facetious; I have been trying to figure this out lately, and whether my baby will be relatively safe in restaurant, shops, etc. Do people try to stay home or...?

ntyravgsp · October 2015

l4rk said:
I have a follow up question: are you mommas planning to take babe out into the world before vaccinations? I'm not being facetious; I have been trying to figure this out lately, and whether my baby will be relatively safe in restaurant, shops, etc. Do people try to stay home or...?

With DD I felt pretty safe taking her out and about because I wore her in a ring sling and people didn't try to touch her at all.
Eta with this LO it's a wait and see situation. Winter can be pretty hairy here so we may not go out much to avoid the poor conditions.

Oapples · October 2015

I will be staying in as much as possible for the first few months, partly for the safety of the baby, and partly because I hate driving in snowy weather. I'm sure we will venture out here and there, but me and DH will swap off who stays home with the babe as much as possible. We did have an outbreak of measles in our state which makes me nervous.

Monilee1017 · October 2015

Aside from doctors appointments or maybe parents and IL's house for the first 4 weeks I will stay home. I have c-sections so unless I can just sit I'm not going anywhere. Once I can start walking normal and driving I go back to my daily business, grocery shopping, taking DS to practice etc. With DS2 I would wear him everywhere and I have to say I liked that better than when I used the car seat for DS1. People would still touch the baby in a carseat but not when wearing becasue then they are kind of touching your boobs too. For DS2 I did travel out of state for a wedding when he was two weeks. It was the worst! But it was DH's only siblings wedding, DH was the best man and DS1 was the ring bearer. Luckily my IL's are amazing a took care of DS1 but I would not recommend that to anyone and I couldn't ask if every person had their shots.

fragglemom · October 2015

I second what @ntyravgsp said. For the first couple of months I plan on wearing him when I go out. People ( strangers) are far less likely to touch him if he's attached to me. I worked in a retail pharmacy for most of my life and can attest to how common it is for complete strangers to think it's cool to touch other people's babies. I've even seen them hoist carseat canopies to catch a look/pinch a cheek.

enkb · October 2015

Glad to see this topic, as I will be taking the baby to work several days a week after they are a few weeks old and this stuff makes me nervous too. I will admit I don't really feel like vaccines should be a matter of personal choice, because I can't control who my child comes in contact with out in the world and someones decision not to get their child vaccinated means my child could die of something preventable, like measles. That being said, I don't think there is anything to be gained by being hateful to people about it, as I don't think judgemental comments from strangers on the internet ever change anyones mind. I just wish in the US I had another option, I don't get any paid or unpaid maternity leave so I can't keep the baby home and I can't count on having a safe envirnment for them when exposed to the general public either.

Cejiml · October 2015

To be clear are you saying the family doesn't vaccinate at all? Like the mmr as well as Tdap and flu? Or just Tdap and flu? Just the adults or children as well? I definely agree if they skip ALL vaccines to avoid until your baby has been vaccinated. Idk your pedi schedule but my DD didn't get her MMR until after a year. To me if its just the flu and/or Tdap and if it's just a quick visit that maybe you could be more lenient. Idk though. For us we asked that my MIL get the Tdap with DD abc she was coming to stay with us for a week after. I didn't ask anyone else be the time was limited(we live out of state from our family).

kodariah · October 2015

WineBaby122 said:

kodariah said:
I don't get vaccinated for no reason other than I seem to always just end up with what I get vaccinated for.
I don't want to start a debate but I feel the need to clarify for others that this is not true. I assume you are talking about the flu vaccine and if that's the case, the vaccine typically only covers the worst strains. Getting a different strain doesn't mean you weren't protected from others.

Seeing as you don't know my health history, don't tell me its not true. Maybe not for everyone but for me yes. I have a sickness that weakens my immune system. Because of this I used to get shots every year. I got the whooping cough vaccination and ended up in the hospital with whooping couch where they told me i most likely got the sickness from the vaccination. my specialist suggest against me getting vaccinated. I never said this was the case for everyone though.

mamaksweez · October 2015

According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC) the flu shot can not give you the flu.

mamaksweez · October 2015

Sorry the first pic posted twice...

kodariah · October 2015

I never said the flu shot gives you the flu. I wasn't referring to the flu shot, I have nothing against shots. I personally have been told by a specialist that knows my health not to get vaccinated. Thats all.

mamaksweez · October 2015

Sorry bad post timing, I didn't mean to direct that at you. You said you have a certain health condition and were referring to a different shot.

maureenmce · October 2015

@kodariah There are people with health exemptions who cannot or should not get vaccines. No one is pressuring someone who can't get vaccines to get vaccination. In fact, that's why it's important everyone else get them! To protect those who cannot, as well as babies who are too young.

claireloSC · October 2015

I will be enforcing the no vaccines, no visit rule. I don't really care if people are mad. I have taken care to inform our closest friends and family so they won't be taken off guard, but if someone were to show up at the last minute I would certainly ask them if they had been vaccinated. I live in a county where there is higher than average rates of whooping cough (thanks anti-vaxxers!) and the flu shot just makes sense for a January baby. I plan to enforce the ban until she's 3 months old. As OP said, it's one thing for me, but I will be strict to protect my LO.

ETA I plan on babywearing when we go out also.

ljalmeida · October 2015

for clarification and along with other pp's comments - I'm referring specifically to measles, whooping cough, and yes even flu. I live in California and thanks to the anti-vaxers, there are too high of occurrences here and even DEATHS to children too young to vaccinate. If my family can't get a freaking shot in their arm to come visit, then they can just wait, and I don't really care to argue the point with them. If it's money they're concerned about, I'll pay for the shots. If it's differing opinions of vaccines, well then, we can agree to disagree and they can not visit until my child is vaccinated. I don't plan on keeping my baby out of the world, but at the same time I don't plan on passing them around to strangers either. Baby wearing is great for unvaccinated infants because grabby hands can't grab them.

fishsticks-n-custard · October 2015

l4rk said:

I have a follow up question: are you mommas planning to take babe out into the world before vaccinations? I'm not being facetious; I have been trying to figure this out lately, and whether my baby will be relatively safe in restaurant, shops, etc. Do people try to stay home or...?

My baby won't be in daycare until their 2nd HiB vaccine @ 4 months, at least, and probably not until all 3 at 6 months. We're lucky we have the resources to have a nanny for the first few months. Splitting her time with another couple (who believe in vaccines as well).

kodariah said:

I don't get vaccinated for no reason other than I seem to always just end up with what I get vaccinated for.
I don't want to start a debate but I feel the need to clarify for others that this is not true. I assume you are talking about the flu vaccine and if that's the case, the vaccine typically only covers the worst strains. Getting a different strain doesn't mean you weren't protected from others.
Seeing as you don't know my health history, don't tell me its not true. Maybe not for everyone but for me yes. I have a sickness that weakens my immune system. Because of this I used to get shots every year. I got the whooping cough vaccination and ended up in the hospital with whooping couch where they told me i most likely got the sickness from the vaccination. my specialist suggest against me getting vaccinated. I never said this was the case for everyone though.

Was this in the 90s with the DTP vaccine or more recently? TDaP, which they use now, is an acellular vaccine so no live bacteria in the actual vaccine. Just curious.

juju0592 · October 2015

Being that my five year old is dealing with whooping cough right now, I am enforcing the rule. The crap sucks and I don't ever want to deal with this again if I don't have to. People can visit before six weeks if they have the vaccine and a flu shot. If they don't have either, they can wait til I say it's ok. My child, my choice.

maddisonwallace · October 2015

Cejiml said:
To be clear are you saying the family doesn't vaccinate at all? Like the mmr as well as Tdap and flu? Or just Tdap and flu? Just the adults or children as well? I definely agree if they skip ALL vaccines to avoid until your baby has been vaccinated. Idk your pedi schedule but my DD didn't get her MMR until after a year. To me if its just the flu and/or Tdap and if it's just a quick visit that maybe you could be more lenient. Idk though. For us we asked that my MIL get the Tdap with DD abc she was coming to stay with us for a week after. I didn't ask anyone else be the time was limited(we live out of state from our family).

I'm not sure who this was to, but in my case the family I was talking about is anti-vax 100%. They have absolutely no vaccinations. If you weren't talking to me, the poster you're talking to is likely in the same situation

Cejiml · October 2015

maddisonwallace said:

To be clear are you saying the family doesn't vaccinate at all? Like the mmr as well as Tdap and flu? Or just Tdap and flu? Just the adults or children as well? I definely agree if they skip ALL vaccines to avoid until your baby has been vaccinated. Idk your pedi schedule but my DD didn't get her MMR until after a year. To me if its just the flu and/or Tdap and if it's just a quick visit that maybe you could be more lenient. Idk though. For us we asked that my MIL get the Tdap with DD abc she was coming to stay with us for a week after. I didn't ask anyone else be the time was limited(we live out of state from our family).
I'm not sure who this was to, but in my case the family I was talking about is anti-vax 100%. They have absolutely no vaccinations. If you weren't talking to me, the poster you're talking to is likely in the same situation

I was replying to the original poster.

kristib1027 · October 2015

Unfortunately there are a lot of people in our community who do not vaccinate, I learned this first hand when I started doing childcare. So the no vacc no visit rule for me is 100% and my In laws coming to visit have been asked to make sure they are up to date on shots. As far as going out with baby, we will be doing that quite a bit since like I said in laws are coming and we live in on a island. We will be outside a lot though and I will be baby wearing and breastfeeding so I know a lot of my antibodies will go to her that way. We will not be going into any of the big shops and heavily packed tourist areas.

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